kiv

Carefully, you scooted closer to his figure and trying your best not to wake him up due to the fact that he worked until late at night to revise the work given to him yesterday. He needs to get a lot of rest. 

Yet you couldn’t help being clumsy, accidentally hitting his thigh with your foot and you had to grimace at the impact. Unintentionally, your breath hitched and your eyes closed at the aftermath, hoping that he doesn’t awaken. 

Dumbass. You thought, insulting yourself in your mind and opting to even face palm yourself internally. 

When you noticed that the room was still silent, you were brave enough to peek and look over to your boyfriend with your one eye opened. Seeing that he was still asleep, you let out an exhale and blinked various times to adjust your sight to your surroundings. 

“Are you gonna keep on staring or?” You felt your body jump at the sound of his voice, your head whips to his direction and seeing Akaashi still laying there with his eyes closed but a ghost of a smile settling on his lips. 

You let out a playful huff, “I wasn’t staring.” You stated a blatant lie, turning your back against him at the sound of his chuckle. 

Instead of pretending to be oblivious, you felt a shiver run down your spine at the mere graze of the pads of his fingers on your back. Ever so gently, he let his fingers explore your skin before letting it rest around your waist, tugging you closer, his chest hitting your back. “You were too far away.” And you could feel your heart fluttering at his comment. 

Turning around to face him, a wave of fondness washed over the male as he sees your rosy tinged cheeks. “Good morning, darling.” 

Smiling so softly at him, you replied, “Good morning, Keiji.” 

But somehow, deep within his mind, there would always be a part of it thinking about you.

Memories with you are so precious, a treasure that he can’t simply forget. The caress of skin, the laughter and giggles, the teasing, the flirting, the gentle brush of your lips against his. He wouldn’t dare forget about it.

Why did he mess it all up? Is it because of boredom?

He knew it wasn’t. He couldn’t come up to a reason as to why he did it but what he knows is that he regrets doing that to you. You didn’t deserve to go through that.

“Miya Atsumu did it again!” He heard someone announce as he successfully did a powerful serve. A playful grin made its way across his lips, feeling excitement rush through his veins.

He loves this feeling. The feeling of being able to do the thing he loves and being able to do it successfully. It adds to his confidence.

He knows he’s playing so well right now.

Meanwhile, the fans went wild. They were cheering, some were even squealing as they tried to grab the setter’s attention. Some were even brave enough to try and flirt with the setter during events for the fans. He liked the attention but it wasn’t exactly coming from someone he wants.

It was a new season and every team was determined to win. However, some had to lose, some had to move forward and push themselves to do better, better, better. Today, it was a match against the Schweiden Adlers and both teams are determined to win today. All the players on the court motivating one another to do better, to give their all. It was evident as the game went on for so long. Everyone was doing their best and even the crowd can see it, moving to the edge of their seats in anticipation, just to see who would win this season.

“How was my serve, Omi?” He had a hand on his hip, feeling smug and ready to annoy the hell out of his teammate.

“Stop calling me that.”

Expecting that reply, he laughed. He kept annoying the wing spiker during the break they have. He would receive a glare or a disgusted look coming from Sakusa and the setter wouldn’t even flinch. He was definitely used to it, evident throughout the months that they’ve had a banter.

However, he could feel something tingling beneath his spine. His fingertips were going numb and his heart was hammering against his chest. In conclusion, he felt weird but have this sudden or rather strong urge to scan through the crowd.

It felt like someone was poking, nudging or forcing him to do so even though none of his teammates were telling him to do so. Normally, he wouldn’t dare too glance at the audience, knowing it can possibly distract him from the game but today felt different. Biting his lower lip as curiosity got the best of him, he looked towards the stands where people usually gather to watch.

He could see the fans on their side, cheering them on and throwing him smiles and waves, glad that he was finally sparing them a glance. Slowly, he set his eyes on the fans of the opposing team. With his eyebrows furrowed, he searched through the sea of people as if he was looking for someone important.

He didn’t know what he was doing but this wouldn’t hurt him, right? What can he possibly see from the audience? An old friend, maybe but they would definitely know to talk to him after the match. But his gut feeling told him to just do it, you wouldn’t get another chance to do so.

“We don’t need memories.” It echoed inside his head, drilling itself for him to possibly not forget about it. “We don’t need memories, Atsumu.”

How come he can’t forget about you?

He continues to think about it while staring at you, unbelievably in the stands to watch. Is he dreaming? Hallucinating, maybe? His breath got knocked off of his lungs at your presence, blinking rapidly to see if this was real or not. His chest was tightening and he could feel his palms being clammy as he couldn’t take his eyes off of you. Is that really you?

“Y/N?” He whispered, confused but he’s really, really, really glad that you’re here.

Memories with you flashed through his eyes. That one blanket you loved so dearly, that movie that you couldn’t stop watching over and over again, the beauty he gets to witness throughout the day when he doesn’t have to go to practice. His lips on yours, the pads of his fingers on your skin, his eyes that would always be focusing on you.

He would never dare forget about you.

As if you could sense someone looking at you, you turned to match their stare but got surprised at the attention you’re receiving from the setter. You shot him a questioning look but gave a small smile, trying to be nice.

He misses you. He misses you so much and up to this day, he regrets what he did to you.

“Miya, focus.” He heard his teammate say but he couldn’t care less. What mattered to him is you in the crowd, watching him and possibly still supporting him up to this day.

However, these thoughts left his mind as he heard you cheering for the opposing team. Did he hear that correctly?

Nah, maybe I’m imagining things. He thought, tilting his head to the side a little bit to show his confusion and hesitance on the thought.

No, you really were cheering for the Adlers. It was evident as he really was facing the fans of the opposing team, seeing you standing there to cheer along with the others, saying “Go, go, Adlers.”

Is this real?

“Atsumu-san, are you okay?” Hinata asked as he approached the setter during the break. They were on their third set and everyone can see how Miya Atsumu suddenly wasn’t playing well throughout the match.

He forced a tight lipped smile on his face, “Of course, Shoyo-kun. No need to worry ‘bout me.” He waved his hand off, dismissing the topic.

In all honesty, he knew he's off of his game. His serves were not on point anymore, sometimes hitting out of bounds and his sets weren't near as perfect.

It all went downhill when he saw you in the stands. He knows he shouldn’t be blaming you, you’re here to watch just like everybody else. The problem is him, he knows he's distracted. You're all he could think about, occupying his mind. It was messing him up and confusing him as he began overthinking the possible reasons as to why you’re here, why you’re cheering for the opposing team.

He bit his lower lip, shaking his head to get him to focus, focus, focus.

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath, exhaling through his mouth. For a while, this is what he would be doing. Breathe in and out, in and out.

He knows that it wouldn’t make him completely forget about your presence, watching this match but it definitely helped him focus a little bit more in the match.

“I’m so proud of you, Atsumu.” He can remember you saying those words to him everytime, whether it be winning or losing. You always knew the right words to say to him.

For now, he’s on his own. He wouldn’t witness you saying those words to him after this game. He doesn’t even have you here supporting him and cheering him on but you’re watching the match. That’s enough for him to keep moving forward and tell himself to focus and play well.

The crowd went wild, the whole arena filled with cheers or screams. Everyone did their best, it was evident as some players sat on the court, clearly exhausted and worn out. Every single player worked hard to get to where they are right now and no one felt disappointed at the match today.

The Schweiden Adlers came out as the winner of this season and everyone thinks that they deserve it. Even though both teams played really well, one is bound to come out as the winner and the Schweiden Adlers did their best to claim that title.

When it was time to spend some time interacting with the fans and thanking them for their support, Atsumu was absent.

In that moment, everything didn’t matter to him. Losing the match didn’t matter to him. HIs mind is only filled with you and he was determined to try and talk to you today. It has to be today or he might lose you again and it will be his fault all over again for not chasing after you.

Looking around the arena, he hoped that he hasn’t missed his chance. “Atsumu-san, great game!” He could hear people talking to him, congratulating him and reporters trying to catch a minute or two with him to hear his insights about the game.

He couldn’t help but leave the crowd, his feet moving to the exit and possibly start looking for you after he cleans up in the locker room. But it didn’t go as planned and he was glad it didn’t. It was better to meet and talk to you right now than waste more minutes that would end up not finding you.

"Y/N." He said in awe as he breathed out. Relief washing over his face as he saw you near the corner, avoiding the crowd.

Without wasting a minute, he jog up to where you were standing. A genuine smile present on his face as he finally caught up to you. “Y/N, fancy seeing you here.” He wanted to lighten up the mood, to possibly talk to you and end it on a positive note considering the fact that  things didn’t end well the last time both of you saw each other.

"Miya-san?" Your eyebrows shot up, eyes widening in surprise at the sight of him.

It would be a lie if he said it didn’t hurt him a little when he didn’t hear you call him by his first name. He knew he lost the privilege to hear that from you, especially the nickname you always use to call him by. But he was still hoping, hoping that there could be a little spark between both of you because he still, still, still loves you.

However in your perspective, you had wished so desperately to the higher being above to not let you cross paths with him. Catching him staring at you mid-game definitely caught you off guard. You didn’t expect to at least get noticed by him.

You rushed to the place where you know the crowd wouldn’t gather, hoping that he doesn’t come to see you, to talk to you. You still couldn’t forgive him after what he did.

Yet, he’s here, acting as if nothing bad happened between both of you. He’s pretending that he didn’t break you, that he didn’t make you lose your trust to him and to others, that he didn’t hurt you. His actions couldn’t be forgiven. If he, at least, felt that the love he feels for you is fading away, he could’ve talked to you about it first. He should’ve ended things instead of going after another person when he’s still in a relationship.

You loved him so much, you loved him so, so, so, dearly. You opened yourself up to him, gave your complete trust, had so many intimate moments with him and this is the outcome? Life really must be so cruel to you.

Nonetheless, you’re still proud of his achievements up ‘till now.

“How are you?”

“I’ve been fine. What about you? Is there a reason why you wanted to talk right now?” You’re tired, letting out a sigh. “It’s been a year, Miya-san and I think it’s best if we just forget about each other.”

Memories. We don’t need memories. How you wish you could forget about everything about him, the memories that you shared with him.

“No, wait,” He began, desperate enough to let you stay for a bit longer. He needs to talk to you but he doesn’t know where to begin.

“Y/N, I really regret about what I did to you. I shouldn’t have let it happen. I messed everything up. You’ll always be the one for me, you’re the only one who makes me happy.”

You let out a scoff, not believing a word that comes out of his mouth. “Miya-san, please. I’m assuming that you ended things with her and now that you can’t find anyone to hook up with, you come running back to me.”

“That’s not true-”

“If it isn’t, then why haven’t you contacted me all those months ago? We haven’t seen or even talked to each other for a year.”

He stayed silent, not knowing how to answer that question.

He thought that you’re mad at him, that you wouldn’t want to talk to him anymore. But he could’ve still tried, he could’ve made an effort when he realized that you’re the only one for him.

“I loved you so much, Atsumu. So, so, much. Was I not enough? Did I do something wrong for you to do that to me? Do you have any idea how much it hurt to witness you saying that someone else makes you happy, that I wasn’t enough to make you happy? Do you know how it pained me to hear that coming from you? Thinking that wow, I don’t make him happy anymore.”

“You couldn’t even start with an apology. I’m sorry but please, don’t talk to me anymore.” With that, you turned around to walk away from him.

He was about to chase after you, to beg for forgiveness and possibly try to fix things. He can’t lose you like this, he just can’t. But as he took a step forward towards your direction, he stayed still.

He remained frozen on the spot, his eyebrows furrowed in annoyance but also confusion.  

“Ready to go, baby?” The setter from the opposing team asked, approaching you with his bag slung over his shoulders.

“Hey, yeah. You did so well today, Tobio. I’m so proud of you.” You said, holding your hand out for him to take which he gladly did.

“We don’t need memories.” Kita said, “It means we don’t have to dwell on the past, we should focus on the present and our future.”

“I’m so proud of you, Atsumu.” It echoed through his head, making him dizzy. “I love you.”

For now, he has to disagree. He needs those memories. He needs to remember what it felt like to be with you, to hold you so close to him and to hear you utter those words to him. He shouldn’t be dwelling on the past but he finds it hard to move on. With this, he will continue to live his life filled with regret.

As he watches you walk away from him accompanied by another man, he couldn’t help but wish that you were with him instead.

END.

It started two weeks ago. That gut feeling that something’s wrong, screaming and begging at you to listen. No matter what you do, it wouldn’t disappear as it clawed its way up to your mind, disturbing your thoughts as it pushed it to the back of your mind and let itself stay inside your head for a while. It’s been bothering you for days. You thought it was just you being paranoid or a common feeling of nervousness but why would you feel like that? 

“Tsum?” 

“Sorry, Coach told me to stay behind to practice more on.” 

You brushed it off, it didn’t really matter to you as long as he got home safely and that he’s okay. This would happen sometimes and you’re always waiting for him in the apartment, ready to reassure and relieve some stress with him. You’ve been his anchor, always keeping everything grounded and steady and he liked it. How come things started changing? 

However, the constant late night practices started happening frequently as excuses kept on piling up. 

“We have an important match coming up. I really have to practice.” 

“Bokuto-san wanted to practice more on his spikes, he needed me.” 

“The team stayed a bit longer to practice some more.” 

That’s when that gut feeling kept nagging at you, resulting in countless negative thoughts running around your mind while you stay in your shared bedroom, alone and awake as the night settled in. Did something go wrong? Did you do something? But then you would feel foolish for having that kind of thoughts. You would reassure yourself, repeating a mantra in your head that everything’s fine, he just needs time to practice. 

It was like a constant play of a broken record inside your head, not letting the fear eat you whole. It was scary, frightening even but you should trust him, you do trust him. 

So you lived as if you have nothing to worry about, understanding that he has to prioritize his career first and that everything will go back to normal soon. He’d start coming home early after the match, you’d feel his skin on yours, the apartment would be filled with laughter and new memories. You hoped it would be like that soon. 

It felt weird, today feels weird for you. It wasn’t that good kind of weird, it was the opposite. Your hands felt clammy, your heartbeat setting an uneven pace and this gut feeling, the familiar gut feeling but much more intense than before. It felt as if something bad is supposed to happen today, as if your body is sending alarming bells to you, trying to warn you about the possible future events that may occur today, that you need to prepare yourself for something. 

But what could it be? 

Going back to reading the text messages you sent to your boyfriend, you felt anxious. Why would he leave you on read? Did something bad happen during their practice today? That might not be the case since someone from the team would’ve called you right away if something happened. You felt silly, crazy even due to how paranoid you are. Who could blame you though? It’s been hours and he hasn’t even thought of replying to your texts. 

You’ve thought about so many possible scenarios, even reaching the point of something happening to the gym. Hell, enough scenarios just to put your mind on edge that causes your legs to shake due to nervousness.  

Reaching for your phone quickly, you inserted the passcode as soon as you heard the familiar ding coming from your phone. 

You bit your lower lip, forcing yourself not to let out a sigh, to show your disappointment. What did you expect though? No matter how hard you try, nothing will change. He prioritizes volleyball over anything. If it’s practice, it’s practice. You should know that by now as you were always there for him, supporting him and cheering him on as he does the thing that he loves. But why can’t you ignore this gut feeling? That same gut feeling that’s been desperate to grab your attention, to make you listen that something is obviously wrong. 

Maybe it’s telling you that an accident might happen so without giving it a second thought, you decided to text the person who you’ve been friends with for a while just to check up on Atsumu.

You were in a state of shock, completely still as you read the message over and over again. Your grip on your phone tightening its hold as your chest felt heavy. Blinking, you haven’t even noticed the tears as they fell, landing on the sheets below you. Your mind whirling with endless amounts of negative scenarios, a bunch of what ifs making your heart ache more. 

But this isn’t the time to mope around and drown in negative scenarios. You need answers, you need to hear the truth and you know the person that can answer every question that you have. 

Atsumu realized that he came home late once again, letting out a sigh as he shut the front door behind him, trying to be quiet as possible too since he noticed how the lights are turned off indicating that you might have fallen asleep. Biting his lower lip, he was on his way to the kitchen to grab something to eat when he noticed someone sitting on the couch. 

“Y/N? You almost gave me a heart attack.” He let out a chuckle, sauntering over to you but felt himself stiffen. 

There you were, hugging your knees close to your chest. Teary-eyed, you looked up at him, “Where were you, Atsumu?” 

“What? I was at practice like everyday.” 

“Don’t lie to me, please.” The way you begged, desperate to know the truth even if it will hurt, even if it will break you. It would be better to know the truth rather than pretending to be living in a healthy and stable relationship with someone you once knew. 

As he stood there, you couldn’t even recognize him anymore. Nothing changed with his physical appearance but it felt like you were talking to a stranger, to someone you barely even know anymore. Your chest tightening as your eyes welling with tears. “Please.” You sobbed 

Holding out his hand, he tried to wipe your tears away. However, you turned your head to the side, not wanting to feel his touch, knowing you’d crumble more in his grasp. Instead, the hand was left hanging in the air as you avoided his gaze, wiping your own tears. Defeated, he sat beside you, watching you carefully. “Did someone tell you?” His voice small. 

You let out a humorless chuckle, wiping your fingers to your shirt as you faced him. “Someone told me some things. You weren’t staying at the gym to practice more, Atsumu. He told me how you would always be the first one to leave practice, always in a hurry yet you always come home late.” You whispered the last few words, voice cracking before clearing your throat. 

Pathetic, you felt pathetic. As the warning bells continued to ring inside your head, you couldn’t help but cling onto one positive thought that maybe, maybe he’s working on something for days and wouldn’t tell anyone. That maybe he was just busy and didn’t think of telling anyone. 

But why would he lie to you? Why would he pretend to be at practice? 

“I’m sorry.” 

“I was planning on telling you but I guess I’ve been a coward for avoiding it. I met someone, Y/N. She makes me happy. I’m sorry you had to find out like this.” 

That part of you that has been trying to give you hope started diminishing at his response. That small part of you that was believing and trusting him, the one that you held onto so so so tightly disappeared, leaving you falling into the void.  The fact that all of the effort and progress that you’ve been trying to do lately came crashing down onto you, pushing you further into the darkness. 

It triggered you. His words triggered something beneath you. I was planning on telling you. I’m sorry you had to find out like this. 

Is he being serious? You felt as if he wasn’t being sincere for his actions, for what he did to you. It felt like it had no effect on him that you found out. If you didn’t find out today, would he still keep on doing it? But what pierced through your heart, what kept repeating in your head was those words. She makes me happy.

Did you fail? Were you not enough? Did you not make him happy? 

It felt as if your body moved on its own, standing up abruptly and slapped him across his face. For once, you didn’t regret your actions. He deserved it. Looking down at him, you tried so hard to memorize his face. Before he could utter another word, you were out of his sight. 

You clenched your fist, feeling your palm burning as it serves as a reminder that you hit him before running to your room to pack your things.

“It looks like they’re coming back.” 

Turning around, you eyed the stadium with a soft, little smile. The banner with his team on it proudly shown as people gather to view the details of the upcoming match. Your gaze landed on his picture, content as you saw how happy he looked especially with his teammates. 

That night, it was the last time you saw him. It’s been almost a year now and admittedly, it’s been tough to get back on your feet but you’re almost there. Your heart might still long for him, it might still ache since there are days that the pain becomes unbearable but you’re thankful for the people around you that have been patient enough to guide you back to your feet. 

“Who’s that? It looks like you know him.” Your friend asked, pointing at the guy you’ve been staring at.

“Don’t worry about it, he’s just some boy.”