── .✦ CHAPTER-5 : Rationalisation
SUMMARY : Waking up disoriented, piecing together facts and realisations, sharing the burden of loss with a loved one (4.1k words)
CHAPTER-4 << ಄ >> CHAPTER-6
The first thing you register is that your head hurts.. like a lot.
You try to roll on your side to get more comfortable.. and immediately end up crashing to the floor- a loud hiss escaping your lips as you clutch the arm that had taken most brunt of the fall.
A chair scrapes and somebody laughs, there's talking and you sit up on your elbows.. the first face you register is Hyoma, he's smiling as he pats your cheek- then moves to support your elbows as you stubbornly try to stand
"Hey, missed me?" He asks while you use the tables you'd been placed on for some support before plopping harshly onto the hard surface
"Yes. Where the fuck were you?" You grumble, trying to piece together the last things you remember
"Long story short, your boy's got a bow" he says with a low hum, pointing to the bow and quiver strapped onto his back
You quirk a brow at him and he shrugs
"I went to the top floor, the new transferred teachers from abroad were explaining bout the people in the garage and their state of altercation or something.." he explains, watching your brows furrow
Huh.. Ego mentioned it as well.
The word sends a shudder through you and Hyoma pauses to survey you completely.. making mental notes of your appearance.
"That doesn't explain the bow.." you huff staring at the upper end peaking out from his back
"I interrupted Prince's speech and got my ass handed to me." He says dryly.. you stifle a laugh, tilting your head to urge him to give out more details.. preferably about the whole situation. But the bow story intrigued you as well.
"Most the third years are given tasks like stocking up food from the cafeterias on all the floors, barricading the windows on every floor except the ground.. Ego-sensei and Anri-sensei along with most the staff are there- the students have strict orders not to go near there for now.." he explains while holding eye contact, your wet form was worrying him.. but he was still waiting for you to start talking on your own will.
"The second and first years got an explaination a while back.. some of us just eavesdropped on the third years instructions tho.." Isagi-san pipes up with a sheepish laugh, Bachira-kun hums near him.. giving you a peace sign when you make eye contact
"Hello.." you greet with a small nod, turning back to Hyoma right after.. there were still so many unanswered questions in your mind.
The need to barricade the place.
And stocking up? How long was this really gonna last..
"Where's Rin?" You blurt out, a headache forming with the amount of alarm that stimmed up out of nowhere
Hyoma frowns, gently resting a hand on your shoulder.. you feel the urge to flinch.
"Easy girl.. you're okay. Rin's resting as well. Sae-senpai is with him if that puts you at any ease?" He asks, cautiously observing your breathing
"Anri-sensei carried you here, she said you'd been running on adrenaline for awhile.." Isagi-san offers, handing you a water bottle from one of the large stock packages
You accept it and stare at it for awhile, relaying the words in your head and trying to connect it with your latest memories
"Okay.. was it the same for Rin?" You ask, popping the cap open and gulping down like half the bottle.
"Yeah.. Ego-sensei carried him up.. Anri-sensei advised us to keep you both in the same room, but Sae-senpai stole him away to the adjacent classroom" Hyoma says waving the thought off, watching you get a little more relaxed at knowing Rin's exact location
"What floor are we..?" You mumble, finding the thought of Ego carrying Rin to be a little off-putting.. Sae-senpai you could sorta get past despite the height difference, they were brothers after all.
"2nd..!" Bachira-kun pipes up after realising he has been quiet for too long
"Another window broke on the 1st floor- so Icchan and I were deployed to investigate! Then we saw Ego with Rinrin and helped carry him! Thenn he said where we'd find the storm shutters, so we fixed that and came here again!" he concluded, hovering on one side when you moved to stand-
Hyoma clicked his tongue quietly but didn't stop you despite the disapproval in his eyes
"I leave you for 10 minutes and you get yourself involved with Rin of all people? Where did all your braincells disappear off to?" He asks, knocking your forehead like he expected it to be hollow
"Rin's impulsive for sure.. a gut feeling tells me you two ran into an 'infected'.." Isagi-san murmurs, watching you to gain any sort of confirmation
"Geez.. my girl just woke up- stop questioning her" Hyoma huffed, shooing the two away to the other side of the room..
"Yeah.. we did.." you mumble, patting your abdomen and sighing in relief when you felt the pistol was still where you'd left it
Hyoma exhales sharply, and you can see the pained worry on his face before he reluctantly started explaining..
"Anri-sensei scolded Ego-sensei for giving you that.. but decided you'd panic if you were parted it from it after.. whatever happened.." he grumbled, handing you some kind of strap
Bachira-kun and Isagi-san curiously eye it and the bulge at your waist that they hadn't noticed before
"A gun holster..?" Isagi asks with a soft sort of awe before running a hand through his hair
"Noel Noa did mention something about weapons and learning how to wield them.. the two German transfers already have some sort of field training under him.." Isagi-san trails off but- Bachira-kun before cuts him off and inches closer, observing you strap it on your thigh with unblinking eyes
"I was listening in on Lavinho-sensei's lecture! He's got a really cool fighting style and kept going on about self-defense.. Some dude named Bunny was showing off his scars! He's apparently been in infiltration schemes and stuff-!" Bachira-kun gushes, moving into some pose he remembers Lavinho doing
"Wielding weapons..? Self defence..?" You mumble, eyeing the bow strapped onto Hyoma's back with a little more caution
Hyoma knew to use it, you know that. But for targets. Not humans. Or rather..
Infected. You'll strictly refer to those creatures as infected from now on.
Or the infected you killed..?
You shake your head and focus on Hyoma's voice.. it was soothing, familiar.
"Chris Prince went on about his specs.. he was only really intrested in making us feel safe in his presence than anything like those two.." He says with an annoyed huff
"I called bullshit of course, like I want to be idle and 'protected' when the world around me was collapsing.. and he used me as an example for 'misplaced arroagnce'." he grumbled, tucking his hair behind his ear a little moodily
"Mikage took my side and asked how students could take initiative, while spewing his own theories.. so he caved and went over our specs and gave some pretty good advice on gearing us.." Isagi-san seems a little intrigued by the gearing up part, and you are too- did Prince-sensei really just hand Hyoma a bow??
Though.. you suppose it's a little hypocritic.
Ego did leave that gun on the ground like a particularly tempting offering.
"Then he let us go with a scolding after realising me, Mikage and lazyass were second years.. Then I went back to your classroom to find you-" he huffs, you catch the annoyance in his tone and can't help but be defensive
"What? I went looking for you" you huff back, loosely crossing your arms.. a bit thankful that your limbs felt much more agreeable now.
"I've heard.." he says dryly..
"Hiori-san huh? Where's he now then..? And Rensuke? They both are volunteers right?" You ask.. idly flickering your gaze to Isagi-san, but he just shakes his head and raises his hands up in surrender.
"Kunigami and a few other volunteers are grouping students up to take action and keeping them calm.. I think Hiori-kun and lazyass are working on comms- " Hyoma answers while checking his nails, before meeting your gaze pointedly
"I came down to get a bow from the archery room and instead saw you being carried in Anri-sensei's arms and got a near damn heartattack." He states, glaring at you like it's your fault for fainting and making him worry
"Sorry.." you murmur flatly, what else could you say for yourself anyway..?
He seems sceptical of the apology and quirked a brow for you to explain yourself further..
When you don't say another word, he sighs.. deciding to finish his part of the story first.
"I helped set this area up.." he says motioning the benches pushed together.. the one where you laid on and the other empty one where you assumed Rin had previously laid in.
"She explained your condition and four eyes gave the holster to hand to you when you woke up.." he completes, staring down at you and crossing his arms to mirror your pose
You notice Bachira-kun and Isagi-san hovering a little awkwardly at the tension in the room and decide not to make a scene with Hyoma like you wanted to..
"The bow?" You ask for like the third time now.. and Hyoma rolls his eyes, more amused than mad now
"The room next door..?" He states like it should be obvious, but your brows furrow.. hah.
Didn't he say Rin was in the room next door..?
"The other room." He deadpans, as if reading your thoughts.. and you blink, more than a little lost.
Isagi-san takes pity on you and jabs a thumb to the left wall, the one that shared it's wall with.. another classroom..? Or- given the context, probably the archery room..
"Yes the archery room" Hyoma nods and you realise you might've voiced that out loud..
"I wouldn't know that.. I just woke up here- and all I know is this room is on the second floor!" You grumble defensively but Hyoma just rolls his eyes again like he has every right in blaming you
The door clicks open, and Sae-senpai stands there.. a little surprised by seeing you awake, before taking a water bottle like he planned to do when he came in
"Sae-san.. Did Ri-" Isagi-san starts, but Sae-senpai huffs quietly so he zips his mouth shut
"Rin's awake, he asked to know if you were alive" he says casually taking two bottles between his index and middle
"I'm alive.." You say a little awkwardly, shifting your weight onto the other foot to just affirm your body was still yours to control.
"Wait- how's Rin!" You call out before he left the room, he hovered near the doorway and didn't look back.. just made a motion for 'come along' and started walking again.
You glance at Hyoma hesitantly.. but he just raises a brow and walks ahead, leaving you to trail behind
"We'll group up with the others if you don't mind? I think they'd probably need more students helping with preserving food.." Isagi-san comments, picking up a water bottle stack with Bachira-kun's help
"Mhm.. We'll see you and Chigirin later! If ya need to find company, there are still loads of people arranging the top floor!" He calls out
You nod, stepping out the way for them
"See you.. oh! And for water, there's still the gallon dispensers on each floor..!" You remind, getting a thumbs up from Isagi-san and a loud shout of 'good idea!' from Bachira-kun..
You've always liked Hyoma's friends.
You bump into Hyoma's back, not having realised he was hovering outside the door
"Easy there.. you feeling dizzy or anything?" He asks shifting to loosely rest a hand on your lower back
"No.. just wasn't paying attention.." you mutter, stepping inside and immediately making eye contact with Rin..
His shoulders relaxed a little at your presence, he looked kinda tense before and there was still a tick to his jaw-
Your eyes flickered to the unfamiliar guy beside him.. he was probably a senior if he hung around Sae, and uh.. his hairstyle screamed of eccentricity. not to mention the.. unique. eyeliner..
"This your girlfriend Rin-rin? She's too pretty for you" Weird guy complains, hands tucked deep into his pant pockets as he shifts his weight back and forth on the balls of his feet.
"She's not his girlfriend." Hyoma quips immediately and the weird guy's attention shifts to him instead
"Oh-ho~ princess eh? Didn't know you hung around with juniors" he comments with a wide grin, about to egg on Hyoma futher- but fortunately stopped by Sae-senpai who smacked the back of weird guy's head without any preamble
"Shut up demon boy. Rin, Rin's classmate. Explain whatever happened properly" Sae-senpai asks.. well- more like demands.
Rin has been unexpectedly quiet the entire time and you really didn't know where to start with everything..
"The front door was open and we figured that was letting the wind in and tunneling through the corridors.." you start.. that's how the expedition started anyway.
"And the two of you decided it was a great idea to go close it in your own?" Sae-senpai asks with clear disapproval to his tone, and you kind of want to wilt a little..
Rin seems to have regained his spunk cause he glares up at Sae, shifting to sit up a little straighter
"If no one else did then it was just gonna end up breaking more windows." He states with a low scoff, about to say more to defend his point
"You two had absolutely no business taking on tasks like that on your own." Sae-senpai immediately interrupts, and you have half-mind to blame Rin for the way half those events transpired..
But.. you'd kind of been an accomplice anyway, and the storm shutters were your idea in the first place.
"Wasn't like there was anyone else.." Rin grumbles, but it sounded more like he was trying to remain defensive despite having already accepted the flaws to his outlook.
"Okay look, leave the scolding and drama for later-" Hyoma snaps, before sending a pointed look to you "I want to know two things, how did you meet an 'infected' inside the school? And what exactly sent you two into such long-term flight or fight?" He lists with two fingers up, awaiting an explaining to put them down.
Sae-senpai and.. weird guy. immediately grew a lot more tense after the word 'infected' left Hyoma's mouth and Sae-senpai seemed to be on the verge of shaking the answers out of Rin at this point while weird guy seemed oddly contemplative..
"Let me get this straight, either one of those things from the garage somehow managed to get inside the campus and we have a huge problem on our hands.. orr- the two of you had the bright idea to go outside, which one was it?" weird guy asks with an oddly amused look to his face
"You can literally tell by their clothes." Sae-senpai grits out, a large tick growing on his jaw as his gaze flickers sternly between the two of you.
And right now..? a teacher seemed like a much better option than Sae Itoshi's scrutiny..
"For the record. Ego-sensei asked Rin for help in bringing Sa- an infected. body inside for.. 'research purposes'" you quote, not liking the term associated with Saburo-ojisan..
Will those bodies soon become nameless and faceless to the world?
Nothing more than a mindless creature wearing the face of another's beloved.
Ojisan wouldn't even get a proper burial..
"Mm.. and she used the gun under Ego's supervision anyway, if anything he's to blame for the second part.." he quickly follows up when he notices you go quiet, shooting a glance at Hyoma who raised an eye-brow and slowly put down the second finger.. too quiet for your liking, he was probably stewing in rage.
That was a lot of information dumped and you can practically see the room around you process everything, trying to figure out what to address first..
"Gun." Sae-senpai asked.. or more like stated. orr rather threatened. Yeah whatever his intent was- you feel very threatened under his gaze right now.
"Ego shot.. an infected. who tried to hurt her through the broken windows" Rin informs, loosely gesturing your lack of tie
"Okay. And then why did he give it to a student in the first place?" Sae-senpai asks cautiously scanning your figure in search of said gun
"Holy shit kouhai, you shot someone?!" Weird guy suddenly pipes up after a moment of realisation, you catch Hyoma cringe at the words being pieced together like that..
Well. you think he's being a little too sensitive honestly..
Killed would be more suitable.
"Yeah.. A delivery guy- Kaname Mirai, he turned the corner when Ego-sensei and Rin were bringing in.." you trail off again, throat constricting.. fuck. Why did it hurt so much to call him Saburo-ojisan..? Kaname-san came easily enough..
"The infected Ego shot" Rin completed without looking at you, eyes trained completely on Sae.. only really interested in his reactions.
"In this downpour..?" Hyoma asks a little baffled by how that could've played out
You and Rin just shrugged, and you mentally remind yourself to thank Hiori-san for the umbrella.. it was quite frankly the MVP for that entire series of events- it's only relatively close competitor being the mop.
"Okay we have more pressing matters at hand, we now know that the 'infected' have no qualms in hurting a human. From the cctv, they aren't hurting eachother tho so perhaps their intentions are similar to the zombie movies Rin watches.." Sae-senpaintrails off, unperturbed by Rin's drilling gaze on him
"Oh.. well- I saw Kaname-san approaching through one of side windows, he paused and looked through it but didn't go into an attack-craze.." you recalled, hoping that piece of information could help somehow
"Huh.. maybe they don't rely on sight.. their eyes looked pretty unfocused through the footage, could you describe them?" He asked focusing his eyes intently on you..
You can kind of feel Rin's gaze boring into you now, it's a little bitter you feel and you don't know what exactly it stemmed from
"Uhm.. like you said, their eyes were kind of far away.. vomit and bile kept spilling out their mouths, their movements were kinda raggity? Like not coordinated at all.."
"They smelled of rot." Rin added quietly.. you kind of didn't notice at the time, you thought the foul smell was from all the body fluids
"And they didn't react much to pain.. the.. infected Ego shot. deliberately dislocated his elbow to try reach me.." you murmur quietly, Kaname did the same. reaching for you even after his chin roughly met the pavement
The room was still when you'd finished, nobody daring to voice out their thoughts on the matter completely.
"Can we assume their brain-dead then?" Sae-senpai murmurs, loosely resting a hand on his hip
"We'll get the whole view from bowlcut, won't we? They did take the body in for research" weird guy states, plopping down on one of the askew benches
"Mm.. you." Sae-senpai pipes up, turning to you with something in mind "Did you kill or just shoot the other one?" He asks bluntly.
The tension in the room increases by a few notches and you hear Hyoma's hitch in breath admist the roar of your own heartbeat in your ears
"I killed him.." you confess quietly..
You feel Hyoma's hand come to rest on your shoulder from behind, it's shaky but firm.. Weird guy whistles quietly, not mocking. not impressed either.. just processing.
"He would've hurt her otherwise" Rin murmurs, testing his feet by standing up
"Even in his last moments of consciousness, he reached for her leg. Those things have an instinct to cause harm." He states, quietly cracking his neck
Sae-senpai doesn't say anything to Rin's observations, mulling over his own..
"If there's more of these things outside the garrage then even if the storm stops, it wouldn't be safe to go out.."
"That's what you're worried about?" Rin snaps "Going home?" He huffs, loosely crossing his arms.
Since he's woken up, his shitty brother hasn't even asked once how he was feeling.
Instead his focus had mostly been on you since the gun was brought up.. and he literally had to insert himself in cause Sae fucking Itoshi didn't care to ask HIM for input.
"I'm rationalising. Four eyes and the new teachers are already convinced this is gonna go on for long if they're introducing the idea of self-defence." Sae had been with Lavinho for the explaination but left when Bunny picked up the mantle since Lavinho didn't have much interest in actually teaching as compared to showing off.
The animosity hangs in the air and you hear Rin's low tch under his breath, while weird guy uncharacteristically stays quiet-
Well.. it's kind of a blasé assumption to make for the few minutes you'd known him, a part of you thinks he's probably used to it though.
Hyoma's tightening grip snaps you out of your musings and he wraps an arm around your shoulder to steer you through the door
"Where are you two going?" Sae-senpai demands, tone icy enough for you to feel a spike of fear
Hyoma is either fearless or has no respect for his life cause he turns and glares at Sae-senpai head-on.
"Me and her want no part in that. Sort it out with your ototo, I'm giving her therapy." He states bluntly, leading you out.
Nobody protests.. but you're a little uneasy with leaving the conversation like that.. Sae-senpai was a respected figure in the school, and hearing his observations and theories on the situation made it a little easier to think.
"Shut your mind girlie, I can hear you over that blocky head of yours.." Hyoma huffs, walking with you through the corridor.. heading for the steps.
If you didn't love the boy as much as you did, you would've smacked his pretty face already.
"You know you don't gotta be strong with me right..?" He asks quietly, and you're a little thrown by the change of topic..
The familar safeness you associate with Hyoma blooms in your chest and you nod, willing away tears you didn't know you'd been holding in at all.
"Mhm.. yeah.." you murmur, voice a little shaky as you bite your bottom lip to stop yourself from letting out a pathetic sob..
You want Saburo-ojisan back..
Why did the world take him from you.
Hyoma paused in his steps and loosely dropped his hand to hold your wrist
"C'mere.." he murmurs, eyes softening when he meets your glossy gaze
"Hyoma he's dead.. he's dead and I killed someone..! I killed someone and yet Saburo-ojisan's the only one I'm thinking about..!" You sob, reaching to bury in his chest.. fisting at his shirt and muffling your cries against fabric
You hear him swallow, a breath catching in his throat as he slowly reached a hand out to tangle in your hair.. tilting it up just enough to meet his own teary gaze
"Saburo-ojisan.. our.. Saburo-ojisan..?" He asks, and you can feel his heartbeat under your palm.. possibly willing away a voice crack.
"Ego shot him.. h-he just.." your words cut off with a sob, finding yourself hiding in his chest again.. wrinkling the fabric and staining it with your tears.
You can hear Hyoma's own quiet sobs course through his body, his head slowly moving to press his face onto the top of your head
You clutch him tighter and he sniffles into your hair, threading his hands through your hair to soothe you as well..
Soon your sobs fade into hiccups and Hyoma just closed his eyes as he melted into the embrace just as much as you did
Kaname Mirai was probably loved too.
Was it a mercy that the people who loved him didn't know..?
Or was it a curse. Waiting on someone who wasn't going to come home.
Rin's justification over your actions felt relieving in the moment.. he truly would've killed you if you didn't first..
..It was merely self-defense right?
Your eyes feel heavy.. the crying drained you of whatever little energy you managed to save up from your slumber.
Hyoma's heartbeat is steady now, and the rhythmic thump puts you at ease..
How would Hyoma have reacted if you were the one to wind up dead..?
..Maybe you could learn to forgive yourself.
CHAPTER-4 << ಄ >> CHAPTER-6
TAGLIST : @vyxeen (Open <3)
A/N : Sorry for how long this took to come out! My exams start from tomorrow and end the same week, I might stress write but prolly not post it till the end of the week..
This chapter is more of world-building and exposure than anything, and reader finally had a proper emotional breakdown! I lwk love writing her interactions with Hyoma.. 😭
Things to mull over cause I've been trying to drop hints :P
1. What's the relationship between Sae & Bunny?
2. It's pretty obvious ngl and I've even tagged him lol, but who's weird guy?
3. Biological distortion, the concept of it and what exactly Ego & Anri could've found out about it in the autopsy..
Check out the PROFILES btw!! I've updated with more info that could piece a few things together about the characters
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
ellievsbear
discoholicmusic
andulkaphoto
prguitarman
pixelskylines
kianamaiart
theartofmadeline
