“Dear diary... Am I supposed to write "dear dairy"? I don't know. Never mind. Perhaps it's been a few hours since I read the comment from some anonymous troll or however you spell it about me being a failure. I didn't think that a comment from some anonymous person with too much time on their hands to bother me would hurt so much.
I feel like shit. Literally shit. First, questions about my father, then the mention of my biological mother.... and the fact that there is an alternate universe in which there is a self that still has his father present. It hurts me.
It's not that I'm not happy for that version of myself. I am! Quite happy....I just wish...
Why does it make me so jealous to know that some version of myself, in one of the millions of universes that exist, can talk to his father every day? I miss my father. I really miss him.I wish I could at least say that I can curl up in nostalgia and spend hours and hours thinking about past memories.... I can't. All I really know about him now is... almost... what his smile was like.
There are also some photos of him when he was young. Kip was right about him looking like me.And that poorly taken photo of his face in which he, I, and my siblings were. That helps me imagine what he would look like now sometimes...
But I don't feel it's enough. I want a hug from my father and for him to tell me I'm doing well, like I'm a helpless 5-year-old again.
Sometimes I feel so... stressed and bad about living up to the expectations of this figure whom I admire; my father, my dad.
To the point that I started sometimes sitting on the floor just to hug myself to... pretend he's here.I don't really want to tell anyone about this. I wouldn't want to make someone else responsible for my feelings.
I'm still so angry and so sad about that stupid comment. It's just a comment. Literally! It could have been anyone....
And that's the problem. It could have been anyone.But it's not a big deal....
Maybe.... I'm just exaggerating.”
//I hope your happy, anonymous. You made the kid cry. I KNOW THE DRAWING IS SHIT YOU DONT HAVE TO TELL ME