Champagne & Tacos & Sippy Cups

What’s worse:

The exhaustion

Or

Ella fell asleep before 7:30 tonight. I watched an episode of the Magicians with Avery sleeping on my chest as I lay on the couch.

This two kids thing is hard. To be fair to us, I think 2 months in was when shit hit the fan with Eleanor, too. It’s been long enough that we know some more and we expect that knowledge to make life easier. But, we’re all still adjusting. Stuff still feels hard.

Wins recently:

- put both kids to bed by myself a week ago

- Avery slept in her bassinet for 6 hours (minus one nursing session) last night.

Darn, I was hoping to think of more. . .

It doesn’t help that El has been sick and I had a stomach bug or bad reaction to something I ate Sunday evening. Being sick with one kid was hard. Being sick with two feels impossible.

So, first, I was wrong about the school being hardcore anti-diapers. They strongly encourage and offer opportunities for underwear but let the kiddos lead the way.

Second, El had her first day today and she had a great day! She said “I had a good day” when I picked her up and “I liked going to my new school today,” later.

I’ve been super relaxed about moving Eleanor away from diapers and into underwear. I figured it would happen eventually.

Then, we decided to send her to a Montessori school starting next week. They don’t require kids to be potty trained but they don’t do diapers for 18 months+. They do training underwear.

So, I bought some with Elmo and Mickey. Figured they’d be a hit and it would be no big deal.

Holy shit was I wrong. I wanted to try it out before school so we got out some underwear yesterday. 20 minutes of crying later I get her to agree to sit with no pants (but also no underwear) while I read her some books. Today another 10 minutes of crying. Got her to put the underwear on, but definitely felt like I was torturing her. Dad to the rescue, he was able to cheer her up and get her to wear them for TWO minutes. 🤦🏼‍♀️

Welcome, Avery! Avery joined our family on Thanksgiving. After she was born I just kept saying, “I can’t believe you’re here.” And I still feel that way.

She’s six days old and we are slowly adjusting more each day to life as a family of four. Expanding and stretching to fit this new life here.

Some of the struggles of a newborn are the same: late night feedings, mysterious crying.

Some of these struggles are new: creating space for our Ella to feel stressed and happy in big measures of both.

My due date is Sunday. My last day of work is tomorrow. The end of this pregnancy is near. But, based on how late Ella came, I’m trying to not put too many expectations out into the universe or into my body.

I am very happy to be done with work. I feel so big. So out of breath walking around campus. I’m ready to take it slower.

But, we must also be kind and patient with ourselves when we get frustrated with them. This morning I closed the bathroom door (which, when open, has a direct line of sight to Ella’s spot at the table) to dry my hair because I know it’s too loud for her. I left her with some breakfast to finish including a smoothie.

I opened the door and we had this exchange.

Ella: I dumped my smoothie.

Me (dumbfounded): on purpose?!

E: yes

Me: why?!??

E: I don’t know.

Ella and Pat went to a free kids show this morning and then they’re off to meet his mom for lunch.

Only reason I’m not with them is because I have a chiropractor and then acupuncture appointments back to back soon.

I’m 38 weeks tomorrow and though my due date is still a couple of weeks away, I would not mind if this baby decided to come now. I’m ready, but, more I’m just ready to get on with the next phase of life.

Now I’m 36 weeks pregnant, super tired and emotional with a clingy toddler.

Today I basically kicked husband and toddler out of the house and cleaned like a crazy person. Laundry, vacuuming, sweeping, and taking everything out of the fridge and washing all the shelves, drawers, and containers.

Our 4 hour car ride which I was already sick f halfway through actually ended up taking 5 hours because of all the summer weekend traffic heading south.

So we got home at 6 pm when 5 pm already felt late. And Pat is not home so I had to get home, unpack necessities, and figure out dinner. And we had basically been in the car all afternoon so I felt bad shuttling E from Dinner to bed without some run around time.

And I’m exhausted. And I didn’t really eat dinner because my stomach feels full. And I don’t want to go to bed. And Pat isn’t home yet so I’m still number one in charge.

A friend of mine with a 2 year old and a 4 month old told me recently that she forgot how hard it was to constantly guess what a baby needs when they are upset.

Tonight my two year old cried and screamed over the course of a 90 minute bedtime. She was looking so wiped out and tired. She was upset because she wanted to be “a little tucked” in and the blankets just weren’t right. She didn’t want to be held. She wanted songs. No, stories. No, to be left alone to look at books.

I knew that most likely she was simply tired. But maybe she was missing me? I did only get a short time with her between work and yoga. Maybe I didn’t say goodbye enough before rushing out of the house before leaving for yoga? Maybe she’s feeling sick and can’t find a way to describe it? Maybe her pre-sibling anxiety is starting to show itself?

I realized while I now maybe know that she wants to watch Sing for the 1,000 time or she would prefer a banana over goldfish for snack, I’ll most likely always be guessing at something as I struggle to communicate with my daughter.