My Little Corner Of The Internet

Greenwich Day out

So me and my good friend Vikki decided to have a wonderful day out in the Royal Borough of Greenwich, to go all tourist and have a wonder around looking at all the sights. Of course we needed to bring her gorgeous Sausage Dexter who always enjoys an adventure out. Unfortunately the sun was not our friend this time and decided to not show its face at all but this didnt stop us enjoying every minute of being out in the open air. 

The first part of any day out is normally getting yourself on the train and for us this also means a well earned time to catch up on the gossip, now me and Vikki used to work together, now our jobs haven taken us separate ways we dont get to see each other as much. So a nice train journey is perfect time to start that catch up. Plus Dexter seems to enjoy a good journey, he sat on her lap watching the world go by the whole way. 

Train journey was not very long and therefore there was still plenty of time to explore and catch up further. I have been to Greenwich plenty of times considering I grew up in this area but its always nice to take someone who has not and you suddenly become a tourist guide. Im not particular very good at this and forget things and dont really know where to take people. Thankfully Greenwich is well known and it all speaks for itself. First stop was to wonder around the main part of Greenwich and to go past the Cutty Sark, now for those of you that dont know this is a British Clipper ship built in Glasgow in 1869, and was part of the Tea Trade was one of the fastest clippers for this purpose. She was moved to Greewich in 1954 after she was no longer useful as a cadet ship and there she remained as part of the nautical history that is Greenwich. The Cutty Sark is listed by National Historic Ships as part of the National Historic Fleet (the nautical equivalent of a Grade 1 Listed Building). We didnt unfortunately go onto the boat this time around due to having Deter but we enjoyed her beauty from the side. Also deciding to eat out lunch with that in front of us. There was a brilliant food festival going on there Saturday so could pick from a variety of countries cuisine and enjoyed the atmosphere that it was providing. We chose Greek, and couldn't have asked for a better choice, a wonderful vegetarian wrap with tzatziki, greek salad, feta and halloumi cheese.

After wondering around the Cutty Sark we headed off to the queens House, again couldnt go in due to Dexter but you can admire the beauty that is this architecture. Again this is a listed building and a former Royal residence built between 1616 and 1665,  the Queen's House is one of the most important buildings in British architectural history, being the first consciously classical building to have been constructed in the country. Obviously now it hosts art work and other social events, believe you can even hire it out for your wedding if any of you need this information at this point. 

After this we thought Dexter needed a good walk and therefore a walk through Greenwich Park was called for, there is something about this park that when its sunny looks even more beautiful but unfortunately Vikki didnt get to see it this way, instead dark grey clouds. Plus again im not a great guide and probably didnt take her around enough of it really. Did head to the royal observatory of course and enjoyed the fantastic view that is Central london from it.  The Royal Observatory played a major role in the history of astronomy and navigation, and is best known for the fact that the prime meridian passes through it, and thereby gave its name to Greenwich Mean time. I hope to go back in there at some point and enjoy this experience, not been able to do this since i was child on a school trip so certainly something for another day. Enjoyed a nice cool drink in the pavilion Cafe which is situated in Greenwich park, time for Dexter to rest his little legs and of course ours. Plus once again was nice to enjoy the atmosphere and continue our catch up. We always have a lot to chat about when sometimes its a few months between seeing each other. I would recommend this place if your around the park area, its very chilled and the views are wonderful. 

A walk around the Greenwich Market ended our day, and of course i popped into the wonderful fudge shop thats there called The Fudge Patch, they do some wonderfully fresh home made fudge of nearly every flavour you could dream of. The best thing about them is they openly let you try the flavours before you buy. No limit to fussiness they just want you to go home happy with your purchase. Which of course i was, salted caramel all to myself. I certainly cant wait to enjoy that with a nice iced coffee. 

I was really pleased to come across a beautiful rainbow road crossing near the market, considering it was London pride on this day I was proud to say I live in the London borough who all celebrate this in some way.

Internet Dating just saying this word makes me feel overwhelmed with the sense of fake profiles, messaging strangers with the hope they message back, creating a profile that doesn't make me sound as boring as i probably am. This is where I have found myself recently, in this world of profiles and photos to get attention from men. I know what your thinking, im moaning about it so why on earth am i bothering, trust me I have thought that myself on many occasion. I guess in answer to that question, im a single woman of a certain age, that wants to meet someone to settle down with and find I dont go out as often as I used to therefore dont really meet new people. A lot of my friends have partners or children and there are not really many single men that I know within my social group anymore. So thats where I have found myself, looking for hopefully the next relationship online. 

I dont know if many of you reading this know how annoying and time consuming this is so for those that dont, let me fill you on my experience of the reality that is online dating. So you set yourself up a little profile, trawling through all your profile pictures hoping to find the ones that put you in the best light, not too many filtered pictures or the guys you have never met may judge you and think your fake! Then writing a personal statement that is supposed to scream out how wonderful you are and please pick me! Now im not the best at selling myself in my career let alone in my social life so you enrol the help of your girlfriends and hope they can promote, this ends up turning into a wine tasting event! Then you start getting random messages from guys that live miles away and you think to yourself do you really have the expectation that your ever going to meet me?? I wont dwell on the naked photos that sometimes pop into your in box thats a whole different story. Its just the whole effort of messaging backwards and forwards and putting so much effort in but i dont know if its just me but also being careful about what im giving away in case they are dodgy and want to hack my accounts!! So you find yourself avoiding too detailed conversations and then the messaging drifts away and your no further to having a date. 

This is possibly the one thing that most people can relate to in some form or another, no one wants to think about a relationship ending and that they are with “the one” who they will grow old with, but in reality what does “the one” mean. The one for that point in your life, the one that will change things for the better or worse for you or the one that will eventually break our heart. Those are the questions that no one thinks about when starting out in that exciting time of dating someone and the imagery of how happy things are going to be. Im not trying to sound like some negative pessimistic spinster here im just shouting this out to all the people that have been through a relationship ending and coming out the other end stronger and showing the world that nothing will bring them down. 

This is where I have found myself now, I feel like after nearly 2 years of being single I am finally coming through the other side and feeling positive about my life and the situation i am in. This is how long its taken me to actually recover and find myself again after this break up, it shook my world to the core and left me doubting myself and not knowing who i was anymore and who i should be as a single lady. My life was wrapped up in my ex and the life that i perceived was going to happen. Its been a tough journey one i didn't think i would get through and i dont envy anyone reading this that may be going through it right now. There are many ups and down and confusion especially when you dont get closure, now that the hardest thing. You dont see the end coming, you dont know why the end came and your left feeling insecure and distressed but your ex starts to just move on with his life and show his true colours. Now i know what your thinking at this point that im a bitter woman scorned and I can completely understand why you would get to this point from that statement but trust me i didnt do all the slagging off, the talking bad about him to friends, social media bashing him. Oh no i was the opposite it took me so long to except the reality of his betrayal that I never even had chance to shout at him and demand a response. 

Instead after all those years together the dreaming of our wedding and planning our future together, our relationship resorted in him ending this one night with a statement that he couldn't be with me anymore and alluding to the fact he was struggling with the death of his mum and that he didn't want to be a relationship at all and then going on holiday the next day. Yes you read that correctly he ended a long term relationship one night and flew out for a lovely summer holiday the next day....................yes I agree that was planned and very cowardly and would the first warning sign of the reality and kind of guy he really was. He left me packing up my belongings without officially anywhere to go to, thankfully i have amazing parents whom excepted me back without a second thought. I never saw him again and i never got any answers to the reason why he ended it, until i see on the wonderful thing that is social media his new “girlfriend”. So clearly had been seeing her whilst he was preparing to break my heart and rock my world. This was the point where my thoughts surrounding him changed and i realise what an absolute liar he was and that i wasn't going to let him waste another moment of my life, he had wasted enough by this point. He was not worthy of any more tears. Obviously as we all know that is easier said then done and the hurt then turns to anger and we have to process everything again with those filters on. 

Feel like this will be a short blog but needs to be recognised, as I am officially the birthday girl this week....................i do find that as i get older the turmoil of celebrating your birthday becomes more real, do you just except your getting old and enjoy every minute of a day that is just about you???? or do you hide away and pretend its not happening so people have no idea how old you are?? This is where i find myself even more this year, im not quite where i expected my life to be at this age and although i have nearly come to terms with that i still find a conflict. I feel like i have many birthdays the past few years that should of been made special but somehow this didnt happen for numerous reasons so now im thinking sod it i should be treated special on this one day and just let my hair down and enjoy myself. 

Birthdays should be called “its all about me day”, as basically it is!! Although no lady wants to shout about how old she is and the impending old age that we all have to face at some point, i feel like this year i just want to shout about the fact its my birthday and let everyone celebrate me for a change. Plus just enjoy the attention and any excuse to make an effort putting on some make up, nice clothes and drinking prosecco. Also to spend the day with people of my choice and enjoy the quality of their company. So although im still a little unsure about birthdays and what the reality of them means but im going to embrace this time and focus on enjoying every minute of it. In fact this year i have been celebrating it like the queen and over a few days, started last week with a lovely afternoon eating Italian food and drinking prosecco in the sun with my wonderful work colleagues, then at the weekend had brunch at the Ivy with my cousin and then my actual birthday im spending it with my bestie and just going to enjoy the day. 

I felt that I need to write this post and try and be as honest as I could be regarding anxiety and burn out within my job, although im no longer feeling this way i reflected on the fact that nearly year ago i cant exactly say the same thing. I was extremely close to leaving nursing as profession completely I have worked as a nurse for many years now and always enjoyed my job, well to be fair it was more then a job to me it was rewarding, gave me a sense of purpose and i just loved it!! Although this was not how i was feeling at this point in my career. I was experiencing anxiety going to work, the longing always for my day off, so would sit there and count down the days until I didn't have to be at work again and have extremely sleepless nights before my next shift. I can even remember partly hoping to catch some bug/illness just so i didn't have to go to work, i cant believe things felt that bad at work that i wished myself to be unwell just so i could justify not going in. 

For some time I couldn't work out what it was that was making me feel this way, i genuinely believed at one point that i had fallen out of love with nursing and sat thinking about my transferable skills and what other career i could see myself in but to be fair it was always healthcare that i came back to. Felt like i was stuck in a rut and didn't know how to get myself out of this, also didnt want to go through much longer just existing and going to work because i had to. The realisation came to me when i was working with a very unwell patient and how this made me feel when i got home, and how pleased i was with the impact i had on their life and the sense of joy and self worth i had again at that moment. This was when i realised it wasn't the nursing itself i had fallen out of love with, it was the team i was working in. Felt that i had out grown the environment and the team members i was working with. That the atmosphere there was toxic and it was rubbing off on me and how i felt about myself. There was so much negative atmosphere, both towards myself because i was choosing to progress in my career and take a development team leader role and also to each other. This atmosphere made me doubt everything, doubt that i was a good nurse, doubt that i was a good team leader and most importantly doubt the nursing profession that i had chosen. 

Once i had a realisation of what was affecting me, i spoke to many people outside of my team, some clinicians in the team  i am now working for and also friends whom are either in nursing themselves or just such good friends that they were willing to help me work through these difficulties. After talking at great length and reflecting on these emotions and thought processes, i realised i was close to burning out and most of it was caused by this team and some of my colleagues working in it. I just couldn't face it anymore and i needed to leave. Obviously you then start looking outside your trust because you think you need to get so far away from these particular people or they are going to drag you down again. You panic about working anywhere near them due to the impact they have on you, but then once again you start reflecting and i was thinking im no longer at school I dont respond to bullies and negative people like i did as  teenager, therefore i will take a job where i want to work and doing something i really want to do. 

Thankfully thats what i am doing now, i am working in such a positive atmosphere with the most joyful team. They encourage each and every one of you to excel and bring out the best nurse within you. Its such a supportive environment and working with them has made me love nursing again and love going to work. I know they always have my back and we all pull together when needed and will help each other out.  

So this week we have been celebrating the wonderful profession that is nursing, every year we get this time where we are highlighted and given the time to express how much we love our job and also how much respect we have for each other. Today the 12th May is officially National Nurses Day and what a day to celebrate as its the anniversary of Florence nightingale birth. 

Nursing is one of those professions where I feel we are proud to say we offer skills, expertise, technical expertise, technical excellence with the emotional expertise. Nurses in general add value on a profound moment in peoples lives, there are not many people that you encounter that dont have a story to tell about the impact a nurse has had on their life and the support they have either given to them or their family member. To be able to support someone in their most difficult and vulnerable time and hopefully make even the smallest difference to their lives at this point. 

Each nurse i speak with all seem to have the same out look that we fight for a better and safer care for patients which is at the heart of what we do, we share commitment to supporting the health and well being of everyone using health and social care services across the UK. We are regulated by the Nursing and Midwifery council (NMC) who we believe are in the process of developing a five -year strategy over the next 12 months, launching April 2020. 

I get the pleasure to say that I am a nurse and have chosen to specialise in mental health, i love being a nurse although at times its a challenge in its self with the lack of money, long hours that on most days dont finish when they should and of course the night shifts is certainly a tough one. Although having said all those negatives there are many more positives that out way this and they are the reason i chose and stay in the profession. Despite the stigma surrounding mental illness approximately 1 in 4 adults experience mental illness in any given year and 1 in 10 children. There are 5 most common mental health disorders which include depression, anxiety, eating disorders, substance abuse, ADD and ADHD. There needs to be more awareness of mental illness and the affect it can have on people, more awareness of topics such as stress, relationships, loneliness, altruism, sleep, anxiety, alcohol and friendship which especially in younger adults have a great impact on how they perceive themselves with the added pressure of social media. Hopefully one day the stigma behind this illness will be resolved and mental health can be treated in line with physical health and give the same response. 

I have the most challenging and rewarding job, i get to work alongside my physical health colleagues in an A&E department and also on the medical wards, assessing and supporting patients with perceived mental illness through this pathway or assessing them in A&E in their crisis points and make the decision to refer to varying service lines, suggest hospital admission, which can be either informally or under the mental health act or even suggest intensive support at home. I am honoured to be doing this role and the impact i can have on peoples lives doing a job i love. Also working along side other clinical specialities and seeing our expertise work alongside each other in order to give the patient the best support and meet their needs in a therapeutic and beneficial way. 

Do you ever find that time has flown past so quick as they say in a blink of an eye and before you uknow it it’s over a month gone by since last reflected on your life. Well that’s me right now, I remember looking at my calendar in March and thinking wow I have a crazy social life coming up the next couple of months. Looking forward to all the events and enjoying some time where I could get dressed up with make up on and now here we are and all those particular events have passed.

So First off the last weekend in march one of my good friends had their Hen do in Brighton, we all stayed in an apartment and I was so worried about not knowing anyone apart from the bride but in fact had a brilliant time, majority of them all worked in health care as well so of course that meant we had a bond already. The weather was extremely kind to us with spring weather occurring and meaning walking through Brighton near the beach with only a light jacket on. Plenty of prosecco………………….in fact probably verging on copious amounts of prosecco…………………its a Hen party right!? Would be rude to not indulge on such a special weekend. The events we organised went down well with the bride and plenty of fun and laughter was had by all. I would certainly recommend “The Copper Rooms” where we partook in cocktail making, good laugh, plenty of cocktails to make and Bar tender was pretty good as well (wink wink). Nice we had our own private room to which made it feel all my intimate. Feel Like also have to mention “The painting Pottery Café” as well, I know what you’re thinking, pottery painting on a Hen weekend, wow these are not particular crazy girls lol. Well you would be true on that account but it was right up the bride’s street and actally quite fun especially as they allow you to bring your own prosecco to the occasion!!. Now Im not particular into art and crafts so initially went along with this for my friend…………….as it was all about her this weekend………………but in fact I have to admit I rather enjoyed it in the end. The staff looking after us were great fun and they helped me to find my inner craft and allowed me to take part with no judgment of how rubbish I was at drawing/painting and crafts lol. Think to be fair I have to take back my judgement of this kind of activity and say it was rather therapeutic really and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

As you can imagine though any crazy weekend with lots of drinking and not enough sleep always takes its toll, im not exactly 21 anymore!! So was feeling rather shattered? Being a nurse and having a busy social month does not always mix and I had 2 weeks before my friends actual wedding and what felt like a month worth of 12 hour shifts within those two weeks. Oh plus a first birthday party on my only day off in those two weeks. As you can imagine I was starting to look how I felt and that’s not a good look for someone in their 30’s but somehow when you want to live a life and not just work you pull yourself through. Although didn’t make it through completely without fault, I picked up my first bloody cold, managed the whole winter without one and there I was in spring with a right stinker!! Anyway enough of my moaning, I made it through dosed up and on the high of seeing my friend get married to the man of her dreams and who were practically child hood sweet hearts.

Her wedding was intimate, beautiful and showed completely how in love they were, everything about it screamed them both and what I was so in ore about was how many delicate little touches my friend  had made and completed by her own fair hand. I always knew she was talented but this wedding showed exactly how talented. It was good to be surrounded by the ladies from the Hen weekend and enjoy the music, the prosecco (yes more prosecco) and celebrate the love clearly in front of us.

I can’t believe after all that I have spoken about there is still one more social event for this month, now for those who don’t know me I have to clear this up, normally I am the type of person who is messaging around trying to get people to meet up so I have things planned and things to do rather than just going to work and watching Netflix on my days off. I don’t normally have such a social calendar but April seems to have been such an exception to this rule for me. So the last event was booked over a year ago and I was so excited. Me and 3 friends went to see “All about Eve” at the Noel Coward Theatre. Now this is staring Gilling Anderson and Lily James, now I have followed Gillian Anderson since I was young as I was a massive X-Files fan so you can imagine how excited I was to see her live in a play. It didn’t let me down, the play was brilliant, the acting was great from them all and I enjoyed every minute of it. The seats were not exactly prime seating, was right at the back and hardly any leg room, considering im very short legged this shows how little room there was because its not normally something I get to moan about. But the play was that good it didn’t really affect me to a great extent. I would recommend this play if it ever comes back again, as I know it sold out last year and is only on for a limited time frame this year.

I don’t really have many more social events in April but just to show to you all how crazy my diary was looking I also had to attend Jury Service for 2 weeks. Ive never done this before so you can imagine the underlying anxiety that was there throughout although I certainly hyped it up into something more concerning then it actually was. In fact thanks to jury service I hope I have come out with a better understanding of our legal system and how it works and also two new friends. Spent most of the two weeks talking to two other people whom I found a real connection with and enjoyed their company so much so we have already met for brunch since we finished and with another date in the calendars. I always think as you get older making new friends is hard and its difficult to meet different people so im so glad that something such as jury service has enabled me to do this. They are great people and I really enjoy their company and cant wait to meet up with them again.

So that’s my crazy april month, I cant say that each month is going to be the same, and will no doubt morph me back into the boring anti-social person I can be, although can I point out this is not always through choice I just don’t have many single friends or ones without children so its more of a challenge to meet up and do things. I need to get better at organising in advance and arranging nights out myself otherwise life will be dull again.

So I managed to get myself up and complete a 5K park Run this morning, I found Park Run about this time last year but then I only completed one and for months I never went back. Then as I said in my first post found myself single and therefore found exercise and have really been trying to focus on running. I started going back to Park run end of September but due to shift pattern I cant always go, have so far completed 15 park runs and a PB so far in just over 36 minutes but I have no idea how I did that as I average about 37-38 minutes on most times. The reason I keep coming back is the atmosphere, I may feel all unmotivated in the morning but once i have completed I start to feel so good. 

Well perhaps I am so behind the times who knows but here I am starting my first ever blog, I have no idea what im doing with the website at the moment,or even if I really know what I should be writing about but feel that I have so much going around my head at times that why shouldn't I share some of it and try and create a time line of my life, for both myself and other people. Who knows if anyone is even interested lol. 

So my life is not that exciting although its been a bit of a nightmare over the past year, found myself starting from scratch in my personal life, you know what its like broken heart blah blah blah, moving back home with the parents so I could save for a mortgage deposit and trying to find myself again. The good thing that has come out of this is i really know who is there for me in terms of friends and family and those that have, are the most amazing people ever!!! 

Have found very different goals in my life, found exercise and specifically running where I can really burn off my anxiety and hopefully the calories, the bonus of finding exercise is im 2 dress sizes smaller then when I was with my ex and as every girl knows this always helps your self esteem after a break up to stick your fingers up at your ex. The other good things that has happened is all my focus went into work, my career took a really positive turn and i started showing people how good I was at my job and people started to notice. Just for you all that dont know Im a very proud Nurse who specialises in mental health and im currently working as a specialist nurse within an A&E department and loving every minute of it. 

Im sitting here writing all this stuff thinking what the hell!!! why on earth am I putting there all here, some poor person is going to be thinking god help me now when reading this but here I am still tapping away. I have to kind of think sod it I dont care, its cathartic for me to get stuff out there, although writing in a private diary may be better lol instead of thinking im Carrie from sex in the city writing her life in a column which people are going to love.