The Other Woman
The following story was originally told as part of Mis Spoken, a night of lady-centric live lit. https://miss-spoken.com/
It’s incredibly easy to have an affair. Just mix one part severe unwitting unhappiness, one part NOT being sexually attracted to your partner, one part opportunity, and whabam! AFFAIR! I personally drank this bitter cocktail at the age of 27 after 4 years of a literal sexless marriage. Seriously we did not have sex at all, not one time, due to the fact that I had a condition called vaginismus which is the female equivalent of E-D, and its treatment is not covered by most health insurance. Cool.
So uh yeah, I’ve had an affair. I’ve been the other women. And while my affair only included making out, since I couldn’t have any sex at all, it will hopefully go down in my personal history as the ONLY shitty thing I’ve ever been 50% responsible for.
And like, maybe you’re thinking to yourself, “how is one even presented with the opportunity to HAVE an affair?” Well, let me paint the picture for you.
I was pulling an all-nighter, road trip style, from Toronto to Chicago with an also married co-worker. He was older, sad, 100% coming onto me, and I was 93% into it. 7% of me literally said to him as he leaned into kiss me, “Nope! I don’t want your wife, WHO WE ALSO BOTH WORK WITH, to be mad at me.” I then said “fuck it” and made out with him anyway, mostly because I forgot what it felt like to make out in like a sexy way. And a little bit because I was into him.
I told him our make out sesh was a “one night only” type of deal that could never happen again. But OF COURSE it happened again, and again, and again, and again. Each time it happened, I promised both him and myself that it would be the last time. But our meetings were electric, forbidden, shrouded in sensual excitement, and concealed in the dark corners, abandoned theatres and greenrooms of our shared toxic work environment.
I confided in a few friends about the affair who were quick to tell me to knock it off and figure out what it was I wanted from my marriage. What I didn’t relay to them was how addicted I’d become to the rush of a dangerously requited lust.
For 3 months of my life, I lied to everyone I knew, which for a serial over-sharer & truth teller, is quite a feat of selfishness. My body revolted by blessing me with stress-related thinness & a back rash that “would not quit”! I had truly never looked hotter.
Nearing the 3 month affair-a-versary I expressed my trepidation with continuing our situation as I was very aware that when all of the shit hit the fan, it would be squarely blamed on me. Mr. affair dude assured me that he would be the one to stand up and take the blame for anything that happened. He also let me know that he had asked his wife for a divorce.
During one of the last sleepless nights of my former marriage, I was SUPER over living with the guilt of the shit I was pulling on my 100% nice guy ex-husband. I woke him up and told him everything. To date, it’s the 3rd hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
He was understandably upset and wanted to know if I was going to leave him. When I asked him if he was going to tell my affair partner’s wife everything he said, “If you stay, I won’t. If you go, I will,” essentially trapping me, which was definitely the spark our marriage needed to survive.
The following work day, mr. affair dude’s wife boxed me into a darkened corner and said, “I think you know what is going on with my husband and I. There are things I know, and things I don’t know. I want to give you the chance to clear the air. So, clear the air.” I spilled everything, then left work for good.
Released from the obligation of my husband’s ultimatum, I realized that I could leave him and free us both from a promise we made each other at far too young an age.
After leaving my husband, I toyed with the idea of “giving it a go” with mr. affair dude. But ultimately realized I didn’t participate in the affair because I wanted him, I did it because I wanted OUT of both my marriage and toxic workplace. I broke it off with mr. affair dude, and was Monica Lewinskied out of certain Chicago comedy circles. He was not. He still has the same job to this day, and has retained most of our mutual friends.
In the 3 month out-of-character bender that was my affair I certainly was the other woman, but the experience itself transformed me into a new woman. A better woman. A sexually awakened woman (yes, I have sex now with my new and SECOND husband) who fears very little and knows how to sniff out someone’s bullshit. I like this woman, and while I wish that maybe she could have been discovered without hurting anyone, I’m glad I’ve discovered her.
It’s incredibly easy to have an affair. The hard part is transcending it.
