Kelly Cross

Tee could tell that this was something the other boy was really passionate about so he stayed quiet and let him vent, nodding and humming in the right places. Nothing he was saying was a lie after all. He would often find himself rolling his eyes during a movie or an episode whenever he saw yet another black character reduced to nothing but comedic relief. Add being gay to that and you have the perfect recipe for being inclusive without actually giving much importance to the character. Typical show business. “You’re right but that’s why I simply choose not to watch shows or movies like that. Obviously, one less person watching is not going to make much of a difference for them but it’s the principle of it.” 

He thought about the next topic, trying to think of any movies having what the other boy was discussing but came up blank. “Surely there is something like that”, he said, but he knew he was probably being way too hopeful. “Then again the idea that men are actually human and can cry and feel sad just like everyone else is still seen as a myth by some people so it’s not surprising there are no movies like that. They have to make movies which sell after all.” He wasn’t excusing it, but it was the system after all and he knew first hand how tough it was to fight the system. I think the only way you’re going to get a movie with that exact plot is if you shoot one yourself.” 

“Ruining my rant with reality. How dare you.” Kelly answered back, smirking a little. “You’re probably right. I hate to admit it, but you are. Men aren’t ready to see themselves as weak. They get violent when faced with that reality. And while I could make a film-student caliber rom com with a shaky camera, I think I won’t inflict that fanfiction horror story upon the world just to get my creative rocks off. Even if the representation would be fire AF and it would achieve The Room cult classic status among black and gay college students everywhere.” Kelly chuckled, obviously being hyperbolic and a little silly as Tee’s incessant logic had demolished his rant.

Of course hollywood was just after money. And of course straight white men were not ready to be told that they had emotions and some of them were weak and in need of being rescued. He could practically read the non existent internet comments about how the main character of such a movie would be a “pussy” or a “fag” and how “I would’ve just fucked that broad the first time I saw her, this is dumb”. “So you’re telling me the real problem is that we have to destroy toxic masculinity first. But how do we do that if we can’t make movies that would help display a male intimacy seriously to a wide audience?”

Beatrice was finally feeling like things were going her way ever since she got back to working on her line. Her sketches turned out better than she could ever hope for and she even managed to convince a girl to model her creations. Having something to do was also helping her keep her mind off things she would much rather forget. All in all, Bea couldn’t even remember the last time she felt so good about herself and she loved it. With the sketches done and a model hired, it was time to move on to the next step; someone to actually bring everything to life. 

One of the downsides of leaving her hometown and coming to Dayton was that she could no longer fall back on the usual people to help her get things done. She needed to look for different people and it wasn’t easy when you still didn’t know much of anyone around town. Her mum really came through for her when it came to hiring a model but she didn’t know anyone who could help her with the artistic aspect of her project. It was while she was scrolling through Instagram that she came across the work of someone she could really envision working with her line. And he seemed to be based in Dayton. Bingo. She emailed him to give him an idea of the basic concept and sent over some of her sketches as well and was very happy when she got a reply asking her to call him so he could share a few ideas. 

They got the pleasantries out of the way and Bea was very happy to note that he went straight to business. That was definitely something she could get behind. She listened carefully to what he had to say and closed her eyes, trying to picture the image in her head. It sounded like something very unusual but, in reality, so was the new line she was working on. With the right person working on it, Bea was already picturing the publicity this campaign video could get her fashion line. With the work she saw on his Instagram, Bea didn’t doubt she found the right person for the job. It wasn’t as if she could offer him the job straight away without any further clarifications though. “I think it’s a very original idea that could do great things for my line. What’s your asking price?” 

Kelly did a momentary happy dance when she sounded receptive. It was a little feet pumping thing that bounced him up and down. He even spun in a tight circle in the middle of his living room. A job for a fashion company could pay some bills ladies and gentlemen! And fashion advertising was a small world. A good campaign would put him in the sights of other companies. Levi, John Elliot, Noon Goons, Parabellum...California was knee thick in designers and if he could get even one of them on his payroll he’d be coasting! He might even move to San Fran or San Diego proper!

But first he had to land the client.

“It’s a big project. I’ll have to paint the actual canvases, then the shoot and the editing. I’m looking at about...150 hours of labor, give or take.” Kelly was estimating fairly accurately. A good painting might take about 4 to 8 hours on its own. Estimate about 7-14 styes in a given collection of this size, and he could easily be painting for 100 hours alone. Filming would probably be two 12 hour days, 124. That gave him about 8 work days, 24 billable hours, to edit the footage into a workable ad. The man was doing math on the fly, but he knew his rough conversion. “18,000, when it’s all said and done. I’m flexible, and we can talk about specifics, but thats the ballpark I’m looking at.” Kelly finally answered. He sounded confident in his number. “I don’t like to charge by the hour, because it creates this weird dynamic of me wanting to take as long as possible and you wanting me to work as fast as possible that leaves us both unhappy and stressed. Easier to just lump sum it and pay out at checkpoints that we’ll agree upon.”

Kelly bulled forward, immediately talking out the checkpoints. “I’m thinking 2,000 up front for supplies and retainer. 6,000 upon delivery of paintings with your approval. 4,000 upon completion of filming, 6,000 upon delivery of final edited product.” Kelly knew to immediately break it up. Act like you already had the contract and move into negotiation. Set out goals and deadlines, and let that sticker shock fade. 18,000 sounds like a lot. 2,000, 4,000, and 6,000 were much smaller numbers to swallow.

Roman had been blinking slowly with every world that flowed from the other boy’s mouth, slowly sipping on his drink while he tried to think about both Kelly’s point, and what else he needed to get done today. He could multi-task!!! He’d like to say he was in fact the king of multi-tasking, but he knew that wasn’t true. Not even a little bit. “My God, you’re right.” Ro finally said once Kelly asked for his opinion, pointing his finger at the male, and wagging it like he’d made a really good point. “We should write a strongly written letter to Hollywood with our frustrations, and I am sure they will act on it immediately!” Roman finished off the drink he had been nursing, catching an ice cube at the bottom to suck on, and proceeding to chipmunk it into his cheek so that he could speak further. “The only productions that have that sort of thing are celebrity biopics. I’ll make sure to save you a VIP front row seat for Rocket-man so that you can enjoy a show centered around someone with a willy. How’s that?” He asked with a playful smirk.

“Now you’re just being patronizing,” Kelly said with a hint of disapproval, “I’m talking about a sincere problem with the way we as a species view masculine intimacy, and the roles those stories play on our self identity as men, and you’re just being cheeky about letters to hollywood.” The boy sat upright, that was how perturbed he was by the flippant nature of the response. He was a little intense. “And shameless plugs for your play. Of course I wanna see Rocketman. Elton John is an icon and deserves all of our love and adoration. Also he lives in a condo that has a haunted elevator and is just very chill in his old age.” Kelly shifted gears so quick a bitch could get whiplash.

“But I also take my media representation seriously. I can name on like, one hand the sincere romance stories where a straight man had a romance story focused on him, and his weakness and insecurities, and they don’t play softness for weakness. I swear if one more movie shows me a nervous stumbling man and implies that the only way you can find love is by getting rid of that part of yourself, I will call in a bomb threat to paramount pictures.”

Alison was in the coffee shop, doing well, what anyone would do at a coffee shop. Getting a coffee. Her coffee was far bigger than it needed to be, but she felt as if she needed it. She always did, her coffee addiction was real. She took a seat in one of the oversized chairs, across from Kelly. She pulled out her laptop, ready to open it up, when she heard the boy start talking.

At first, she wasn’t sure he was talking to her, as why would he talk to a complete stranger in a coffee shop? But then again, this was a small town, maybe that was what the people of this town did. “You know, I agree with you, 100% percent.” Alison laughed, but of course the first handful of love stories that came to her mind, were in line with what he was saying. But as someone who wrote music, she realized she herself had done that same thing in her own music. Love stories, but love stories that focused on the female.  “I guess they feel like girls need to be portrayed as the weaker one, the one who needs the love, with a big prince like man scooping her off her feet.” She shook her head, “Its quite sexist, but its the way the world works.”

“Well fuck the way the world works!” Kelly said loudly, enthusiastically. The whole shop could hear it. To prove the point he flipped entirely so he sat upside-down, feet to the sky, head handing off the end of the little couch. “I disagree with you slightly, though. I don’t think it’s cuz they need the girls to be the weak one. The need the men to not be the weak one. Which functionally is probably the same, but I don’t think anyone writes a movie going ‘we need this girl to be weak and in need of saving’ they would, however go, ‘no, he can’t do this, it makes him look weak’.” Kelly knew it was a minor distinction, but it the very oversight that lead to his problem. Everyone was so hyper focused on making strong women that nobody even noticed the need to make soft men.

“I loved Perks of Being a Wallflower for the very reason that the main character was soft and weak, and nobody ever called that out as being bad. He got embarrassed and wasn’t much of a fighter, and nobody ever told him he needed to toughen up. He even got his girl! There has never been a movie with a more perfect ‘weak man’ protagonist, and this generation of fucked up men definitely shows it.”

with open ears and focused eyes, stella watched kelly as he brought up a good discussion topic. she always loved a good one of those. “no i totally get you! it’s so…. basic and cookie cutter. i have this feeling that hollywood sticks with this kind of stuff because they think it’s classic or the way it is, but god. love is love, damnit!! it comes in all forms and is approached in all different ways, not just the same way but with new names.” she agrees firmly, sitting up from across him to fully get into this little debate. or less than that, considering they’re on the same side of this argument. “and even in shows where there’s some representation of gay parents, they’re almost always shoved under the rug. i’d love a real in-depth show or film made through experience from other couples. where it’s not so much made up, but based on true stories!” 

“They tried that once. NBC or one of those big ol’ networks did that like 5 night special event thing. You know, because it’s only okay to praise gay people during the month of June and in all other months they must be strictly shoved under the rug.” Kelly said with a huff and a confident air. He had a lot of opinions bout how men were portrayed in media. Specifically black men, or the lack thereof. Black boys were always being shoved into stereotypical boxes and scenarios. Once, just once, he’d love to see a black character with a white boy plot and white boy treatment. “Fosters did pretty well at the whole gay parents thing, and I loved it, even if every other character was stupid. But TV as a whole is better, because there are more niche networks and genres. Try finding it in a movie. A movie theater wouldn’t, couldn’t dream of the power of a man being soft and emotional. Could you imagine, for even a second, a movie with a scene of two boys having a sleepover? In pajamas, taking about girls they like? Or anything, really?”

Tee wasn’t sure what gave the impression that he was interested in having company while enjoying his coffee when he first met Kelly. All he knew was that he went from sitting at his favourite coffees shop on his own to having some guy sitting in front of him and talking about something completely random. He tried to give off some of his best ‘don’t talk to me’ vibes but it didn’t work and, by the end he found himself participating in their little conversation with some thoughts of his own. He thought it was a one-time thing but then he bumped into Kelly again a few days after and, before he knew it, they were picking up another random conversation.  

By now he wasn’t surprised over the topics chosen anymore and he found himself actually looking forward to it instead of pretending he really couldn’t care less. Tee was even learning to take the way the other boy liked to sit in stride instead of staring at him flabbergasted like he did during their first interaction. Today’s topic happened to be something he put a lot of thought into during his free time and he found himself agreeing with Kelly wholeheartedly. “All this talk about how progressive the world of cinema has gotten in relation to gay movies is complete bullshit. They’re progressive as long as the main characters are teenagers struggling with their sexuality because they know it’s what sells. It’s like men can only be gay in movies if they’re under the age of twenty-five. Because heaven forbid there are gay guys of all ages and all with different stories. It doesn’t necessarily have to end in tragedy.” He usually wasn’t one to talk so much but this was something he was passionate about and Tee found himself getting carried away. “But anyway, what do I know? I’m not really a movie expert.” 

Today’s topic: Male Love Stories. Kelly honestly couldn’t remember how they happened. But it started being a regular thing. Kelly would arrive, slam down in front of Tee with his coffee, and start ranting. It was like therapy except Kelly wasn’t paying and Tee just acted like he didn’t want it. He’d also begin with ‘Topic: xxx’, just to warn him it was happening. They were sort of friends, except this had been their only contact so far. Kelly didn’t even have his number saved in his phone.

“And don’t even get me started on being black and gay in movies, where you’re only allowed to be comedic relief. Something to be laughed at. Medea. The black kid in Sex Education. The black nerd from Dear White People. Gay black man in film shorthands to dramatic loser. They usually don’t even get a real relationship. They are a literal joke. TV is usually better than film, Pose is a great example, but films have us totally fuckin screwed because we’re not white twinks in upscale neighborhoods. I wanna be more than the pair of homosexual barbers who banter about the hetero love-fest happening on screen.” Kelly calmed himself, knowing he was getting worked up over nothing.

“But the topic today is really about why men can’t be soft and romantic in movies as a main character. Gay cinema aside. Maybe we’ll hit that tomorrow. We keep being told that we need movies led by strong female characters, but where is my movie led by a soft male character? A man in his 30′s who’s been heartbroken and he finds a businesswoman who perks him up and shows him love isn’t dead?”

Colby would never say the word feminist, but that’s what she was. She didn’t hate men at all, she was even attracted to some on the rare occasion. Regardless, she would speak up when it came to what she thought. Her father had instilled it in her since birth that she could be anything and anyone she wanted to be. No harm would come to her, he would guarantee that. Her father wasn’t your typical family man and 

She practically laughed when the guy tried to make his point. She definitely knew all about that- women loving women relationships have suffered over the years in the media and she was fed up too. That being said, he was kind of making men the victims. “Are you actually comparing the struggle of representation for queer people or the hypocrisy of the hetero-normative narrative told wrong?” Maybe it was both, but she aired on the side of women in general. 

“I’m not saying you don’t have a point, but you’ve got to look at it from a woman’s perspective as well. The love stories don’t help us in the least! They can give these false and ultimately harmful expectations. You have this entire idea of what the rest of your life will look like- only to have it shatter into a million pieces.” She had made this mistake herself, being abandoned by her future wife without so much as a goodbye. 

The girl challenged him, and Kelly was immediately interested. Conversation. Argument. Disagreement. It was fantastic. He sat straight up at the engagement, but tucked one of his feet under his thigh like a figure four, grabbing it with his hand and using it as an anchor when he leaned forward. That part happened anytime he got excited, like right the fuck now.

“I’m not comparing either. I’m more pointing out that hollywood doesn’t believe men can have feelings, or that in every instance of feelings happening, it ends badly. As a man I’m not supposed to say I fucking love someone unless I’ve been shamed and shown to be a bad guy in need of redemption.” He said it excitedly, with passion. “I can’t kiss a homie because I feel comfortable with him, like women on screen can. I don’t ever get even the hint that I’m allowed to be anything besides angry and crazy. We talk about needing strong female characters in film, but we need soft men in film, too.” Kelly relented, taking a sip of his coffee.

“That being said, I agree that romance movies as a whole are both flawed...and also have a place. I think romance movies are sort of most people’s introduction to courting. There’s no high school class for dating, so movies are kind of our guidebook. Maybe the reason they fuck up young girls up is because girls are trained to expect fairytale courtships but men aren’t? I’d watch the fuck out of...a movie where a young black man discovers his love of baking and also meet cutes some girl who will heal his broken heart. Teach men that love is possible and desirable for men, and maybe the expectations become reality.” He smiled a manic grin at that, playfully drumming on the coffee table as if to say ‘beat that!’.

Tonight was his night. He was dressed up nice, with a vest and dressy pants. A classy fucking dude when he wanted to be. He was just wandering the club, looking for his thrill of the night, when he saw the redhead. He was up dancing, and Kelly was immediately enthralled. He stalked down the steps, found a nearby table, and just watched him, a smile on lips forming. He’d get whatever he could for free before he paid for a private dance. But a private dance was definitely forthcoming if he had any say about it.

”Whatcha think?”

“Think about it.” Kelly’s hands were floating above him, in that ‘okay’ symbol that meant he was gonna say something to blow your mind. “Most romantic movies have a guy in them, but like, the guy isn’t the love story. The love story is for the girl. The girl is wooed by the guy. Or the girl is saved from a bad situation by this guy. Or the girl is taught how to love herself by this guy. She fins the love of her life through a magic mailbox. Love stories are all geared towards helping girls feel like they are lovable. Guys never get that. We are, at best, a prop in a female love story.” He paused to grab his cup of coffee, sipping from it, “Even gay movies, as few of them as there are, rarely present a love story as a man getting his love story. It’s always two young boys. Teenagers discovering they are gay. High school. If there are men in a gay film, the ending is always unhappy. One of them dies, or gets AIDs, or chooses to stay with their wife, or some shit.”

Kelly rested his case there, a little, ‘Yea, don’t you think?’ look on his face, directed at the other human in the room.

Hey is that [KEIYNAN LONSDALE]? No, that’s just [KELLY CROSS]. They’re [TWENTY-EIGHT], and have spent [FOUR YEARS] in Dayton. I hear that they’re kind of [CONFIDENT], but also [UNCOMPROMISING]. Did you hear their vices are [DRUGS & NUDITY]? Can’t wait to see [HE/HIM] at the next party! (CORY, 28, HE/HIM, CST)