I resent the youth people. I envy them, because I was robbed of mine. I spent my youth years being socially awkward, and alone. I did have times of hanging out with groups of people, sure. Especially in my late teen years. But a lot of those times were spent making horrible decisions that I deeply regret all the time. I’m filled with regret. I wish I would have tried harder in school and gotten a degree. I wish I would’ve met that life long friend who was loyal and true and there through thick and thin. I wish I would’ve taken more risks–healthy ones–and done more adventurous things. I wish I would’ve taken better care of myself and my body. I wish I would’ve pursued my hopes and dreams.Â
Now I’m here, almost 28 years old feeling like I’ve barely lived and I hate it. Horrible resume of entry level jobs that I’ve rarely stayed long, and currently unemployed. Young years wasted on borderline alcoholism and bad decisions. Not getting any younger and feeling an intense fear of missing out. I don’t wanna wake up one day being 80 years old and filled with more regret because I never did anything with my life, and I have no good stories to tell. I don’t want to live this life unfulfilled because it’s the only one I got. Life doesn’t come with a manual, and the cards I was dealt were not ideal. A narcissistic father who I’m 100% confident he will die before he gets his shit together, and a mother who has a good head on her shoulders financially and professionally, but gets lost in relationships at times. I do have resentment towards my parents, but I do realize they tried the best they could with the cards they were dealt themselves, but it also doesn't mean I received what I needed. I’m lost honestly. I barely know how to communicate with people, my sense of direction and purpose is just so far in the wind I don’t even know where to start. I resent the youth people because I wish I could’ve lived mine completely different.
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