look into his angel eyes

he missed her, even after all this time and the countless women he’d bedded since she left, his heart ached for this blonde girl who had him wrapped around her little finger- even now. with fewer inhibitions, kaydon was able to sort of insinuate the way he felt about her, just wanting her close, smelling the sweet smell of the shampoo she used when her blonde hair tickled his nose. it was hard, going to the same school as her and wanting to be near her, but needing to remain distant. he needed the space, because otherwise it would all come out. his feelings, the out of control way he’d been feeling lately, and that wasn’t her problem anymore, not since she’d left. “used to be,” his shoulders slumped, his inebriated brain processing the fact that they were broken up, and his arms loosened from around her waist for a moment. her laugh made him smile faintly, his gaze softening at the lighthearted sound- god, when was the last time he laughed? it felt like forever, since he’d showed any emotion. it kept him from getting hurt, true, but it was also goddamn lonely to act as if you hated everything and everyone. “but i want to, i miss kissing you,” kaydon whined, burying his face in the crook of her neck as his arms wound around her waist loosely, all her cautions that he’d regret it going in one drunk ear and right out the other. all he knew was that he was feeling everything he’d pushed down for so long, and he wasn’t sure how to process anything he was feeling. her fingers running through his hair felt good and the boy hummed softly, nipping at her neck as he pressed lazy kisses on it, gently pressing her against the lockers in the empty hallway. “but i want you,” he murmured in a hoarse voice, his mouth reaching her ear and pressing a gentle kiss beneath it.

As if she’d uttered the magic words, his arms fell from her waist to his sides, the boy taking a step backwards and nodding slowly, lips pursed as if for once in his life, he was thinking carefully about what to say. Part of him wanted to reiterate how stupid she was being over this mystery guy, but he’d already looked stupid enough for one night. So instead of saying anything, he just stepped backwards, over and over, until he was in the hallway instead of her room, shaking his head. “Whatever, Catalina. Goodnight,” With a mutter and a wave over his shoulder, he walked away, feeling worse than when he’d gotten there.

“Do you want this?” Kaydon asked, tugging her forward into his chest, his arms winding around her waist. He needed to hear her say it, he didn’t want there to be any gray areas. He wanted her to want him, this, at least for one more night. If she was so set on changing who she was, he wouldn’t say another word about it, but he knew her, and he knew that she wanted this, she craved it. But he wanted to hear her say it, to admit what she wanted, not just what she thought she had to be like around other people. He wasn’t sure what kind of guy would want to change her, but regardless, he wanted to be the one on her mind tonight.

He didn’t understand why she was so worried about changing herself, when the girl he’d known since he got here was awesome. Sure, she was bitchy, and her voice was shrill, but she wasn’t annoying. Her confidence was something most girls envied and strived for, and for Cat, it seemed to come naturally. Surely, if whatever guy she was after liked her, they’d like her for all the reasons she was awesome, not some fake version she presented to them so they’d like her more. “Tell me to leave, Cat, and I won’t show up at your door anymore,” He murmured, gazing down at her expectantly, her hand still in his as long fingers laced with hers. 

he sighed, feeling her hand slip in his, the familiarity of it warm instead of the cold ache that he normally felt seeing her around campus. alcohol loosened the boy up, allowing him to share a little more of what he was feeling with people, especially kinsey, who had seen very little emotion from him since he arrived. “i do, or i did. do i?” he paused, his face scrunching which made the boy resemble a puppy. his tall frame nearly swallowed her smaller one, but she was doing a pretty fair job supporting them as they began to walk. “no one calls me baby anymore,” kaydon sighed, leaning over to rest his cheek on her head. “i mean, girls do, but i hate it,” only kinsey was allowed to call him that, it just didn’t fit coming from anyone else. “more drunk than buzzed, but not drunk enough that i’m gonna throw up. i’ve been vomit free since ‘03, you know that,” he bragged, not really getting that he should speak quietly since they were in a hallway where teachers could be. his face brightened when she said he could make out with her, his arm wrapping around her waist as he spun her around with a grin, a rare smile that no one at redwood had seen since he got there. “like now? cause i’m in a great mood but that’d make it better,” he declared with a smirk, his fingers curling around her hips.

“And you’re a bitch to me, that’s how we are, don’t try acting like I’m a dick to you for no reason,” He shot back immediately, rolling his eyes at the way she arched her perfectly groomed eyebrows at him. “Self righteous? Jesus, Cat, I’m trying to tell you that you don’t need to start changing yourself for some guy. I’m standing here telling you what a badass you are, and how ridiculous it is for you to feel like you have to change that, so tell me how you’re pissed at me for that?” Kaydon’s temper flared, but his eyes glanced down at the way she was holding his hand, and maybe she’d had just as shitty a day as he had. “Tell me to leave, and I’ll leave,” He sighed, his thumb tracing over the back of her hand, almost soothingly.

She was defensive, going after his intentions instead of bothering to reply to anything he said, which was fair. There was no reason for her to trust him, but he also didn’t have to be standing there saying shit like that. “You can think whatever you want of me, and you probably wouldn’t even believe me if I told you that wasn’t true, so I’m not going to bother wasting my breath. But I meant what I said, every word of it,” Kaydon retorted, his palm cradling her face. “You and I know both know that you want this,” His voice softened slightly, the way hers had, as they stood there, locked in a war of wills.

“Cat, there’s nothing wrong with the way you are now,” It was as honest and as kind as he’d been with her since they met, but it was true. He didn’t understand why some guy was making her this insecure about herself, but it was bullshit. The girl was a force to be reckoned with, that had been clear from the first day of school, so why was she shrinking into herself like this? Even if he didn’t want to sleep with her, he’d still be a little concerned. “So, you’re free tonight,” His voice dropped lower, calloused fingers tracing her jaw and tilting her chin up, warm brown eyes searching hers.

Raising an eyebrow, Kaydon shook his head and blew out an aggravated breath, his mood dropping significantly from the rock bottom spot it had been at previously. “You’re not a nun, Cat, you can have sex and still be a good person,” He muttered, pursing his lips when she mentioned another guy. It was nothing to be jealous over, since they weren’t involved, but it still left him feeling a little disgruntled. “Are you guys official?” Kaydon asked with a head cocked to the side, looking down at the petite girl standing mere inches from him.

He nearly moved forward into her room when she confirmed that she didn’t have any plans, but then she followed that by saying she wasn’t going to sleep with him and his brow furrowed. Clearly something had changed, since she’d been fine with hooking up since he’d gotten to school; it wasn’t like he was gonna push her, but his shoulder sort of fell and he raked irritable fingers through his hair, exhaling shakily. “Can I ask why?” He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer, but his curiosity got the better of him as he stayed put, not moving to enter her room. If she wasn’t going to hook up with him, there was really no point in being there, it wasn’t like they were friends.

“tell me you don’t have plans tonight,” kaydon leaned against cat’s doorframe, lacking his usual smirk, his eyes tired. he was hungover, and the bits and pieces of spending time with his ex were coming back to him, so he’d sought out his favorite distraction, finding her in her dorm as expected. kaydon was on a roll today; first, being intoxicated earlier, and now showing up at a girl’s dorm after hours, but he couldn’t be bothered to care. not with the phone call he’d received an hour before, from his mother, telling him that his father had died. when it rained, it poured for kaydon, and instead of dealing with his feelings in a healthy way, he was doing what he did best; drinking until he was numb and sleeping around to keep from thinking about it. @ccarvahlo

in classic kaydon style, he was drunk, in the middle of the afternoon, on a monday. class was miserable, people were especially annoying, and he had even less patience than usual, which wasn’t saying much. his water bottle had vodka in it, tucked in his bookbag as he walked through campus, noticeably more relaxed but just a bit too cheerful to appear normal. “i know you, i used to make out with you,” kaydon announced with a grin as he slung an arm over kinsey’s shoulder, sighing when he smelled the familiar perfume and the shampoo she used. “s’too damn hot in california,” he huffed, wrinkling his nose as he strolled along, kinsey tucked into his side. @kinseyhardman

“So what, I don’t get to know my future? Seems like a rip off,” He teased, although he was far more interested in sneaking behind the booth to make out. When she took his hand and mentioned going to take a break, he chuckled under his breath and followed her, before wrapping an arm around her waist and crushing his lips to hers. “I should charge you for this, since you haven’t been by the kissing booth,” Kaydon mumbled against her lips, lips trailing down her jaw.