anime and video games

“Hey, you’re staring again.” I am snapped away from my own thoughts as Kent’s voice pierces through. “Is it just a misunderstanding again?” He says in a teasing voice.

Me and Kent were in the college study room like normal on every Wednesday we could. I was staring off into the white space of my mind as if it was a normal thing, as if I was looking for something. It feels like there used to be something there but no matter how hard I look there’s still nothing but myself. This situation feels like deja-vu, but still oddly brand new. I feel like there should be more people, a voice; something.

“Do you want to misunderstand?” I give the most natural answer, but I realize I’ve already said that before. We both look at each other and give a soft chuckle, lightly covering our mouths.

“Well, maybe I do.” Kent stands up from his desk, lightly pushing his hands up, against the desk. There are times I forget how tall he is, knowing his soft side better makes it hard to see him as others do.

He approaches me with a steadfast pace, his broad shoulders becoming larger as he continues to get closer. Before I know it he’s standing right in front of me, face next to mine. He had crouched down to be face to face with me, smiling softly.

“I won’t back down again.” His expression changed to one I rarely see; he had a smirk, almost like something Ikki would wear. His eyes didn’t match his expression though, they were excitable; almost like a child’s expression. He leaned in slightly, it felt nice to feel like we were progressing with each other. Who knew that we’d already be having our second kiss after getting over our misunderstood “hatred” for each other not too long ago. It felt like it was taking forever for him to do it himself, so I began to lean in towards him. Right before our lips could touch though, there was a sudden interruption.

“You seemed to have let your guard down once again, my friend.” A loud but smooth voice comes from the doorway, now wide open. Kent stands back up in a rush, almost headbutting me on the way up. He looks around in a daze, eyes squinted and aware.

“I am not your friend. Now show yourself before it’s too late.” He sneers out the word friend like he couldn’t even imagine it, I still find these fights to be utterly amusing. A very cute friendship for two very serious men.

“I’ve completed the puzzle!” Ikki finally shows himself, he goes right in front of Kent. He bows and hands Kent a packet of papers, even more than the last puzzle. Kent looks down at it questioningly, judging it from afar. He snatches the papers from Ikki’s hands and begins to flip through, eyes carefully reading every page and at every stop he would say correct in a very monotone voice.

“See, I told you I could take it.” Ikki plasters a smirk on his face that reaches his eyes, achieving an overall look of smugness. One of his hands is raised as if examining it, he uses the other to tug at the end of his glove.

“Hm. I guess I’ll have to accept it.” Kent says in a huff, tone sounding similar to pouting. “You have very poor timing though.” His eyes trailed off to the side, voice still staying firm.

“No, this was very planned.” Ikki’s smirk of smugness turns to one of devilishness. “I can’t believe you almost managed to score a kiss!” He continued to burst out in laughter, hands hugging his sides. Kent tensed up and his eyebrows began to twitch.

“My relationship is none of your business, Ikkyu.” Kent’s arms stiffen by his sides, glued to his hips. His head faces downward but he looks upward to glare at Ikki, like a warning.

“Oh, really? Well, then it would be such a shame if my hand happened to-” Ikki cut off his sentence mid-way through. Me and Kent both carefully watch as he slowly puts one foot in front of the other, towards my direction. “-slip.” His words were very sudden; before I knew it Ikki’s hand was cradling the back of my head.

I snuck a quick look past Ikki at Kent, he looked like he was mostly keeping himself under control at least. Kent seemed to have gotten more confident in our relationship, I could tease him a little bit. I don’t pull away from him, instead giggling under my breath at the rivalry between them.

“Ikkyu, I suggest you step back. As well as you-“ He breaks off mid-sentence and looks directly at me. I felt a chill go through my body from the look he gave. “It’s better if you don’t let him manipulate you.” Kent had a stern expression and tone, taking this very seriously.

“Oh, c’mon, Ken! Sharing is caring, right?” Ikki doesn’t look at Kent as he speaks, his eyes locked on me. I stood up from where I was sitting on the loveseat, expecting to be able to pull away from him a bit. Instead, before I can think to move, Ikki has his hand grasped around my waist.

“Well, if that’s so I guess you could call me a very uncaring person!” Kent raises his voice at Ikki’s sudden movement. Even I’m a bit taken aback at how far he is taking it this time. I look past Ikkyu again to check up on Kent, what I see is him trying his hardest to keep control. His fists were being held in tight balls at his sides, eyebrows furrowed downward with a sneer marking his face.

Ikki didn’t say another word but in the blink of an eye his lips were on my forehead. I never knew a kiss on the forehead could feel so rough, I thought they were all soft and sweet. As he pulled away from my face I felt leftover residue from what I can assume is some kind of lipgloss. I tried to process what had just happened in just a quick couple of minutes, but was cut short. Ikki’s cold hands were pulled away from me; I was pretty thankful that he let go.

When I focused my vision back on Ikki though, he was instead being pulled back by an aggressive-looking Kent. Ikki looked like a kid caught doing something they weren’t supposed to, upset over the fact they got caught but still proud of their actions. Kent had grabbed the back of their suit, almost unbuttoning the front in the strength he used to pull him off me.

“Ooooh, Ken’s a big, strong protector now!” Ikki continued to laugh even through the position he’s in. His laughing only got louder and louder as Kent’s silence grew heavier and heavier.

“Get out, Ikkyu.” Kent seemingly reluctantly let go of Ikki’s clothing. Ikki scoffed and patted his clothing down, trying to smooth out any wrinkles Kent may have put in them.

“Fiiiine, but can I come back next time they’re here?” He looks at Kent like a lost puppy, giving them the puppy-dog eyes. It doesn’t faze Kent one bit though, his glare only gets sharper.

“Get. Out.” Kent starts walking towards Ikki, his footsteps much louder than usual. Ikki takes this as his actual sign to leave, not looking forward to getting his pretty little face hurt. He made small but quick steps to the door, closing it quietly behind him.

I am once again left alone with Kent, the air much more tense than before. His teeth are clenched together, his hand held tightly in his hair. His eyes look glossed over with something, he always makes it difficult to understand exactly how he’s feeling. Well, that being said, I don’t think he really knows how he’s feeling most of the time.

“Kent…” I called out his name softly and he looked up at me, his expression morphing as if he’s made a plan. His body leaned forward as he started making his way towards me. I don’t flinch or back away, but I’m worried about how worked up he is. Kent’s arms reach out toward my waist, placing his hands steadily on my sides. He looked like an aggressive version of embarrassed and defeated. His eyes showed how lost he felt with his emotions, he still feels new to having such a burst of emotion.

“If he can touch you like that then that means I can do even more! I’m your boyfriend so it’s only natural!” His tone was slightly scary, he seemed like he wanted to prove a point to himself. Kent seemed to be contemplating something, hovering around me but his eyes stayed confused. I barely had enough time to process what was happening when his lips crashed into mine. This kiss was anything but soft and caring, his lips felt rough against mine as he moved his hands along my sides. He moved from my sides to my back, pulling me to be flush against him.

This was such a quick jump from our original position, the closest I’d been to him was a hug. No matter how much I could take advantage and enjoy this, I know this isn’t him in his right mind. I tried to pull away from the kiss, but he used his height to just push his face towards me more. Once he recognized that I was trying to pull away, his grip on my body got tighter. Each movement he made was dripping in desperation, I can’t figure out what exactly for though.

“K-Kent, no-” I try to make out a sentence while Kent continues to smother me. It’s hard to not get carried away in the kiss, it was messy but to the point. He may not have much experience but he does have a goal, and I know how determined he can be.

Surprisingly, Kent stopped at my words. He pulled his face away from mine and continued to tightly hold my body against his. His gaze continued on me, his eyes never leaving mine. His expression was something of a hurt animal, his eyes looked like he was in a desperate sort of pain. They were glazed over and wet, looking as if he was about to cry.

“Why? Do you not like it…?” His voice was dejected, trailing off at the end. “Would you prefer it if Ikkyu was doing it instead?” As Ikki’s name rolled out of his mouth, his tone got sharper again. His sad and lost expression turned into an angry display of accusation.

“It’s always him, he always gets what he wants. Why can’t I have just one thing?” Kent continues to talk about Ikki, refusing to give me a chance to talk. I’ve seen him be sad and upset before, but never to this extent. I never thought I would have to see him cry, but a tear rolls down and collects on his chin. He still hasn’t let his grip loosen on me, he stares into my eyes while I’m left with so much to say but stuck speechless.

“Please, lie to me. Tell me I’m wrong, let me be selfish.” His voice shakes as he pleads with me, it’s like he’s trying to be angry but just can’t force himself anymore. He’s lost his accusational tone and instead gone back to words doused in desperation. His body was stiff against mine, so little movement you could mistake him for dead.

“I won’t lie to you, but you are wrong…” I know exactly what I want to say but I don’t know how to put it into words. I always knew that Kent is one to overthink things, but I never thought it was to this unhealthy of an extent.

“I stopped you because I care. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret later just because you felt overwhelmed by your emotions.” I speak calmly, hoping to calm Kent down a bit. I see his lip quiver slightly, it must’ve been so hard for him to bottle up his emotions. No wonder he’s reacting how he is, this must have been eating him away inside for awhile.

“But I’ve always wanted to do this, I just finally got the confidence!” He tries to refute what I said, tightening his grip on the fabric of my clothing. He looks angry again, clearly not believing what I said.

“That doesn’t mean it’s the right time, Kent.” I pause to think, what could I say next? I feel like he’ll find a way to twist my words into something against him no matter what. “I love you, not Ikki. I’d enjoy being more physical with you, but not when you’re so emotionally vulnerable.” I grab one of his hands gripping onto my back, he understands and lessens his grip on me. I lift his hand up and away from my body, but up to my face. I lean my face against his already cupped hand, trying to calm him so he can better understand what I’m meaning.

Kent’s thumb moved across my cheek, feeling his silk glove glide across my skin. I didn’t have time to say anything else before he wrapped his arms around me, this time bringing his head down to rest on my shoulder. The embrace was soft and needy, leaning some of his weight on me.

“I’m sorry…” Kent apologized dejectedly, still obviously unhappy with my answer. “I hate how easily it comes to Ikkyu, I wish I could be like him.” His words are muffled as he speaks into the fabric on my shoulder.

“You don’t need to be like him, you’re cute in your own way.” I bring my hand up to cup his head, ruffling his hair slightly. “That’s why I chose you, Kent.” His grip on me got a little tighter, burying his head into the nape of my neck a little deeper.

“Can we stay like this for a little while?” He asks, still muffled by my clothing. I didn’t think I’d get to see such a soft side of Kent today, but I’m glad I did. He’s always had a hard time expressing his emotional problems, next time we can work on it in a less aggressive way.

“Of course, Kent.” I tried speaking with the softest tone I could, just wanting him to feel calm and comfortable. We could stay like this for a while, no one ever came in here; and that’s what we did. After a few minutes we moved to the couch, leaning against each other.