Okay so I'm working on a fic that takes place after He's All Wet that's just Robert and Alice trying to get Chad and Herm to realise they love each other and after I saw this post I wrote this:
It was fire season, which meant it was the perfect time to force proximity on two of Robert's favourite idiots.
But something was wrong. After a week of putting Chad with Herm for anything fire or flood related, Chad's stats seemed to be shifting on their own, adjusting to his output with different heroes, and the computer wouldn't let Robert assign them together.
"Problem?" Galen asked, appearing at his elbow.
"Fuck, dude, you're worse than Visi sometimes!"
"I think there's a glitch. I want to assign Waterboy to this fire prevention call, and they need a bunch of sand bags and shit moved, so I'm trying to assign Flambae, but when I put them together his agility and intelligence stats go down. I've never seen that before."
Galen leaned over and fiddled with the computer. "Ah, yeah, that happens. It's a correlation algorithm. The computer predicts the person's output in relation to their behaviour on other jobs. Just put Golem on."
Rob attached Golem to the call and the likelihood of success rocketed to 95%.
"Yeah, but...I'm kind of trying to get Flambae and Waterboy to synergise." Not a complete lie.
"I don't know, man. Fire and water...not exactly known for synergy."
"Yeah maybe. Okay thanks."
He assigned the call. Waterboy, Golem and...well, it wasn't that busy, he reasoned. He watched the timer count down on the dispatch screen. At the last second he added Flambae.
*This combination is an excessive use of staff. Proceed?*
Rob grumbled and pressed the proceed button.
The heroes started to mobilise, then he saw Flambae's tracker stop before his voice crackled through the comm.
"Bob-Bob. You can't be serious."
"Fire prevention? And you're sending me? The fire?"
"This is worse than when you sent Mal to that Catholic school bro."
"Last time I checked you were in total control of your powers, isn't that right?" Robert said it with a heavy layer of sarcasm, aware that Chad had actually been losing control of his powers more...especially around Herm.
"Hey, you know what, you're right. I'm stupid. There's actually another job more suited to you."
He redirected Flambae and added him to a call that had just come in, helping to clear refuse out of the river to prevent flooding.
Chad laughed on the other end of the comm. "Did everyone hear that? Please tell me you all heard that. I was right!? You are stupid!? Oh man, please, please give me the transcript from this call for my birthday. Oh it's too good."
"Very funny, Bae. Go get your solo call points and leave me alone."
Rob leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. He would need to come up with another plan.
