Still Don’t Know

😩🤌💖

A WIP inspired after I watched Blue Eye Samurai again today, mayhaps its canon, mayhaps its not ✋️💀

And

If you’re on the discord there’s some great artists that could give you tips on how to do the stripes

But this is stunning

Pairing: So’lek x Avatar-driver!reader

Summary: You were brought into the TAP program 6 years before Jake Sully waged war and ran the RDA off of the planet. You had thought the Sarentu kids you watched grow up were dead. 15 years later, a second chance to give them the freedom they deserve arises as well as secrets that were kept hidden.

Word count: 17K

Trope: Tolerates one another to understands each other to lovers ig

Warning: So’lek overthinking himself into a stupor, recurring nightmares, conflicting thoughts, maybe more imposter syndrome???

__

Na’vi Dictionary:

Tewng - Loincloth/waistcloth 

Olo’eykte - (female) clan leader

Winzaw - Arrow deer

Vekreng - Cloaked Panther

Slotsyal - Stormglider

Swokurwll - Blood of Echoes

Zangke - fermented drink made with zakru milk and fiery herbs 

__

A/N: I have arisen! Thank you for waiting so long on me. Life’s been too hectic to just sit down and write unfortunately. I also wanted to make sure the dynamic shown was thought through and worded properly. And honestly I’m as content as I’m going to be with it. 

❁ <- Previous ❁ Next -> ❁

❁ TSMUKE ❁

Anqa was very much not a morning person. Grumpy. Hard to convince of anything, let alone trying to get her out of bed away from her girlfriend. So when you came sneaking up to her at the crack of dawn, she had not been happy. Refusing, at first, to get out of bed. Shifting when Priya grumbles, trying to curl deeper into the blankets and her girlfriend. Warm and happy.

Well, she wasn’t ‘warm and happy’ when you kept swatting at her leg. Disturbed by a low, sharply hissed, “Wake up.” Nothing. All she did was swat back half heartedly over her shoulder, curling more into the shared heat. You’d wanted to smack her again, but shifting from nearby bunks makes you pause.

This wouldn’t do. If Priya hadn’t been there, you would’ve just flipped the hammock. Let Anqa fumble around on the ground like a beached fish. But, you were a kind friend. Really. Especially when trying to be discreet. Ironically, between the two of them, Priya was even worse in the mornings. Yeah, probably best to not get a repeat of ‘Priya-geddon’. So as gentle as you could be, you reach over again. This time, gently prying an eye open. Watching the sleep flicker away in a small panic. “What the-?”

And honestly, you don’t think about how terrifying that probably was. You, looming overhead, smiling down at her. A quiet chipper, “Good morning.” Barely muffling the small laugh bubbling as she fights the urge to jerk away. Scowling at you when your hand lightly taps against her shoulder for encouragement. “Come on, let’s go.”

It takes a solid ten seconds for her to do anything but stare up at you before she’s trying to shift away from Priya without waking her up. “What is wrong with you?” Her words slightly muffled as she struggles to pull herself out of bed without knocking herself over. 

“A lot.” A grand total of twenty minutes is what it takes for Anqa to fully wake up. Five just to find clothes and get dressed, another 5 of yawning and trying to subtly crawl back into bed before getting dragged out to the kitchen. And the last ten minutes she’s been slowly working her way through the ‘coffee’ alternatives, finally taking a sip. Your eye twitches as you watch her go deliberately slow. “You take forever.” 

“Well, you’re the one who wants to do this at the crack of dawn.” Her fingers tap at the digital clock on the microwave. “Scratch that, the sun hasn’t even risen yet.” She’s leaning against the counter, watching your tail flick behind you in annoyance. Eyes drifting to the already packed bag at your feet. “What’s so important that this couldn’t wait until a normal hour?” She waits patiently when you turn away, glancing back down the hallway. Sees the way your ears twitch as you think of the right words to use. 

“I need space, from all of this.” You sink down slowly, hands rubbing your face. Willing the lingering tiredness to disappear. The weight of everything to just leave. “It’s nothing against anyone here,” a half truth, “I just.. Everywhere I turn, I see war still lingering. I can’t relax. I can’t sleep. I feel like a bird trapped in a cage.” You pick at the fibers of the anklet Teylan had given you a few days ago. He’d been tight lipped about where he learned it from. “And if we wait until a ‘normal hour’, when everyone’s up, someone’ll stop me. And that list of possibilities is too long to take that chance.”

Anqa is quiet for a few moments, taking in your words. Then, a smile quirks on the corner of her mouth as the last bit of sleep leaves her. “Well, maybe, that’s because you’re making impulse decisions.” She pushes away from the counter, flicking your ear when she pushes past you into the hall. “No one that cares about you will give you shit for wanting peace after everything that’s happened.”

Your tail swats at her leg with a small crack. “It’s not impulsive.” That was the full truth. This whole thing, it’s been on your mind for weeks now. A sort of silver lining against the darkness. Something to look forward to after everything was set back into place. Voice lowering to a mumble as you stand up, “And someone here absolutely would give me shit.”

Anqa doesn’t hear that second part or maybe she just pretends not to. Lets out a loud snort and retorts, “You sure about that?” You send a heatless glare her way, smacking her on the back of the head this time. The tuft of hair tickling the back of her neck in the process. Taking one large step away when she made a grab for your tail. “Will you stop that?”

You bite back, “Are you going to stop teasing me?”

Her hand slaps against your hip, “No.”

A small smile works its way on your face, regardless of how you’re trying to hide it. “Good.” The airlock hiss is uncomfortably loud in the early morning. It felt like an announcement calling through the still air. ‘Hey look at me! Just running away, don’t mind me. See y’all later!’ 

Anqa’s boots are just as loud against the rock and metal flooring, echoing off the walls around you. So, you decide to wait until the Samson is in sight before speaking again. “Thanks for doing this.” Keeping your eyes straight when she turns to look at you, “It means a lot to me. Truly.”

She watches you for a few beats, her boots are the only sound combatting the flickers of life in the forest. Then her hand reaches out to smack your hip, jogging away laughing. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

The trip out was shorter than you’d thought it would be. A bit shorter than you had wanted it to be. Eyes following flowing veins bringing life to the land below. Watching the rising sun peak over rock to the land hidden below. It was beautiful. A small beacon of hope for the week before you.

Warm sun and gentle winds greet you as Anqa lands on the opposite side of the river. “Ya know, they’d probably let you park closer. We are allies after all.”

“Not taking the risk.” She twists around, flicking her hand around in a so-so kinda manner. “And besides, walking is good for you. Builds character.”

Glancing between her, the open door, and the semi wide river between you and your goal. “Not when I have to get my feet wet in the process.”

Her face twists in unamused annoyance, “You’re always barefoot anyways, so what does it matter?”

Your lips purse some, looking down. “I’ll get mud between my toes.”

You don’t have to look at her to know the complete exasperation that has taken over her face. “Just go already, it’s just mud. Or did you drag me all the way out here for shits and giggles?”

“Trust me Anqa, I wouldn’t have asked this if it wasn’t important to me.”

Her shoulders soften for a moment, “I know.” 

There’s a brief pause as you both just watch the slow trickle of the river, delaying the inevitable. Your voice breaks the silence, “Hey, will you do me a favor?”

Anqa hums noncommittally, “Thought I already did?”

You’re tempted to reach across and smack her again. Instead you just roll your eyes at her. “Another one then.” Fingers dig into your pocket, fiddling with the piece of paper before pulling it out. “Give this to the Sarentu for me? It’ll help them to not worry so much.”

Anqa’s eyes flick between the note and you, “You didn’t tell them you were leaving?”

Another small breeze works its way through the Samson, hair tickling the back of your neck. “I did, but this explains why. I’m not ready to tell them face to face about..” Anything. Everything. It’s quiet for a moment, neither of you moving. She knew exactly what you were referring to, but then again, she knew the whole lot of it. The memory of the collective of Priya, Nalin, and Anqa yelling at you about your whole phantom pain is still a loud one. You didn’t want to imagine the disappointment in their faces when it came out that you’d lied to them, right to their faces.

Then she reaches forward with a sigh, tucking it safely away until she gets back. Another small, quiet moment passes as a herd of arrow deer go bounding past. The silence is a dead giveaway at the teasing you were about to receive. And she does just that, nodding, a telltale smirk on her lips. “What about lover boy?”

The deep breath you take fails to hide your annoyance at her probing, “Who?”

“You know who.”

Another beat, “What about him?”

Her brow twitches, “Did you tell him? About you leaving?”

Yours raises in defiance. Or maybe just sarcasm. “Yes.”

“And?”

“And what?” Her gaze sharpens some, making you look anywhere but her. “I told him I was visiting a friend.”

“A friend.”

“Yes.”

“The same ‘friend’ who’s a bit too interested in you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

Her face scrunches a bit, “It’s just..” 

“Just what?”

“You and your ‘friend’ have a very interesting way of communicating.”

Your finger flicks back and forth, “It’s similar to how we do.”

“There’s also the fact that your ‘friend’ and lover boy don’t seem to see eye to eye.” Her head cocks, “And you and lover boy have gotten very ‘close’ over the last what, few months? I didn’t want to pry, not with everything and all but, it looks like you guys are-.”

“Don’t.”

“What’s so wrong with being in a relationship?”

You almost don’t answer, struggling to understand it all yourself. Your fingers ache to reach back, feel the weight you can’t live without now. The leather that felt like home against your skin. “He deserves someone born of this world. I don’t want him to regret choosing a pretender later on.” Half truths, fake beliefs. Shoving false wants over your own. 

That was the reality.

“And you think distance will open his eyes to that? It’s not your decision to make, you know. And I think it’s a little late for that.” She looks at you now, really looks. Sees the stubborn eye bags lingering, the tension that’s grown in your shoulders over the conversation. The way your fingers twitch, trying to figure out what to do. The damage you kept under lock and key. “You deserve happiness too.”

“Hence, the week away.”

She watches you for another moment debating her next words, “You didn’t tell us.”

Your hip digs slightly into the cockpit’s frame when you lean in further, “Would you have tried to talk me out of it?”

“No.” Then she actually considers your words, “Maybe. Not out of control. Out of love and concern.”

“That’s why. Out of the three of you, Nalin would’ve been the worst about it. And she would’ve gotten Priya worked up, which would’ve led you to get worked up.” Another warm breeze blows through the Samson, like a reminder of what you’d already set your mind to. “It’s easier this way.”

She turns serious for a moment, giving you a once over. “You’re sure about this? Like, really sure? Got a radio in case you change your mind?”

Your finger pokes at her mask, “Nope. Even if I end up hating it, I gotta commit. For mental health and all that.” You smile at her, “Tell Priya I’ll bring her a gift when I next see her.”

She nods, turning back to the control panel. “Great, now I’ll get a week of guessing what you’ll give her to accompany your absence. Alrighty then, I’ll be back in a week to check in on ya.” Her head turns to catch you before you fully climb out, “Be safe, okay? Really don’t wanna come back to news you got eaten after I left you here.”

“You think so little of me.” Sounds start to carry on the wind, daily life starting to wake up. Your fate for the next week. “I’ll miss you too, Anqa. 

“Get some sleep.” She turns one last time to wag her finger at you, lips quirked back up in her normal tease. “No partying super late and no excessive drinking.”

That smirk deepens when you flip her off, “No promises.”

You stand there longer than you should have, watching the Samson drift into the distance. No going back. Distant chatter carries on the wind, heavy thudding getting closer and closer. Soft steps sound behind you, six replaced by two. Familiar and welcoming. “Ah, little warrior, nice of you to finally join us.” Nesim stands on the other side of the river, a playful smile curling her words.

You respond with your own, slowly working through the shallow water. Feeling mud and rock squish uncomfortably between your toes. “It is still early Nesim, I told you I would come.”

“Yes, you are good at keeping your word.”

“Then don’t doubt me.”

Her touch is soft on your back, guiding. “Come. We will get you settled first.”

A flag of suspicion. “Then what?”

Her smile curls into a smirk, mirth dancing across her face. “Then, fun begins.”

___

The air is warm as night settles, the sounds of the clan moving around softening. Mellowing into something normal. Melting into a sense of comfort. Of belonging instead of just watching from the outside. Telling yourself over and over that this had been the right choice, something you needed. 

That doesn’t stop the slight tug at your heart as thoughts wonder. You hadn’t wanted to leave them, hadn’t wanted to leave him. But you needed space to think, to clear your head. To work through everything that had happened after the drill. Piece together the parts of you that had shattered.

It was one thing to lean on family, rely on loved ones to get you through a tough spot. It was another thing to dump issues onto those that don’t deserve them. To worry others when you slip away from bed in the middle of the night. To feel guilt rise at the sound of footsteps following shortly behind. To have comfort interrupted with apology. 

So you chose the childish route under the guise of something else. Running away. From everything, including them. The watchful eyes that should be focused on themselves, rebuilding and relearning ways that had been lost long ago. Worried hands that should be taking care of themselves first, fix their broken parts with your support. Not the other way around.

A deep breath reminds you exactly why sleep was a bit harder to find tonight. Nesim definitely had a different sense of the word ‘fun’. It had been fine at first, her guiding you through the circle. Forgoing introductions at first, pulling you to where you would be staying for the week. A small space, just enough for what you needed, near the pa’li grounds. Quiet for the most part.

If you were being honest, you hadn’t expected the amount of warmth the Zeswa gave. From elders down to their children’s children. Hands had been soft on your arms in greeting. Warm smiles every time someone spoke. It had been a bit jarring initially. And Nesim had seemed baffled at your surprise. ‘The people here know what you have done. The fight you gave for their losses.’ Her words heavy with respect. ‘Respect is not given lightly. You have earned it.’

Another small shift gives another unpleasant reminder of what exactly she had classified as ‘fun’. The firm grip as she dragged you away by your wrist once you’d dropped off your things. Shoving a bow and spear thrower at you. Training, she’d called it. Said she had only seen what you could do with metal. Smirking as she said she would have to see what the ‘fighting spirit’ inside you could actually do with real weapons.

Your eyes trace over the small ripples dancing over pebbles underfoot. Feeling the warmth still residing from the earlier sun fade with each small rush. Using the growing coolness to calm the heat resting on your neck. Letting it spread down the line of your jaw, past the contours of your shoulders. In hindsight, you should’ve brought a cloth with you instead of having to walk back through camp still damp.

You continue to watch the water drip down to join the gentle rush below again. Feeling a small headache start to brew underneath the stiffness. Another thing she’d insisted on was the language. You had a pretty good handle on na’vi during the years you’d been on Pandora, had gotten to know plenty more over the years of living near the Omatikaya. Now, you’d have to speak it every day, all day. It was a bit exhausting on the brain. But it made the clan members even more easy around you, feeling like they could joke with you. 

Include you.

That seemed to add the heaviest weight tonight. How much could you be included on a world you were never meant to be a part of? How far would the people here allow you to go before it was considered too far? How far could you go before you lost yourself? Would you lose yourself? 

Your family wasn’t helping the matter. You’d overheard them before you left, their plans to settle among the Aranahe in their Hometree. Had overheard their plans of including you in that move. The certainty in their words. Zero doubt that you’d be accepted there. Knowing you had friends there once, ones who you hadn’t heard from in almost a year. Ones that wouldn’t know what had happened. Would they accept you back again after all this time?

Then slowly, faces shift. Family to friend to something in between. So’lek. He was confusing. More than he should’ve been. The shift in his attention over the past few months had been overwhelming to say the least. You’d watched Anqa hold back commentary. Seen the looks Priya and Nalin would exchange behind your back. The way Dani used to elbow you every time she ‘caught’ him looking just for you to see his back when you turned around.

Now you had no idea. You were sure that knife meant something when he gave it to you. Something more than just a gift between friends. Was so sure the time he willingly spent by your side was by choice not obligation. The words he said, his actions, the stubborn way he refused to leave you alone. Thinking that you had it all wrong made your heart clench uncomfortably. That you’d ruin this without more proof. 

Though, you suppose, if your family was commenting on it then there must be something real there. Especially if the various conversations they trapped you in over the last week was anything to go off of. “It’s okay to want things yourself, Keke.” Ri’nela’s words were always the most reasonable and least entertaining. Practicality blending with wisdom beyond her years. 

The other two on the other hand were much less discreet in their teasing. “I may be blind to some things but I can still see.” You were tempted to poke Tamtey’s smirking eye at that one.

“Do you think you could talk So’lek into teaching me this?” Your words of Teylan asking So’lek himself went unheard in his reply, “But, he listens to you the most.”

And the worst one, “I could do with another brother.” You’d tickled them into submission for that one.

The shift of heavy weight to something manageable tonight was evident. Finding yourself playing with the ends of your hair. Memory helps to lighten the load in your heart. Ri’nela was normally the one who liked to braid hair, said it was the ‘ultimate sibling bonding experience’. Only this time, Teylan had initiated. Had dragged you and the others outside for a change. Forced everyone to sit down, sharing fruit. Forming a braiding circle of sorts, allowed each of you to put a small braid in his hair. His own effort in trying to connect more, to feel the connection to everything around him.

And while the memory was warm, it still twisted. You being here instead of there with them.

No, this had been the only right course. You had to believe that. Had to make it true. So you kept sitting there at the river’s edge, listening to the crackling fire behind you. The soft voices that carried jokes and seriousness together. Heavy, rhythmic trotting by every now and then. Quiet greetings carried on the gentle breeze of the night. And in that silence peace came. Slowly and unsure, but still settling none the less. Allowing softer thoughts to appear and take hold. Memory. Decision.

Until those thoughts catch on a glint beneath the surface.

___

Life in the plains starts early, much to your chagrin. The hide flap on the tent Nesim had offered you rips back, letting blinding light stab you through your eyelids. Your hand flies up, quickly turning away from the brutal intrusion. “It is already late, little warrior. Get up, there is much to do.”

Braids tickle your cheek as you try to curl further into the bedroll, pulling the blanket over your head. “Five more minutes.”

A hand rips that off too, “The day will not wait just because you are tired. Up.” Nesim wraps a hand around your wrist, pulling you up awkwardly to your feet. Then shoved something firmly into your hands. “Here, put these on.” 

Bleary eyes try to understand what you were holding. Clothes. Zeswa clothes. One hand raises to press fingers into tired eyes, to make sure that you are not seeing things. No. She actually expected you to change out of the clothes you brought. “Nesim, I have clothes. I brought enough for the week.”

An unamused hum drifts over as she looks down at the pile you’d haphazardly tucked away in a corner last night. “These clothes are weak,” she holds up a tank top from the top of the pile. “They will not withstand life here.”

You look between her, the tank top, and the clothes you were currently holding. “I’ve worn them before just fine.”

Nesim looks up at you, sleep still present as you sway a bit. She doesn’t hide her amusement at that, “You asked to come here, little warrior. To experience our way of life, yes?” That smile deepens when you nod, mumbling something about ‘clearing your head too’ under your breath. “Then these,” her face pinches as her fingers run over an uneven seam coming slightly undone. “These will not do.”

Ears flick as something becomes crystal clear to your waking mind. She wasn’t going to drop this. You sigh, holding the clothes out to see what exactly you were getting yourself into. The tewng was beautiful, well crafted. And the best part was it had more than enough fabric for you to feel comfortable. Meaning you wouldn’t be spending the week with your butt hanging out in the open.

Then your eyes move to the top, or what was supposed to be one. 

You know that there’s nothing to be ashamed of. Very aware of how the na’vi were comfortable in their bodies. Didn’t sexualize things like humans do. And while this wasn’t the most exposing piece of clothing you’ve been offered in the past, this one in particular, left very little for the imagination. Most of your upper body would be exposed and only two ropes would keep what little modesty your human brain demanded was maintained. 

Your eyes drift over to the pile you’d discarded last night, wanting nothing more than to grab a pair of shorts and a tank top and be done with it. Though by the look of it, Nesim was debating burning the small pile. These might end up as your only option after all. “I don’t know that I can wear this, Nesim.” Then another thought hits you, “And who did you steal these from?”

She just laughs, shoving your clothes into a basket before shoving that into the corner. “They are for you.”

“You mean,” your fingers move over the threading, feeling the strength in the weaving. The contradiction between technique and material. “Someone made this. For me?”

Nesim shifts to the front of the tent again, hand pulling the front flap back into place, speaking over her shoulder. “Yu’o, a master at her craft. You gave her comfort after her son was killed from the arches’ collapsing rocks.” A sincere smile, “She wanted to thank you. A lot of people do.”

Emotion stings at your throat, the gravity of this gift becoming crystal clear. “I will have to thank her for this.”

Nesim smiles, “You will meet her soon enough. She was out tending to a friend yesterday, she will be back today.” 

You shift awkwardly, “I should get changed, join the others outside.”

“Yes,” a small hesitation, “I can help, if you need it.”

“No, I think I can figure it out.”

She smiles, ear flicking lightly before nodding. She clearly had something she was holding back as her eyes flit down to your hands. You decide to brush it off when she speaks again, “Very well, I will be outside.”

While the tewng was very covering, that did not mean you were not left with strings practically clawing their way up your butt. You had tried shifting after getting it on, almost even called Nesim back inside to make sure you had it on right. Then you just relented. If it wanted to act like a thong then you weren’t going to fight it.

The top was more secure than you’d initially thought. You were still worried you’d have an accidental nip slip, but with how tight it fit it seemed that chance was smaller, so that was a plus. That thought did not ease the fact you were about to wear ropes over your boobs. Nesim’s eyes were sharp when you finally stepped out, checking over straps and ties. Nodding to herself before helping to adjust what you had missed or done poorly. Knuckles brushing over your sternum as she helps to shift the ropes in place, fingers grazing the tops and sides of your breasts. “There, now you are ready.”

 The walk around the Circle today was calmer than yesterday, gentler. There were still watching eyes everywhere you went, and now as you’re dressed like them it seemed more focused. Small whispers still followed you but they were quieter now. Less about the dreamwalker seeking refuge. More about the friend to the People you were becoming. Had become.

A hand grabs you suddenly, fingers pinching at your new clothes. “It fits you well. Good. I was worried it would not.” 

Swallowing your racing heart, you whip around to the grabby offender. An older woman, more than likely an elder, stood there. She was taller than you, a lot taller than you had expected. Intricate braids lined her forehead, pulled tightly into place, graying at the roots. A warm smile crinkles the skin by her eyes but does nothing to hide the playful glint reflecting out. “You startled me.”

That glint sparkles a bit more as her smile grows, “A warrior like you, scared by me? I expected more.” 

You feel a smile growing in response, “That tends to happen if you sneak from the shadows.”

“Yes, it does.” She regards you again, pinching and pulling lightly at your clothes. “Does nothing pinch? Feel too tight?”

Minang’s voice carries as she walks over to the small group that had formed. “Yu’o, your work is flawless as always.” Her eyes dragging over you, “It looks good. Strong image.”

Recognition sparks as your eyes light up, “So you are the famous Yu’o.”

Her tone carries a light lilt, “You are the famous dreamwalker everyone is talking about.”

“I cannot thank you enough for these,” your hands gesture towards her work. “It was a kind gift. One I will treasure.”

“You deserve more.” Her hand reaches out, twisting a loose braid between her fingers. “We should rebraid your hair.”

Your hand raises, palm brushing over to feel if anything was loose. “What’s wrong with my hair?”

“It will tangle in the winds here.” Her smile softens, “No one will make you, but it will make life easier while you are here.”

Her care fills you with warmth. “I would like that very much.”

Her palms were warm as they raised to rest your shoulders, squeezing lightly before dropping back down. “Tonight then. I will find you.” 

A hand finds your arm, “Come, little warrior, we have much to do today.”

Uh oh, that wasn’t a good sign. “Please don’t say fun will follow.”

Nesim just laughs and hooks her arm over your shoulder, “You will find it fun.”

“I doubt that.” But your smile gives you away. More than likely, you will find whatever torture she decides to throw at you as fun.

___

Sweat still sat heavy on the back of your neck. An unpleasant reminder of why you were out here so late. Again. The air was calm tonight, no relief in a cooling breeze to be found. Just heat that refused to leave. It was happening again. Same time, inconsistently. It’d be easier if it was every night, something to plan around. But this.. this wasn’t even something you could describe. Never remembering  exactly what happens, which nightmare chooses to plague you the most or even what shape it takes. All you know is that you can’t breathe when you wake up. 

It’s draining.

This had meant to be an escape, a way to put these issues behind to start anew. Instead of following you around, haunting quietly from shadows until night falls. A bead of sweat tickles your skin as it slides down your spine. Yeah, what a great new start this was turning out to be.

Thoughts start to drift as you push away the lingering fear still hiding in your shadow. Choosing to count the stars, slowly guiding you to one you could never forget. Home. Or what was left of it. Memory helped to fight the demons back for one more night. A small smile settles on your face as flashes of your childhood greet you with every twinkle. 

The sounds of shrieking laughter as your mother chased you through the house, desperate to wash the mud caked on your skin and under your nails off. The field of poppies your grandmother cared for behind her house. The same field you would play in for hours, counting ladybugs on leaves, weaving stems together as a present for your mother. Your grandfather throwing you high in the air, catching red as far as the eye could see.

And now, it was all gone. Just dust dancing across a dying world. One you could never go back to even if you wanted.

A shift when a small tingle forms in your toes, trying to avoid the rushing heat that has eluded you for the last couple of days. Honestly, with Nesim and the others dragging you around, you’ve hardly had a moment to even think about your leg. The physical activity of everyday life was helping to regulate it. Keeping one phantom at bay.

But when one phantom sleeps, more circle and take its place.You were still an outsider here, an observer. Interrupting their ways of life as an escape. The thought that this had been a mistake crossed many times, each heavier than the last. But then you remembered the heaviness that sat in that cave, the duty that dug in like sharp stone even after its purpose had been fulfilled. The weight of angry eyes clashing together. Thoughts that weren’t yours sown before you could cast them out.

And sometimes, those thoughts never leave. Don’t disappear when pain rears its ugly head. Just amplifying over echoes. And right now you didn’t know which one was worse. Nightmares, pain, the inevitable. 

What were you going to do? Where would you go? 

___

Clan life was getting easier. Granted, you weren’t doing a whole lot and it hadn’t been very long since you arrived. But it was simple. Easy to follow, easy to adapt to. And you found that you didn’t feel out of place every time you walked through the village. People greeted you by name, smiled at you. Children would run up and say hi now instead of giggling shyly behind their mothers.

Kin, in particular, had been adamant on keeping you company in your free time. Helping to introduce you to the zakru, demanding you taste test cheese every time you walked past the tent heading towards the river to refill a carafe for the day. Dragging you around until water sloshed out the sides, clothes dripping wet and upset you’d have to make another trip to the rivers edge.

And if it wasn’t him, it was Yu’o. Sitting you down, showing you weaving styles you’d never seen before, watchful eyes correcting until you got it right. Teasing you. Oh, she teased you. Had a talent for prying information out of you just to turn it back around to a new purple-tinted you. Like when she had locked eyes on the knife you carried around. Asking about the materials, who you had learned the technique from. The delight that crossed her face when you told her it was a gift. 

The teasing tone she took, ‘You did not tell me you were courting.’ 

The disbelief when you denied her words, ‘It was a gift from a friend, for protection before war.’

‘Friends do not give protection as a gift. They give love. That,’ her point was emphasized by her tugging on your belt near your knife’s sheath. ‘That is a declaration. A question of which you accepted.’

You were horrified at her words, horrified she had just announced what you had hoped was true out loud. To everyone that was eavesdropping without shame. That conversation alone almost made you feel bad for the amount of teasing you dished out to others.

A small gust of wind sends little clinks to tickle your ear. Another thing Yu’o had been successful in was her endeavors of forcing you to sit down and redoing ‘the mess’ you’d arrived with. Even went as far as adding beads from her own collection to some ends. ‘Decoration was key’, she said. ‘A flower is beautiful on its own, but flourishes when unfurled in the wind and greeted by the sun.’ 

Then a familiar screech fills the air, wings almost completely drowned out in the wind. Was that..? A brief flash of wings peaks over a zakru’s head, recognition making ears perk up. Yeah, that was definitely who you thought it was. Shifting the weight to your other hip, working your way up through tents and trying not to trip over your own feet.

What was he doing here? 

“Ah, our resident dreamwalker!” Kin’s boisterous voice startles you, sending water flying up over the lip. Soaking you as usual. “In a rush I see.”

“Kin!” Hand raising to rest over your pounding heart, “Do not do that.”

His smile is as teasing as ever, “Rushing to something important?” His gaze flicks up to the landing before settling back on you, “Or someone important?”

“I thought I saw..” What should you call him? You could use his name but it felt formal almost, disconnected from the relationship you had with him. Friend? More than a friend? The thought sends a rush of purple up your neck, teeth biting into your bottom lip to stop yourself from just spouting something random out. 

Unfortunately for you, Kin was not as reserved with his words. But then again none of the Zeswa seemed to hold back anything, ever. “Who? Your love?”

Your eyes bulge at the term, beads clinking together with every shake ‘no’. “No, he’s not..” Definitely not ‘your’ love right? Did you love him? You absolutely had feelings that went far past anything that could be considered just friendly. Maybe it was. Another wave of purple flies up your neck, settling prominently across your cheeks.

While the man in front of you loved to jest and poke fun, he also knew when to turn the conversation before you stopped functioning fully. “Come, let us go see your ‘friend’.”

The short walk up to the landing did very little to calm the excitement and nerves flooding you. You hadn't expected him to come here, especially since you had made sure to say something before you left. There was no reason for him to come, right?

Low shuffles mix with a delighted croon as a head smacks into your side nearly sending the carafe on your hip crashing to the ground. “Hello, Ìley.” His excitement was evident in the way he pushes against you once you set the jug down, curling your fingers under his jaw. Pulling a happy sound out as he presses closer, asking for more. At least he was happy to see you. “I haven’t been gone that long. D’ya miss me that much?” Is that why he’s here? Your heart rate picks up when you raise your eyes looking for him. Hoping you were right, nervous you were reading into this.

You heard him before you saw him. Standing off at the edge near the kites talking with Nesim. Then the tone registers. While they weren’t arguing per se, it wasn’t exactly a ‘friendly’ conversation. A sharp flick of his tail, “I have asked already, three times. Do you not intend on answering me?”

“If she wanted to talk she would.” Nesim shrugs, adding to the tension visibly tight in his shoulders. “What? Great, mighty warrior So’lek cannot get a woman to talk to him? He has to hunt her down?”

Another sharp flick pairs with twitching ears, “I am not hunting her down.”

Nesim cocks her head, looking him up and down. “No? Then why not wait? Surely you are not worried she will not come back?”

Okay, that had gone on long enough. “So’lek.” The reaction to your voice was immediate. Back snapping straight, ears perking backwards. If you hadn’t just witnessed how tense he was, you would’ve found it funny how quickly he turns around at your voice. Now you were worried he had come here to scold you.

“You are here.”

“Yes.”

“Alone? With no radio?” Yeah, you were going to get scolded.

And while you were happy to see him, hiding behind Ìley was sounding more and more like the thing to do. So you made no move to walk around the ikran, choosing instead to inch a bit more to the left. Letting his head hide you more. “Are you angry?”

“No.” 

A few seconds pass, then a few more. You wait but he seems intent on not elaborating. “But?”

His left eye twitches some, a minuscule amount. But you notice it. “What were you thinking? What if something had happened?”

“Nothing did.” Your fingers were nervously scratching at Ìley’s jaw now, using the low rumbles to soothe your heart. “Right?”

“No.” He relaxes some as you breathe a sigh of relief. Then his expression hardens some again. “We need to talk.”

Oh no, that’s not good. “I’m fine here.” You were being so, so childish right now. That much was perfectly clear in how you inched further behind Ìley when he started walking towards you. 

Evident in the way his eye twitches again, a heavy sigh leaving through his nose. “Stop hiding and speak to me. You are being..” His words seem to stick in his throat for a moment once he really takes a look at you. His ears pin back some as his eyes drag from your face, down to your toes, and back up again. Lips tugging down more into an undeniable frown. 

You hadn’t even thought about what you were wearing. Hands trying to smooth out the layers of your tewng. Feeling even more exposed now then you did when you first put it on the other day. And now, judging by So’lek’s reaction, it wasn’t a very good look for you.

So’lek tries several times to form some semblance of a sentence. Whether it was him finishing his last statement or building a new one you weren’t sure. But it sucked watching. Great, he hates it so much he can’t even speak. If you didn’t feel subconscious before, his scrutiny made it flare to new levels. It makes your ears tilt back, tail curling along your knee. “You’re angry.

So’lek blinks at you, “I am not angry.

“You look angry.”

His eyes flick over you again, slower this time. You almost felt completely naked by that alone. “You look different.”

A small, uncomfortable chuckle as Ìley pushes into your stomach again. “Is it that bad?”

He doesn’t answer. Oh no, that would be too easy. Instead another answers for him. “Come now, So’lek. You are being too hard on her.” Kin slaps a hand down on So’lek’s shoulder, making him actually flinch. Not a big reaction, but enough to be teased about. “She even came to greet you. See how kind she is.”

Then, it hits you. A bit of a slap of your own stupidity across your face. You’d completely forgotten about the audience around you. Nesim, who notably, had a semi-controlled look about her. Eyes slightly narrowed, lips pressed together in an almost purse. Watching you two with a little too much focus. 

Kin, however, had a look of unbridled joy. Whether it was at your expense or So’lek’s was debatable. Knowing him, it was probably a mixture of the two.

So’lek’s face had hardened some again, turning on that stoic expression he carried around most people. One you hadn’t seen in a while. One that you were now not fond of.

And you probably looked like a kid who was caught with their hand in the cookie jar. Eyes slightly bulged, ears twitching back and forth from embarrassment and something you didn’t have the capacity to touch on at the moment. Your tail had curled further around your knee and Ìley.. Well, Ìley either didn’t care or had no awareness of the range of emotions around him.

“If you’re not angry with me and nothing’s happened, then what’s the problem?”

“You left.”

“I told you I was going to visit a friend. You know, to clear my head and all.”

His jaw ticks, “You did not say here.”

Ok, he had you there. “I still told you I was going to be gone.”

“Not for this long.”

You look at him baffled, “I said a week—”

He steps closer, voice lowering as he interrupts you. “No, you said long enough to clear your head. It has been three days. Is that not long enough?” Well, in his defense, this is the longest you both have been apart from one another in months. So’lek’s been a fixture ever since you woke up from the bombing. The help he’s given to you, the guidance. Hours of the day spent together, just sharing company. Thinking about it makes you realize just how much you both have become intertwined in each other’s lives. The time you were both so used to sharing.

You give him a blank stare, “Can you not last four days without me?

That struck a nerve. A slight purple hue rests on the tips of his ears as he shifts under your gaze. Swallowing hard as he clearly looks for the right words. “That is not the point. You said ‘visiting a friend’, your friends are Oewto and Nuìkxe. You should be there with your family in the forest, not here with..” He looks over at Nesim. “Not away.” His expression softens a bit when he looks back at you. “The Sarentu were looking for you. They think you are avoiding them.”

That didn’t sound right, “Why would they think that? I talked to them the night before I left. And I wrote them a letter explaining more than enough.”

He pulls out said letter, “This is not an explanation.”

“Why do you have that? You can’t even read it.” He pulls his hand back when you reach for it, “So’lek, give it back. It wasn’t meant for you.”

“Written words are not the same as spoken ones.”

“You’d think differently if you’d allowed Alex to teach you how to read.” By now the small crowd of just Kin and Nesim had grown, various clan members watching on. Very amused by you swiping at So’lek and missing. It looked like some of them were even placing bets from the corner of your eye. The small glimpse of Yu’o made you turn away. You did not want to see the look she had. No doubt it would make you want the ground to swallow you then and there.

“Then teach me.”

“Will you actually listen? Or just complain that ‘human writing’ is too complicated and quit?”

“Will you teach me?”

“If you sit down and actually pay attention, then yes. After I go back.”

Your fingers successfully wrap around the edges of the note when So’lek pauses, standing stiffly. Though, your victory is short lived as your brain catches up to the position you were in. Here you were, leaning fully on So’lek as his hand was behind him. Your own arm was wrapped around his waist as you clutched the small piece of paper, your other hand resting close to his shoulder for support.

Your eyes go wide as a flush takes over you, yanking back to hide your face in your hands. So’lek, on the other hand, was standing there with a pleased look on his face. Gaze locked behind you in victory before drifting back down to you. Light laughter fills the air at your embarrassment, as you’ve now sunk down to the grown. Wishing you could be swallowed up sooner rather than later.

Nesim decides to save you from further embarrassment, “You have come a long way just to argue, So’lek. Surely that is enough wasted energy spent today.”

“I am sure what our Olo’eykte means is the problem was solved, yes?” No Kin, she did not mean it like that and you know it.

So’lek stands there, barely concealing his frustration at Nesim’s dig. And probably at you as well. His jaw ticks once before speaking, “I should go. There are things I need to get done.”

“Wait, you don’t seriously plan to fly back now? You just got here.” Ìley rumbles behind you, “Ìley must be tired. Just..” Stay? Is that what you were really going to suggest right now? Apparently so, “Just stay here tonight.”

He watches you for a long moment, looking from you to Ìley. “With you?”

No. “Yes.” That came out before you’d even registered what you said. What you were insinuating. Inviting So’lek to stay here in the village in your tent. You just asked him to sleep in your tent. 

His eyes glance back down again before seeming to yank them back up, jaw tightening. “I do not think that is a good idea.”

Another rumble pulls your attention to Ìley, watching him feign exhaustion. Breathing exaggeratedly, pretending to collapse close to the ground. Leaning into you while giving So’lek ‘puppy eyes’. “See? You have to let him rest.”

Ìley tilts his head away from an accusing finger. “You are not helping.” 

“Now, now, So’lek. I do believe you are losing. Let our kind friend help you settle in. Just for the night, hmm?”

So’lek’s face softens, “If you are okay with it.”

“I offered, remember?”

The walk back to your tent was quiet but not awkward. Well, a bit awkward. Neither of you spoke as you guided him through the village. You were a bit scared to look over at him, afraid of what expression might greet you. You thought he had understood you before, had gone out of your way to make sure he knew you were going to be gone. For peace of mind. But now you couldn’t even remember the conversation clearly. Doubting if your memory was correct, or if So’lek’s words were the truth.

He was quiet when you pulled the flap back, ducking under your arm. Close. He was so close as he moved past you. Warmth spreading through the air, carrying his smell. It was comforting, even under the circumstances. And while you weren’t going to say it out loud, honestly you might not ever, you were glad he was here. Glad for the comfort he brought you just from his presence alone.

The space inside felt smaller with you both in there. Intimate almost. You could feel the heat radiating off of him from across the tent. Or maybe you were just hyper aware. An image pops up as you watch him look around. An image of him, sleeping. Next to you. Which wouldn’t be such a new concept if it wasn’t for the lack of space and other people around. And even though that thought hadn’t placed him in your bedroll with you, it still threatens to send a flush over your body.

If you are listening, Eywa, please help me through the night and not make a fool of myself.

It takes almost all of your will power to keep your voice steady, “Here, I have another bedroll you can use.”

It almost felt domestic. You both work side by side, clearing a space for him. Setting a place up where he’d sleep. Tonight. It takes a lot of will power to not let the furious blush fighting for control to win here. The last thing you needed was to be mortified in front of the man who was going to share your tent tonight.

Yeah, that thought process was not helping.

The loose tools in the corner spark memory. “Oh, right, I have something for you.” So’lek is quiet as he sits to the side, waiting patiently as you dig through the various baskets strewn about. Mumbling under your breath, “I know you’re here somewhere..” Another basket is shoved lightly to the side as you continue your search. 

Then a loud, “Aha!” Your hand is closed tightly around the small gift, raised triumphantly in the air. Fingers brushing his palm as you pass it to him. Trying to seem like you weren’t hyper focused on his reaction.

So’lek looks closely at the small trinket you hand him, rolling it over in his hands multiple times. Fingers running over the river smoothed stone, the polished tooth you had spent absolutely way too long on. The threads that matched something else hidden away for later. Something you would have to try and finish before he could find it. Or found you working on it. Maybe you can talk Kin or Yu’o into distracting him for you.

Finally he speaks softly, “You did not have to.”

“No.” You didn’t have to. But you did anyway. “Nesim took me hunting yesterday.”

His eyes snap away from the gift, his face akin to that of a wounded puppy. You have to bite your lip to not laugh. “I would have taken you, if you had asked.”

“I know.” What you don’t tell him is that the hunt was more of a ‘ride along’ and when you had had a chance of actually trying to shoot something, you had missed. Terribly. And had whacked yourself with the string of your bow in the process. So bad that the winzaw didn’t even run at first just stared back at you, blinking slowly, before bounding off. You were sure it was making fun of you. 

“But then it wouldn’t have been a surprise.” A wave of shyness washes through you, shifting slightly from foot to foot. “Think of it as a small thank you. For what you’ve done for me.”

You can tell he wants to say something to that, but holds himself back from revealing something. So instead, his gaze slowly drops back down to his hand, “What is it?” 

Fingers reach out, palm settling at the edges of his. “This is river stone. I found it my first night here.” You can’t help the soft smile that creeps over your face, “It reminded me of your eyes.” Refusing to look at said eyes as they snap up at you, fingers continuing to ghost over the small trinket, warmth spreading up to your ears. “And this is vekreng claw. I found it washed ashore, not too far from where a slotsyal lives. I think it had been its dinner.” You sneak a glance up at him, seeing how closely he is paying attention. “And the fibers were a gift, from Yu’o.” 

Yeah, she had gifted them as soon as she’d gotten you tipsy after the whole ‘knife was a sign’ talk. Had gotten you to fully spill your guts on the borderline obsessive crush you had on this man in front of you. The only thing she made you promise was to use them to make something for him. Had been kind enough to explain a pattern for you. One that had lodged itself in your inebriated brain.

A courting gift.

The thought sends a spark down your spine. The thought of being connected to him, forever. Yeah, you were absolutely blushing now. Trying to seem casual when you pull your hand back, refusing to look back up at him. His hand catches your arm before you can fully pull away. Tilting his head to look you in the eye. “I will use it.”

Your lips twitch at the corners. “You should treasure it.”

He leans in, “I will.”

___

Night seemed to come a lot faster now that So’lek was going to be staying. Maybe that was just your mind playing tricks on you. Maybe it was Eywa denying your earlier request, insisting on a show before morning came. Either way, you couldn’t sleep now. Listening to the soft breathing of the man not even five feet from you. Seemingly in a deep sleep already. Completely unaffected by sleeping this close to you.

That had put a small kink in your plans. You had planned on talking to him at dinner, but he was distracted. Every time you tried to ask what was on his mind or what he was staring at, he just told you it had been a long day. One you and your ditziness caused no doubt. And now, you didn’t know if he was still awake or if he would even talk with you right now. But laying here staring at the ceiling counting stitches in the dark was driving you crazy.

“So’lek?”

For a moment nothing changed, soft breaths continued to fill the space. Almost mocking you. Then a small shift across the tent responds, a yawn catching in his throat, “Yes?”

“Did I wake you?”

A short pause gives him away, “No.”

Liar. Neither of you speak for a moment, listening to the flittering of the sleepy clan carrying through the night. “Can I ask you something?”

A small grunt to clear his throat, “Yes.”

It would’ve been easier to swallow the question back down, to tell him you were sorry for waking him and to go back to sleep. The decision to not do that was much harder, “Why aren’t you mad at me?”

Small shifts pull your attention from the stitching you had been tracing, eyes now drawn to the sleepy man. “Why?”

“I ran away. From the Sarentu,” your voice drops, “from you.” Emotion threatens to clog your throat, held at bay only by your guilt. The need to explain yourself, your actions. And understand his. “Why are you acting like this is normal? Treating me normally after I was a coward?”

“You are not a coward.”

Your throat bobs, voice quiet, “I was four days ago. I am now. I chose space over..” The words dance over a cut off warbling, forcing a hard swallow. “I was selfish, I was so tired of seeing war and enemies among friends. So I figured it was easier to just go away.”

So’lek shifts again, fingers twitching gently against his palm. Voice low and steady, words certain. “You are still hurting, we all are.” Knives stab at the back of your eyes, clawing at your throat. “I am not upset that you chose yourself. Choosing sanity does not make it weakness.”

Quiet settles between you again as you fight with yourself. He didn’t push, he never pushed, and maybe that was the problem. You needed a push, that had been proven by the one person who knew the entirety of your past with TAP. One night of drinking late after everyone had gone to sleep laced with the right question had you opening up in ways you never had before. It had been liberating in the moment. So if he wasn’t going to push, you were going to have to.

“I'm not used to this, telling others my issues. My problems.” So’lek doesn’t say anything, just listens. You know he knows what that’s like, the weight of the past that never leaves. Your brow pinches as you force the words out, “I don’t want to be the reason someone can’t sleep at night because they’re worried about me. I don’t know how to be that type of person. I’ve handled myself for a long time now, since I was fairly young.” 

Your eyes catch on the stitching over his shoulder, not wanting to see the recognition in his eyes. The reflection that would look back at you. “It’s not fair. I know it’s not, but I don’t know how else to handle this. These feelings, these ghosts.” You take a moment before forcing yourself to look at him, “There are things I wish I could talk about, things that weigh heavy on my heart and mind.” A weak shrug, “But I can’t. Not now. I think if I said anything, if I talked about it, I would break even more than I already feel like I have.” A small shuttering breath cuts through, “And I don’t know how I would put myself back together again afterwards.”

So’lek watches you for a moment, gathering his thoughts. “I may not understand or know what haunts you, but I understand hurt.” His hand stretches out, palm up. An invitation that makes your eyes sting, feeling a stray tear tickle your temple before melting into the bedding below. He waits as you fight back the rest of your tears, slowly dragging your fingertips along his palm before grasping his hand. His thumb moving softly over your skin, “Even if you cannot speak about the issue I will be here, your brothers and sister will be here. We will wait for you as long as you need.”

Your voice is barely over a whisper, “Promise?” It was a stupid question you knew the answer to, one you know would earn you a smack on the back of the head if your siblings had heard. That didn’t stop the need to hear an answer, to hear his answer. Hear his promise to be there even when you pushed people away. An answer that would fuel your own promise.

His fingers tighten around yours, “I promise.” 

So’lek stayed awake long after you had fallen asleep, watching the slow rise and fall of your shoulders. Counting each breath, matching his to yours. Taking a few precious moments to trace over your features softened by sleep. “Every time you need space, every time ghosts weigh on you, I will be there waiting to help.” He shifts a bit closer when you twitch in your sleep, mumbling softly to yourself. Letting a small smile drift across his face when he pushed a finger softly against your forehead, smoothing the deep pinch your dream had caused. “So do not push me away anymore.”

___

The morning air was crisp and cool against heated skin. So’lek had no idea how he had managed to sleep at all last night. It wasn’t the first time you both had slept so close together. Wasn’t the first time he had been able to watch you take in slow sleep laden breaths. But this was different. A space that had been given to you, set aside just for you, and you had shared it with him. Willingly. Telling him to stay. Here. With you.

There had been improvement last night, a path you had forbidden him to go down was opening up. You were starting to open up. That was the important part. It didn’t matter that you had yet to actually divulge what was bothering you, what you kept buried deep within. Your conversation last night was enough to let him know you would with time. And that was all he needed right now. Plus, it helped that he had been able to hold your hand all night long. Falling asleep and waking up with your heat resting strongly against his palm was something he wanted to happen again.

He doesn’t bother holding back the small smile at the memory of it as he walks further past the edges of the Circle. Trickling water tickles his ears when he settles on the riverbed. Collecting water to drink, splashing over his face, distract him from the memory of your scent. Willing himself to stay awake, stay strong enough to not crawl back in through that flap protecting you from the outside world. Allow you to sleep in without being watched. He doesn’t bother to suppress his smile at the thought of your sleepy face, cool hands running down his face to make him focus. This could not get any better. 

“You are awake early.” But it could get worse. 

He doesn’t look up, “So are you.”

“It is expected.” Her voice carried a twinge in it as she moved to stand next to him. “How did you sleep?”

“Well.”

Nesim waits for a moment. For him to brag or just throw the fact of the night in her face. When he doesn't, her eye twitches. “That is it?”

“Yes.” Shaking his hands lightly before standing. “You took her for a hunt?”

That sparks a flash of pride, “Yes.”

His jaw ticks, “Why?”

“She wanted to come here, I am allowing her into the Zeswa’s way of life.” Her lips quirk, “Hunting is a natural part of that.”

He doesn’t respond to that. What was he supposed to say? Don’t take her hunting? Don’t allow her to learn how to live like the People? Fully this time? That he should be the one guiding her? That he should be the one she turns to to learn from? He can’t say that, no matter how much he wishes he could. It wasn’t his decision to make.

Irritation grows with Nesim’s smile, “A hunting party is gathering soon. Perhaps I should go wake her.”

“I will go.”

Head cocks to the left, “You can keep up?” So’lek refuses to dig back, choosing to move past her back towards the Circle. Ignoring her shouts of meeting him at the pa’li grounds as long as he ‘will not pop a hip.’

Moving quietly through the tent, feeling his heart swell with each little sleepy sound you let out. This would be good. A chance to show you didn’t need to go to the plains for comfort. Didn’t need to rely on others. That he would provide again and again any time you ask it. 

And he lets that feeling grow when he sneaks back outside. Letting the wood warm in his hands, that familiar weight be a new reminder of what he could do. Joining the commotion slowly gathering energy as the morning sun settled higher and hotter. Nesim standing at the edge, watching him. Not unkindly, but the glint in her eye told him it was going to be a long morning.

A small trinket catches her eye, “That is new.”

Warm spreads through his chest, pride in your choice. “It is a gift. One I treasure.”

She doesn’t respond to his dig. And So’lek knows that she recognizes the materials bouncing off of the wood of his bow. That she recognizes the work you would have done by the fire, the hunters gathered nearby whispering of where your work ended up. Who it went to. That thought alone brings a smile to his face. One he flashed as he worked his way past her.

___

The wind was warm, softer now, the sun was high by the time he made it back to the Circle. It had been a successful hunt. The meat shifted heavily on his shoulder as he followed the small party in. Highlighting his ability to provide. That, if anything, filled him with the most pride. Showing he was a worthy choice, a point that he was willing to prove again and again. One he would shove in someone’s face every time it was necessary. 

He can hear your voice filtering through the general hustle. Distracting. Guiding. Motivating his feet to move just a bit faster. Pushing through the crowd gathering around the returned party. Searching until his eyes found you. Breath stilling at the sight that greeted him.

Watching as children run around you, pulling at your tail and running away when you chase them. Arms spread wide and waving dramatically. The smile that seemed to connect your ears entranced him. Kept his gaze lingering long after it should have moved on already. Ignoring the weight growing heavier by the second.

Moving only when a hand slaps down on his shoulder to guide him away. “You stare, ma ‘eylan. Look away unless you wish to be caught.”

“I am not the only one that stares.”

Kin smiles as he looks over his shoulder, watching the children try to pull you away. Probably for more mischief and unsupervised ‘fun’. And not without hesitation on your part. Eyes wandering along So’lek’s back. Watching the way the muscles lining his arms bunch in effort, moving to drop the meat down in the pile with the rest. How you stared until a sharp tug pulled your attention fully away. “No, you are not. She does not hide it very well.”

“She tries.”

“She fails.” And while So’lek doesn’t join Kin’s laughter, he does smile. Warmly. Remembering the first times you had both caught one another staring. The embarrassment that had flooded him all the way up through his ears. The shades of red you had become and the way you’d used Anqa as a human shield. Flipping through every time after. And Kin catches onto the edges of memory. Sees how So’lek’s face changes, how his eyes soften further when they shift back to you. “You fail as well.”

“I do not hide it. Not anymore.” As far as he was concerned, it was a settled matter of shared hearts. He had laid out how he felt when he gave you that knife. The care that he took when carving it, the patience he showed when weaving the handle. The dedication in choosing the materials. And you had accepted it. Had worn it. Used it to defend yourself. To protect him back. 

That was more than enough proof for him that you felt the same feeling for him. 

And now that he’s confirmed something was weighing on your mind, it was all the more reason to stay close to your side. Well, reason and want was blurred. He wanted to be someone you were comfortable with opening up to, someone you would go to when there was something you wanted to talk about. There was reason in that, right? Mixed in there somewhere. Past his wish to whisk you away from the noise and let your pretty mouth tell him everything.

Either way, he would have to be patient. He knew from experience the weight such secrets had on the heart, on the soul. So no matter how much he wished you were ready to talk, he would not demand it. He would not block the door you had just begun to unlock. That was too much of a risk.

“What are you covered in?” Your voice draws him from his thoughts, turning to see you standing there slightly out of breath from playing. Eyes locked onto the light dusting still clinging to sweat dried skin.

“Pollen.” He didn’t mean for it to come out as a grumble, but the hunt alongside Nesim had been draining. She had found multiple ways to get under his skin, telling him story after story of what you had been up to the four days away from him. Things you had gotten up to while Nesim dragged you around the plains. Alone.

“Red suits you.” It wasn’t a tease. Not this time. Though, from the flush that rushes over your ears, you had meant it to sound like one. “Did you guys have a successful hunt?”

“Yes.” His eyes flit to the children still gathered around the edge of a tent watching closely. Giggling far too loudly when they send the smallest one forward, trying to sneak up behind you. To scare you.

“They’re behind me, aren’t they?” The whisper barely carries over the trickle of clan life around you both. And he doesn’t answer you at first, deciding whether to allow them a small victory as small heads shake vigorously back and forth. Begging him for silence.

His voice low as he moves to make a show of brushing off the pollen gathered on his shoulder. “They wish to catch you off guard.”

Lips purse as you fight back a smile, “Then I’ll have to let them win. Maybe play into it some.” And play it up you do. 

Little feet sneak up in uneven increments. One step, pause. Three steps, another pause. Slowly working their way right up behind you, tiptoeing exaggeratedly. And all the while, So’lek watches from the corner of his eye. Watching the little one struggle not to stumble in their attempts of spooking you. Seeing when they look behind at the others for encouragement, all crouched at varying levels. Ready to run at a moment's notice. And you play the naive fool completely unaware of the danger behind you.

A small stifled giggle almost gives him away when little hands reach up trying to grab your tail. So’lek watches you bite your lip now, that sparkle of mischief gleaming up at him. Highlighting your enjoyment in all this. Tail flicking side to side, just barely missing grabbing fingers. So, in fear of you noticing him before he can surprise you, the little boy crouches down and leaps up. Little hands wrapping around your tail and yanking. 

The scene before him strikes a thought as you jump into the air, letting out a small shriek that makes those watching laugh. You were good with kids, really good. It warmed his heart when you whip around, arms flailing as you chase the little boy back to his friends. Well, back to where they had been. As soon as he’d grabbed your tail the others had booked it in opposite directions. Leaving the smallest to his fate.

So’lek watches until the little boy stumbles before deciding to step in. Warm hands tickling skin while your feet dangle in the air. You barely fight against his hold, hands warm on his skin, leaning back against him for balance. He almost forgets to look down at the little boy he’d just ‘saved’, who was looking up at the both of you confused. “Go find your friends.”

You wait until the boy scurried around a group of dance fighters, “You’re no fun.”

His hands squeeze a small squeak out of you before setting you back on your feet, “You had too much enjoyment in that.” Fingers softly move to tuck braids back in place, “Your na’vi has improved.”

You smile up at him, brushing the last of the pollen off his shoulder, “Are you saying it was bad before?”

He catches your wrist when you move to pinch his ear, “No, but it is better now.

“It helps when that’s the only language spoken here.” A quiet settles between you, chatter filling the silence. People brushing past, still watching to see if any more entertaining scenes were to be gifted. And So’lek was adamant that they wouldn’t get anything, moving to sit down at the edge of the tent. You, however, seemed to have a different idea. He can almost see the idea form when you look around, squinting out to see how high the sun had risen. Turning back to him with a twinkle flashing in your eyes. Threatening trouble. “Come on.”

He ignores the hushed whispers, “I have just gotten back.”

“And now you will gather your remaining strength and follow me.”

“I am tired.”

“After one little hunt?” He scowls at your teasing smile, "Losing your edge already? I thought you were a mighty warrior?”

A glint flashes to greet yours, leaning in close enough to almost brush noses. “You think I have softened?”

“Maybe.” Your hand wraps around his, tugging him behind you. “Seriously, come on.” Your eyes shift behind him, smile shifting to a smirk. “Unless you wish to be dragged into more gossip.” He didn’t have to look behind him to know who was still watching, probably with that same knowing smile. Or who had probably joined him. Then your expression shifts again, lip jutting out. “Or you just don’t want to spend time with me?”

Exhaustion washes away with that. If anything he was starving to be alone with you. So his fingers tighten around yours, turning to instead drag you away from teasing eyes and whispered gossip. Though at this point he did not care if they talked, so long as that talk reached a certain someone’s ears. The thought makes a smile spread across his face, watching you light up the further you walked hand in hand. “Lead the way.”

As you lead him further from the Circle, further from prying eyes, he starts to relax. Feels his heart steady again, lets the heat from your hand settle deep through his skin down to his bones. Breathing in the light scent the wind carries back to him. Focusing on you, the steadiness. Washing away the distance you had been putting up. Giving space back to the ‘normal’ you had settled into before everything happened.

That sense of peace changes when he sees where you were leading him.

“What are you—” The words die on his tongue as the slight glow casts shadows across moss and grass, a glow you were leading him straight into. Great Mother.. Was this it? He wasn’t ready. Well, no that was a lie. He was more than ready but this was unexpected. Forward. And it’s not like he knew you to be shy. In fact it was normally quite the opposite, but this.. This was bold even for you.

And you weren’t stopping. Dragging him straight towards the swokurwll, tendrils blowing lightly from the breeze. Atokirina weaving gently around the purple glow. Inviting. Mesmerizing. His eyes locking onto your back, watching the sway of your braids against your shoulder blades. Unable to stop his eyes drifting further down to your kuru. Taunting him. Your tail lazily swings with each step. The small tuft tickling his knee with every couple of steps. 

Eywa, you would be the death of him. He felt no shame in staring at you right now. Not with how you were teasing him. With where you were leading him. His eyes lock a little bit higher up, following the stripes up your leg to your tewng. Catching the way the extra fabric shifts with each step. Catching sight of undiscovered territory.

He’s so focused on you that he doesn’t register that you don’t stop. Eyes moving to how your fingers card unconsciously through the willows. Atokirina floating closer now, dancing above your head. Only realizing something wasn’t lining up when his little fantasy bubble pops as you move past the bloom instead of leading him to the heart of the space. 

All that warm, fuzziness growing inside him froze.

Guiding him to the edges of the cliffside, tugging him to sit down with you. At first nothing is said. Not with words at least. The wind spoke for you, brushing across overheated skin. Carrying whispers tickling across his cheeks. Pulling at the loose strands near your face, caressing cheekbones. Not enough to quell the embarrassment of his assumption, just enough to get it under control. Waiting for the heat in his cheeks to climb back down his neck, away from view. But the thoughts still lingered just underneath.

So, he tries desperately to be casual about the whole thing, “How is your leg?”

The look you give him almost makes that heat crawl right back up to his ears. “That’s not why I brought you here.”

He was tempted to look back to the bloom behind him. Thoughts haunting him with an intensity that should have died with each step past. Instead it changed, settled deep inside. “What is so special here?”

“Other than the swokurwll, you mean?” He watches the teasing glint in your eye melt into something softer as you turn back into the breeze. Watching the small gusts catch through your braided hair, the smile you give him when you drag your gaze away after a moment. “The view. It’s so easy to get lost in the grass here, to be blinded by fields of yellow and purple. I wanted to share it with you. The beauty of this place, especially before eclipse.” 

Silence spreads after that, settling around you both. It wasn’t awkward or demanding to be broken. Just simply existing. And you both let it, let it wrap around you, broken only by gusts of rushing wind. Watching the life of the plains spread out for miles, smiling at animals grazing in the distance. Gazes catching on rushing water below, mixed by thundering falls. And that moment held for a long while.

Until a question So’lek couldn’t keep at bay broke free.

“Would you stay here?” Would you want to? So’lek knew the beauty of this world, knew how easy it was to fall in love with every inch you came across. But a small part of him was worried. Worried that you would love the plains too much, love the Zeswa and their ways of life. It would be a lie if he didn’t notice how much the people loved you, accepted you even as a dreamwalker. He wanted you to love the forest, love him, more.

You seem almost surprised by his question, watching him carefully. “No.” You shift closer, hand warm on his knee, “Do you think that’s why I chose to come here? Out of everywhere I could’ve chosen?”

“You are loved here and you love the land.” You’re quiet as you take in his words, “It would be a lot to turn away from.”

“I have love elsewhere too. Love that’s stronger than the winds of the plains, that calls me home.” So’lek doesn’t fight it when you grab his hand, pulling your interlocked fingers into your lap. “There’s a lot I’m still unsure of, a lot that I feel conflicted on.” Your eyes drift away again, tightening your hold on his hand. “But this place, it gave me the space I thought I needed. Gave me answers I wasn’t ready to hear yet, that weren’t fair to ask. That I didn’t want answers to. And here, it’s like the wind carries those feelings away, the exhaustion. Lets my mind rest.” Shoulders knock together, “But it also reminded me how easily you quiet my mind too.”

So’lek watches the water below, lips curling. “That sounds like you missed me.”

“I did.” 

Calm falls between you. Quietly sharing heat, watching birds fly in the distance. Gazes catching on water rolling over rock, around walking legs. Grass dancing below to an unknown melody. 

“Thank you. For showing me this.” For telling me this. The words were soft, meant to keep the stillness around you in place. To keep you in place beside him. 

He feels you shift closer again, watching fingers draw patterns across his skin and in the space between. “There are a lot of things I want to share with you. Things I want you to share back.” Softness spreading, “I don’t want to run away anymore.” 

Breathing mingles as shared heat doubles, “I can help with that.”

“I look forward to it.” For a moment neither of you move. So’lek was happy to stay like this, in between something settling into place and something that shouldn’t be touched yet. Allowing closeness reserved for his heart’s owner to claim whenever she wanted. Watching lines melt away, youth that he wished could have been shared sooner flashing back at him. Then softness shifts, “Besides, you should’ve seen your face when you saw the bloom.”

So’lek feels heat rush through him. You saw. Of course you saw that. Deadly observant, enough to bury him here and now if you needed. What did you call yourself? A ‘fence flower’? That didn’t sound right but he was still too wrapped up in wondering how much you noticed to worry about it. 

His head drops down onto your shoulder, burying his shame and embarrassment under your laughter. Finding comfort in your warmth, your smell. Relishing in the feeling of you reaching up to pet at his head, fingers tangling with the hair near his ears. Condescending or comforting. Maybe both. Either way, he would not ask you to stop.

Amidst all of this, So’lek shifts in your hold. Cheek smushed up towards his eye, gaze drifting back to the swokurwll, back to the promising glow. Feeling the ache in his heart grow. Demanding to be acknowledged, acted on. So, So’lek let a promise settle in it’s place. One day he’d be the one dragging you under the glow. Refusing to allow you escape.

Soon.

___

“You should slow down.”

Your eyes twinkle over the edge of the bowl, “You should catch up.”

So’lek leans in close, “I do not think that is a good idea.”

You should’ve backed down, should’ve known the game you were playing was dangerous after earlier. But you were already almost three bowls in. There was no stopping this. “Why? Afraid you’ll be out drunk by a dreamwalker?”

His eyes flit down to the bowl in your hands, taunting him. “I am afraid I will have to drag you back to your bed roll.”

Your heart skips a beat, “Is that a threat or a promise?”

“Do you want to find out?” He smiles in triumph as you double over in laughter, zangke spilling over the edges of the bowl slashing near your feet.

“No, I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Laughter wraps around each word, cementing the smile on his face. It settles into a smirk when you reach forward, grabbing a new bowl. “Come on, one little drink. Don’t make me drink alone.” 

Eyes flit around to the gathering surrounding you, paying no mind to watching eyes. Well, that was a lie. One watching set makes the corner of his mouth twitch. “You are not alone.”

“You know what I mean.”

“I do.”

“Then,” you reach behind him, leaning far closer than necessary. Letting your smile grow alongside the flush climbing up his neck, bringing the edge of the bowl to your lips. Hand holding out one for him, “Drink.”

You can see when he relents, feel the warmth of his fingers trace against yours as he takes the bowl. “One drink.”

“Two.”

So'lek leans in close, “One.”

You match, “Two.”

He pushes forward again, breath brushing over your skin. “One.”

“You’re no fun.”

“You are too much.”

You catch his eyes following your lips, watching as your tongue darts out for a second. “Is that a bad thing?”

Eyes flick back up to you, teasing from the edge. “It is a dangerous thing.”

“Good. Life needs a little danger and fun.”

Something settles between you as the cries from the dance ring pulls your eyes away. Following the flow of the dancers, feeling the rush of the crowd as the match ends. Trying to ignore the warmth resting in your belly, that wasn’t from the zangke. You could feel it climb to the top of your head and spread down to your toes. Vibrating. Too aware of what sat behind you hidden away still. Taunting you.

Earlier had been confirmation of what you already knew. Fuel for courage to ask. Though, if you had been thinking clearer, you would’ve asked somewhere more private. Away from prying eyes, away from the gossip mill you’d learned, the hard way, was always watching. You couldn’t bring yourself to look, but you were certain Kin and Yu’o were watching. Exchanging what would be prime gossip the next morning. About you and..

Another loud cheer pulls at your thoughts again, mixing them with the alcohol in your system. There was no clear thinking now, just want. The ability to say what you wanted to say without feeling like you had to hide. More warmth spreads, settling in your heart. If he said yes, if he accepted, it would be a step forward. Away from the feeling that forced you to hide away alone. Away from hiding what troubled you, having someone to share burdens both ways. Instead of shouldering them alone, like you were both used to. Be each other’s confidants. 

You wanted that. And you’re pretty sure he does too.

It was now or never. Taking one last sip to wash away the lingering anxiety resting between ribs. Catching his attention when you turn to him again. “I have something for you.”

So’lek’s voice drops into a teasing lilt, “You have already given me something.”

You go to push at his shoulder, “This is different. Important.”

His fingers wrap around your wrist, thumb dragging along the pulse point. “Everything you give me is important.” The haze of the alcohol was starting to take hold more now, blurring the edges of your vision. Almost becoming distracted by the heat of the fire and his skin on yours. Even through that, through the fog, you know he sees everything.

So he doesn’t fight when you pull your hand free. Doesn’t comment when the opposite hand raises to press against your cheeks, feeling the heat resting there. “Functional. This one is functional.” You hope he gets the meaning this time. Hope he sees what you’re insinuating at.

He leans a bit closer, “So was the other one.”

If he was understanding he wasn’t making it known. So, you’d have to just bite the bullet and smack him in the face with what you meant. “Just close your eyes.”

So’lek’s eyes narrow some, “Why?”

“Trust me.”

A small smirk grows, “Trust you?”

A reflection of curved lips back, “Don’t you trust me?”

His smirk softens into a genuine smile. A small one, but open. “Of course.” Those two words are almost your downfall then and there. 

You swallow hard, eyes tracing over his features in the fire light. Seeing the light reflect off of his scar, barely holding yourself back from brushing your fingers along the raised edges. Instead, redirecting the want to touch him to the gift tucked away. The reality that you were handing this over finally hitting.

“Here.” Your voice is soft, gentle, shy. A bit embarrassed with yourself that you decided to give him a public gift. Worried that someone might catch the meaning behind it. Worried that he might not for a second. Watching his face closely.

He seems almost scared to take the arm guard from you. His touch was soft, fingers brushing yours as the weight of what you were giving him sank in. Running over the careful stitching, feeling the strength of the hide you had painstakingly sewn into place under watchful eyes and correcting fingers. Realizing the thought that had gone into each and every part. 

“I saw yours was starting to fray, after the drill. Figured you needed a new one.” Voice drops into an embarrassed mumble, “Or just one to rotate through.” You wait for a few breaths, looking for a sign he likes it. Every moment that passes makes you feel like the opposite was true instead. “You don’t have to wear it, it’s not my best work. The pattern is a bit sloppy so I get it if—”

“It is beautiful.” So’lek’s voice is gentle, revered. Like he was in awe of this small thing. “You will tell me what it is? Once you are sober?” 

You ignore the light jab, letting relief flood you. “Yes, if you want.” You almost can’t find the strength to ask him, “You will use it?”

Warmth spreads where his fingers brush against your hand before fully grasping it. “Every day.”

He meant that. Even through the fog that had taken over you could see the truth in his words. The full meaning behind them. He would use it, wear it, because you made it for him. Because you had taken time out of your day, time that could have been used for anything else, and made him something special. The thought of him putting it on every day, tracing over mistakes you’d covered in extra stitching makes your heart soar. 

You don’t think, actually, you find that you can’t think. Not clearly at least in the moment. The firelight glowing around you, his fingers still tracing over new details clouds your mind with something new. Focusing on the image of him proudly wearing your gift. Showing it off. It overwhelmed you. Watching how he stills some when you lean forward, how his eyes shift from your eyes down to your lips. How he almost couldn’t pull his gaze back up to yours. And you realize that you just can’t help yourself.

It wasn’t a kiss, not the one you wanted to give at least. And certainly not the one he had wanted. Melting slightly into the feeling of warm skin brushing against your lips. Not fully on his cheek. Not far enough over to be on his lips. That in between of what was appropriate and what was wanted. Feeling the corner of his mouth twitch under yours. Unaware of how much he was holding back, allowing you to decide. To gift him this. 

Hoping that the disappointment that fills you when you pull back isn’t evident on your face. Looking up to meet his gaze, completely transfixed on you. If you had had less to drink, you wouldn’t have said anything. Too bad for him, you’d had far more than you ever should have been allowed. “Your heart picked up.”

“It did not.”

“It totally did.” Your other hand grabs his arm before he can pull back. Fingers ghost along the soft skin by his wrist, feeling the thumping plain as day. “Getting shy, So’lek?” You’re sure you have a shit-eating grin on your face.

“You are not normally so bold.”

“I’m no different from this morning.”

“No, this morning you were worse.” Then realization flashes in his eyes, a look of disbelief settling on his face. “You did it on purpose.”

No, no no. He wasn’t supposed to know that. Despite your best efforts, a twitch of your lips gives you away. “Did what?”

Feigned ignorance crushed with one look, “You know what.”

“What did we do today again?”

He pinches you. Not hard, but firm enough to pull a small yelp from you. Drawing eyes that had been minding their business before. Watching the small tussle between pinching fingers and laughter. Amusement growing when voices start to cheer, enjoying the extra show. Enjoying seeing the stiff warrior relax and your beaming smiles matched. 

Among the fading chaos, you catch sight of Yu’o watching over a hunter’s shoulder next to Kin, amusement painted plainly on both of them. To your horror she mouths something that was clear as day. ‘Claim him.’

To add to it all, So’lek does not let the purple that builds on your neck slide. Fighting back a smirk, “Embarrassed now? After everything you put me through today?”

“I didn’t do anything.” Yeah, nope. Can’t lie about that. And he can see that. Can see how much easier you are to read after a few drinks. You really should’ve stopped when you were ahead.

“No?” He leans in close, breath brushing the growing blush. “Leading me to believe you wanted to mate today was unintentional?” Even closer, “Watching me make a fool of myself, laughing in my face and then teasing me further with these?” His hands catch yours before you can pull away, playing with the extra digit on each hand. “You will be the death of me.”

“Now, that wouldn’t be any fun would it?” The false bravado does little to hide the fact you are fully purple now. From drink, embarrassment, and love. Now drunk enough to ask stupid questions that normally would make your ears ring in mortification. “Do you accept? Me?”

His gaze softens as one hand moves to caress your arm, moving to fully rest his forehead against yours. Lightly rubbing his nose to your own. “I have accepted you long before you ever asked.”

___

Small rustling pulls at the edges of consciousness, making an ear twitch with each movement. Mumbling, tossing, turning. It was all still so muddled, not quite enough to rouse, just enough to make aware. A small whimper helps to lift the fog a bit further away. So’lek’s eyes were still bleary when they started to squint open, looking for what that sound was. Still trying to wrap his head around anything past the light blanket the three bowls of zangke, that he willingly drank when he shouldn’t have, had wrapped him in.

It was dark, far past the middle of the night. He could smell the remnants of the fire still burning, hear the faint laughter on the wind blending into the moonlight. Wondering if what he heard was out there, something for someone else to deal with. A few moments pass, long enough to convince himself he had indeed heard someone from the fire. That the disturbance keeping dry eyes open was nothing of concern. Letting himself settle back down against the borrowed bedroll, relief in the fact he could close his eyes again.

Then another soft noise drifts through the air. Something closer, inside the dark space of the tent walls. Feet kicking against blankets, a tail thumping erratically against the ground. Rustling of hands reaching out, grabbing at whatever they could then pushing it away. The realization of how close that was forces the tiredness clinging to him away, fog lifting to gift a moment of clarity. Turning to look over his shoulder at you.

Thrashing. Pulling and pushing at something. Fighting someone invisible. Trapped in memory and terror. Trying desperately to get away even in the depths of sleep. Small gasps clawing their way from your throat, unable to breathe. Chest heaving with the effort. 

So’lek doesn’t think, doesn’t wait for sleep and his drunkenness to fully leave him before he’s moving. Throwing himself from sleep, throwing himself too hard to his knees. Reaching for you long before he was close enough to feel the heat from your skin. Practically crawling in a borderline frenzy to reach you, to help pull you from whatever was haunting you. 

This wasn’t the first nightmare he’d witness torture you. Wasn’t the first time he had consoled you back to memoryless sleep. But this is the worst he had seen. The ones before had been small,  almost frozen and easy to contain back to blissful unawareness. Nothing more than a few whimpers or slight rustles interrupting the calm of the night.

This was something else entirely. A war that had been building up, a war you had kept hidden from everyone else. That you had become determined to not share. If he wasn’t so concerned for you he’d be angry. Angry that you let it get this far without confiding in anyone, letting someone shoulder this burden with you. Instead of letting him help, someone who knew those pains as well as you did.

So’lek can feel the tremors race through his palms when he reaches you. Feels his heart sink as the terror etched in your face truly sinks in. He tries to be gentle at first, thumbing against your skin, soft soothing blending in with new tremors escaping you. Trying to guide instead of yanking. Mind torn between whether his hold was hostile or friend.

Seconds continue to creep into minutes as you are still lost in sleep. Mumbling louder, half incoherently. Like your tongue didn’t want the words to form. Starting to thrash harder against his hold. Hands more urgent now, pushing something away, pushing at him now. Feet threatening to join the fight. Fighting like your life depended on it. Cries muffled as your head turned away, curling in on yourself. Trying to shield, to protect.

So he continues to be gentle, continues to soothe. Continues trying to pull you away from that fear, to quell the fight before you hurt yourself. Keeping his voice low, words slow. Hands shifting from soothes to gentle pulls. Pushing at your shoulder to turn you flat, hand moving to cup your face, thumb tracing over your cheek. Trying to rouse instead of just soothing. But sleep clung to you and refused to let go.

It takes a lot longer than So’lek liked to see you start to calm. To feel the trembling mellow under his touch but not disappear. To have fear cling to him at his inability to stop this torture on your mind. He continues his soft words, shifting back to soothing motions again. Thinking that the worst of it was finally behind you. Leaning down to brush his lips over your sweat damp forehead. One last calming motion.

And while it wasn’t often he was proved wrong, this was one of the more jarring times. What had been a slow descent back into peaceful slumber shifted visibly, physically. Soft twitches turned jagged again, face pinching as words started to tumble out. Sharp, clear. A cry for help, to stop, to not touch ‘them’. An eye opening event you had kept so tightly under lock and key slipping free in the depths of sleep.

The motions that So’lek had used just minutes before turned fruitless, adding to the terror building again. Like his touch was the reason for the fear instead of the light breaking through it. Hushed words turn slightly frantic as So’lek realizes he doesn’t know how to help, that he couldn’t help. Not at that moment.

Breathing turned ragged, muddling words with each sharp inhale. Spitting them back out with every exhale. An inconsistent flow of confusion and clarity. There was barely anytime to wrap his head around what had happened, what had changed, before your eyes flew open. Hands reaching for your throat as you catapult yourself upwards, scrambling to make sense of everything through the thick fog of sleep, terror, and alcohol. 

Flinching away from the heat of So’lek’s palms, that fighting spirit he loves still encompasses your mind. Shrouding dreams from reality for a moment longer. It takes everything in So’lek to not immediately pull you back into his embrace. To comfort the love he now knew for certain was reciprocated. The woman he had spent months developing feelings for. The woman he had fallen for the moment he saw her. The woman he had spent painstakingly close proximity to while saying the opposite of what was in his heart. 

The shift when clarity takes hold is relieving. Terror washed away the fight in you, leaving only the mess in its quake. And while clarity from the nightmare is a relief, So’lek can see the fog of alcohol still mixed in there. The confusion rises over that fog, taking control. The want, the need, for comfort dancing underneath it all. So he made a decision to extend an offering instead of a hand. Arms stretched wide, inviting. Letting you make a choice.

The choice you made was immediate.

He didn’t fight it when your arms reached out for him. Waited for you to lock yourself to him, use his heat, his smell, his heart as a calming tool. A comfort. Then he pulled you closer. Wrapped an arm around your waist, tugging until there was no distinction between where he ended and you started. Moving to rest your ear directly over the steady beat. 

Ignoring the sweat still resting along your brow, the small ghosting twitches of fight still there. Hands cradling, fingers carding through the damp hair at your nape. Whispering lips urging peace back into your mind. Pressing your ear to his chest, deep deliberate breaths to calm you both. Hearts matching in their wild racing, slowing with each measured breath. 

So’lek stayed like that for hours through the night. Every twitch drawing him from sleep in an instant. Checking on you. Making sure you were still secured to him. Fingers dragging ghostly lines against your jaw, your ears, over your eyelids. Brushing stray strands that tickled you away, pressing his lips against the crown of your head when you settled again.

He wouldn’t complain the next day. Or two days from then when it happened again, softer that time. The terror that had gripped you lurking in the shadows, waiting for another moment you wouldn’t have him there to fight it off. He would never complain of the tiredness that settled deep in the muscle. Never complaining of how his eyes felt dry from lack of sleep. You were safe. Secure. And he would do it every time, without fail.

❁ I do not give consent to feed my work into ai. I do not give consent to copy, repost (stealing my work), translate, or publish any of my works in any way. ❁

If anyone has advice for drawing Solek I will take any and all notes, his face has been giving me a run for my money.

Character from the fanfic "Gentle Hands" by @just-another-idk.

It's so easy to imagine. They're out and about on a date, in the middle of their courting, and it's hot so a swim is suggested. And we could go one of two ways.

Opt #1 - So'lek isn't initially paying attention after they land, patting Iley on the neck and sending him off to eat/drink/rest for a while. He turns around to Keke already half undressed, fingers working on undoing the strings of her bottoms, back fully bare. And he fully malfunctions, like brain fully stops working. Of course, nudity isn't a big deal in Na'vi culture, but this is the woman he wants to be with. So, there would probably be a bit of nervousness at seeing her so exposed, especially since she normally wasn't. And Keke just looks over her shoulder when she realizes she can't hear him behind her, eyebrow raised when she asks, "You do know how to swim, don't you?" "Yes, I swim pretty girl—, pretty good." By then she had undone the strings, moving to add them to the pile drapped across a branch. And So'lek just about combusts into a flurry of purple when she toes the waters edge to check the temerature before walking in. Leaving him to stand there like an idiot.

Opt #2 - We flip it, So'lek is the one undressing while Keke is distracted by something. A bird call, a pretty insect floating nearby, fish swimming near the surface. And she turns around just as So'lek is walking into the water to cool off. Seeing his bare butt disappear under the water's surface but still seeing it in its full glory. Her not being able to form words when he turns to her confused on why she's still standing there. A "I thought you wanted to swim?" making a flush rush from her ears down to the tip of her tail. Still struggling to form clear words, stuttering hard enough that she thinks she's having a stroke. Finally stringing together, "You're naked." He's still confused, "Yes." "Why?" He points to the pile of clothes at the shore, "You do not want your clothes to get wet, do you?" And she's just flabbergasted, "You couldn't explain that before we decided to stop?" And So'lek is slowly moving backwards as you watch the water lap further up his sides, not even bothering to hide the small smirk on his lips. "Are you coming in?"