lifeagain

word count: 1.7k | genre: angst, some fluff | sunoo x male!reader

✮⊹ ࣪ ˖ ‘ Seriously? ‘ I thought to myself. 

I sit up from bed, take a peek by the window, and sigh. I watched the snowflakes slowly fall from the foggy sky, piling up with the snow that was covering the ground like a blanket. 

I despise this gloomy and crispy weather. 

I had school today, so I had to force my freezing self to get up from bed and get ready for school. For fuck’s sake, I wish I was back in my hometown. My hometown was where I could feel the warm embrace of the summer, where I could see the kids chase each other at the beach, leaving footprints on the sand, and where I could see the sun celebrate and shine with the color of yellow. 

I finished brushing my teeth as I wiped my mouth, and then my face. I changed into my uniform as always and grabbed my bag that was hanging by my door. I couldn’t wait to go to school to see… him. 

– SCHOOL –

I open the door going to my classroom, and I’m greeted by my only friend who was hurdled up around my chair, how ridiculous. I love him for it.

“Took you long enough, Rain..” Sunoo scoffs.

I love it when you call my name.

“Oh shut up.” I smile “It’s snowing outside, and I hate it..” “You always seem to hate the snow. It’s the best season!” she chuckles after saying so.

When he did, I wanted to stop time just to see that smile. His name matched who he was. That’s how I described the summer. His smile was my sun. His presence is a warm embrace. Memories with him feel like footprints on the sand. I love you, Sunoo.

“Earth to Rain?” he flicks my forehead. I didn’t even realize I was dozing off like that.

“Right, right.” I look at the whiteboard, slightly embarrassed.

“We should go out later since it’s snowing. We should have a snow fight then go ice skating… maybe the park too?” He leans a bit closer with that smile.

How could I say no to that?“Fine,” I mumble. 

Talking with you made me realize I can never say no to you.

The teacher enters the room, and class begins. And now, I’m stuck in a wave of thoughts.

I’ve been carrying this fondness for him for as long as I can remember. And when I’m about to confess, something always stops me from doing so. When I look at his eyes, I see a reflection of myself and I look like an idiot. I’m a grumpy person. I wasn’t like the shiny and joyous person he was.

But I swear I will confess today. I won’t hold back, even if it means crying in front of you. 

The uneventful day at school ends. Finally - 

We walk out of the class alongside each other.

“Finally. I swear, one more word from Sir and I was going throw my desk at him…” I comment. I never even liked any of the teachers here at all.

“You’re so stubborn, Rain.” Sunoo pouts as we leave the school building. Thank god we weren’t assigned to clean the classroom..

I immediately change my face to a smug one. I hate this snow, really… It’s insufferable. I’m just not used to this. Sunoo, please change my mind after we hang out together.

We arrived at some place full of snow, kids were running around, even chasing each other.

How cute.

This scene reminds me of when I could watch the kids run after their friends by the beach. It was something I wanted to engrave in my mind since I wouldn’t be able to have that same feeling ever again. I miss my warm home. I feel nostalgic.

Sunoo suddenly grabs my wrist and runs through the snow with me behind him. He was laughing, and his eyes were smiling too. Even your eyes could smile, Sunoo.

“C'mon, don’t be such a party pooper and make a damn snowball.” He teases, as he forms a snowball in his hands

Oh shit.

Sunoo throws the snowball right at my face…“AH– ARE YOU FUCKING–” I get cut off by another snowball from Sunoo

“LANGUAGE, THERE’S KIDS!” Sunoo laughs, he runs in another direction, hiding behind a pile of snow

My eyes get irritated. Okay Sunoo, if that’s how you want to play it. 

I scoop some snow, and I try to make the biggest snowball that I can make with my bare hands. I hurriedly look for you amid the fog. Seriously?

I could hear you and some kids laughing, as another snowball was thrown at me by the legs. I quickly throw the snowball back at him.

I run to you, “Dammit, Sunoo... You’re so childish” I jokingly remark. The kids run away, laughing and chasing eachother as usual. I don’t even know who they are, but I assume you were friends with them. I kneel to you with my knees dug through the snow. He laughs harder, followed by my laugh. 

I didn’t want to stop laughing with you because I felt so content in this moment. I love this memory with you, so I’ll keep my heart open for it. I think I’m falling for you even more, I’m sorry.

I stand up and grab your arm, “Get up, you energetic thing.” I scoff after saying so.

He gets up, with a smile again. He really was a ray of sunshine. A smile tugs at the corner of my lips at the sight of you.

Snowball fighting with you made me realize how much I wanted to lay next to you every day.

“Okay, next stop! Ice skating!” He says with his hands on his hips. He looked like a superhero in that stance. Yes, you are my hero, Sunoo. 

We stopped by the Ice Skating rink, there were professional ice skaters and I felt so intimidated by it.. They were so flawless and perfect with it, so elegant. Like a swan. 

He enters the rink, with a polar bear for support. The struggle was visible… this will be a problem for both of us. 

“Well..” He mumbles

“Well?” I scoff as the white breath comes out of my mouth.

“Just hold on to that polar bear, sucker.” I chuckle after. “I paid extra for that, you know?”

“You’re so mean!” He lightly hits my shoulder with his one hand

“Fine, fine. Hold me, and we’ll ice skate away.” I slightly smile

He puts himself behind me, as he lays his hands on the back of my shoulders, supporting himself. Can we stay like this forever? 

“Go!” He says. I slowly skate, if I went any faster, both of us would fall.

“Why are you so slow…” He says in a ‘i-need-princess-treatment’ tone. 

“Don’t be sassy. You’ll fall if we go any faster.” 

“Go quick!” He says in a cocky tone “We won’t fall, trust!” He laughs

“I swear…” I say in a teasing yet irritated voice 

I went quickly, and we actually didn’t fall. This is so ridiculous but… I didn’t care. Atleast I was being ridiculous with you right now. I felt the breeze on my face, I could feel my face becoming numb as I kept skating. 

  I feel infinite, Sunoo.“I feel infinite, Sunoo.” I said that out loud.

..

“I feel infinite with you too, Rain.” He said followed by the sweetest laugh I’ve ever heard.

Suddenly, I don’t regret saying that out loud. I always felt like I could tell you everything without a filter and you’d still have something to say. And at this moment, Sunoo, I want to spend all of my seasons with you whether it be the season I hate most.

The guy who was in charge of the rink said our time was over. Sigh.

“That was pretty fun.” I scoff“That’s my first time hearing you say anything was fun… I’m astonished.” He teases

I roll my eyes, “Yeah okay, you make it sound like I don’t feel emotions.” I say as we both remove our ice skates and go back to our school shoes. “Can we just go to the park already?  I feel like I’m about to get a frostbite.”

Skating with you made me realize that I wanted you to hold me and that I wanted to feel infinite with you.

- PARK -

We sit on the bench together, it was already night time so it was extra cold.. I couldn’t feel my face. I couldn’t feel my hands either. 

The white blanket of snow piles up even more and the snowflakes fall elegantly as I watch you look up at the stars.

Time stopped for a bit. You were as soft as a melody, as bright as the sun rays, as lovely as the spring that arrives before the winter, and as warm as the summer beach I spent my days in. Honestly, I didn’t know it was this hard to tell you how I feel. I thought I could just say it. 

Looking at you at this moment made me realize I will love winter because I get to spend it with you. 

“The stars are beautiful tonight, Rain.” He continues to look up at the perfectly dark blue sky, his pink hair flawlessly falling.

“I agree.” I keep your face in the frame of my eyes. 

I want to live the rest of my life with you. I want to have snowball fights with you again. I want to ice skate with you holding onto my shoulders again. I want to sit next to you in school every day. I want to wake up to your voice. I want to look out the window and see you waiting for me just to walk together to school. Sunoo, “I love you.”

I said it out loud.

He looks at me.

Don’t look at me like that, Sunoo. 

It was silent.

“I don’t love you like that.” His smile slowly fades, he stands up.

5 minutes.

Please, lord. 5 more minutes.

Maybe in 5 minutes, you’ll change your mind.

Maybe in 5 minutes, you’ll love me.

Maybe in 5 minutes, you’ll catch me in a warm embrace.

Sunoo looks at me like it is the final time.

When did it feel this awkward?‘Ahem’ Sunoo lets out.

“I.. don’t really know what to say. I don’t love you. We’re just friends and.. you’re a boy. Goodnight.”

I watch you walk away from me. Not even a smile. In fact, it was a look of disgust.

I don’t know what to do.

I hate winter.

sayori: *poem about the struggle of maintaining a facade that matches what the outside world wishes, even in the face of your mental health being clouded enough to be unable to see through it to a point where even getting out of bed is a mountain to overcome*

yuri: *poem about clinging onto the one last thing you have in society as everything else falls apart and is crumbled through time*

natsuki: *poem about the despair of being utterly powerless in the world despite your own efforts to overcome what you're left with*