࣪ Ë đŚšÂ°â nishimura riki âthis is so fucked."
ââ HOMEWRECKER
đٞâ â (đŹ) Youâre the kind of girl who gets peonies for breakfast, so Riki Nishimura would really like to know why youâre buying weed from him.
輿ć ĺ riki nishimura x cheer captain! reader ËËË riki as a plug, i promise its not as bad as it sounds, romcom, fluff, crack, profanity, homewrecking but not really, cheating (not really) but not on riki dw, explicit content, smut, oral sex, m receiving, porn with plot, unprotected sex, dom ni-ki, size kink lowk, weed, toxic, mdni ! wc: 20 766 p: d.a.m. - fetty wap ; homewrecker - sombr ; i get lonely - drake ; lowkey - niki (fcking hilarious)
Riki Nishimura was a conformist by all means possible, and even prides himself as a law-abiding citizen to the normalized standards.Â
He does think some fractions of the government system can totally be tweaked, but he isnât some reformist that would go out of his way â he actually really likes the stability of society and how itâs structured. Heâs comfortable with the status quo.
That includes knowing who to follow on Instagram, who not to approach in the hallway, who to invite in group projects, and who to sit with in lunch. He goes by what makes sense and knows who the hell doesnât belong in his circle, who rightfully has his phone number, and who can comment on his Instagram posts.Â
Except when it comes to substances. Heâs not a drug addict but he does enjoy good weed.Â
He did listen during chemistry lectures, which basically means he knows a thing or two about pharmaceutics â at least the important parts like which produce larger surges of dopamine and intense euphoria. So while they get drug orientations every start of the school year and the addition of the entrepreneurial mindset of a businessman his father has passed down to him; Rikiâs a fucking a jackpot. He simply believed every structure had blind spots, and if someone was smart enough to notice them, then maybe they deserved to profit a little.Â
Maybe that made him a hypocrite. He knew that. Sometimes, in the middle of his own judgment, the thought would occur to him that he was not exactly living inside the moral boundaries he pretended to respect.
So with all of these in mind â weed-seller and social scale follower â imagine his surprise seeing a text from you.
You, an A-tier cheer captain with perfect grades and perfect friends and a perfect boyfriend and someone he doubts even has ever touched weed within a 10 feet radius because of how goody-two-shoes and slightly more socially-conformed you are, texted him:Â
you: hi you sell right
The kind of surprise a priest might feel if the Virgin Mary asked to borrow a dildo.
Riki stared at his phone for a full thirty seconds. Not because he was shocked by the question itself â heâd gotten worse, far more incriminating messages from people with nothing to lose â but because of who it was from. Your name sat there, attached to a profile picture he never thought would sit on his chat log. Someone who followed the rules so well she barely seemed to touch the ground and practically flew up the school field with the school banner.
This was not how the structure worked. Nope.
He knew you didnât look at people like him unless it was to borrow a pen or unwillingly get assigned to a lab partner. You definitely werenât supposed to be asking him this.Â
Riki leaned back in his chair and rethought the logistics. He wasnât paranoid â paranoia implied irrationality. This was risk assessment, youâre high visibility, youâre a liability, youâre a cop in disguise, youâre a prig whoâll ruin his cloak and dagger, youâre holier-than-thou. Youâre interesting.
riki: ???? is this a test loll
you: ? its a question
riki: u fr????
you: js tell me if its a no i have money
riki: 3pm behind the science building
you: ok thanks
But more than whatever you are, he knows this was stupid. This was the kind of deviation that got people caught and into the most flouting position heâll ever be, therefore ruining his very wish to stay within a lawful system. It was, unequivocally, a very bad idea.
And yet he finds himself at the back of the building while he reevaluates the measures of bad-ness in the idea. If math really has been on his side along with his really athletic stature, he can run when you pull out as witness to his little dissenter mood. It halts when he sees you rounding the corner in your cheer uniform â ponytail perfect, knee tape slightly crooked, eyes darting like you werenât sure you belonged back here â he realizes something his knees will give out before he can even try to walk away.
You stop a few feet away from him, awkward, out of place, glowing like a wrong answer circled in red. You stare at him with your arms crossed, hyperaware when his eyes follow the silhouette of your frame like heâs finding a covert surveillance device underneath your pleated skirt.
Riki talks calmly, like this wasnât insane at all, like he hasnât been in his head for the past hours: âSo,â he starts, hands slipping into the pockets of his hoodie. âWhat do you need?â
The question shouldâve been easy. Youâd rehearsed it in your head on the walk here, timed it with your steps, told yourself not to sound like an idiot. But standing this near â near enough to notice the faint, clean smell of cologne and something green and earthy â you blank.
You shift your weight, arms tightening across your chest. âUm. Weed.â
Riki blinks once, and immediately he knows what this is. He studies you the way he did with lab results that didnât line up with the predictions â or maybe it did exactly, and he canât believe it was that easy.
ââŚOkay,â he said. âWhat kind?â
Your mouth opens. Then closes.
âWhat kind.â he repeats.
You felt heat crawl up your neck. âJust⌠normal?â you say, immediately hating yourself. âLike. The kind people use?â
A corner of his mouth twitches before he can stop it. Then he licks the inside of his cheek, shaking his head when he realizes that yeah, his guess is right. âYou donât know what youâre doing.â he says.Â
You bristle. âSo?â
âYou donât even know dosage. Or strain. Or why you want it.â His eyes flick up to yours. âDo you?â
Your confidence wobbles, the polished composure you wore so easily in hallways cracking just a little now. He pulls out a small, neatly labeled bag and holds it between his fingers instead of handing it to you. âThis is low THC,â he explains. âWonât make you freak out. But I need to know what you specifically need so you donât⌠panic.â
This was supposed to be transactional, quick, something you could tuck away and forget about. Yet every risky glance you take, he doesnât look like someone whoâd hold anything against you.
Riki sighs, about to put the bag away. âLook, letâs just forget ââ
âI just,â you start, then sigh because thereâs no cool way to say it. âI donât know. I had a bad week. I wanted to try something.â
When you finally look up, heâs watching you differently. Not like youâre stupid or embarrassing, though you feel plenty of that on your own. His brows have lifted slightly, the faint amusement in his mouth fading into something quieter as he takes you in properly: your tight grip on your own arms, the way your eyes keep darting away.
And it makes it worse.
You meet his eyes for half a second before looking away with a small huff, embarrassed by the sudden attention.Â
He puckers his lips slightly, staring at the thing in his hand like heâs thinking. At first, you think he might be deciding if youâre worth the trouble, but then he nods once. âOkay,â he says. âSo youâre not becoming a stoner. Youâre just trying a new cuisine.â
You blink at him, then laugh under your breath before you can stop yourself.
His mouth twitches, but hides it. He steps closer, just enough that you can see the smoothness of his skin, like he owns expensive skincare. Heâs very tall, in a way that surprises you maybe because youâd just never stood this close before.
Really, you never spent time looking at Riki Nishimura. Youâve known the name, because who can ever look past the opulent sound of it, but to know the man behind it didnât matter. After texting him, you donât know what you expected either, maybe someone grubbier and smelled like smoke, someone with dry lips from all the ash. You thought heâd smell like one of those hippie guys who sold sketchy shit while wearing the same beanie for three years.Â
But no, he smells like a familiar perfume your father owns in his fragrance wardrobe.
And his clothes are annoyingly nice, like the hoodie is probably more expensive than it looks and the loose pants are intentional, not lazy.Â
Also, heâs 6â1.
âThis,â he taps the bag lightly, âwill help you relax. Body high, mostly. Youâll still be functional. But since itâs your first time, better not fuck around too much.âÂ
Heâs still standing in front of you, close enough for you to notice the way his lashes lower when he looks at the bag in his hand, and you feel deeply, horribly stupid for only realizing now that he looks like that.Â
Your gaze lingers, and he catches it. Riki clears his throat, spine straightening a little. âYou okay?â
âYeah,â you say too fast.
He only hums. You tighten your arms across your chest. âJust give me the thing.â
He finally hands you the bag, and you eye it once you feel its weight in your palm; leafy and green and brown and not you â but it doesnât look so bad right now. It looks enticing, even, which you wonât try to admit out loud.
âTwenty,â he says, not planning to converse himself with the sudden discount.Â
You dig into your bag, finding for the vintage pink wallet that screams the contrast of cannabis in your palm right now. âYou know,â you say, hesitant but honest, âI donât know. Itâs weird how weâve never talked before.â
That gets him. He chuckles even if thereâs nothing funny about what you said, but there is something humorous about the fact he remembers shit you obviously forgot. Heâs quick to question the lack of indifference, because he remembers it well that this is definitely not the first time you two talked.
âWe were partners in freshman year,â Riki says.
He watches your face blank in real time, and something about it makes his mouth lift again, but not kindly enough to be mean. More like he expected it and still finds it a little funny that you are proving him right.
âEnglish lit,â he adds. âThe mythology presentation.â
For a second, he looks at you like someone whoâs always known you, and you look at him like youâre seeing him for the first time. He sees it flash in your eyes, that maybe you remember him more than just some guy who sells weed to irresponsible decision-makers.
âOh,â you say.
Riki nods once, the corner of his mouth twitching. âOh.â
Until your phone buzzes to drag you back from this little bubble youâre in â your boyfriendâs name lights up the screen and Riki notices it too.
âOh,â you say again, clearly out of your own head. âI â sorry.â
Something shifts, like the structure rebuilds and reasserts itself back into proper footing. You pull the bills from your wallet and press them into his hand. âThanks,â you say. âFor, um. The stuff.â
He closes his fist around the money, nods once. âYeah.â
You hesitate like you might say something else, so you just tuck the bag away and step back. âIâll go,â you say.
You turn the corner first. Riki exhales only when youâre out of sight, and chews on his bottom lip before hitting the side of his fist against the wall without real effort. He turns the other corner, parting from the rendezvous kept between eng lit and discounts.
The thing is, Riki knows you before whatever you are now. Miss Perfect who buys weed from Mister Lowkey Weed Seller â itâs a whole tangle in his brain in which he canât exactly comprehend, but while he smokes a joint and music blasts through the speakers from the house party heâs dragged into, your pictureâs pinned with red strings.Â
Heâs known you since third grade. Youâve been part of the cheer team before puberty, and since then youâve accumulated likable girls your age into your circle, then the guys from the football team after. It becomes a whole coupling session when the age came right, which Riki is convinced is just some orgy labeled friendship goals in curated Instagram. He thought you were mean mostly because thatâs what someone like you would be â but he does know a thing or two about you, other than the assumption of character. Youâve been in the same group projects against your will, sometimes youâd stand next to each other by the queue lines in the cafeteria, sometimes youâd bump against him in the hallway when youâre chasing time.
Is it weird he kept tabs? Maybe.
He always noticed, obviously, why wouldnât he? You are not exactly unnoticeable. Youâre nicer than your friends, you say sorry when you accidentally bump into someone, you say thanks to the staff, you say good morning to strangers, youâre pretty, youâre talented, youâre smart, you laugh at his jokes, you bought weed from him, youâre pretty, youâre perfect, youâre funny, youâre ridiculously pretty â
Riki takes another puff, too fast and too harsh, earning a rough cough from his throat. Heeseung chuckles, giving him an aggressive pat on the back when he leans his elbows against his knees. âGeez, first time?â
Riki shoves his arm away with a laugh, unsure where this is coming from. Because on top of every other noticeable trait you have, you have a boyfriend. So. Yeah. He knows better than to think about you.
He sinks deeper into someone elseâs couch â leather, cracked at the seams â while the bass rattles the walls and bodies blur together in the dim lights. Smoke hangs thick in the air, clinging to his clothes, his hair, his thoughts. He takes another drag, slower this time, lets it sit in his lungs until the noise dulls around the edges.
Across from him, someoneâs laughing too loud, then a couple is making out like itâs an Olympic sport. Heeseung steals the joint from his fingers and flicks the ash into an empty cup.
âYou look fucked,â Heeseung says.
âIâm not,â Riki replies automatically.
âMhm.â
Riki pushes himself up from the couch, suddenly restless. He just wants a drink â something cold, something that doesnât make his head spiral because even the thought of weed pulls him back to this cheerleader. So he goes to the kitchen, instinctively saying half-assed sorryâs to strangers without meaning them.Â
Until he bumps into someone.
For half a second, he genuinely wonders if the side effects are finally catching up to him, because his head feels several feet away from his eyes and the kitchen lights look more hazy than they should.
But itâs you, he knows that because your kind voice apologizes; the way you always do, the way your friends donât. Your shoulder knocks into his chest and youâre already stepping back, eyes wide a fraction of a second when you look up. Riki freezes too, unsure what to do with his hands or his feet or where to look without threading too close to the sternum your lowcut top exposes. Up close, under dim kitchen lights instead of school hallways, you look unreal â hair loose, lips parted like youâve been laughing.Â
âRiki,â you say, breathless, like his name slipped out before your brain could catch it.
His name on your mouth does something stupid to him.Â
âHey,â he says, too softly. Heâs just thankful you donât notice the slight roughness of it.
You smile, small and polite â but thereâs something else underneath it now. Recognition that shouldnât exist, not in the structure where youâre meant to forget that you know; one where he looks up at you from beneath your echelon, now heâs standing close enough that you have to tilt your chin to look up at him.
âI didnât know youâd be here,â you say.
He huffs a quiet laugh. âI didnât either.â
You glance past him, toward the other room, toward where your friends probably are â or your boyfriend. Then back at him, polite in a way heâs sure is because youâre you and not because heâs him.
âI donât usually see you in⌠parties,â you say.Â
He puts both hands in his pant pockets, shoulders loose, eyes on yours like the noise around you doesnât have enough authority to interrupt.
âYou donât usually look,â he says.
Itâs not said rudely, just calm, like heâs stating something obvious enough that both of you should stop pretending around it.
Your fingers tighten around your cup. âThatâs not true.â
Riki tilts his head, eyes moving over your face. âYeah?â
You hate how it sounds coming from him, low and slow and almost amused, like he knows youâre lying before you do. You scoff a quiet laugh, eyes looking away because you canât keep looking at him.Â
âI mean, I know you exist.â You look back up at him when you say it, bottom lip catching between your teeth before you can stop yourself.
His eyes drop for half a second, then he smirks and looks away, tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek like heâs trying not to say something.
When he looks back, his face is calmer. âWhereâs your boyfriend?â
The question is casual enough that it almost sounds harmless. You glance elsewhere instinctively, like youâre going to find him close. âSomewhere.â
âSpecific.â
âHeâs with his friends.â
Riki just nods, doesnât wanna push, even though heâs pretty sure you donât actually know where he is. Leaving is the smarter and normal thing to do. The thing a girl with a boyfriend and a reputation and a phone full of unread messages from her friends would do.
Instead, you stay there. And Rikiâs got that tabbed already.
You hesitate, fingers worrying at the rim of your cup. âI, um. I havenât â used it yet.â
Riki blinks. âThe stuff?â
You nod, cheeks warming. âI just⌠donât really know how.â Itâs weird being this honest with someone you barely know, yet your bones donât buzz with the prompt demand to pause. It must be the slight slosh, itâs the only real thing to excuse why youâre not pulling away.
For a second, he just looks at you. Then his mouth curves, slow and amused. âYou bought weed without knowing how to use it?â
Your face warms, but you try not to look embarrassed. âOkay, well.â You lift your cup a little, like that somehow helps your argument. âYou can teach me.â
Riki grimaces immediately, playful but clear. âSounds like a bad idea.â
You blink. âWow. Rude." You huff, looking away, but youâre smiling a little because he doesnât sound scared of you. Or impressed by you. Or desperate to keep you there. He just sounds like he already knows better and hates that he has to be the one saying it.
He sighs, looking away for a second. âFuck, fine.â his jaw clenches. âBut not here.â
You try not to smile and fail almost immediately. You take one step back, still looking at him. âIâll text you. Maybe later?â
Someone calls your name from the other room and you exhale, dragging back through the fracture. The music spikes and someone bumps into you again, closer this time, and Rikiâs hand lifts instinctively, hovering over your waist without touching.Â
Your eyes flick down, then back up to his. âNice seeing you,â you say finally, voice softer now.Â
âYeah,â he says. âYou too.â
You step around him, brushing past just close enough that he catches your scent â which is bad, because now heâll have to remember that too. When you disappear back into the crowd, Riki stays rooted in place for a beat too long.
He exhales, rubs a hand over his face, and laughs quietly to himself.
He really, really knows better.
Which somehow makes it worse.
Riki glances back to see youâre sitting on the couch now, legs tucked in, your boyfriendâs arm slung easily around your shoulders. He leans in and presses a quick kiss to your cheek, which makes you smile and ease back into him. Riki turns away to open the fridge and grabs the coldest beer he can find. He lifts it and downs it in one go, throat burning at the coldness and bitter taste.
He shouldnât do this. He really shouldnât.
Later, in that strange lull when the party has gotten worse and louder â you text him.
You: bathroom upstairs
The bathroom is cramped and clean but gross in concept: flickering light, foggy mirror, the smell of cheap air freshener. Youâre perched on the edge of the sink when he slips inside and locks the door behind him, eyes bright, a little nervous, because being in a bathroom with you feels worse than any sketchy deal heâs made.
âOkay,â you whisper, like youâre conspiring. âSo. Teach me.â
He winces, glancing around. âThis is⌠not ideal.â
You just grin. He laughs despite himself and sets the weed down on the closed toilet lid, grimacing when he starts rolling paper against it. Once heâs done, he holds the roll up to your mouth and he tells you to lick it. You follow through, leaning down and sticking your tongue out to lick the side. He clears his throat, trying not to think about the way you looked doing that, trying not to imagine anything else.
Heâs careful, not clinical or a lecture when he instructs, just calm and reassuring like heâs trying to keep you comfortable more than correct. When he hands the final roll to you, your fingers shake a little as you take it.
âLike this?â you ask.
âYeah,â he says softly. âSlow.â
You cough immediately after trying, sharp and sudden, bending forward with a surprised laugh. âOh my god â why does it â â
âHey,â he says, too fast, stepping closer, hand hovering at your back. âYou okay?â
You wave him off, still laughing, eyes watering. âIâm fine, Iâm fine.â
He watches you like you might disappear if he looks away. Youâre laughing, which isnât comforting Riki even in the slightest because the last thing he needs is to not be a conformist and end up in jail for accidentally supporting your homicide.
You try again, better this time. You still cough, laugh, cough again, but way more manageable as time goes by.
âSorry,â you say, breathless.
âDonât apologize,â he says. âYouâre doing fine.â
You keep at it, stubborn in that way of yours, until the coughing eases and something in your shoulders loosens. You lean back against the wall, head tipping gently, eyes half-lidded.
âOh,â you murmur. âThatâs⌠actually really nice.â
Riki lets out a breath he didnât realize he was holding, a nervous laugh slipping out. He leans back against the wall, hand through his bangs, exposing the skin of his forehead. âJesus fucking Christ,â
You nod slowly, smiling to yourself. âMy brainâs quiet.â
He watches you for a moment: relaxed, unguarded, glowing in this tiny bathroom because you donât belong here at all, holding a joint Riki himself rolled for you. Really, you never belonged anywhere that tried to put you in a box, and he wasnât going to make himself an exception to that opening.
He tries thinking about who you really are, beyond what most people would take you as. Though he knows not to fantasize a tale where he saves the damsel from her golden label. He takes you with memory and not assumption: cheer girl, disciplined afternoon drills, academically smart, socially competent, good. But tonight, while you lean against the cracked sink and stand diagonally across him, he sees a side he never thought heâd secretly behold.
Your eyes flick to him. âYouâre a good teacher.â
He swallows. âYouâre an easy student.â
Riki rolls another one for himself, hands steadier now that youâre settled, and lights it with a quiet flick. The bathroom fills with a softer haze this time, the kind that wraps instead of hits like a downer high school series. He takes a drag, exhales toward the ceiling, letting the room reek with shouldnâts and endorphine boosters.
You smoke more confidently now, less harsh and rough when you let the smoke run down your throat. Your eyes are a little red, lashes heavier, the sharp edges of you blurred into something warmer and looser, less polished and picture perfect the way your boyfriend would like. Riki thinks â stupidly â that heâs never seen you look better.
You lean your head back against the wall again, staring at the ceiling like itâs just told you a secret. He doesnât stare, actually. He keeps his eyes narrowed to the broken tile in front of him like heâll discern the reason itâs cracked (maybe someone opened the door too hard, maybe someone once stood there trying to look normal while his heart acted stupid over a girl, which was especially humiliating when the whole point of being high was to feel less insane). Sometimes heâll permit himself to glance, but even the very glimpse of your smudged lipstick makes him look away and inhale the fuck outta that weed.
Then, suddenly, with eyes still trained to the dim bathroom light â âI thought you were,â you start, then laugh, a little too loud before clapping a hand over your mouth. âSorry. I thought you were, like⌠this weirdo.â
He snorts, shaking his head. âWow. Honesty hour already?â
âNo â â you groan, waving the joint like youâre conducting an orchestra. âI mean it nicely. You always stayed away from everyone. I figured you were judging us.â
âUs?â he repeats, amused, cocking a brow when he glances at you.
âYou know. People like me.â You squint at him, trying to focus. You gesture at yourself ineptly, clearly out of the ordinary intellectual capacity you clench tight, not when rickety makes up for your feet.
He quickly looks away, trying not to smile.Â
âLoud. Annoying.â you clarify, hand gesturing around.
He tilts his head, considering. âWas I supposed to be friends with people like you?â
You blink, like youâre thinking about what he said and calculating the rationale behind his causes. It was a hit, one that steadies a thought in your brain.
âIs that so bad?â
The question knocks the breath out of him, especially when you look up at him like that, eyes bright and wide. He blinks, and then he laughs, coming out quieter this time, looking away because he canât keep eye contact with you. âI didnât think youâd want that.â
âWhy not?â
Because thereâs a system. Because thereâs levels to this shit. Because you have a boyfriend. Because youâre untouchable. Because youâre perfect and heâs whatever this was. Because people like him didnât get pulled into your orbit unless it was transactional. Like weed exchanges and favors on the toilet.Â
For now, he shrugs. âSeemed like you already had your people.âÂ
You hum, nodding slowly, then smile. You tap the joint, watching some ash fall to the tiles. âTheyâre loud.â
He smiles back despite himself. âYeah. They are.â
The bathroom feels like itâs floating away from the music that pumps loud through the pipes, a constant reminder that thereâs more than the stinky bathroom you two share as a secret. Itâs risky because itâs merely wood that separates the crypticity of Mary Jane from the Average Joe you two function in individually.
You glance at the joint, then at him. âYouâre not weird, by the way.â
âOh?â he says, eyebrow lifting. He even scoffs, because he (un-admittedly) finds you adorable.Â
âYouâre just⌠quiet. You keep to yourself, but that doesnât make you⌠eccentric.â You grin lopsided, cheeks warm but you ignore that. âYouâre nice.â
That one gets him, more than heâd ever admit to anyone. Riki looks over, and for half a second, his gaze slips lower before he forces it back to your face. Youâre already looking at him, all soft eyes and honest mouth, like you have no idea what youâre doing to him.
He looks away first, rubbing the side of his jaw like that might help. âYouâre high,â he says.
âMaybe,â you confess. âBut I mean it.â
Heâs been called quiet and nice all his life, but that was never the full truth. He just knew who deserved access to the rest of him, and most people didnât. It wasnât personal. He could talk when he wanted to, laugh when something was actually funny, keep a conversation going if he cared enough. He just didnât feel the need to prove he had thoughts by saying all of them out loud.
Riki takes a drag, exhales slowly, looking over the tiles of the bathroom while he rethinks the decision heâs about to drop. He clears his throat before speaking, âYouâre not mean either.â
Your eyes widen a little, gaze recklessly steady at his side profile. âYou thought I was?â
âEveryone did,â he says honestly, smiling a little.
You make a face, frowning at him even though he refuses to look at you. âThatâs rude.â
He laughs, really laughs this time, head tipping back. When he looks at you again, youâre smiling up at him like youâve discovered something new and decided to keep it. For a moment, it feels like maybe there was always a version of this where you talked in bathrooms and shared smoke and didnât belong where people expected you to.
You take another small drag, then suddenly straighten when you decide to take him in. Heâs wearing a jacket over his hoodie, simple sweats loose around his hips. Only a few strands of his dark blonde hair graze over his forehead, leading down to the sharp features you only really notice now.
You never thought Riki Nishimura was ugly. Now, you canât help but think that heâs⌠kinda hot.
Youâre high, youâre just gone. Thatâs why. It also explains why you nudge closer than you have been before, letting your skirt brush slightly against his pants, thighs grazing slightly against his.
Youâre both still smoking â slow now, like the room itself has decided to breathe with you. The bathroom feels even smaller than before, shrinking with every second the music downstairs gets louder but muffled through the wooden door keeping you a secret. Your head feels light, buoyant, like youâre floating a few inches above your body. Maybe itâs the weed. Maybe itâs the half-drinks youâd taken before this. Maybe itâs neither.
He stares at the tile beneath his boot like it holds the secrets of the universe, or like it had the equations for him to understand gravityâs intentions and how it led to him feeling your softness against him.
âIs there something on the floor?â you laugh.
He just huffs, shaking his head because thatâs all he can do right now. Youâre still leaning back and heâs still standing just a little too close. Your knee brushes his again, accidental but not corrected.
He looks down at you then. The red in your eyes, the crooked smile, the way youâre leaning just a little toward him like gravityâs doing something new. You lean closer because youâre completely zooted and smart-Riki who knows better, leans away and only lets his chest tighten. His eyes drop traitorously down to your lips, and heâs not fast enough to look back up. You notice, of course, which makes you both look away and straighten back on your feet instead of the wall.Â
Riki clears his throat, smoking the last of his before he rids of it against the sink. âYou gotta go?â he asks out of the blue, which makes you frown a little. It wasnât exactly a statement, but you know when things are implied and telling, so you shove back the nerves and remember that heâs different from you.
Youâre not his type of person. He probably likes more chill people who actually know how to roll this shit â not the sheltered ones whoâs clueless with THC or terms alike it.
âYeah. I guess.â you smooth out your clothes even though nothingâs wrong with them.
He realizes what he just did, especially now that youâre not even looking back at him. He tries correcting himself, to backtrack, but the moment you glance back up, heâs silenced. You put your unfinished joint in his hand. âSee you.â You say just before unlocking the door, slipping through it, and accidentally slamming it too hard.
Riki reels in from the solitude of the silence, like heâs now just realizing the ruins he broke himself. He sighs in resignation, head falling forward in defeat. âShit.â
He stares at the thing in his hand, unfinished and yours, half-burnt and still warm.
âIdiot,â he mutters to himself, dragging a hand down his face. He can still feel the ghost of your skirt brushing his leg, the way you didnât look back because he gave you a reason not to.
But the bathroom still smells like you â sweet perfume tangled with smoke â and the joint is there, remaining as an accusation wrapped in paper. He turns it between his fingers, thumb brushing the spot where your lipstick smudged faintly against the edge.
Riki exhales, then lifts it.
He wraps his lips around it carefully, stupidly aware of the fact that yours were there first. The thought alone makes his chest tighten, heat creeping up his neck and pelvis as he takes a slow drag.
He closes his eyes as he exhales, leaning his head back against the wall, heart thudding too loud for a room this small. For a split second, he imagines you still there â tilted smile, red-rimmed eyes, saying his name like it belongs to you, all while your boyfriend waits in the living room.
He laughs shakily under his breath. Itâs so wrong.
After that, you two havenât really talked for weeks.Â
That part isnât weird. You both have lived the majority of your lives settling with the insouciance despite recognition, and one night in a bathroom, smoke and secrets and red eyes, isnât enough to reroute that kind of muscle memory. Riki tells himself that over and over, like itâs a theorem heâs already proven.
He hasnât been worried. He still goes to class, still shows up on time, still hands in assignments with some effort. The only difference â although barely worth mentioning â is that heâs been dipping into his stash more often than usual. A little before bed. A little after.Â
Riki exhales slowly, staring at the ceiling, telling himself â again â that this doesnât mean anything and it doesnât have anything to do with the cheer girl he kinda had a moment with in the bathroom.
Itâs so fucked, even if you donât think being his friend is bad, because youâre not meant to be a part of this. He was simply curious that Miss Cheerleader bought weed from him and kinda trusted him way too fast and that wasnât just some everyday occurrence â thatâs the only best psychological explanation why youâre here even when youâre not.
You have a boyfriend. Heâs not about to be a homewrecker. Yet itâs not helping.
No talking for weeks, reaching a month even. That says enough. He has to stop.
âProbably about Little Miss Perfect.â
Riki flinches like someone just snapped a rubber band against the back of his neck. He sits up, glaring at Heeseung. âWhat the fuck,â he blurts. âHow do you know that?â
Jake slowly looks up from his laptop, eyes lighting up like he just unlocked a bonus level.
âOh my god.â Sunghoonâs grin spreads and Heeseung laughs, clapping like heâs won because technically he did, at the mental betting at what keeps Riki Nishimura downing his marijuana greenhouse.
âOhhh,â Heeseung says, taunting and annoying. âSo it is about her.â
Riki blinks. âNo.â
âThat was the weakest no Iâve ever heard,â Jake says immediately, pointing a finger at Riki. âYouâre a guilty man, arenât you?â
Riki scoffs, scrambling, fingers rubbing against his temple in attempts to cool. âYouâre literally insane. Why would it be about her?â
Heeseung shrugs, casual. âI saw you two talking at that party.â
Rikiâs stomach drops. âYou â what?â
âRelax,â Heeseung says, laughing. âI wasnât spying. You two just kinda had a freeze frame by the kitchen. Wasnât so hard to notice.â
Riki opens his mouth, just to close it. Then he runs a hand through his hair with the irritated slant of said illegality stamped in your name. âWe were just talking. Nothing happened.â Riki snaps, defensive again, hands up like heâs caught.Â
Jake squints at him. âThen why are you acting like that?â
Riki looks away. Usually, itâs enough answer to more teasing and mocking, but maybe not this time. Because now, it raises actual questions that regard his very bearing at this monumental association with you â a damn unicorn of a scene snatched out a comedy fantasy movie.
Heeseung asks carefully, âAre you, like, her boy toy or something?â
Riki whips around with the flush of unpredictability and utter shock. âWhat? No!â
Heeseung grins again, gentler this time. âOkay, not her boy toy. What now?â
Riki exhales, long and slow, falling back supine against the floor with the decency of a man with boundaries and the understanding of someone brilliant to keep himself away. âNothing. She has a boyfriend. She lives in a different world.â
Itâs realistic. He thinks heâll drag the shit out of his stash to get his mind off this, because Riki Nishimura was a conformist by all means.
Youâre where youâre supposed to be.
You laugh at the jokes while dawdling down the hallway with girls you actually consider your friends, your boyfriendâs arm heavy around your shoulders like it belongs there. You learned how to roll your own joints now, practiced with irritated little shrieks until it stopped being embarrassing, until they came out neat and perfect between your fingers. You donât need him. You donât need anyone, actually. Independence always looked good and natural on you.
Then Riki walks past with Heeseung and Jay.
Backpacks slung low, shoes dragging lazily against the floor, laughing about something stupid like someoneâs terrible quiz score. Rikiâs eyes stay forward like always, keeping his business private from everyone. Especially from you.
You donât acknowledge each other beyond the bare minimum of peripheral awareness of two classmates that happen to be in the same class and two planets in the same orbit. Your boyfriend tightens his arm around you, leaning down to murmur something about lunch plans. You nod, glossed lips wrapped around a lollipop, sugar sweet and cherry-flavored on your tongue. You should be listening, youâre sure you are, until he passes.
Your eyes follow Riki â not openly, just enough to catch the back of his neck, the familiar slope of his shoulders, the same boy who leaned against a bathroom wall while you were high and laughing too much, knees brushing his because the room was small and neither of you moved away.
The lollipop slides down your tongue: all artificial sugar because the substance stays at home in the back of your secret drawer, while some of it just passed you down the hallway.
âIâll catch up,â you say lightly, lifting your boyfriendâs arm off your shoulders. âI forgot something.â
You slip away before anyone can think too hard about it, weaving through the hallway with your lollipop still between your lips. You keep enough distance to make it look accidental, watching as Heeseung and Jay split off with quick fist bumps and loud voices. Riki keeps walking and pushes open the door to an empty lecture hall before disappearing inside.
You stop outside, remembering that this is probably the part where youâre supposed to turn around. Where the perfect, reasonable version of you remembers her boyfriend, her friends, her place in the hallway. Where the status quo reaches for your wrist and pulls you back into line.
Well, you push the door open.
Riki is near the front row, one hand still on the strap of his bag when he looks up from his seat, legs spread wide, thumbs midway to scroll through his phone. His eyes widen slightly, posture going still like he did not think youâd actually follow him.
For some reason, it thrills you. Because now heâs looking at you.
You pull the lollipop from your mouth, twirling the stick between your fingers as the door clicks shut behind you. âHey.â
His eyes flick briefly to the door behind you. âYou lost?â
This isnât a bathroom of some random houseparty. Thereâs no smoke, no music, no excuse, just you, Riki, and an empty lecture hall in the middle of the school day â which means you came here on purpose.
âYou should roll a joint for me again,â you say, like itâs so simple. âOne of these nights.â
Riki blinks once. Then he huffs out a soft laugh, shaking his head. âWhat, you havenât learned since last time?â
You step closer anyway, slow and unhurried, allowed to exist wherever you want. He leans back against his seat, still careful and invisibly (but truly) restless. âI did.â you answer, then you smile small and lazy. âYouâre just better at it.â
That gets him (because youâve been knowing what to say to get him). His eyes lift to you, amused now, something low and unreadable settling there which sets you on fire because you have no idea what heâs thinking, not even a little hint.Â
âFlattery,â he says, then scoffs.
You hum and step closer, close enough that his knee is almost in front of your thigh. Riki leans back in his seat, one arm loose over the desk beside him, phone forgotten in his lap.Â
âThereâs another party this weekend,â you say. âAt McKayâs. You and your friends should go.â
He tilts his head. âShould we?â
âI think so.â You shrug. âGood music, large pad, beer games.âÂ
He chuckles, eyes dropping briefly to the floor before meeting yours again. âAnd youâll be there.â
âProbably.â
âAnd youâll want me to roll one for you.â
You pull the lollipop from your mouth, tapping it lightly against your lower lip as you think. âIf youâre offering.â
âIâm not,â he says, but his mouth twitches.
You lean back against the edge of the desk beside him, copying his ease like you have any right to be comfortable around him. From far away, it would look casual, just two classmates talking before class. Except thereâs only you standing between him and the empty rows, him sitting back in his seat, looking up at you with that unreadable expression while you try not to smile too much.
He should probably feel insulted that you only do this when nobody can see â maybe he does, if he still believes in self-respect. Itâs just hard to stay offended when youâre looking at him like that.
Riki nods once. âIâll think about it.â
Satisfied, you push off the table and head for the door. âCool.â
When the door shuts behind you, he thinks about red eyes and smoke, about how your usual crowd will be there, your boyfriendâs arm around you just before you sneak away to Rikiâs.Â
Youâre trouble, which makes Riki smile. âCause he knows damn well heâs going to that party.
-
McKayâs house is already vibrating when Riki gets there with Heeseung, Jake, and Sunghoon â bass rattling the windows, someone yelling about cups, someone else yelling back about something incomprehensible. Riki isnât a frat boy at all, and he doesnât really go to parties, but the perfume layered on top of alcohol is basically familiar territory.
âThis place is a fire hazard,â Jake mutters, stepping over a discarded heel.
Riki scans the room pretending he doesnât mean to, observing layouts and people, when really heâs actually looking for one specific designer wardrobe of a person.
He doesnât see you, but he sees your usual crowd scattered around the room, posing with red cups they barely drink from and laughing a little too loud whenever someone points a camera at them. Youâre not there, nor is your boyfriend, and that usually speaks for itself already.
Heeseung nudges him, already mischievous with the smile Riki canât see. âLittle Miss Perfect?â
âFuck off,â Riki replies, flat.
Jakeâs halfway to disbelief when he narrows his eyes at Riki. âYouâre already staring.â
âSheâs not even here,â the former hisses.
âLooking for her, though.â Sunghoon teases, practically grinning widely.
Riki pushes past them. âIâm getting a drink.â
He doesnât get a drink. He goes through hallways and in between bodies that nudge abruptly into him, half-assed apologies going through one ear and out the other while he properly finds footing again and again. When he gets to the bathroom and finds it locked, he groans and leans back against the wall. For now, he flicks the light on his own joint and smokes away while he waits â for you, for the bathroom, for anything to make him think going here was worth it at all.Â
Too many girls brush against him, too many of them apologizing with tilted heads and lashes batting. He has no interest in rewarding the performance, not tonight, not when the party is already crawling under his skin, all bass-heavy music, sticky floors, smoke in the air, perfume clinging to his throat, and people packed so tightly he canât move without touching someone. Itâs too much at once; too loud, too hot, too bright, too dark. Then he sees it, and everything in him goes still.
Your boyfriend has another girl pushed against the bedroom wall.Â
Riki sees this through the crack of the door, just slightly opened enough for him to see how he moves his hand underneath her skirt really fucking aggressively. Theyâre kissing too, and itâs not at all sweet or even arousing; itâs just straight out gross. He chokes, coughing so rough and loud and forward he has to lunge himself off the wall and straight through the crowd because his first instinct is you.
Your boyfriend is cheating on you.
What the fuck is happening? Whyâs your boyfriend fucking a girl like someone who knows nothing about clits? Now, Riki isnât an expert about pleasing women but heâs watched porn enough to know that Exhibit A over there was straight-up persecution.Â
He finally spots you near the kitchen, talking to one of your friends with a cup in your hand. He starts toward you, but someone shoves past from behind, and he bumps lightly into your shoulder. You turn, already halfway to apologizing until you see him, your face already changing before you can stop it.
âYou came,â you say, eyes flicking around before coming back to him.
Heâs kinda out of breath, from the smoke and from hurrying, but he smiles too. âYeah.â
While youâre still smiling, Riki clears his throat. Itâs casual like heâs asking for a lighter, not like heâs abput to derail your night, âcause truth be told, heâs not sure he knows how youâll react to the information. To be honest, he thinks about how itâs only fair â maybe â because he doubts your boyfriend knows you sneak into bathrooms with another guy. And sure, his hand isnât performing DJ on your pussy, but the shared secrecy of eye contact with loaded tension is much more intimate than whatever the hell that was.
âUh,â he says, hand rubbing on his jeans. âCan we talk? Like. Somewhere quieter.â
You blink. Then you nod, already stepping closer so he has to lean down to hear you.
âBathroom or outside?â you ask, half-teasing.
âOutside,â he says easily.
The night is cold enough to make everything feel quieter, like itâs only the two of you standing under someoneâs porch light while music leaks through the walls behind you. Itâs strange, because youâre not even friends, not really, but the little space between you feels private in a way Riki doesnât know what to do with. He exhales slowly, like heâs been holding his breath since the second he walked into the house, then leans back against the railing and looks at you standing across from him.
He tries finding the words first, but the way youâre looking at him tightens his chest faster than his brain can work out. Is this karma for your cheating boyfriend? Is he the instrument God has given you to slam notes back to the guy youâre practically cheating on too?Â
Then Riki clears his throat, casual as hell. âI saw something inside,â he continues, tone still chill but eyes a little sharper now. âYour boyfriend.â
Your smile falters. âWhat about him?â
âHeâs, uh.â Riki taps ash off the joint. âHe was fucking a girl. On a wall.â
You stare at him for a while, and heâs half-expecting you to lash out, on him, on the crowd, on your boyfriend, on something.Â
Instead, you laugh this small, amused breath that slips out of you before you shrug, like he told you your boyfriend spilled punch on his shirt and not that he had just seen him with another girl.
What the fuck is happening?
It feels a lot like you donât care and that surprises Riki leading him down a rabbit hole of introspection. He was already expecting you to cry and sob or scream in the party about how much of a dick he is, how you trusted him and gave him everything â all things they do when they find out their boyfriends are cheaters.
No, you just, âWow.â then huff a laugh. âIâm sorry you had to see that.â
He blinks once, watching you carefully while you regather your thoughts as a woman whoâs been said something paltry rather than an admission of an affair. To be honest, Riki doesnât understand, so now he just stands there and looks stunned. And confused. Very confused, actually.
Riki squints at you like heâs trying to solve a trick question. âThatâs it?â he asks. âThatâs your reaction?â
You shrug, lifting your cup to your lips for a sip. âI mean. Itâs been happening. âWeâre just sorta together for our parents. Theyâre friends so⌠but thatâs a story for another night.â
Oh. He never thought fake relationships were a thing.
That makes sense. How come Riki didnât know? Was he so out of touch from school gossips hat he genuinely didnât know that youâre actually not the perfect couple he thought you two were? Is that why Heeseung and Jake and Sunghoon didnât react so badly? Has this been a thing? Oh my God, Rikiâs ecstatic and he hasnât even finished a joint yet.
He lets out a quick, unguarded sound. âJesus.â
You lean back against the railing across from him, far too relaxed for a revelation that should have ruined someoneâs eyeliner. Riki watches you for a second, waiting for the anger, the hurt, the sharp inhale before you turn and storm back inside. But you just stand there, cup in hand, looking more inconvenienced than heartbroken.
Thatâs when it hits him, slow and weirdly humiliating, that you might not care about the relationship at all.
âBut,â you say lightly, âthanks for telling me.â
He blinks, then shakes his head a little. âYeah.â His voice comes out slower than usual. âNo worries.â
You glance at the joint between his fingers, your eyes lingering a second too long on the veins along his hand. âYou always this heroic when youâre high?â
âNo,â he says, deadpan. âItâs just who I am.â
You laugh, and despite everything, his mouth twitches. He looks back toward the door, half-expecting your boyfriend to come out and make the night complicated. When no one does, he relaxes, shoulders easing, but not completely.
Because this is new information.
Someone inside screams the chorus to a song, and the nightâs way too cold for the silence that buzzes. Riki offers the joint without looking at you, just holds it out between two fingers like itâs nothing.
You hesitate for half a second. But you take it.
âYou have a car?â you suddenly ask while you take a puff.
Riki blinks once, then lets out a quiet laugh, dragging his thumb along the bridge of his nose. Right, so this is his life now. He sells you weed one time, and somehow heâs standing outside a party while your boyfriend (?)Â cheats inside and you look mildly bored about it.
Itâs stupid. Itâs also the most interesting thing thatâs happened to him in months.
So he just sighs and slumps back a little. âYeah. I do.â
âLetâs go,â you say, completely not a question, flicking the finished joint on the pavement and trampling it beneath your heel. âI wanna smoke.â
He lets you trail after him through the side yard like this is already something you do, like he isnât silently praying no one sees you following him away from the party. Gravel crunches under your shoes, the bass growing duller behind you as you cross the street toward his Supra, parked sleek and dark under the streetlamp. Riki unlocks it without looking back, rounds the hood, and opens the passenger door for you like itâs nothing.
You notice. You just donât say anything.
Inside, the car actually smells clean and like coffee, for someone youâve assumed is mad about marijuana and sorts alike (well, again, heâs proven how neat he is just for smelling so fucking good). He slides into the driverâs seat and just sits there for a second before turning the engine on, heater clicking low.Â
The silence settles, but it doesnât feel awkward, which Riki finds suspicious. Maybe itâs because youâre not acting like the version of you heâs used to, all neat edges and perfect timing. Now your heels are on the floor of his car, your hair is loose around your face, and youâre curled into the passenger seat of a Supra youâve never sat in before like your body decided to trust him before your brain could argue. He clears his throat, trying to get rid of the warmth at the back of his neck, but you only glance at him like you donât notice. The hem of your skirt rides up consequently, and he tries his hardest not to look.
âThanks. For caring.â
He shrugs, one hand resting loose on the steering wheel. âDidnât feel right not to tell you.â
âYou didnât have to.â
âYeah,â he says quietly. âI know.â
The radio flicks on â some pop song bleeding through the speakers. He then pulls out pre-rolled joints from his pockets, which he sheepishly apologizes for hygiene and, well, itâs a bit delated, although you just smile and take one. He lights yours up and you two stay there, settled in his warm seats, dissolving the chill with cannabis down your system like two people who doesnât give a shit about the system and fucking power dynamics and popularity status.
Again, weird. Hanging out in his car like youâre old buddies who smoke in free time on the usual.Â
If he told himself a month ago that he would be smoking weed with the team cheer captain, he would have laughed his ass off about inhaling too much narcotics that totally screwed mental frameworks. Yet now, heâs stealing a few glances at you beside him, getting high off his greens, and he doesnât feel completely off-center about it. Itâs the weed obviously, but he feels steady. Itâs charged because youâre not talking but your thoughts are everywhere, and even if you protrude the profile of indifference â he knows you care. Then again, what does he know about you, right? You are the odd in the equation, the alternative hypothesis that proves the difference in variables, and talks about the impact on the situation.
Now, conformist Riki Nishimura, who has spent his whole life respecting the ladder, is starting to wonder what happens if he climbs high enough to stand beside someone like you.
He stares through the windshield the second before he speaks. âYouâre not what people think you are.â
You blink, caught off guard as you turn to him. âIs that good or bad?â
He huffs. âDepends whoâs thinking it.â
You smile a little, your eyes moving over him before you can pretend they didnât. Riki isnât brawny in that loud, gym-mirror way, but heâs taller than he should be, broader than he looks from a distance, and unfairly very put together. His throat moves when he breathes in, and you catch yourself watching it for one embarrassing second too long.
You chew on your bottom lip. âAnd what do you think?â
Riki shifts in his seat, hand fidgeting against the wheel like heâs weighing how honest heâs allowed to be. âI think youâre quieter than your reputation.âÂ
You study him now â the calm posture, the way he never overdoes anything, the way his voice stays even like heâs learned not to tip his hand.Â
He glances at you, then back ahead. âMakes it easier.â
You look at him for a second too long. âEasier for who?â
âYou tell me.â
The car feels smaller and the windows are fogged enough that the streetlamp outside is just a blur of light now, like youâve been sealed off from everything else. Away from the reality that boxes you two into something that makes sense rather than accepts.Â
You laugh once, but it comes out softer than planned. âYou always psychoanalyze girls in your car?â
âNo.â
âJust me?â
His mouth twitches. âYou asked.â
You turn your head toward the window, trying to keep your face normal. âYou donât know me that well.â
âI know.â
Riki finally turns to you, one hand still resting loose on the steering wheel. His eyes are a little low, a little unreadable, but not careless â that might be the problem.
âIâm not saying I do,â he says. âIâm saying people donât either.â
Your fingers fidget with the joint, rolling it carefully between them even though youâre barely paying attention to it anymore. The tip glows faintly, forgotten for a second, and Riki reaches over without thinking to tap the ash into the tray before it can fall on your skirt.
You look down at his hand, then back at him when he hands it to you.
âDonât you think thatâs weird?â you ask. âLike, what kind of girl is cheer captain and smokes weed? Who gets into a fake relationship because of her parents? Doesnât that sound kind of fucked?â
He looks at you for a moment.
Then he leans back, eyes returning to the windshield. âI sell weed.â
He says it from the driverâs seat of a spotless car that smells like coffee and cologne. Itâs stupidly funny, actually, the whole contrast of him that kinda looks like you.
You laugh before you can stop yourself. âThatâs different.â
âHow?â he snickers.
You open your mouth, then close it again because you donât actually have a good answer. âI donât know,â you admit, laughing a little. âIt just is.â
He hums like he expected that. Then he glances at you before back through the windshield. âI donât think youâre weird,â His eyes flick over your face. âI think youâre bored.â
Obviously, that makes you furrow your brows. Obviously, you let him continue speaking.
âOf your boyfriend. Your friends. Your parents already knowing what youâre going to do.â His mouth twitches faintly. âProbably bored at being good at the same shit every day.â
You should probably deny it. It surprises you that you donât, even though youâve sworn hatred towards men that think they can assume your personality because of one little circumstance.
âThatâs why youâre here, right?â Rikiâs eyes drop to your hand, then back to your face.Â
Your throat tightens.
âWith me,â he adds.
He doesnât smile like he won, he just sits there with one hand loose on the wheel, like he already knows the answer and is kind enough not to make you say it.
The air between you feels worse, like the moment before a storm cracks open into his car, and electrocutes you with a spark youâve never experienced in your life. Which is eccentric considering youâre not the type of girl whoâd be in Rikiâs car instead of a party dominated by your friends, getting high off shit that would make your parents pass out.Â
You scoff and look away, shaking your head like the whole thing is ridiculous. âYou talk like you know everything.â
âI just guessed one fucking thing.â
You roll the joint between your fingers again, slower now. âMaybe I just wanted to try something.â
âWith me?â
Your eyes cut to him, and you see thereâs a slight curve to his mouth, like he heard the shape of your answer before you even made it.Â
You huff. âYouâre so annoying.â
Neither of you moves. Just suspended there, breathing the same warm air, the song on the radio dissolving into background noise, the world narrowed down to inches and intent and maybe weak will and strong urges. The tensionâs palpable, solid enough that you could feel it grow between your thighs.
Youâre probably one more joint away from being zooted, and Riki knows this of course, which is why he keeps his eyes narrowed across him and not the woman whoâs audibly shifting in her seat.Â
Heâs high too â faster than usual â and it makes the moment stretch in this you know kind because heâs thinking bad. He keeps his gaze trained somewhere between the fogged windshield and the blur of your reflection in it, like itâs the only thing keeping him at bay.
For the record â youâre both twenty, obviously adults, even if the world still insists on calling you kids. Which is also the very age people let you experience the paradox of being too grown and too immature for anything consistent, so the underestimation you endure as an adult, smart woman, cheerleader, and a kinda-child â wow youâre in deep detestation for that system.
So you take control of things you can handle.
Youâre a conformist, no doubt. Except in areas you loathe menâs freedom in yet expect restraint for women. So⌠in diminutive ways, you indulge. Like weed. Like running council. Like wearing short skirts. Like Riki Nishimura.
You glance at him sideways, voice light, almost bored. Almost. âSo,â you say, like youâre asking about his major or what songâs playing on the radio. âI will ask you something kind of personal.â
Riki exhales a quiet laugh. âYouâre already in my car smoking my weed. I think the lineâs gone.â
You smile, satisfied, then tilt your head back against the seat.Â
âAre you a virgin?â
The question hangs there. Unembellished and very dangerous in its simplicity. Also, of course, bold, which makes Riki actually freeze â a half-second pause where even his breathing stutters. Then he scoffs, shaking his head like he canât believe you just dropped that between the heater hum and the low bass leaking from the house.
He blames the weed, though part of him wishes it isnât from that.
âYou always ask things like that?â
âIâm curious,â you say easily. âAnd a little high.â you gesture with your thumb and forefinger.
He rubs the back of his neck, eyes flicking to you now despite himself. âWhy?â he asks. âDoes it change your opinion of me?â
You meet his gaze, unblinking. âI donât know yet. Thatâs why I asked.â
He huffs a soft laugh. He admits to embarrassment, even if it doesnât cover his entire skin with flush and heat, heâs never found himself in this position. But honestly, nothing from the past few weeks has ever been something he prepared for â which he has you to blame, of course.
âYeah.â he licks the corner of his lips, refusing to meet your eyes while he taps the steering wheel. âI am.â
Your eyebrows lift, impressed but not shocked. âHuh.â
Riki looks over. âHuh?â he mocks.
You bite back a smile and turn toward the window, but the reflection gives you away. âI just didnât expect that.â
He scoffs, looking back at the windshield. âWhy?â
âI donât know.â You shrug, still smiling a little. âYou sell weed. And you drive this car.â
âAnd?â
âAnd you look like that.â
For one second, Rikiâs fingers still on the steering wheel, and he learns to shut up. He lets out a quiet laugh after, but it sounds different this time, lower and almost embarrassed. âYouâre so fucking high,â
That makes him quiet, makes him adjust on his seat. Heâs touched a woman before, but no oneâs ever sat on his dick, nor has he ever been in anyone. So maybe heâs half a virgin, maybe heâs just a sore loser. He watches you as you move, as you turn in the seat, knees pressing into the leather, facing him fully now. The space changes instantly, the air recalibrating around your movement and maybe even pushing you further toward him.
Riki stiffens â just suddenly very aware, and perhaps a little scared. âUh,â he says, brows knitting. âWhat are you doing?â
You tilt your head, resting your hands casually on the seat, perfectly balanced. âBored, like you said,â you say. âAnd my boyfriendâs cheating on me. Again.â
He swallows. His gaze drops, then snaps back up to your face, like heâs trying very hard to stay respectful and failing in slow motion because youâre especially gorgeous tonight. âThatâs⌠not a great combo,â he says.
âNot really,â you agree.
You lean in just enough for him to feel it â not touch, not yet. Just close enough that he can smell your gloss, the faint sweetness still clinging to you, and the cannabis that if he warrants himself the scary concept, is his mark on you.
âAt least you donât think Iâm boring.â
Riki exhales, a real one this time, like heâs surrendering to the moment instead of fighting it because what can a simple guy like him do, right? His eyes flick to your mouth again â longer now â and when he looks back up, thereâs a decision there, from someone whoâs tired of conforming.
You close the distance then, slow enough that he could pull away if he wanted to. When he doesnât, your lips meet in a kiss thatâs brief and soft at first. Rikiâs hand lifts instinctively, stopping just short of your waist, hovering there like heâs giving you the choice.
When you kiss again, youâre pressing harder, with the very intent to steal the air from his lungs. So that is what happens, you inhale and climb over the console and close your knees around his waist and heâs breathing shakily against your mouth, fighting for the oxygen heâs willingly giving away.Â
Your cunt presses against the zipper of his jeans, and when you roll, he pulls away like heâs burnt.Â
âW-wait â this isnât â we canât do this.â He shakes his head insistently, looking down your joined thighs while he regains composure.
You frown. âWhy not?â
He looks back up at you, eyes wide and glossy from the taste of your cherry gloss and his greens in your mouth. He looks like he canât handle this. Youâre high, heâs high, this isnât a good idea. Youâre perfect, heâs not, this isnât a good idea. Youâre pretty and he sells weed, this isnât a good idea.
âBecause you have a boyfriend.â he says weakly.
You smile, fingers brushing into the hair at his nape. âNot really.â
He stares at you before he laughs, quiet and disbelieving, like the whole situation is so stupid he has no choice but to let it be funny for half a second. Youâre in his lap, his car is fogged, your party is across the street, and apparently your boyfriend is more of a family arrangement than an actual person you care about.Â
âThis is so fucked,â he mutters.
Still, he kisses you anyway. His hand finally settles at your waist, firm enough to make your breath catch. His fingers press into your flesh just before he pulls you closer and his hips thrusts up underneath you.
His bulge presses hard against your clothed cunt, and a small whimper slips out his mouth. Your thighs practically clench around him, your core tightening as you rub yourself on him. Beneath the jeans secured around his hips, the start of his v-line peeks, in which you softly graze with your thumb.
âF-fuck,â he whispers, resigned while he lets his head fall back against the headrest.
When you kiss him again this time, itâs slow and languid and licking into his mouth, and your hips start rolling against his while he unconsciously bucks into you. You gasp at the feeling of his growing erection despite the jeans, and you canât help but feel rushed because itâs been way too long.Â
His bodyâs hot and he doesnât understand why he canât even talk properly. âAre you okay?â you ask, kissing his cheek. He just nods.
âThis is so wrong,â Riki says softly and raspy.
You just smile and kiss him again, feeling how sloppy heâs starting to become when your tongues meet. You set the pace, careful with how you bite and suck, more of a learning curve with what you like best rather than devouring. Riki realizes this and slows down too, relaxing underneath your thighs while his cock remains bulging against you. Your soft fingers slither at the back of his hair, tugging and caressing, while he finds the courage to sneak his tongue into your mouth.
When you pull to breathe, heâs practically panting. âYou can touch me.â you whisper.
His gaze practically flicks up to look up at you, silently asking for clarification. You donât use words, you instead take his wrists and start dragging his hands from your waist to underneath your shirt. His breath hitches at the feeling of your soft skin against his, watching intently as you guide his hands further beneath your cotton top, until his fingers slightly grazes the soft swell of the underside of your breasts.
âShit.â Riki mutters, his breath unstable when you let go. He looks for your eyes, asking for instructions, except you just smile and lean in to kiss him again with your hands on his jaw.Â
So he takes it upon himself to move by his own. His fingers grazes the soft skin, careful and learning, testing the underside swell by gently squeezing. After that, he gains confidence, hands going further up until they touch your nipples.Â
You gasp, pulling away to breathe when he starts gently pinching them, rolling them against the pads of his fingertips. He plays with them for a little while, watching your reactions when you sigh heavy, when your eyes close, when you lean further against his touch. Itâs so good, he doesnât even notice how painfully hard he is when he can feel just how sensitive your nipples are, when he can feel the weight of your breast as he cups them.
After a while, he finally stops, hands gliding down your ribs instead, thumbs still grazing slightly at the curve. Your kissing eases, reduced to pecks and softness. At rest and caress, you giggle and he chuckles, finally reeling in from the moment at how high he feels.
From your taste, your softness, your clothed pussy still pressing against his hard-on.
âYouâre good for a virgin.â you say.
At that, Riki huffs and leans his head back against the rest, caressing your waist while he watches your face. Youâre very pretty, even when your lipsticks smudged and youâre clearly teasing him, not touching him at all.Â
He doesnât mind. He doesnât think heâll mind for a long time. âIâm trying to make decent decisions.â
You tilt your head. âAnd kissing me is one?â
His jaw tightens a little, but he smiles. âItâs a very bad decision.â
âMm.â You lean closer, but you donât kiss him this time. âYou stopped.â
âBecause I donât want to be your rebound,âÂ
The teasing fades just a little. Your fingers, which had been lazily tracing the back of his neck, slow, and now you look at him too, at the way heâs looking at you like something cliche is about to happen now that heâs tasted something better than marijuana.
âYou think Iâd use you?â you ask.
He shrugs. âI donât know.â
You study him for a moment. His nose and ears are still pink, which admittedly does something to you. It makes him look shyer somehow, less untouchable, like all that quiet control has slipped just enough for you to see heâs not as unaffected as he wants to seem.
He looks back at you, thumb moving once at your waist. âLet me take you out.â
You stare at him. âYouâre asking me on a date right now? While Iâm sitting on you?â
His mouth twitches despite himself. âNot my best timing.â
You laugh, soft and surprised, but he doesnât laugh with you right away. You lean in again, slower and softer, just lips meeting and staying there, but his breath still hitches. You lets it last for a few seconds before you pull back, still close enough that your noses nearly brush.
âAsk me when weâre not high.â
Then he laughs once, quiet and disbelieving, his hand flexing at your waist. âFine.â
Riki drives you home that night and you arrive at around 3 am, friends completely unaware of where you are or who youâre with â but you donât care, even when your phoneâs blown out of weird proportion. You laugh when he insists on walking you to your front porch, just to make sure you donât slip and fall and he wouldnât lose his favorite weed customer.Â
âYouâre ridiculous, Riki Nishimura.â you shove at his arm weakly.
âAnd you,â he leans down enough that his nose nudges yours. âare so pretty.â
You laugh harder, admittedly a little flustered the way you never have been before. He tells you to eat something real when you head in, and you mock him for it but he just smiles and nods, agrees with the idea he is so, very stupid and funny for you.
Riki thinks the universe is testing him. Because ever since last night, every single thing reminds him of you.Â
The cherry gloss taste still ghosting his mouth when he wakes up, the faint perfume lingering on his hoodie, even the stupid heater smell in the car feels different now, like the seats remember the way you climbed over the console and kissed him until his dick ached for you.
âDude,â Jake says, throwing his duffel bag. âYou look like shit.â
Riki drags a hand through his hair. âThanks.â
Jake doesnât push it, which Riki appreciates for about three seconds before he sees where the cheer team is practicing. On the other side of the gym court, youâre standing with your friends, ponytail tied high, hands on your hips while you go over counts as the captain. Youâre not doing anything special, occasionally laughing at something one of the girls beside you says, but Riki still feels his attention pull toward you like it has no discipline left.
He looks away first.
PE is already starting by the time he reaches their side of the court. He pulls his sleeveless shirt down properly and rolls his shoulders once, mostly because he needs something to do with his body. His hair keeps falling near his eyes, and he can feel sweat gathering at the back of his neck before class has even properly started.
He tells himself not to look. But then he looks.
Youâre already looking too.
It only lasts a second. Your eyes meet his, then drop briefly to his arms before you turn back to your friends like nothing happened. Riki presses his tongue against the inside of his cheek and looks at the ball in his hands, suddenly way too aware of himself.
Jake notices, but all he does is glance between the two of you. âSince when do you know her like that?â
Riki bounces the ball once. âI donât.â
Jake gives him a look. Riki doesnât look back. âNot like that.â
âOkay.â
The drill starts, and for a while, itâs just run, catch, dribble, pass, move. Riki focuses on the court, on the PE teacherâs whistle, on the ball against his palms. It works for half the time, until your voice cuts across the space, counting with the rest of the cheer team, and he misses a pass by half a second.
âPay attention,â Jake says, not even laughing.
âI am.â
âYouâre really not.â
Later, when the class breaks for water, Riki walks toward the drinking fountain and finds you there already, refilling your bottle. Your friends are a few steps away, talking among themselves, close enough to notice if either of you makes it obvious, far enough that neither of you has to pretend not to see each other.
He stands behind you to wait for his turn, and from afar, it doesn't look scandalous. You take your time refilling your bottle, eyes forward, one hand steadying the plastic under the stream. He keeps his gaze on the wall in front of you, jaw working once, because he knows exactly what you're doing when you lean a little farther than necessary and let the silence stretch.
Your skirt shifts when you bend, showing the backside of your thighs and the slight swell of your ass, and he sighs through his nose like he's deeply disappointed in both of you. Then he looks away completely.
You bite back a smile.
When the bottle finally fills, you straighten and cap it slowly, still not moving right away. He doesn't meet your eyes when you step aside, he just moves in, bends toward the fountain, and presses one hand against the edge for balance.
Then it's your turn to look away. But you don't, not even shamelessly. Because youâre the girl who got things her way and never got scared of the repercussions.
His sleeveless shirt pulls against his shoulders when he leans down, arm tense from holding himself there, the veins along his bicep showing under the gym lights. Water hits his mouth, and you watch the way his hair falls near his eyes, the way his throat moves when he swallows. It's stupid, actually, how normal he's being and how much worse that makes it.
Riki finishes drinking, straightens, and wipes the water from his chin with the back of his hand. Only then does he look at you.
You're still staring. And for a second, neither of you says anything.
His expression barely changes, but something in his eyes does, like he caught you and decided not to make it easy. "What?"
You blink, then lift your bottle a little. "You took forever."
He looks at you, calm, unreadable, except for the faint color rising at the tips of his ears and the slight lift on the corner of his mouth. "You're one to talk."
Your friends laugh at something behind you, and the sound snaps the moment thinner, not enough to break it, but enough to remind you both where you are. You glance over your shoulder, then back at him, only to find he's still watching you. Not obviously, just enough to show that he knows exactly what that night did to you, and worse, exactly what this day is doing too.
And that heâs enjoying the view.
You tuck your bottle against your chest and step back. "Try not to miss another pass."
His mouth curves. "Then don't distract me."
The second he says it, your smile gets bigger, like a shared inside joke between you two now. Then you turn back to your team, and he stays by the fountain for one extra second, pretending the afternoon heat is the reason he can't stop feeling warm. In the locker room, he pretends itâs celibacy thatâs making his cock hard again, and not the picture of you bending in front of him, the fat of your ass presenting itself to him so adorably.
In the cafeteria, while pages turn and keyboards clack for an upcoming test for biology, you try your best to stay focused the way you can on the usual. Riki was right about you â you were smarter than what people thought, and the merit beside your name is shocking to a whole lot when itâs pasted on the board.Â
You think youâre no longer smart. Not when youâre staring at the open reviewer in front of you, color coded with little sticky tabs but youâre still distracted.
You grab your coffee and drink, just to try if that could help with your lost concentration. Something about protein synthesis and cell division. Something about how Rikiâs hands looked wrapped around the steering wheel that one night while he called you weird and interesting in the same breath.
This is so inconvenient.
âBabe.â
Your boyfriend slides into the empty chair beside you like he owns the furniture, sunglasses pushed up on his head even though the cafeteria lighting could barely offend a bitch. His hand settles automatically on your thigh beneath the table, casual and familiar, and you almost flinch.
âYou disappeared last night,â he says casually.
You lean back in your chair. âI told you I left.â
âYeah, but where?â
You think briefly about Rikiâs car parked under the streetlamp â fogged windows, heated air, cherry gloss smeared on his mouth, plump lips smirking in restraint, hands squeezing you in the right place, keeping you in place.
âI just went home,â you reply smoothly.
Your boyfriend hums, clearly unconvinced, but also has about three seconds of emotional stamina left for the topic, so he lets it go and steals one of your fries instead. âMy parents want dinner with you this weekend.â he says instead.
He continues talking about it but youâre staring at the flashcards and reviewers in front of you, imagining what your parents would say if Riki wouldâve showed up to a family dinner instead. Maybe heâd appear in different clothes, a white button-up just to sit there and attempt to look polite in ways he isnât with you â which makes your heart jump a little.Â
Dinner drags on for three excruciating hours.
Three whole hours of crystal glasses and polished silverware and your boyfriendâs parents discussing investment portfolios. The restaurant is one of those stupidly expensive places where portions are microscopic and every waiter looks vaguely judgmental â you donât complain, youâre rather very grateful for his parents (sometimes).
You sat there in a pretty dress your mother picked out. Your boyfriend talks over you twice when you try contributing to the conversation, his mother asks about your grades before asking how cheerleading is going, like academics and aesthetics are the only two things remotely interesting about you. At some point, your boyfriend likes another girlâs Instagram story right beside you at the table and everything about the night is just bad.
You just feel tired, especially on the way home.Â
Tired in the way performances always leave you feeling like youâve spent hours acting inside a role you got stuck with years ago â because it mostly worked in your favor, until that one time you decided to jump out of your comfort zone and try weed. Itâs the worst thing you have done, but itâs the only thing that made you feel good.
Your heels click quietly against the marble floors when you enter your house and you make it halfway upstairs before the pressure behind your eyes finally cracks. Obviously, you donât sob out of sadness, just frustrated tears slipping down your cheeks while you struggle with the zipper of your dress. âFuck,â you mutter.
Your makeupâs ruined now; mascara faintly smudged beneath your eyes, lipstick mostly gone except for traces still staining your mouth.Â
Before you can think too hard about it â which is kind of bad â you open Rikiâs contact, and your fingers move faster than your dignity can intervene.
you: he actually sucks so bad like genuinely i think talking to drywall has more nuance
You exhale through your nose and laugh weakly at yourself because obviously Riki probably has better things to do than babysit you after 9PM, not when youâre just another weed customer and smoking buddy he had. You toss your phone onto the bed and sit in silence for a second, still in your dress, earrings discarded somewhere.
You try not to think about anything for the minutes youâve spent staring at the ceiling: not about Riki, or your dumb boyfriend, or your (im)perfect life, or the way Riki kissed you, or the way he looked at you, or the way he thought about you.Â
Because that's the part that bothers you most. Not the kiss itself, not even the fact that you wanted it, but the way he seemed to actually think about you before touching you. Like you weren't just pretty or convenient or someone people liked because you made sense beside them. Riki looked at you like he was trying to understand you, and somehow that felt more intimate than anything you've ever had.
And maybe that makes you painfully average.
Maybe youâre not special at all, maybe youâre just another girl in the long, embarrassing history of girls who developed feelings for the first boy who looked at them like they were a person. Congratulations, really. Very original and groundbreaking, for being part of the emotionally confused teenage girls.
You turn onto your side and press your face into your pillow, immediately hating yourself for how dramatic that feels.
Until something taps three times against your window.
Your brows furrow immediately because your bedroom is on the second floor and nobody normally knocks on windows like some suburban horror movie, you donât even try to look because of what could be there. For a second, you genuinely think youâre hallucinating from emotional exhaustion and expensive restaurant food and maybe (you did not do prior research) the possibility of the long term hallucinations of marijuana.
Then it happens again. Three deliberate taps.
You sit up slowly from the edge of your bed, the strap of your dress slipping off one shoulder while your heels remain abandoned somewhere near the door. When you turn to the window, your heart practically falls from your chest when you see Riki standing outside like a fucking delinquent moron. Heâs standing on the roof of the first floor near your window, hoodie sleeves pushed to his elbows, while one hand steadies himself against the frame.Â
You burst out laughing while fumbling with the lock of your window. Rikiâs entire expression softens the second he hears you laugh and that does something unhealthy to him.
Because he drove for twenty minutes thinking about you crying over some guy who doesnât even look at you properly, wondering if climbing a house at this hour officially qualifies as insanity (heâs never done that before, and it doesnât sound so conformist right now either). Rikiâs usually good at self-restraint, at risk assessment, at understanding what makes sense and what doesnât.
For the record, this doesnât make sense. Yet here he is anyway.
 âHi.â
You stare at him in disbelief once you finally open your window. âWhat the fuck are you doing?â you whisper-yell.
âYou sounded sad.â
âIs that supposed to be an answer?â
âWhat?â he says defensively while climbing inside carefully. âYou said your boyfriend sucks. That sounded shitty.â
The second he lands properly inside your room, he looks at you before anything else. Heâs used to seeing you fixed with perfect hair, perfect smile, perfect posture, like you just stepped out of a university brochure about good conduct and that the school cheer spirit is something one definitely needs for personal development.
This version of you feels familiar, and traitorously and selfishly, he thinks itâs for him.
Your dress is wrinkled now, your jewelry sits slightly crooked against your skin, your makeupâs smudged enough to expose the eyebags underneath, and your hairâs started falling from whatever expensive style you wore to dinner.
Riki swallows once before he can stop himself. âYou were crying?â
Immediately, you look away, a bit embarrassed when you realize what you look like. âDonât make it weird.â
âIâm not making it weird,â he says quickly, hands lifting instinctively. âI just.â
He cuts himself off because he suddenly realizes he has no idea how to navigate this. Girls usually donât text him while being miserable and summon him to their bedroom windows like some modern romance movie directed by a bad romcom enthusiast. Nothing is romcom-y about this.
So instead, awkwardly, he holds the backyard vegetation toward you.
âI got you these.â
Flowers. They arenât roses and lilies, especially not the peonies your boyfriend orders because it looks better in pictures. Theyâre not anything arranged like the bouquets your boyfriendâs family sends during competitions and birthdays and events where impression matters. They usually screamed âI have moneyâ so I had my manager fix these for you.
Riki brought you wildflowers, which are tiny white, yellow, and purple ones bundled unevenly together like he picked them himself on the side of the road and decided, yeah, these ones are perfect. Theyâre crooked and asymmetrical and a little pathetic, and it weirdly looks a lot like you.
You take them carefully, looking down at the tiny flowers bundled together with what suspiciously resembles a broccoli rubber band.
âOh my God,â you laugh quietly. âThese are so ugly.â
He looks offended immediately. âOkay, first of all, fuck you.â
You laugh, open and loud. âTheyâre literally weeds.â
âI mean. Matches us, no?â he argues.
Youâre still smiling when you bring them closer to inspect, and he notices your eyes when you admire them because he notices everything when it comes to you now, apparently.
âHe made you cry?â he asks quieter this time.
You look up at him, flowers resting against your chest while you slump a little. âNot exactly.â
He raises his brows. âThat means yes.â
You sigh, gaze dropping to the petals between your fingers. âHeâs justâŚâ You shake your head slowly. âI donât know. I guess Iâm really sick of it.â
Riki stays quiet â not because he doesnât have thoughts, but because he has too many.
The thing is, he understands that social hierarchy is basically one giant theater production and heâs spent his entire life studying how to survive inside it correctly â heâs admitted to live in it quite comfortably. Which people to talk to, which ones to avoid, what behavior keeps life stable and uncomplicated, who not to sell weed to.
You were supposed to be part of that stable world, the part that he shouldnât have had any associations with. Instead, youâre now standing barefoot in front of him holding ugly flowers with watery eyes while confiding in him like heâs become something safe. Now heâs giving a girl weeds for flowers, while his own cannabis has become untouched for quite a while now.
You narrow your eyes up at him suddenly, a teasing smile on your lips. âYou couldâve used the front door.â
âAnd say what?â he snorts. ââGood evening, your daughter texted me so Iâm here to comfort her?â
You laugh again and Jesus Christ, he thinks heâd probably climb ten more roofs if it meant hearing that sound a second time.
Which is not good at all.
He looks around your room now, and he finds that is not in the dramatic movie sense where heâs overwhelmed by femininity and candles or whatever bullshit directors think teenage girls do in bedrooms. Itâs just your space and that feels undeniably you in a way heâs never gotten access to before â never thought he would, actually. Thereâs a stack of annotated reviewers on your desk beside skincare products, then a half-folded cheer uniform hangs over your chair. Your bookshelf is organized by color at first glance, but he notices that some books are stuffed sideways and doubled-up like gave up halfway through organizing.
Youâre contradiction after contradiction. Which feels fitting considering Rikiâs currently inside the bedroom of a girl he once categorized under absolutely not my problem.
This is exactly why social structures exist. To prevent situations like this where a guy who sells weed ends up standing in the bedroom of a girl who looks expensive enough to kill him.
You set the flowers carefully on your vanity like theyâre not random plants held together by produce rubber. Riki watches how gentle your hands are, watches the way your dress slips slightly higher on your thigh when you move.
You step closer to him after, eyes peeking through your lashes, and he starts to feel drunk from your perfume. âYou really came all the way here because I was sad?â you ask softly.
Riki opens his mouth automatically with something sarcastic prepared because thatâs safer, because joking is easier than admitting the truth. But then he looks at you looking at him like heâs become something important frighteningly fast.
Honesty slips out before he can stop it. âYeah.â
Your eyes soften in a way that completely wrecks him, because nobodyâs ever looked at him like this before â like he did something meaningful instead of useful.
You step even closer now until thereâs barely space between you. âYouâre really bad at being casual,â you murmur.
He huffs a laugh. âYou climbed into my lap the first time we kissed.â
âThat was different.â
âHow?â
âI was high.â
âAnd whatâs your excuse now?â
Your lips twitch and his gaze drops there instinctively.
Big mistake, because now heâs thinking about kissing you again and suddenly being in your bedroom at midnight feels significantly more dangerous than it did when he drove here. Riki clears his throat and looks away first. Usually heâs good at eye contact, good at keeping composure, good at staying levelheaded even when situations become complicated, because he knows emotional regulation keeps things orderly, predictable, and safe.
You are none of those things anymore.
Standing this close to you feels like someone slowly dismantling every sensible thought process heâs ever had and replacing it with bad decisions and pretty girls in wrinkled dresses.Â
Riki swallows, eyes still not fully on yours. âDo you know what youâre gonna do?â
You sigh, shoulders dropping a little as you look away. âI donât know.â
Riki nods, though he doesnât look surprised. âWell,â he says quietly, âyou arenât happy.â
The honesty in his voice catches you off guard, because it isnât dramatic or possessive or demanding â itâs actually the complete opposite. He says things carefully. Your boyfriend never talks to you carefully.Â
You study Riki for a second â the slight flush across his cheeks, the hoodie sleeves pushed to his elbows, the fact he literally climbed your house because you sounded sad over text.Â
Clearly, heâs lost the plot somewhere. He might find it in your room, but why would it be there?
You look at the boy who notices everything about you, who reads you better than anyone ever did. And maybe thatâs pathetic, but after a long time of performance and image, you canât quite find irrationality when something finally sees you so clearly.Â
You donât even realize youâre crying again until his expression changes. The tears just spill over quietly, slipping down your cheeks before you can catch them, and for a second, you donât understand why his eyes drop there with so much concern because you arenât sad, nor overwhelmingly happy.
His hand lifts and his fingers touch your cheek lightly and carefully. His thumb brushes beneath your eye, catching the tear before it reaches your jaw. Then the other hand comes up too, steadying your face with a gentleness that makes your throat tighten worse than the crying did. You stare up at him while he wipes your face like itâs something important, his hands warm, his touch steady even though his breathing isnât. He just keeps his palms against your cheeks, thumbs soft under your eyes, focused on you.
Rikiâs thumb slows beneath your eye, his gaze moving over your face with something almost pained. âYouâre too pretty to cry over him,â he says quietly.
Your hand lifts before you can think better of it, fingers wrapping gently around his wrist to keep him there. His skin is warm beneath your palm, and for a second, his whole body seems to still when you touch him. You look up at him because heâs so tall this close, broad enough to block out half your room, and heâs holding your face like you might bruise if he moves wrong.
âIâm not crying over him,â you say, and your voice comes out quieter, âI think Iâm crying because I want someone else.â
His hand stays against your cheek, but his thumb stops moving entirely. He has no immediate answer right now, no dry comment waiting in the back of his throat, no clever way to make the moment smaller than it feels. He just looks at you, like he heard you perfectly and still needs another second for it to reach the rest of him.
He shifts closer, but only slightly, careful enough that you notice the restraint. âAre you sure?â
You let out a tiny, breathless laugh. âYes.âÂ
Then your gaze drops from his eyes, not because youâre embarrassed exactly, but because looking at him straight on feels like standing too close to something bright. Your eyes settle on his chest instead, on the front of his hoodie rising and falling with a breath heâs clearly trying to control. His hands move from your cheeks, careful and slow, until his palms settle just beneath your jaw while his fingers slip behind your ears, curling gently at the back of your neck.Â
For a second, you think heâs going to kiss you.
Actually, you know he is. You can feel it in the way his breathing changes, in the way his eyes drop to your mouth and stay there this time, no pretending it was an accident. Heâs close enough that you can smell his cologne and whatever terrible decision-making brought him to your window.
Then something in you panics â not because you donât want him to.
Thatâs the problem. You want him so much it feels insulting to every sensible part of your life (even though youâve made many irrational choices that have shamed them anyway). You want him in your room, in your space, in the middle of all the pretty, curated pieces of yourself nobody else gets to see messy. You want him, and it would be so easy to lean up and let that be the answer. But there is still one stupid, technical, irritating thing standing between you and that, so you pull back a little.
He freezes immediately, hands dropping like he thinks he did something wrong. âWhat?â
âI need to do something.â
His brows pull together. âRight now?â
You turn away before you can lose your nerve, moving toward your bed where your phone is half-buried in the sheets. Your hands are unsteady when you pick it up, which is annoying because you are not the kind of girl who fumbles â you are the kind of girl who answers essay questions with proper structure, corrects formations instinctively, and pretends sheâs fine so convincingly that people believe it until it becomes inconvenient not to.
Calling your boyfriend while Riki Nishimura stands in your bedroom after midnight is, admittedly, not your most elegant moment, but thereâs a kind of clarity to it too.
He stays behind you, quiet, watching as you scroll to the contact you have ignored for most of the night. His name on your screen looks strange now.
The call rings twice.
Riki moves closer, though not touching you yet, just behind your shoulder, close enough that you can feel the heat of him. It makes focusing much harder, which is extremely inconsiderate for someone who climbed into your room to be supportive.
Your boyfriend answers with your name, voice already irritated. âItâs late. Iâm busy.â
You close your eyes for half a second. âIâm just letting you know. Weâre done.â
There is a pause. âWhat?â
You swallow, your grip tightening around the phone. âIâm breaking up with you.â
Behind you, Riki goes very still. Your boyfriend lets out a humorless laugh. âAre you serious right now?â
âYes.â
âAfter everything? After tonight, youâre just gonna call me and say that?â
You stare at the wall in front of you. Itâs absurd, actually, how little the anger reaches you. Maybe you should be shaking or crying harder or preparing a speech that starts with all the ways he hurt you â instead, you feel strangely calm.
He starts talking again, louder this time, something about your parents, his parents, how youâre overreacting, how you both agreed, how you donât get to act innocent either. Until Rikiâs hand appears beside you, and he takes the phone from your hand.
Your eyes widen. âRiki.â
He looks at the screen, hears your boyfriend still talking, then tosses the phone onto the bed, where it lands face-up against the sheets, the call still running, your boyfriendâs voice now small and furious through the speaker.
âWhat are you doing?â you whisper.
His eyes stay on yours. âYou already broke up with him.â
On the bed, your ex says your name again, sharp and confused, but neither of you are looking at the phone.Â
Riki lifts one hand, not touching your face yet, just brushing his knuckles lightly near your jaw like heâs giving you one last chance to move away.
That is all he needs before he kisses you. It is not rushed, not messy from panic, just a little harsh from jealousy. But itâs slow enough to make your knees feel unreliable, steady enough that your whole body seems to understand before your brain does. You grab the front of his hoodie and he exhales against your mouth, the sound going straight through you. His hand settles at the side of your neck, thumb brushing under your jaw while his other hand finds your waist, careful but sure.Â
The phone is still there, your boyfriend is still talking. It should ruin the moment, but it doesnât. If anything, it makes the whole thing feel worse in the way your heart is pounding too hard, in the way Riki keeps kissing you like heâs trying not to prove a point and failing anyway, in the way you know this is a terrible way to end a relationship and still cannot bring yourself to care.
Riki pulls back just enough to breathe, forehead almost touching yours. âHe talks a lot,â he says quietly.
You laugh before you can stop yourself, and he kisses you before you can even finish a thought he physically cannot hear another word about your boyfriend tonight, earning a gasp from your mouth. Itâs soft at first, his mouth catching yours that makes you go still for half a second, surprised, and then your hand tightens around his wrist as you kiss him back. He exhales through his nose, quiet and shaky, and his fingers press a little more firmly into your nape, not pulling you in too hard, just holding you.
You make this soft startled sound against his lips and he swears it nearly kills him on impact. When he pulls back just enough to breathe, his forehead bumps lightly against yours.Â
âI donât wanna talk about him anymore,â he says quietly.
His voice comes out rougher than before. You stare at him for a second, and your lips twitch.
âOkay,â you whisper.
He kisses you again almost immediately, and this time you kiss him back just as fast, your chests pressing against one another until you can feel the rapid beat of his heart through his hoodie. His hands find your waist, the weight of them warm and steady through the thin fabric of your dress, like heâs grounding you and keeping himself grounded too.
You tilt your head up to meet him properly, rising slightly onto your toes without meaning to, and he bends down into you like the movement pulls something out of him. His fingers press carefully at your sides, thumbs shifting once against your waist. The kiss deepens then, your hand sliding up the front of his hoodie until youâre holding onto him too.
Riki exhales against your mouth, almost shaky, and his grip tightens for one second before he loosens it again, like heâs reminding himself to be careful.
Without so much as a few words, your gaze meets his. But thatâs not enough for him, not when he needs to hear that you want this too. The zipper you struggled with earlier starts undoing when his hand finds the back, before he leans in just enough for his voice to drop between you.Â
"Words, baby," he whispers.
He isn't teasing now. His voice is low, but careful, like he needs to hear you say it before he lets himself want anything more.
You swallow, fingers tightening lightly in his hoodie. "I want you."
Riki watches your face for a second, and when he sees the true genuineness and want in your eyes, he lets himself have it. He dips down to your height, capturing your lips in a kiss again, before fully pulling the zipper down to the small of your back. With barely any effort, the dress slides off your body and pools around your feet on the floor.Â
Too busy getting drunk on his plump lips, you donât even notice his hands roaming over your skin, his fingertips memorizing the arch of your spine, before gliding up to the curve of your ribcage. You donât notice how close he really is until his fingers find the underside part of your breasts. You pull away with a gasp, seeing him smile coyly when you finally realize youâre naked in front of him, and how heâs massaging your mounds in his hands.
He lets his thumbs brush your hardened nipples, watching your face scrunch and melt with fluster. He holds you so well, heat rushing all over your skin with the way he studies your body, eyes carefully taking in every detail about you. He continues stroking your nipples and massaging your breasts when he bends down again, kissing the corner of your lips before trailing over to your jaw. He presses open mouthed kisses on your pulse next, sucking and biting to leave love bites there.
You moan, all breathy and heavy, and his cock twitches in his sweats. For a man thatâs been so cautious with you, he canât help but fight the urge to pound into you recklessly right now.
âOn the bed,â he prompts softly, taking a step forward.Â
You obey with no fight, pathetically stepping backward until you sit back on the soft mattress. You adjust a little to get on your knees, eyes finding his through your lashes again. Heâs looking at you with half-open lids, hand already reaching up to the back of your head, fingers tangling with your hair. He likes you like this, on your knees and your face so fucking close to his bulge, he can practically see it.
And because he has been so kind to you, you want to recompense for all of it. Your fingers hook at the hem of his sweatpants, keeping your gaze steady on his face to watch the way he reacts when he realizes what youâre about to do. You drag his pants down, enough for it to slip down his legs.Â
His cock bulges in his briefs, begging to be set free. You cup it gently and he lets out a low moan, deeper than his usual, and when you look up, heâs just watching you. You lean in, only to lick a stripe from the bottom to top â his grip on your hair tightens, and you feel him pull you closer. Since you both donât hold any godly kind of willpower, you waste no time lowering the fabric.
Rikiâs stupidly long cock springs forward once you remove his briefs, and everything about it just makes sense. It isnât excessively thick in girth, but itâs length makes you wonder if it can even fit at all. Itâs pale at the base and turns pink towards the tip, the slit lathered with pre all over the head, all for you.
You bite your lip, not being able to help the thrilled grin on your face, eyes bright at the sight of it. He clears his throat, caressing the back of your head gently. âYou good?â
You snicker, reaching up to wrap your hand around the base. He chokes out a gasp, stilling completely yet his hips buck forward. He watches you handle him so delicately, even the way you start pumping his dick, watching the way pre-cum leaks out the tip. You lean forward, tongue flat against the head, tasting him.Â
âO-oh, s-shit ââ his breathing becomes heavy, arm flexing involuntarily as he keeps rubbing the back of your head.
You giggle, tilting your head a little to press soft pecks all over his length. âWatch me, sweet boy. Okay?âÂ
Youâre a fucking tease. Thatâs all he manages to come up with before his brain completely blanks out when you tilt forward and let your mouth close around the head of his dick. You start to suckle on it, tongue playing with the slit a little. Then you push forward, enough the tip touches the back of your throat and your cheeks hollow around his length.
And heâs still too fucking long.Â
You start choking a little, tears touching your waterline. You stroke the part you canât reach, and he canât help but smirk arrogantly.
Heavy breaths turns into deep groans, trying to keep his sounds to himself but the way you look as your head bobs on his dick, practically choking as you suck on it, and his hand flexing a tight grip on your hair â this has got to be better than any fucking narcotic ever. He bets morphine wonât ever feel this good. âY-youâre fucking sublime, baby,â
You retract your mouth, going back to suckle on the tip, before taking him all back down your throat. His hips jerk forward, you can tell just how gentle heâs trying to be even when heâs losing all control.Â
And itâs too good, because twenty years of chastity has started to reach him faster than the way you rub him. He feels his abdomen tighten, and fuck does his balls feel tense. So as any illogical, preposterous, unsound idiot ever, he pulls you away from his cock. He holds you by your hair, slowing you down as you stare up at him, eyes wide and confused, lips wet from your saliva and his fluids.
âWhat the fuck?â you mutter, catching your breaths.Â
Riki licks his bottom lip, and you can see every restraint holding him back from breaking you. The tips of his ears are red, and his eyes, once so tender and meticulous, looks down at you like he just canât wait to fuck you senseless. Theyâre sharper than they ever have been, and once since this night began, youâre scared.
âEasy,â he drawls, hand withdrawing from you completely. He takes a step back, just enough to admire the way you look, panting and on your knees, breasts exposed and perky. Then with a small smirk, he pinches the edge of his hoodie. âYou always this impatient?â
He slides the hoodie over his arms, the cloth revealing flesh that practically glow from your vanity lights. His chest and shoulder width is broad and wide, flat in that boyish way you love, expanding to the chiseled arms. You can feel yourself salivating at the muscles, at his taut abs, delicate grooves that trace down to a sharp v-line. Even his obliques and traps are so defined.
âGet on your back.â he rasps, and you donât let yourself react before lying down, head against your soft pillows. He kneels in between your legs, eyes trailing over your body. He hooks his fingers over the elastic of your panties, just before he slowly pulls them off you, slow enough to make you embarrassed.
âRiki,â you murmur sheepishly, but he ignores you, keeping his eyes narrowed to the way your cunt glistens, your own fluids leaking out of you. Sheâs perfect, and his already frustrated cock twitches.Â
Blonde hair sticks to his forehead, and his eyes are dark when your gaze meets again. He hovers over you, caging you against the bed before he leans in, kissing you again. Your lips part for him, breaths mingling, getting hot and heavy as his hand finds your ass. He squeezes the fat there, fingers digging into your skin. âYouâre making it hard to think, pretty girl.â
You manage a giggle, though it quickly turns to soft moans when he kisses your jaw and presses his cock against your cunt.Â
âRiki, please,â you can see how swollen his cock has gotten.
âI donât know if I can be gentle,â he breathes, his arms tensing as he keeps himself up. He strokes himself a bit, just before he aligns the tip with your aching hole.
Your brain has gone hazy, not being able to process anything other than the way he kisses your neck when the head of his cock pushes through your folds, and immediately your arms come to his back, nails digging into his muscles. He tenses too, giving a sharp exhale when his length slides past the tight muscle and rubs against your gummy walls.
âFuck,â he groans, burying his face against your neck while your teeth bite down your bottom lip. âG-god, thatâs so good,âÂ
His hips closes against your pelvis, while his tip brushes against your cervix so good heâs pretty sure youâre sucking him in. And you feel stuffed, more than you ever have been, by Rikiâs long cock. âGood fucking pussy, shit ââ
Your legs are open wide for him, pressing flat against the mattress. And thatâs enough for him, just to see you so spread beneath him, cunt squeezing him so tight; enough for him to pull back and watch the way your fluids wrap slick around his cock. Your hips wiggle for him, and thatâs all he takes before slamming his hips back into you.
Rikiâs jaw hangs open, a low moan gushing out him, strained and heavy into your ears.Â
âR-Riki â f-f-fuck ââ
The sounds of squelching pussy and skin slapping echoes throughout your entire room, walls so tight around his cock as you gasp. The pace is set already, quick and fucking drilling into you even though youâve known him for his care and caution â yet he pounds into you like he doesnât give a fuck about anything but his pleasure.
âS-s-so good â ugh, Riki â fuck,â you scratch his back muscles, tensing underneath your nails. His pelvis and abs are tight, slamming himself so hard against your cunt like he canât keep himself apart from you.
He continues groaning, his eyebrows furrowed, eyes half-lidded watching you, completely fucked out while he admires the way your tits bounce every time he rocks his dick deep into your cunt. His lips part to moan your name, and you love how he almost whimpers when you squeeze around him.Â
Then he stills, though only fast enough before he slides an arm beneath your waist and gathers you closer, like heâs scooping you into him without fully lifting you.Â
âW-what are you ââÂ
âOn your stomach.âÂ
You can only blink and nod, before turning around, suddenly feeling empty when his dick slips from inside you. You settle on your hands and knees, then lie on your chest, face pressed to the soft pillow. âFuck, my good girl.â
You canât see him anymore, and youâre not sure with how you feel about it â not until you feel his warm body press against your back, his chest hovering slightly over you. He presses a hand on the back of your thigh, gently adjusting your knee higher, the position immediately spreading your folds more than you would have thought.Â
âLift your hips for me, baby,â he breathes, voice low and strained.
You obey, pussy clenching around nothing when he whispers quiet praises as your ass perks up and your folds glisten for him again, slick oozing out from you. You get on your hands a little, just enough to lift yourself and look over your shoulder. Without much of a warning, he pushes his cock back deep inside you again, walls welcoming him with a dirty squelch, your breath catches, then escapes in a quiet gasp.
âThere, just like that ââ Riki moans, his v-line pressed tight against your ass.
Then he continues, retracting his hips only to slap back inside you. The new positions doing fucking wonders to you, stretching you a whole lot more, his dick fucking you so raw that you canât help the screams you let out. He presses his hands against your waist, fingers ingrained to lift your ass up and pound into you right after, grip so tight itâs already bruising.
You fuck yourself against him too, slapping back against his hips, cock choking in your tight walls. His eyes are almost rolling back, if not for how obsessed he is watching your ass shake and tits bounce every sloppy stroke, his hand sliding under you to grope your mound. He fondles with it, pinching your nipple and loving the weight of it against his palm.Â
Sweatâs getting hot and the airâs smells too much of sex, he can feel it when his balls clench and how desperate heâs starting to get.
You look over your shoulder and he meets you halfway, leaning over to capture your lips in a passionate kiss. Itâs full of saliva and itâs warm, messy in a way that tells how close you both are.
Then with so little strength (canât compare to Riki Nishimura, really), your weight falls back to the pillow, face and chest pressed against the softness while your ass stays up. If not for his large hands keeping you up and still, you wouldâve fallen over completely.Â
Your abdomen clenches and pressure builds in there, and he continues rutting into you while you become a puddle of sweat and moans. âR-right there â fuck, Riki â !â
âI-Iâm gonna fucking cum, s-shit â Iâll blow a fucking load in you ââ his hips drive into your pussy with a new kind of intensity, faster and deeper somehow, his tip hitting your cervix that has you throbbing around him.
âCum all over me, baby, please ââ he whines, face pressed against your shoulder.Â
You feel hot spurts of him fill you the same time your cunt clenches around him one final time, legs twitching while his hips come to a stutter. Cum settles in your hole, warm and full and sticky and practically seeping out of you. He collapses on top of you, unconsciously maybe, his heavier weight pressing over your body.
Your vision goes white for a bit, then it comes back, only for you to see hair all over your face, stuck with sweat and saliva. Heâs still on top of you, but you can feel him carry himself a little, making sure not to crush you right after cumming in you.
Quiet beats stretch out the moment, and you donât even notice his arm tucking underneath you to massage your tit, a tired laugh leaving your mouth when you do. When you both muster enough strength, he straightens just enough to lift himself off of you, while you manage to get on your hands. By the time you look over your shoulder, heâs already leaning in, his mouth finding yours again, a hand still fondling with your breast.
âRiki,â a small sheepish smile curves on your lips, all while he presses soft pecks against your mouth and jaw.Â
âHm?â he hums, tired and spent, clearly having nothing else to do but to kiss you. His breaths are still shallow, eyelids heavy before shutting completely.
You giggle, putting your hand over his on your breast. âGet off me,â you say with a playful grin. âYouâre so heavy!â
WIth a quiet groan, he listens. He slides out of you, unplugging you to let your fluids out. Then he lies down, and he hasnât realized how strained his muscles are until he sinks into the softness of your bed. He relaxes inevitably, while you stay up just to admire him for a bit.
Riki Nishimura is never going to be insecure about his looks, but the way you stare at him with dilated pupils that match his, especially post-sex, he canât help but grow a bit bashful.Â
He huffs out a laugh, one hand reaching out to squeeze your waist because you feel so far. "So do you have a no-cuddle policy, or," he murmurs.
You laugh before you can stop yourself because he's so stupidly funny for someone trying to sound serious. Instead of answering, you shake your head and lean more of your weight against one hand, the other resting against his chest as your fingers trace lazy, thoughtless shapes.
He watches you do it for a second, his expression going quiet in that way that makes your stomach turn. Then you glance up at him. "Can you roll one for me?"
He sighs so heavily it almost sounds personal. Before you can even react, his arm hooks around your waist and pulls you down against his chest, firm and immediate, like the idea alone offended him. Your hand lands against his abs to catch yourself, your cheek nearly brushing his shoulder as he keeps you there.
âThrow that shit away,â he says, voice low near your ear. âI swear to God.â
You blink, caught against him. âWhat?â His arm stays around you, warm and unmoving. âWhy?â
Riki looks at you with half-lidded eyes, sleepy and a little strained, like even answering takes effort. âBecause,â he murmurs, his grip softening at your waist, âafter tonight, I think I found something better.â
Your jaw actually falls open. For one second, all you can do is stare at him, because thereâs no way Riki Nishimura just said that to you while looking half-asleep and impossibly calm, like he didnât just say something that made your entire stomach turn over and tighten all over again.
Then you smack his chest lightly. âRiki.â
He chuckles, low and tired, the sound vibrating against your palm. His arm stays around your waist, keeping you close even when you try to lean back enough to glare at him properly.
âWhat?â he murmurs, eyes barely opening more. âUse my dick instead, I wonât get mad.â
You smack his chest harder, earning a yelp from him. âRiki!â
He laughs under his breath, but before you can pull your hand back, his fingers wrap around your wrist. His eyes open a little more as he looks at you, still tired, still amused, and then he tugs you.Â
You land over him, knees sinking into the mattress on either side of his hips as his arm settles around your waist to steady you. For a second, neither of you moves. Your hand stays pressed to his chest, his heartbeat is faster than he's pretending. "Careful," he murmurs, like he wasn't the one who pulled you.
"You're so annoying," you whisper again, but it comes out softer this time, a quiet breath as you lean down to him. You're close enough now that your noses brush, close enough to feel his smile fade against your mouth.
Riki's gaze drops to your lips, then back to your eyes. Your fingers stay flat against the broad hardness of his chest while his hand stays warm at your waist, slowly smoothing over the curve of your ass.
âRide me?â he whispers against your lips.
You sigh, rolling your eyes while your mouth curves to a grin, back straightening. You act like you think about it, only for your exposed cunt to start grinding against his cock â which, obviously, because he is a very simple man, erects again.
A simple man such as he, all he knows is that he is yours.
tl: @wobblymug @s1mp4jaeyun @gyuguys @woninlove











