𝔍𝔲𝔫𝔢 𝔱𝔥𝔢 𝟏𝟒𝔱𝔥

Let me be honest.

There are too many reasons.

Too many.

So many that I don't know how I got to this point.

The big question I constantly ask myself is whether you really want to be with me.

I can't give you the family you'd like.

I can't sleep when I'm alone.

The apathy that haunts me.

The changes that are coming.

Me, who let the smoke drift away when I tried to escape from you.

This isn't me.

I wasn't made to please.

I don't like to lie, or say I can do something I really can't, because the truth is, I can't.

Reality is a prison.

Let me live my fantasy.

That's why I don't like to joke about these things.

Fear runs through me from the inside out.

Stop telling me what should and shouldn't happen.

Stop thinking I'll change someday.

I don't want to change. I don't want to please. I won't obey.

The horrible thing is being forced to submit your own body to something you don't want, and you'll be condemned forever.

I'm more afraid than I want to live. I don't want to be this. I don't want to be "what's expected."

I'm not a girl. I'm not a boy. I simply am not.

I'm none of this.

I'm nothing like what they told me I was.

They lie. They leave. They betray. They deny. They don't forgive.

I'm insignificant, unwanted, and I don't belong in this world. The fear of losing myself among them is overwhelming. I longed to love, I longed to belong, but everything is meaningless.

All that's left for me is to feel and carry on, clinging to the hope that someday it will all make sense, even though I know it's a fallacy. It's a lie they've made me believe... And all I want to say is that it's not enough for me, that nothing will ever be enough.

No one will understand when it all ends with me and my light is extinguished forever.