i'm fine

this holiday season has been kind of a blast i had a lot of things to do and i couldn’t stay with joji a lot. i think there might be something going on with yugyeom but to be honest i always get that feeling with him. i’m gonna hang out with him soon to see what’s up. as for me well, it’s been okay i guess. joji told me he might have had sex with bona without protection. which means he could be the dad of her kid and i’m just :)) being supportive but i really hope he isn’t.

lol henry getting pressed just cause i called his ass out for going after a 20 year old

things have been kind of weird lately i haven’t been doing that well to be honest. i guess that’s not a shocker but i haven’t been able to sleep a lot. i changed my meds and it didn’t work and we’re having a comeback soon, i’m about to get so busy but i just want to be with joji tbh. i hope everything will be okay despite me being half dead half the time

well shit

man, i gotta stop getting involved with any random person

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i kind of been distant with jaebum lately and i don’t know why but it feels like things are not going back to normal, i still love him but i can’t wrap my head around the fact that he has a second live where he kills people for a living

jaebum is a freaking hitman and i want to know how i never realized this before, there were so many signs that he was involved in something sneaky yet i ignored it. and now he tells me out of nowhere that he’s in some shady business. fuck that honestly. i’m gonna make him get out of that life even if i have to take him to china with me.

joon being here is nice i hope we can get to hang out soon, as soon as i told jb about him he got jealous and idk if he really needs to be

first it was mark that wanted to be with me and jb then it was yugyeom and now namjoon comes out of nowhere asking for a threesome

things are not getting any better, my nightmares gave me a break for a while but now they are back at full force. i’m starting to hallucinate about things. i’m worried about going on this cruise because what if something bad happens? i don’t know, i’m starting to think that maybe it’s best if i stay home, you know? it’s just for my safety. i don’t know. i hurt my friends yesterday, i feel so bad about it. i was acting like someone else entirely. i feel bad for jb for having to deal with it.

tried talking to a bunch of people and i got ignored. lol they didn't even bother to open the chat. anyway i'm kind of tired, it's been like this for a while now. not being able to sleep. feeling sad. feeling like no one really cares. mark is always checking on me which is nice. i wish i could just tell him everything i'm feeling. as for jb.. well i don't know i just feel like i'm annoying him everytime we speak. so i'm just gonna be quiet, if he wants to chat he'll come around.