Trying to understand

“I hate myself for being this way,” she mumbles, “I hate that there is this gorgeous, amazing, lovely human being that wants to be in my life and is doing everything right and I’m just waiting for them to realise I’m not good enough.” Tears slip down her cheeks. “I live with this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that everything is going to go wrong and I know that’s changing the way I act. But I am terrified. Terrified I’ll let them in and in the end I’ll be alone again.”

Doesn’t matter how well you think you know someone. You will never truly know them.

It took a lot for me to open up to you. Even if it did seem small, to me it was huge. And when you left. That was it. When you left me in the middle of the night crying alone. That’s when I swore I’d never tell anyone anything ever again.

The emptiness inside is growing and one day I will only be a shell of who I was.

I’m scared to fall in love again because of you.

You made me feel like I was unlovable and that wasn’t okay.

She won’t realize it tomorrow, a week from now, a month or even a year from now, no, but she will realize many years down the line what she missed having with you. When she’s in an unhappy and loveless relationship, she’ll think of you and your unrelenting passion and fire you burned for her. She’ll think how you wouldn’t allow her to walk all over you and will begin to admire your stance on standing up for yourself and recognizing your worth. You see, back then she wasn’t ready, mentally or emotionally, to refuel you like you fueled her. She didn’t know how to handle your flame so she allowed you to burn out. But believe me, the day will come; when she finds herself thinking how her life got to the point of doing what she thought made others happy, only to realize the one thing that made HER happy, was you.

I gave you everything, You tore that shit to pieces, I stood by your side though everything, Was the bitch really worth it, Does she hold you every night, I can’t get it out of my fuckin’ head, How could you do this to me, The fuck would you do if I did this to you, I wish I could do this to you, What would you do if I didn’t come back.

I just wanted you to look at me the way you looked at her

I just want someone to be there for me the way you used to be…

“I was just a small item in your game. While she was playing too..”

I still care about you, but I don’t want to. I hate what you did. I hate what happened. I hate all of it. But you won’t ever go away. You’ll always be there in the back of my mind. I can’t escape it. Whatever it was that I had with you, didnt just go away. I hate myself for that. My head is so fucked up because of everything that happened and I get angry when I think about it. I shouldn’t care about someone who constantly fucked me over and clearly didn’t give a shit about me.

“Take care of yourself, I care about you.” Do you? Is that why you fucked me over and put me in this mess to start with?