kappamations

Living in a toxic family is the worst... I had no where to go and stayed at my families home. When I tried to leave I was physically blocked from the door, I had two adults in front of me, one at my left and one at my right. I was forced into a corner while being called the villain of the family, and restrained till I screamed to call the cops, crying and shaking, cuz they wouldnt let me leave. They demanded I instead go through every family drama plotpoint while i was constrained in a corner screetching like a banchee. Yk all those videos I make about my struggles and how I've changed things for the better? My family invalidates anything I go through like i'm being dramatic or some hypochondriac. I guess all the meds I take to be stable and not in pain 24/7 are made up too? All the work and effort I did to stabilize pcos, pmdd, plantar fasciitis, ect... ALL MADE UP??

Without my youtube videos I'd probably go insane again. Heaven forbid I'm adhd and histamine intolerant and getting better with self care for those. My family thinks that if you're adhd or "special needs" then youre just wanna be part of "exclusive group" so youre above everyone else and that I should be normal like they are. My family said while I was crying not being able to escape, "if we act like those things(adhd ect) are true would you be happy?" The sheer cruelness I recieve from who should love me... no wonder I tried killing myself twice. They also hate If I bring that part up... as if I have to pretend that those TWO attempts didn't occur.

They have the gall to say I hate them and they LOVE ME SO MUCH. And yet with them my needs are invalidated, mocked, and minimized. It's kinda impossible to be non religious in a religious household. The love they have is one of possession not warmth. My dad literally said "you're sealed to me. so I love you." IS THAT THE ONLY REASON?? I'm property?? I'm somehow this evil villian heathen monster in the family and at the same time they desperately need me around in their presence to maintain order. FOR WHY? WHY SHOULD I BE HERE IF YOU CALL ME A VILLIAN. It's like I'm entertainment for them as this villain character. I'm done overexplaining why I should be loved. I've done it like 20 times at this point.

A family system like this is one of a hive mind and if you don't fit... you're shunned into the dark. I bet they'd love if I did die. They could just blame satan or something.

btw, the end of encanto is my personal nightmare.