Feel the chill taste the salt and live

I can’t get myself to tell her I love her and I know she can’t do the same for me either

And I would hate to be back crying at the dining table and spending our months in painful silence but I understand her more than anyone and we are one and the same and I want someone to hug her and hold her and tell her it’ll be okay and that she can relax now and that we’re okay but I also know it can never be me 

That our stubborn hearts would combust before we would let each other be vulnerable like that and I remember the last time I told her I loved her in between tears in the silent  aftermath of screamed words and she walked away in silence and I cried again and knew she did too and since then the walls have been up too long and we’re both too proud to ever say the first word again

THEY MADE MY GAY HEART COMBUST 

i love it so much but i am not sure i should

it feels sacred

it hurts but you smile as the tears fall

and the words keep blurring but i cannot stop because i feel

i feel the yearning

and it is so powerful that for a while nothing else exists 

nothing exists but the dark the words and my tears

it is my comfort

the pain is my comfort

and i cannot bear it