Traces of Clouds

As of today I'm starting to write down the dreams I have about Chester. It's the only connection I'll ever have and I don't want to forget them.

The most recent one.

I was his daughter or step daughter. I looked like Speedy from Arrow (Willa Holland). Chester had already passed. I received all his old clothes and took them to his flat or a place he left for me, I don't know. I was wearing one of his old hoodies and it was the most comfortable piece if clothing I had ever worn.

I think it's a symbol of what he gave me, what his voice gave me. Protection. A home. Safety. Only through his voice. And his eyes, I can see someone truly when Iook in their eyes. And Chester was honest, he didn't hide. (Until he did, sunglasses etc) He put it all in his voice. He put it in words. He put it in his face on stage. Until today since July 20th I haven't watched a live show, though I wanted to. It hurts. And I still haven't drawn him. Not even tried.

I was hanging out with Chester. He was young, Grey Daze time, and I was actually with him and the band after band practice. This dream was probably triggered by the pic postet recently on the Grey Daze instagram (@therealgreydaze).

It felt like we were students brought together by circumstances and we were becoming friends. I’m not even sure what my role was or how we were connected or what justified me being there (story of my life, lol). I was sitting on a couch with Chester in a big room, more like a little hall, where Grey Daze usually rehearsed in my dream. We were looking at his notes or lyrics together (Sean Dowdell actually uploaded some lyrics handwritten by Chester on instagram, which is super awesome), talking about the songs (at least according to the dream memory, I have no idea what he or I were saying). The rest of the band was nearby, probably packing up gear. Then the other Linkin Park members entered the hall, apparently it was their turn to rehearse. I saw a young Rob, with really short hair, who was approaching us to tell us that we have to clear the place because of the schedule. If it had been a movie it would be the scene where Chester meets the guys from future Linkin Park for the first time.  I was sitting there, observing the situation, thinking about the meaning. I remembered that Chester is gone in the present and I realized that I must be in the past, through time travel or something. I went to the lobby of this band practice place or small concert hall and was kind of teleported back to 2018, knowing that I’d return back to the past when going back to the band. Weird. In the lobby I saw an advertisement for a memorial show for Chester, a picture of him, in violet colours (not Hollywood Bowl show). I thought about warning him or the others, but I didn’t do it. Does that mean I made peace with his passing? I didn’t feel like it was necessary, or right. I’m not Barry Allen to go around and fuck with the timeline.