Dirty Nerdy

To pull this off will be the greatest heist YET!

After all this purification, I hope I get to hover ominously around!

I will confront them on why we don’t have a FEDERAL holiday off.

Hello? Anyone here? Probably just me. I have a major case of creator’s block. I cant draw, write or craft anything anymore. I am not sure other than the lack of energy and inspiration. I suppose working for a wage, maintaining a romantic relationship, and raising children takes a toll on the homie. Regardless, I WANT TO DO BETTER. So, I shall do better with my time. Believe it or not, I’ve taken baby steps by re-watching some MCU movies. So far, I’ve watched Iron Man 1 & 2. I haven’t watched them since first watched them when they premiered in theaters. They really hyped me up, especially when Tony made his first suit. To hear that at the beginning of Endgame lit something up inside of me. And I want to continue to light that spark. I need to get back to reading and watching. I need to get back to listening to storytellers.  Wish me well!

Lately, I’ve been nothing but a negative Nancy. I’ve found nothing positive about my life since starting the pilot study the beginning of June. I’ve done nothing with life other than stress about money, how to transport Talia to summer camp with this new job, paying bills late, when to pay my friend back 700 bucks, etc. The lack of self reflection robs me of seeing the positive. I have a new job opportunity. My bills WILL be paid. I’ll learn new job skills. I have people to talk to; I am not alone. I’m even in love. My kids are healthy, and my car works amazing. There are many more opportunities to come. I need to get back to writing in my happiness journal to get back into focus.

I’m currently working part time for a non profit that fights to end hunger. It’s for 10 weeks and only pays $3000. I have to be there 45 hours a week, leaving me no time for flexibility to find a job after it ends. My check is a week late and probably lost. My bills are overdue. I’m stressed.

That’s all there is for this episode! Stay tuned for more!

I can’t figure out why I’m not being hired full-time anywhere. I’m so frustrated. Thank God I was able to secure work for the summer time. How is it that every job I’ve interviewed for is either problematic or turns me down? Is everyone in cahoots to keep me from starting a career outside of academia? Am I being punished? Something tells me I should be looking at going back to grad school to get back on the Ph.D. track. I know if I get a good job, I may not return to the academic world. This may be why I can’t get a job: because I’m meant to go back to graduate school. I guess I should stay tuned and wait til the middle of August to find out where I’ll be. Sheesh.

Well, no more. After being honest with myself, I find it easier to exercise, which means finding something that works best for me. That includes what type of exercise and what time of day works best, and for how long. At the end of the day, 10% of a healthy lifestyle is exercise. That puts the importance and time investment into exercise in perspective. As long as I move, I’ll be fine and look great. As a teen, I looked great from head to toe, but I didn’t participate in any sport. All I did was walk everywhere. So to me, the main message is : exercise is that that enjoyable or serious to me, and that’s okay. It’s just something I need to get out the way like brushing my teeth.

How deeply do you love me?

I have a double whammy of work this weekend. For one, I have my kids this weekend, which burns a lot of my energy. Secondly, I have a wedding to attend in Michigan (I live in northwest Indiana) where I’m also taking the kids. I couldn’t miss this wedding for anything. I couldn’t find a babysitter, but I refuse to stay home. My youngest child is the one in most worried about; he may scream and run around if left without proper stimulus. It’s a two and a half hour drive, and both kids dread long car rides. Certainly this will be a fantastic weekend despite all this things, right?

I’m not sure what I want to gain from writing my blurbs on Tumblr. I suppose I’ll use it as a diary of sorts. You won’t judge me, right? I’m here to figure out what I want, how I want it and where to get it.