My Junk Journal Sideblog

Came across this art installation, Liza Lou's Kitchen, at the Whitney Museum of American Art, NYC. It's a kitchen made of tiny glass beads, that artist Liza Lou did, taking 5 yrs. to complete, from 1991 - 1996.

My favorite part is the sink.

Sketchbook page #5 from 2025

My first week or so on t has been a rollercoaster for sure. At first I thought it was just placebo like there's no way in hell I could be feeling any different yet. But SOMETHING is happening.

First of all I'm so irritable all of the time. I'm tired from work yet I need to move. I'm angry and hungry and relearning where all my feelings are and what they mean as a person who already has issues understanding what's happening in my body day to day.

There's a part of me that's scared that after all the work I did to get here I'd have to turn around just because it makes me feel like shit mentally. My boyfriend says that since I finally AM here I have the freedom to vent the frustrations I've been having. That I have an excuse to let it all out.

Idk if it's ok to add on so let me know if you'd prefer I didnt and I'll delete it!

I've been on t for just over 6 months now and ive been thinking a lot abt the mood changes I went through. I struggled a lot with feeling irritable and angry. ive definitely become a more emotionally aware and stable person over the past couple years and even with that I still had a difficult time managing my emotions. I imagine if I had started t before all the personal growth it would've been way worse managing my mood, but even so it was noticeable for several months and only recently have i started to even out.

A part of me feels like it's somehow contributing to negative stereotypes to talk about it or like I'm validating the idea that testosterone turns u into some sort of monster (whether it's naturally produced by ur body or ur using store bought) but when talking abt it with a friend i reminded myself abt puberty and how difficult that was and the sort of mood swings that are typical because ur undergoing a change. We on hrt are going through puberty again with the benefit of more life experience, generally speaking. My friend also made the comparison to going on a medication in general. MANY medications affect ur mood and even ur personality to an extent. And after a while u have either a new normal or u even back out (or it's true sometimes u need to stop taking the medication).