You look at me like I’m a God shining bright at the first sight of light in a universe of endless darkness.
You smile at me because every time my eyes catch yours across the room you see a glimpse of our future twirling within them.
You wrap your arm around my waist and lay your head on my shoulder and still want to be closer.
You breathe me in, freshly mown grass and the shampoo I’ve used since I was five and the cologne I joke “attracts all the ladies”.
You kiss me deeply and my tongue never fights yours for dominance, you know I don’t want control, just you only you.
You listen to my breathing as I fall asleep next to you and imagine what I’m dreaming of, you hope it’s you, you know it’s you.
You make love to me softly, like I’m the most precious treasure you’ve ever had the honor of touching, you kiss my neck and murmur your love, afterwards you hold me in your arms smiling blissfully.
Wait. No. That’s wrong. That’s all wrong.
You look at me with irritation flashing through your cloudy drunk eyes, you look at me with an anger I can’t understand.
Your smile is a rare sight, especially one directed at me, but when I catch a glimpse it’s over a girl you insist is the one, I want to scream that she’s not, she can’t be, I never do.
You wrap your arm around me, but only to grab the beer sitting on the table beside me, you lay your head on my shoulder but it isn’t voluntarily, you’ve passed out again.
You never pay enough attention, not even after all these years, to know how I smell.
You kiss me roughly the stink of alcohol dominating every one of my senses, you tug my hair and I let out a gasp of surprise and pain, you say nothing and do it again.
You always fall asleep before me, but I swear it’s you, I only ever dream of you.
You make love to me sloppily, without care, with limited touch, I lean into it, I beg for more, this is all I ever wanted, afterward you sob into my chest and I try to comfort you, you don’t listen, you can’t listen you can’t love me you can’t go to hell you can’t you can’t you can’t.
I hear you. I hear every cry for help. Every drunken laugh. Every giggling girl you bring into our home. Every desperate prayer behind closed doors. Every scream at the football players you only watch to back up your masculinity. Every “I’m sorry” you whisper when you think I can’t hear you, when you think I’m asleep.
I hear you. And I’m waiting, waiting, waiting. And I don’t think I’ll ever stop waiting. Because I love you, I love you, I love you.
I love the things you don’t see in yourself and the things you don’t let others see and the things you buried deep within the night you lost everything.
I love your smile, cocky and lopsided and full of secrets.
I love that you let bugs outside instead of squishing them.
I love that you hate your job and do it anyway because no one was ever going to give you shit on a silver platter and you knew that.
I love that you always happen to want to make a cake the night before my birthday even if you don’t say a thing about it the next day.
I love you. I want you. I need you. I’m waiting for you.
I know you want me, and I’ve always been yours, so take me.
jbbartram-illu
stormborns
kianamaiart
titsay
dededos
2087
theartofmadeline
andulkaphoto
