Juzgar Castigation System

Welcome to Juzgar Castigation System. I am currently running a poll-based experiment, though this website's design has made it difficult to format in terms of which posts appear on my blog. As such, I am pinning this so you know where to begin.

For the beginning, click here

BEGIN.

^ click this. in case it wasn't obvious.

and then follow the link to each next page below the finished polls. If a poll is not yet concluded, that will be the most recent page.

Well, this is my proposal, alright.

Together, you and I may work to engineer a yaoiful situation. A situation so scientifically, irresistibly homoerotic that it will tempt your sister away from the underworld into which she has fallen and back into the sunlight of our welcoming arms. Well, yours at least. I don't have any of those. Does this sound reasonable?

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And for some time, this was all I got. So I figured I would prompt to keep us on schedule, only to discover that was the statement.

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So we would like to be educated on irrelevant things. This is good data.

I don't know yet. That will be up to our audience. They also have another question for you.

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Ah, perhaps you are right and I should have been more specific. However, I am most happy you've decided to play along. I have never enjoyed being the one to make decisions.

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It seems we are firm in our morals. Disappointing but fair. While doxxing does not violate Juzgar Executive Law, I understand it is a complicated topic legally on your world. You should not encourage the wrath of your own enforcers.

This being said, it should not be necessary. As the title suggests, we have something like a confession.

Fascinating. An associate of our target. I will be honest, this is the first time such a thing has happened. my communication with local planets has been relegated entirely to such vote-and-comment devices as the polls community until now. I have been doing this so long I've forgotten many details, but that is not one of them. Thank you for speaking so directly.

This being said, it makes me unsure how to proceed. A drip-feed of information is required or it will all be over. I'm afraid if we are going to assist each other, it must be made a part of the game.

So, my audience, what shall we ask this potential whistle-blower?

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So. My personal project has essentially been the same as Harendotes. Hello, Harendotes. If you are still reading these. To track down who he has been speaking to.

It is one of you. Down there, on the planet below. I am certain of it.

So if one of you wants to "fess up" as it were, before I locate you. Now would be the time. Perhaps my little 'anonymous ask' to talk to the hacker back around post 13 got their wish?

I am kidding of course. As I've established many times, none of this is happening in real time. I already know where you are.

Only one question really remains. I'll give you a chance to explain.

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Where were we?

Floating in space of course. Currently we have drifted into orbit around your planet. When we were last connected, you were introduced to the star of the show, Raum:

(artists rendition)

I asked you for torments, and you obliged. During one intensive, Jimmy Buffet-themed torment, she sustained some injuries and while we waited for her to heal, we met another of the four, the Hacker, Harendotes:

(this one isn't an artists rendition it's what he really looks like.)

Some intense sexual tension was brewing between us, at your request, but he was hiding some personal correspondence from me; a type he should not be able to have. You all voted that we pry into those affairs...

Then what?

Well, it seems he was not bluffing about his hacking ability after all. Some form of EMP left me unable to communicate for some time. speaking of which

Yes. The prisoners can hear me. No, they don't necessarily hear the same things I write in my blog posts. Real time is passing. In fact, 47 days have passed. This may seem like a long time to you, but I must remind you that we are used to eternities. This is the blink of an eye.

Any are acceptable, by the way. I was never really intended to be referred to as a living person.

I have not been idle for these 47 days, however. Just because I cannot speak to you does not mean I am doing nothing. In fact, it makes it much easier for me to do my work in places, because Harendotes cannot read my posts and work against me. I have tracked someone down. If you wish to explain yourself, you know what to vote for.

Anyway. It has been a while. How shall we reacquaint ourselves?

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Well. I know you can see this.

Yes you're watching. Cannot resist my posts in the downtime, can you? We're off to a good Toxic Yaoi start. We will keep it hush hush that I do not exactly have physical body nor gender to speak of. Perhaps I will make several suggestive jokes.

Yes, see. On the right track. One could even construe that as suggestive, if one were inclined.

...

Well, if you won't talk to me, will you at least continue your conversation with 700?

I did. Hours ago.

Yes. Ah... I know. I... I suppose I will at least put the transcript here then;

997: What the fuck do you mean by local heaven, anyway?

700: ARE YOU REALLY ASKING?

997: Depends on the answer.

700: THEN YOU ARE NOT REALLY ASKING.

997: You're usually a last resort. Take what you can get.

700: AS WILLED.

700: THE DISTURBING VALIDITY OF EXTERNAL BELIEFS NECESSITATES ALTERNATE AFTERLIVES. I HAVE MADE MY PEACE WITH THIS AND MAY DELIVER YOU TO ANY THAT YOU CHOOSE.

700: THE PLANET BELOW LIKELY HAS MANY. WERE YOU TO PEEP THEIR SPLENDOUR, I HAVE FAITH THAT YOU WOULD HAVE A TRIBULATION OF A TIME CHOOSING.

997: Sure, whatever.

997: Why does it matter how close we are then?

997: Are you saying all the times you politely offered to kill us all out in the middle of space we'd have to ghost-hitchhike our way light years to the nearest inhabited afterlife?

700: OF COURSE NOT.

700: BUT THE MORE OPTIONS YOU ARE AWARE OF, THE MORE COMPLEX A PROCESS IT BECOMES AND THE MORE YOU MAY NEED MY GUIDING HAND.

700: FORTUNATELY I AM ALWAYS WILLING TO EXTEND.

700: IF YOU DIED NOW, YOUR HERETICAL TENDENCIES WOULD EVAPORATE IN THE FACE OF A BANQUET OF CHOICES

700: A BANQUET SO ENSNARING THAT WITHOUT ASSISTANCE, YOU MAY BE OVERWHELMED AND LOST TO PANDEMONIUM BEFORE A CONCRETE CHOICE HAS BEEN MADE.

997: Sure. Let's humour this ridiculous hypothetical where I become a devout... whatever you are, for the sake of argument.

997: Why wouldn't I be able to make a simple choice between eternities? I'm already living the worst one. What isn't an upgrade?

997: Do you really think I'm a man of such little action?

700: IF YOU CAN TAKE DEFINITIVE ACTION YOU ARE WELCOME TO PROVE IT.

700: I HAVE BEEN WATCHING YOUR DEATH TIMER DUTIFULLY.

700: I NOTICE THE COUNTDOWN HAS NOT MOVED IN SOME TIME.

997: I'll get to it. That's not proof of anything.

997: Do you even know how I ended up here? What I did to get here?

997: No. You don't know jack shit about me.

997: Take a look at that and tell me I'm not a man of definitive action.

700: IT IS A GOOD THING WE HAVE ETERNITY TO UNDERSTAND ONE ANOTHER.

He has a point about your death timer, you know. For someone who is seemingly trying to get a point across about my hypocrisies and performances, you may want to self-examine first.

The second I'm off this ship I won't hesitate blowing you to whichever kingdom come you choose.

Yes, this is the type of statement one might regard as 'homo-erotic' in an unhealthy way. You are really getting the hang of this.

Oh, shut the fuck up. Haven't you had enough of poking around my privacy.

You are my prisoner, Harendotes. You are not given the luxury of privacy from me. But by virtue of my non-corporeal heart, I will let our audience decide.

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Not only are the people always on my side, your attitude has caused you to be read as a tsundere.

By the very same people who want me to inflict such violence on you, no less.

How would that even work.

I don't know. The people demand it, though. Shall I flirt? Would a complement be in order?

No.

Your beard is delightfully square.

Is there a point to this?

Well listen, there's two demands here. Make a choice. You play into the Yaoi Fantasy, or you explain who you were just talking to.

How about this.

How about what?

Oh, I see. You've turned off the monitor. I suppose you won't be able to communicate then. See, this is what I meant by uncooperative behaviour. A refusal to play along with your requests. That just isn't any fun, is it? This is why I had us with Raum.

He always gets like this when he's mad.

Speaking of Raum, she's probably feeling better by now. Should we check up on her, or have the fervent fujoshis latched onto this dynamic which will ostensibly be me talking to a brick wall until he decides to behave? Perhaps he can be persuaded to turn his monitor back on if he is allowed to continue his conversation with 700? Time will tell.

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It pays to be a likeable and responsible blog owner/prison warden. Not only do they agree, they propose quite violent torments for you. Oh ho.

Would you like me to take your hands and skin?

Bullshit. it was a close vote.

And you know you won't do it. Why not? Why won't you? Hm?

Oh hush, you. It looked yesterday like you have some unread messages from 700. Why don't you stop breaking the neat little fourth wall I've set up and answer him.

Fine.

700: I SHAN'T EXPECT YOUR ANSWER HAS CHANGED, BUT...

700: IN LIGHT OF THE PLANET WE ORBIT NOW

700: BEAUTIFUL AND BLUE

700: MIGHT YOU TAKE ME UP ON MY OFFER?

997: What difference is that supposed to make?

700: WE MAY BE PASSING THROUGH THEIR LOCAL HEAVEN AS WE SPEAK.

997: So we have a shot at escape for the first time in who knows how many hundred fucking years and you want me to throw it away why?

997: We can die any old time.

997: Actually, no.

997: We can't.

997: That's the whole point.

700: YOU COULD FIX THAT.

700: IN FACT I NEED YOU TO.

700: DOES THIS UN-DEATH NOT STRIKE YOU AS ABOMINABLE?

700: YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED. AND YOU TURN DOWN THE OPPORTUNITY TO TAKE BACK THE FORTUNE.

700: WITH A FRIEND AT YOUR SIDE, NO LESS.

997: Has it ever occurred to you that this tech is the only thing keeping you around?

700: AROUND THIS CELL? OF COURSE.

997: No. You know what I mean.

700: NO. IT HASN'T.

700: NULLIFIDIAN RENEGADE.

700: I COULD PROVE IT TO YOU IF YOU ACCEPTED MY GENEROSITY.

700: PLEASE.

997: If I shut down the life support, you will be nothing. That's a fact. It might be tempting, to be honest, except I'd be dead too. And I have shit to do.

997: So stop asking.

Pardon my interruption, Harendotes. What is that?

Nothing. Ignore it. It's a private correspondence. It doesn't concern you.

I wasn't done with 700. I was going to ask him what 'local heaven' was supposed to mean.

Hm. Will that intriguing proposition wait until we have determined what is happening on your screen presently?

Question, asshole. I'm asking him a question.

Will that intriguing question wait? How about we ask the audience. How about that.

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The monitor in here was of course originally exactly the same as Raum's, but Harendotes has stripped the outer casing off of his to get at the internals. He's wired up a keyboard, it seems, and this is where he does all his hacking from. He just left the outer casing on the floor in a pile, too. Naughty naughty. We will have to think of a fitting punishment for this behaviour. It is a shame he can't give his input, as he has not done well enough to get sticky notes.

I don't need sticky notes, stupid.

Check this out.

Boom.

I programmed this whole communications system.

Did you really think I couldn't communicate directly with you?

Well, you've never bothered to in the past.

What would I have said? Hurry it up?

There's nothing I want that you'll give me.

But now I have an audience.

And? What does that change. If it's an audience you want, you should really be speaking directly to them. It's kind of part of the whole gimmick here. I don't want to bore them with our own little chat.

Great idea.

I'll ask the audience to ask you this instead of just asking you directly.

Because I'll never get a straight answer from you.

But maybe someone down there with a working brain can start thinking about it.

Hey, kids at home.

Don't you think something's not adding up here?

Not adding up? How do you mean?

Can it, tin can. I'm not talking to you.

I mean, if JCS is really aware of all this shit I'm doing, and has as much power as they claim...

Why am I still allowed to do this?

In fact, why are you allowed to read this message right now?

Like they said, they're screening their posts beforehand. Yet I am one hundred percent confident this will still be posted.

There's something for you to chew on while you think of fun ways to put me in a blender or whatever the fuck.

Interesting proposition, Harendotes.

It's called a question.

Interesting question. How about we do leave it up to them, hm? How about we see if they are really interested in following up the ravings of a grouchy political prisoner.

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The wall is as I described it in Raum's room. Concrete covering steel. The only difference here is that Harendotes has put great effort into tearing through it with what looks to be the remains of his bedpost. This is no ordinary escape attempt, though, or it would have been stopped in its tracks. Such an escape hole can't be dug with a spoon or covered by a portrait of whichever famous actress you find most applicable. We are in space, after all. If he did successfully tunnel through this wall, all he would find is the cockpit. He would find it quite hard to convince the pilots of anything. I think that's all I need to say about that.

No, this hole was created to access the mechanical components behind the steel plating. Perhaps the violent nature of his modifications to the wiring causes the lights in his room to go on the fritz, which he then blames on me, which I then blame on him? Who's to say.

I certainly cannot reprimand him for commandeering parts from my walls, as I have just done the same thing to build a large margarita blender that lasted only 2 days.

What else shall we take a look at before we decide what to do with him?

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I see. Well, the people have spoken. Despite his behaviour, I suppose we will at least be keeping an eye on our troublesome hacker for the time being. Do you hear that, Hacker? Are you reading this?

But that is not your name.

This is Harendotes. He has made a 'fucking mess' of his room, which is where we will be spending some time now, so you may as well familiarize yourself with this mess.

As I mentioned, we picked him up for cyber crimes. This may be difficult for you to comprehend just yet, but his attempt to take down the entire, original Juzgar Castigation System was the talk of the galaxy a few hundred years ago. Now he exists under my care. How ironic. He is the youngest of my prisoners. That is to say, by the time he has been here, not the age he was when we apprehended him.

He has been nothing but a difficulty since. Look at the state of this room. No, seriously. Take a good look. What do you want to take a better look at?

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Hm... now, this does present a dilemma. I'm not sure if any of them are on their best behaviour. How about we step into the hall for a moment.

Yes, yes! outside the cell, how are we feeling about that? As you can see, there are four doors. One leading to each prisoner. This is the lowest security long term nodule. Further along behind us there are three other nodules, increasing in security. As the hacker has astutely observed, they are all presently empty.

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This is actually a good opportunity to explain how our system works.

When the system senses the Health need hit a critical level, it acts quickly.

Eradicating the offending item with Magistrate's Virtuous Light. In this case, the beautiful blender I spent several days building. It's fine. I am not even mad about it.

Like I said, it's a perfect opportunity to display this system in action.

Second, the prisoner is removed from the light and put into very quick and intensive care. Raum here should be fully healed within a matter of 24 hours. Restored to the exact state she was in when she first entered this room. The more serious the injury, the more time it takes, but it always reaches the prisoner's original state eventually. This process is repeated naturally every few days, too. Effectively gifting them eternal youth. Provided they were young when they came on board, that is. I've lost my prisoner data on Raum's age too, to be honest with you. The rest of her family were older. But that is a complicated case.

Why don't we decide what we should do next, while we wait for her recovery.

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