now get this work

Sometimes, when I’m putting tight pants on, I sing Wiggle by Jason DeRulo.

I don't get it...

I know I’m funny, grandma.

Sorry to inform you that you're actually not, nor is you calling me grandma fazing me.

You’re absolutely right—actually, is that a gray hair?

How precious, you think you’re funny.

You sound like a mom.

Well, I am a fan of the law. But I don't look like a mom, and that's all that really matters.

Mustache band-aids will do just fine, thank you. We’ll see what happens, how about that? I’m curious because it’s impossible to fathom you doing anything other than studying or working.

You're welcome. Fine, I guess, just watch your back. Alright, let me put your pretty little mind to ease. I exercise: yoga, swimming, running. Sometimes I accompany Lily to bars, or Mollie to parties. You should know how it goes by now.

And admiration it shall be. 

Good choice, blondie.

Yes, please. Preferably one with ninja turtles on it. I can settle for a drunk-off-my-ass Ella. Screw singing, let’s get you a drink. What other things? Do elaborate. 

Too bad, I'm all out of those. Though, I do have mustache band-aids. Just don't try to get me sing whilst drunk, because I'll make you regret no matter what level of sobriety I'm at. Why are you so curious to know about the other things that take up my time?

I’m not sure if I should admire how tough you are or be irritated by your stubbornness.

You should lean towards admiration.

Ella, why didn’t you leave after the 20th time?

Because I live in that apartment complex too, why should I have to be the one to leave?

Ouch. That one hurt a bit. Whether you like it or not, I will get you to sing. They take up most of your time, though. Don’t even argue because you know I’m right.

Aw, do you need a band-aid? You won't get me to sing, it just won't happen. I'm more likely to go out and get drunk off my ass than I am to sing. They do, I won't deny it, but still some of my time is reserved for other things.

I’m determined to get some lyrics out of you. Even if it kills me. Maybe if you spent some more time going out and less time studying your law books, you’d be more filled in.

Even if it kills you? Then perhaps you should hold your breath. I don't need to be more filled in, and it's not like I never go out. It's summer and my classes and work don't take up all of my time.

You caught me. Song lyrics are my life, so yes. I’m determined to get you to sing along one day. Also, Kesha took the dollar sign out of her name. Just saying.

It won't happen, I don't sing-- unless it's my sister's birthday or something like that when I'm forced to. Oh, excuuuuuse me. Sorry I'm not up to date on pop culture.

There’s that sense of humor of yours, again. 

You love it.

You can be my pimp, yes. Don’t expect me to split the profits with you 50/50. I guess it’s settled then. Looks like I’m volunteering as a firefighter. I’ll do whatever it takes for the fans.

I'm not expecting 50/50, I'm expecting 60/40.

You should be my business partner. That idea is golden and I shall put it use effective immediately. Of course…I could always just buy a fire fighter’s uniform.

Would that make me partially your pimp? If this were Las Vegas and it were legal, I'd get behind that. But people would totally pay extra to have sex with a real life hero, not a fake one.

A volunteer fireman, huh? Never thought about that. My escort clients would be terribly sad.

But then you could always show up to your other appointments in uniform and give them a show. That's a dedicated male escort.