my name is whatever you decide

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

Reblog and put in the tags what your blog title (not URL!) is a reference to.

the years have made me weird and strange to talk to. but still i must post

what people dont get about divorces is the Whole Thing About Dogs

i have written custody plans for labrador retrievers more complex than i have for children. i went to four years of undergrad, three years of law school, and sat for the bar exam to write up custody exchange provisions for dogs with hyphonated last names

my clients are paying $295 an hour for me to go to court and litigate who makes veterinary decisions for Chuckles the Goldfish and theres literally nothing i can do to stop them

sorry i dont find #joy in #homemaking or the #hearth or any shit like that i find joy in being paid and spending 126$ at a restaurant and thee liquor store

you couldnt imagine what it was like to be 10 years old and listen to radioactive by imagine dragons

its … it’s almost like it was enough to make your systems blow

this combined with people reading a boatload of fanfic between seasons then coming back to the show & getting upset that their headcanons aren’t canon… disappointment is a normal feeling but I also feel like people put themselves through unnecessary stress watching shows they clearly do not like

what is THE worst thing you've ever drank. all liquids acceptable. please tell me what it was, bonus points for why

my friend keeps sending the groupchat voice notes of her eating bussy and calling it "asmr"..... bro go study for your physics exam 😭

The pope is looking good.