all you need is blood

in better news, i did hot dog my boyfriend this week and i came super hard. it was probably the hottest thing i ever did in my life because his ass was huge and crazy soft and squishy. i may not know pleasure like that ever again. here’s hoping we can live together soon.

during vacation i said “thank you” to more strangers and i even tried to sound more pleasant and to give off a nicer tone because i know im not very good at talking to strangers. that felt like a really big step for me to be more talkative but i think the average person would look at that and say ive done nothing to improve myself but that was scary and it took a lot of work. there was times when i didnt want to talk to the air hostess but i forced myself and i did it!! i tried! i really tried!!! why don’t i get any credit for that

i kno i don’t really look like a delicate flower or anything but what is up with everyone just wanting to treat me so harshly lolol do they not see how mentally unwell i am? even when i try to improve myself the best i can they say stuff “like you’re not even trying” “you’re basically doing nothing” just like that. how am i supposed to react to that other than just feeling like i want to kill myself LOL please give me a break im trying i promise little by little can you please just give me some time

starting to realize i’ve never drawn anything good. so maybe that’s why nobody really cares about my stuff. i think in the moment it looks kinda cool but then after about a week i see that it does actually suck. i apologize for not getting my act together. i think people just had enough of the fact that my work has never looked that good. i’m starting to give up little by little. hoping that with enough time and practice i may be good but it might be too late for that. sorry everyone

do you feel like the universe is aligning in a way that’s telling you to kill yourself? like you can see all the signs, the subtle cues. like foreshadowing in a movie? the people around you grow more distant and more distant. your body feels like it’s failing but in little tiny ways. you get older and you bleed, exactly in that dumb fucky way you always have. instead of walls closing in, it’s like everything is so fucking spacious and wide. but there’s nobody there, you’re wandering around a lone and nobody wants to hug you or take of you because they don’t care. “i have myself, i take care of myself” you tell yourself. you don’t like yourself. when was the last time you liked yourself? maybe when you were 10. but you highly doubt that. i think the signs make sense. i think it’s a little beautiful even if people say get freaked out by it and try to fix u. because this sad retarded feeling is just YOU this is YOURS. nobody can take that from you. all those people who are happy and successful they wouldn’t understand that! this is YOURS and it’s beautiful because it’s so uniquely yours. be proud of THAT because you built that.

i wanna draw like a bunch of catty porn for some reason. maybe someone huffing her ass. some how really fucking horny this week lol

how do i make my blog priv

not a very sad week really. i guess things have been picking up. social media has been a huge bummer still when it comes to art stuff but im learning to not care as much

at this point it’s either like my posts are being pushed into the void by twitter or my art just sucks. which i’m not ruling out. but i am also in that awkward point where im not too sure how to improve my work. it’s a very discouraging situation both ways. but i’ll try to draw still. just for the small group of folks that care