Learn to Dance in the Rain

“Really?”

“Please Gabe, if worrying was a job, I’d be rich.”

“I thought- I thought you didn’t care anymore.”

“I always cared. I could never stop caring about you.”

“Why didn’t you just trust me to say things?”

“I was scared, I was scared to lose you forever. I though I’d make everything worse. I thought maybe if I kept my distance, you wouldn’t feel so attached. So that if I did something, I wouldn’t lose you. I’d rather have you alive and away from me than dead. But I was selfish, and I’m sorry.”

Sebastian looks down at his feet. “Just please be here for him if I’m gone.” he said softly. He didn’t speak to the idea he deserved someone. He clearly showed on his face how he didn’t agree with her. “He cares about you a lot.”

Kerri touches Sebastian’s chin, her hand gently helping his face go up so that he was looking at her. “I know,” she tells him. “I’ll be here for him. We’ll be here for him.”

He bit his tongue as she spoke. “I hated them.” he pointed out. “They hated me. They didn’t trust me over there and they knew I was only there because of Lennon. So coming home and having people hate me enough to throw chairs at people who stick up for me isn’t the warmest welcome.” he said softly. “I get it. I’ve gotten it for a while. That’s why I said I’m sorry that I said those things, because  I get why people hate me and don’t trust me. I guess I just worry about Gabe. There’s so much he needs to fight and he needs people who care about him. And I worry that it’s my fault, that I’m hurting him. He cares so much and he says things like I’m the reason he’s here and he couldn’t do it without me and I just. I can’t be that. I can’t be the reason he’s safe. I don’t know how long I’ll be here. If they kick me out of camp he has to stay. He needs it. He thinks everyone hates him, and I don’t want to be a reason they do.” he shook his head. “He needs to be fine when I’m gone.”

Kerri shakes her head. “They won’t kick you out,” she bites her lip, an obvious sign of anxiety. “People don’t hate him because of you. They’re probably just angry because the new campers know about the war, but they weren’t through it and everyone is probably just angry over that and believe they don’t have a right to speak up about it. I thought that for a while. But this war every part of it affected everyone in one way or another.” She looked down at her hands. “This war took more from us than just our friends.” She sighed. “I’m glad you were there for Gabe. I had abandoned him after that night he almost died because I was scared, it had been a thing I’ve done since I was a child. But you were there and maybe somehow you depend on him also. I always think back to when you said about how you don’t deserve anything. But no matter what everyone deserves someone.”

“More happened than you know, Kerri. I can’t tell you what, but more happened than you know.” Gabe sighs. “I’ve missed you so much. I’m just glad you’re ready to talk again.”

“We all have our secret Gabriel,” she says. “I’ve been ready to talk, I just never knew what to say.”

“I don’t want to think about anything right now.”

“Facing your problems to make them better, takes time. But trust me, the hurt dulls.”

 He sighed. “Really it’s fine.” he said. “I was just freaking out. I thought it was all my fault. And I get that people want me gone. You had a right to be angry.”

“Well some people went through a lot more than others in the war, like Ariana lost her whole family, my sister lost her fiance, Jacob died and then came back to life, other people have had to kill others to survive. It’s going to take more time than other people till hey stop feeling like they hurt. Sometimes it just doesn’t go away,” she replies to him. “I mean, I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, I’ve been trying to get closure and I think I’m finally understanding. You and,” she paused for a second before saying her name, “Lennon, thought differently about the other side. Everyone was told they’d be safe, they’d win over there. We were told we’d be safe over here and everyone’s just still really upset over just being majorly screwed over in all. We were pawns in a game the Gods loved to play. I didn’t really understand it till now. Honestly to me, I think an emotional wound takes so much longer than a physical wound to heal.” She gives a small laugh. “Great first year at Camp Half-Blood.”

Sebastian nodded a bit. “You’re not a bad friend.” he said softly. “I was just… worried and it freaked me out. I… shouldn’t have said what I did.” he said not looking at her anymore.

“No,” she says. “You were right. I hadn’t talk to you much. I guess it was cause I still felt a little hurt and I was scared.” She let out a small laugh. “I’m always scared a little. When I talk about my feelings I go a little overboard. You were right about everything you said, I was just a blinded by anger to see it. I should’ve been there for you.”

“You know that if you need help sorting it out I’d be more than willing to try. I really care about you.”

“It’s fine,” she said. “Honestly, I’d rather you care about yourself right now.”

“I’ve been alright.” he said shaking his head. “How about you?”

“Y’know, the usual,” she says, shifting her wait awkwardly. After a moment of their last few conversations going through her head, she finally said something, “I’m sorry, I’ve been a bad friend.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I never wanted to. I really, really want you to be happy, Kerri. And I want you to be able to talk to me.”

“I want to be able to talk to you too,” she says. “It’s just hard right now. Everything still a bit mixed up in my head over everything with the past year.”

“Well, uh. I tried to this time, but before I tried I was too much of a dick for you to want to talk to me.”

Kerri shook her head. “You weren’t a,” she paused not wanting to say the word but says it quietly, “dick.” She shifts her position. “You just scared me and I was going through a lot at the time. I’m still trying to deal with everything. My first priority was Hazel and then I tried to care for you but it just, you scared me.”

Gabe smiles. “Honestly? Me, too.” He’ss not sure if he’s lying or not, but for Kerri’s sake he’ll say it anyway.

“Can you promise to talk to me if you feel bad again?” she asks. 

Scott smiles at her. “Nah, don’t worry ‘bout it. I wasn’t lookin’ where I was goin’.”

“Yeah, but I ran into you.”

Sebastian stumbled back a bit. “It’s fine.” he said giving her a little smile.

“So, um, how have you been?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. You needed to take care of yourself. I-I’m so sorry that you’re scared.” He reaches forward and grabs her hand, looking at her eyes. “You took care of yourself. And we’re both still here. That’s the important part.”

Kerri looks up. “I’m really really glad you’re still here.”