a little bit broken, a little bit ruined

Know the feeling when you suddenly stop and think to yourself: “I think I am falling back into the pit again.”?

You are sitting on the bus, or in your car, or you are at school, at work or even at home and you suddenly realize that you are getting bad again.

But why?

You don’t really know. You wretch your brain for any trigger. But there is none. You’ve been getting along like usual.

So why?

Sometimes there is no “because”.

Sometimes you are just not happy. And there is nothing to blame.

But you are keeping it to yourself, except that you eventually tell your therapist about it, but that’s it. Because maybe, just maybe, it’s just the day or the weather and you will be fine in the morning.

But in most cases it isn’t that simple. You stay internally dead. And you can’t do anything about it.

You also don’t tell your loved ones, because you are scared they might think it’s their fault. For making you unhappy. But they are wrong.

It’s your fault for being unhappy.

Daily routines and activities are exhausting

Keeping up with our daily life is draining. Even though it’s the same routine every day.

So, if we gotta deal with something out of the ordinary or with something additional, we get drained very fast.

Meaning we are probably not even attending or leaving early. Saying we are tired and that work has been very exhausting that day. Please don’t take it personally.

But the truth is: we are tired and exhausted every single day.

We are easily irritated

Feeling annoyed and irritated is pretty common when dealing with depression.

And all these annoying little things pile up. Meaning we get easily angered and frustrated.

It sounds silly, but we get triggered by the tiniest things up to a serious mental breakdown.

Our sleeping pattern is very irregular

Sometimes we don’t sleep at all. And other times we can’t get enough, even having to take naps during the day.

Sometimes we stop caring about our appearance

We forget eating, forget to take a shower, forget to do the laundry or forget to clean up our home.

And sometimes we eat unbelievable amounts of food, shower 7 times a day and do all our chores up until everything is done. Then we get bored

Holy isolation

Hanging out with friends is very exhausting. Yes, once in a while, we do and it’s working out fine.

Other times a single conversation drains all the energy out of us.

Additionally, because we get frustrated and annoyed so easily, we just wanna isolate ourself, because we just gonna get annoyed anyway. So what’s the point?

Obviously that also means that we are avoiding people who wanna help us.

Losing interest

Did you have hobbies? Activities you loved doing? Do you still do them?

No. Because you lost interest in them. Because they no longer fill you with joy.

You feel nothing.

Pessimistic mindset

The glass is always half empty.

We start to think: “Why bother?”

Because we are not getting anything from what we do.

We can’t concentrate

When you are talking to us, we often don’t really hear what you are saying. The moments of silence in between, we are in our own little world and when you start talking again, we miss the first part of the sentence. Sometimes we ask you to repeat it and sometimes we don’t.

Plus, we are really forgetful. We forget about meeting up with you, to call you back or special dates, like birthdays.

Dealing with us

can be very difficult.