Chronic Pain - Mixed Media

Everyday is a journey when you’re sick. Your bad days, your days stuck at home or stuck in bed matter too.

Don’t feel like you are waisting into nothing because you have no spoons.

You have no spoons because your body is working so incredibly hard and is fighting. And that’s incredible. Not many people would be able to handle what you are going through.

idk i’m just thinking about how the campus i’ve been working at this summer has signs by every elevator about how you should take the stairs to conserve electricity, and signs by the drink machines with photos of sea turtles that say how they don’t offer plastic straws because of ocean pollution, and how i’ve been repeating to myself all summer you are not just a drain on the earth’s resources, you deserve to exist, and how fucking angry that makes me.

and i know a lot of leftists point out how those kind of things aren’t much better than platitudes when we should be focusing on action against the fossil fuel industry, but i feel like a lot of conversations about that just totally ignore how environmental guilt is absolutely crushing so many disabled people’s spirits and sense of worth in an already ableist society.

i guess i just wanna say that like, if you ate off of a styrofoam plate today because you didn’t have the energy to wash dishes, i’m so glad you ate. if you threw recyclables in the trash because the recycling bin is on the other side of the building and you couldn’t walk far enough to make two trips, i’m so proud of you for keeping your space clean. if you needed to use a plastic straw today, i’m so, so sorry for all the bullshit that’s been directed your way lately, and i’m so proud of you for enduring it.

I want life to be easy for disabled people… and also people who live in an area without access, or are working too much to spend extra energy, or while they caretake others, or are pregnant, or… etc. etc. etc. Disabled people are on the front-line of access, and OUR LIVES MATTER, full stop. But we are also often the front-runners of access for wide range of vulnerable people. Lots and lots can be written about those of us who don’t eat because we don’t want to be wasteful, or don’t clean because oh no those paper towels/wet wipes are killing the planet! Now, don’t get me wrong, if you’re abled and able to ride your bike to work, great! Enjoy doing that. If you have the energy to wash out that stainless steel water bottle, or live in an area where you have access to easy recycling and easy bulk foods (funny how all the articles about zero packaging are from people in mid-to-upper class urban areas huh?) that is a nice thing to do! But do it humbly and quietly, and remember to vote against the actual systemic polluters. Too many people are invested in showy purity culture, but “green” this time, and breeds the same toxic effect as other purity cultures.

what is my breathing like? is it slow, is it fast? is it deep, is it shallow?

are my thoughts racing? am i stuck on one subject?

do i need food or water?

have i rested today?

have i taken my meds?

what is my mood like?

have i talked to a friend?

do i need a break?

am i feeling any tension in my body? where?

what are my surroundings?

am  i feeling any sensations? any smells or sights?

what is my heart rate like?

do i need to brush my teeth? take a shower?

do i need to use the restroom?

am  i in a space where the temperature is comfortable for me?

do i need to cry?

suggestions: scented candles, twinkle lights, warm blankets, cups of tea, baths, sparkly nail polish, writing love notes, doodling 

Anxiety lies! It’s okay to take your time. You have your whole life to get you where you want to be.

Books have always been a alleviating escape for me when things get rough.