What’s the use?Of going out! Of getting out of bed. Every time I step out of the door the city taxes me. Square feet of sunlight stolen before ever hitting the ground as the the buildings scrape the sky. My lungs hurt and I can’t tell what smoke is doing what damage anymore. Is it what I smoke or the toxicity of the fumes I inhale in traffic daily Just when everything seemed so promising. Let’s…

Lay me down amongst the ashes that have been collecting my entire life as I smoke my youth away. Nothing makes sense anymore Nor do I care to make sense of it. If words are arbitrary then I give yours no meaning. The shallow pool of rain water no clearer than your intentions. Please Continue to tell me how much you dislike me Nothing more comforting then knowing how someone truly feels…

My insides are made of ash, my dear, as I wake up and smoke the day away. Our eyes meeting, locked only for a moment like the striking of a match. You kiss me and inhale, like the first drag of your favorite cigarette. Savory, sweet. But as you put your weight on top of me,I disintegrate as the ashes fall from form. Light as a feather floating down through the bed sheets, through the mattress,…

Meet me in Chicago where the summer nights are warmer than your smile. Find me in a fantasy that you’ve held close for years. the city lights will guide you towards me. The bathtub jets making the bubbly hard to swallow. As the thunder and rain roll through the night, I lay here hollow. Lusting the city, lusting the girl, lusting the long weekend away from our realities. My long night drive,…

I’ve dug my grave a time too many. So many slots and not a clue which one to finally rest in. My arms are sore from shoveling the guilt behind me, my shoulders heavy with embarrassment. I cannot keep my head up long enough to notice that you no longer smile when you look at me. I can barely remember to eat. Can I have a goal that isn’t a final resting place? Not in this economy. Living in peace…

Sometimes I dream that you still bring me tea. You walk in with the gentlest steps and the warmest smile. But when I wake up there’s no mug on my bed side table. Sometimes I can still hear us arguing in the back of my mind as if I was hearing a skit on the TV from down the hall. One day you said that it seemed to be the only time I spent with you. Comfort. Calm. Clarity. Your arms, a…

Mutilation

Everyday I approach an imaginary line that I must cross. It is a fence with a door and on the other side of the door there is every thing I want. The door is heavily guarded. There’s dogs, both stray and trained to attack. I have a pass that lets me through this door. This pass is a small privilege I had to pay for. It allows me to come and go with only little harassment. Others are not so lucky.…

Have some candy for dinner.

Do I walk weird? Are the dark circles under my eyes that bad? Does my presence really damper your day? Pain : neck, lower back, shoulder. Am I breathing correctly? Maybe they won’t know? (It’s pretty obvious) breakfast Can wait and lunch never happened so we’re smoking and going to sleep for dinner. Maybe later I’ll wake up for a cock and a little coffee. The chain of screaming is real. The tire…

Working Class

There is no void in which I can scream into that will response with the love and affection that my healing thinks it requires.

Yelling and screaming only disturbs the neighbors, my roommates.

Questions I may have answers to

You Mean Nothing

I’d rather be alone

Smoked stained: