darkling apologist

Like we're at borderline religious fervor levels.

This artwork gives off regency vibes and I'm here for it!!

Trauma is still apart of people. And it doesn’t go away or vanish, regardless if the individual has a person that they’re in love with because trauma fundamentally changes who a person is. A person adapts to their trauma and learns how to go on with their life regardless of what they endured. But it still doesn’t mean it’s not still apart of them.

Azriel’s shadows are apart of him. They are a manifestation of the trauma that he endured. A physical representation of what brought him comfort during his darkest moments.

He doesn’t see them as separate entities. He sees them as extensions of himself, his shadows brought him comfort, they’ve adapted to his emotions and have tried to find ways to help him. he isn’t burdened by them. They just are apart of who he is. And even he has accepted this.

Now we could equate his shadows disappearing around Elain and Mor as a representation of two people he’s comfortable with, but the text contradicts this because they don’t vanish around the two people who know him inside and out which are, Cassian and Rhys.

But there is something that Mor and Elain have in common. 1. As doesn’t think it’s good enough for either of them. And 2. He is hiding fundamental parts of himself away from them because he’s afraid if they see the real him it’ll scare them. Which isn’t a healthy way of thinking, especially when it comes to someone you want to be your partner.

I think it’s different with Gwyn because his shadows don’t vanish around her, they actually seem to really like her as a person or perhaps see a kindred soul, and she’s already seen the darkest parts of him, and it doesn’t scare her.

She doesn’t look at Azriel as someone who terrifies her. Despite seeing what he’s capable of. And there’s no part of Azriel that he’s hiding from her.

I think it’s also important to note that Azriel also sees Gwyn as more than what happened to her. Even when he tries to think of that night, he pushes the thought away and says it’s at odds with the woman he sees in front of him now. Thats huge for a character like Azriel. Who doesn’t extend the same courtesy to Mor or Elain despite the fact that they’re two women who have shown that they’re more than capable of defending themselves.

There's something relaxing about flat colors. I actually prefer them to shading (art by me).