khyla

I’m scared I won’t get to do everything I want in this life. I have all this pressure to do it right now but the funny thing is I don’t even know exactly what I want. So it’s this pressure that pushes me, not against one specific thing, but the world. And it’s heavy.

I’ve learned to love privacy. Not searching the world for approval. Experiencing things through my eyes and my eyes only. Forming decisions about what I love and what I don’t based on my opinions and what God says, not the thoughts of others. It’s easier this way. Not worrying what everyone else thinks. It’s so simple. I get to choose based on what I feel. Who cares anyways? I’ve grown to trust myself enough to believe I will make choices that will benefit my future. Not asking for approval, being bold, and living quietly proves confidence. Privacy is security.

Joy will always find me again. It never leaves forever. I have to remind myself this when it’s dark. It’s never been bad and not gotten better.

There’s still a lot to look forward to yknow? You may think there’s not a lot left to learn or life will always stay the same but that’s just not how it is. Fortunately for those who are suffering, and unfortunately for those who are too content. Like how you re read a book or re watch a movie that you loved in your childhood with the eyes of your adult self. Same story. But you notice things you wouldn’t have years ago. Newness is constant, even in the familiarity in each day. I don’t think it’s possible to fall into stagnation when you’re looking in the cracks and crevices of your ordinary life for something that you haven’t seen before. I guarantee you’ll find it. It may not be information that alters your worldview, but it may add a little something to a cup that you feel is empty. Look a little closer next time you feel like there’s nothing left out of life. There is. It might just be on your bookshelf under some dust. 

I haven’t posted on here in a while. I know no one probably cares all that much that I’ve been gone but I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I want to keep writing and posting what I write but sometimes it takes living to have something worth writing about. Thats what I’m doing. I hope you are all doing well.

I used to want to be something bigger than myself. I wanted to make an impact that lasted longer than I did. But I learned the way to do that isn't by trying to be bigger than you are. You do it by taking up the space you naturally fill in every moment. You do it by loving the people who naturally come in to your life. You do it by gracefully handling the hard circumstances that naturally occur. You do it by being a friend. A conversation with a stranger makes a bigger impact than a voice to a crowd ever could. Your love for one person can change generations. It's quiet. It's humble. Impact isn't always measured by numbers, it's often times measured by a single life. Your impact may be quiet. But it's rooted deep. May it flourish in ways you may never know about.