??WhO kNoWs??

So I had a dream where my grandpa sent me to the store to buy my mom a hamburger with lettuce. When I got to the store all they had was whole burgers in the freezer, but I didn’t think those were good enough for her. I wanted her to have the perfect burger. So after like 5 isles of these really weird dick shaped fries, I found all of the ingredients...all except for lettuce. I freaked out because she specifically wanted lettuce. Sure the frozen burgers had lettuce, but I wanted her to have the very best. After a long journey I got home and gave her my special burger. She screamed at me. “THERES NO LETTUCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” And when I told her there was no lettuce she dragged me to the store, which was stocked with nothing but lettuce and those frozen burgers. “WhY dIdNt YoU jUsT gEt Me OnE oF tHoSe?!!!” “Becuase that wouldn’t have beenGOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!!!” 

Earlier that day, my step mom had yelled at me all day because the nice things I tried to do for her weren’t up to her standards.

So I was thinking…What if guys cried semen and ejaculated tears.

So everybody knows the song about sucking a dick...but last night for some reason, my mind was like, hey! Let’s make a parody! So my dead tired ass made one.

Nick Nick NickNick Nick

I wanna fix your crick

But I can’t fuck up my nails

So I’ll roll it out with chopsticks

Hands wide open

Hands wide open

Hands wide open, Im a chiropractor

Hands wide open

Hands wide open