Let me preface this by saying that I 1000% agree that Lo'ak was not "mistreated", and that Jake is not a terrible father and is justified in getting frustrated with him (heck, a few years ago I wrote what I jokingly refer to as my "10-page academic paper" on why Jake is a good dad doing his best in difficult circumstances, and I still stand by every word of it).
However, respectfully there are a few ideas that I would like to push back on just a bit:
First, on Lo'ak being a self-perceived outcast. I do agree that his internal perception of the situation is likely more severe than the reality (saying things like "the whole clan hates me"—I don't think that's true). However, it's not entirely unfounded.
One major part of both Neteyam's and Lo'ak's characters is the struggle to live up to the legacy of their father, legendary war hero Toruk Makto. With Neteyam in particular this is shown through his constant begging to participate in battle even when Jake refuses: "but Dad, I'm a warrior like you, I supposed to fight!" etc. etc.
But the thing with Lo'ak is that he's not only living in Jake's shadow, but also Neteyam's. Neteyam is a nigh-prodigy. A natural athlete, seemingly good at everything he tries, popular with the clan, the youngest warrior to ever make a clean kill on a sturmbeest...and looks like a normal Na'vi to boot.
...and then we have Lo'ak, a year younger (yes, canonically it's only one year), scrambling to keep up. Doesn't quite have his brother's raw talent. Failed his first Iknimaya. Situations always seem to be blowing up in his face...
...and he inherited the avatar features, which means he looks physically different from his peers, which is shown to be something that—as is the case with many teenagers—makes him feel very self-conscious. It's not quite clear what the extent of this issue was while he was growing up with the Omatikaya, but it certainly becomes source of contention with the Metkayina: within minutes of the Sully family's arrival at the reef, Ronal is already denouncing Lo'ak and Kiri in front of the entire clan for having "demon blood" because of their fingers, and later we see bullies like Aonung mocking and harassing them for it. And not only does Aonung mock his appearance, but also plays an incredibly cruel so-called "prank" on him by abandoning him outside the reef when Lo'ak was genuinely trying to make up for the fight—a "prank" that would've gotten him killed had Payakan not come to the rescue.
In other words, we have a fourteen-year-old kid whose father was a legendary hero and whose older brother is a prodigy but who keeps screwing up when he tries to follow suit, who by sheer luck of the genetic draw was born looking like an uncanny alien and gets made fun of for it, who's constantly getting lectured when his impulsive decisions, even the well-intentioned ones, blow up in his face, and who nearly died because a bunch of kids he thought he was bonding with were actually just cruelly taking advantage of him.
Yeah, no wonder he feels like an outcast!
And to be clear, I am not saying that he's always in the right: he absolutely does make a number of impulsive decisions that lead to problems. And I am certainly not saying that it's wrong of Jake to get frustrated with him or lecture him about said decisions: heck, I get frustrated with him too! I want to shake him by the shoulders yelling HOLY FLIP BUDDY CAN YOU JUST LISTEN TO YOUR FATHER AND STAY PUT FOR FIVE MINUTES—
But, that doesn't make what Lo'ak is feeling unreasonable. I don't think it would be right to blame any one specific character for Lo'ak's internal struggles the way some fans seem to want to pin it all on Jake: I think it's more just a natural byproduct of the circumstances than anything else. But that doesn't make it invalid.
Which brings us, sadly, to Neteyam's death and what role Lo'ak did or didn't play in it. Personally, I don't think that it was Lo'ak's fault - I believe that the fault lies solely with Lyle Wainfleet, the man who pulled the trigger.
But, the thing that makes this really difficult is that regardless of whether or not Neteyam's death was actually Lo'ak's fault, the fact that Lo'ak feels like it was his fault is very very important to his story. It's something that has been building since very early in A2 and reaches its climax in A3.
Our first hint at this theme is after the train raid, when Jake (rightfully btw) tries to impress upon Lo'ak the seriousness of participating on actual missions, warning him that "you almost got your brother killed".
The next little piece of foreshadowing comes when Lo'ak and Tsireya are talking about Payakan. They have this exchange:
Lo'ak: Payakan didn't kill those boys. I saw it all. The demon ship killed his mother right in front of him. He gathered up the young bulls and the reef boys to attack the ship, and they were all killed...but by the sky people, not by him. He's not a killer.
Tsireya: No, Lo'ak...by the Tulkun way, he is. He bears those deaths.
So now we have two conversations that are essentially priming Lo'ak to view himself as guilty when his insistence on rescuing Spider (unintentionally) results in Neteyam's death.
And then the most damning moment: shortly after Neteyam takes his last breath, there's this shot where the camera slowly pans over to Lo'ak, lingering on his hands literally soaked with his brother's blood, before moving up to his grief-stricken face. You cannot tell me that shot wasn't absolutely intentional.
So many people give Jake crap for lashing out and blaming Lo'ak in A3, yet somehow so few seem to recognize that Lo'ak was already blaming HIMSELF long before his argument with Jake. Heck, he literally says it himself in his narration at the beginning of the movie: "I killed my brother". The entire second movie was setting him up for exactly this conflict.
And, I think the fact that he has this conflict is significant because of its parallels with Payakan's backstory. Both of them made a decision based on good intentions: Payakan to avenge his mother, Lo'ak to rescue Spider. Both of those decisions lead to death: the young bulls and reef boys for Payakan, Neteyam for Lo'ak. And both characters "bear those deaths": Payakan from tulkun law, and Lo'ak primarily from himself (I'm sure a lot of people would say from Jake, but I don't really think so: his conversation with Neytiri afterwards makes it clear that the person Jake really blames for Neteyam's death is not Lo'ak, but himself, and he lashed out at Lo'ak because that was easier in the moment than facing the idea that it was his own decisions that led to his son's death; no it wasn't a nice thing to say yes I wish he hadn't said it but also I feel like a lot of people forget that Neytiri and Lo'ak aren't the only ones grieving Neteyam, Jake is ALSO lost in the depths and questioning every decision he's ever made and yeah sometimes people who are grieving like that lash out irrationally more news at 10...but uhhhh that's a topic for another post)
Anyways...yeah, Lo'ak and Payakan sharing those parallel stories is what makes it significant that they're the ones who ultimately convince the tulkun to change their ways and fight back.
(sigh) and yes....as I type this all out I am very aware that it sounds more like I am arguing for the claim that Lo'ak is to blame for Neteyam's death, not against it...I reiterate that no, personally I do not blame Lo'ak...but like I said before, it's difficult to argue against the idea because Lo'ak blaming himself for it is such a major part of his arc, regardless of whether it's actually his fault or not...🫠
idk. I guess what I'm trying to get at is that it's one thing to acknowledge that yes, if Lo'ak hadn't insisted on going back for Spider, Neteyam would probably still be alive, but you know what else would've kept Neteyam alive? Wainfleet not firing bullets at a bunch of teenagers.
Lastly, regarding your point about Neteyam as a character "only existing for Lo'ak to take advantage of" - actually, I do agree that Neteyam's primarily narrative role is to affect Lo'ak's arc (and, in death, Jake's and Neytiri's too), but I don't think it's meant to be as Lo'ak's scapegoat.
Rather, Neteyam does for Lo'ak's character in the second movie what Norm does for Jake's in the first.
Norm was the model avatar candidate. Trained for years, studied the culture, fluent in the language, 500 link hours logged before even leaving for Pandora. Jake, meanwhile, has zero training, zero hours, knows nothing about the culture, didn't speak a single word of the language. He's just Some Guy who's there by the convenient coincidence of sharing a genome with the guy who was actually supposed to go.
We the audience already know, of course, that Jake is out of his depth with this mission; we know this backstory, we know he's only on Pandora because his brother was unexpectedly killed. But it's through Norm that we actually see just how out of his depth and unprepared Jake really is.
Likewise, as detailed earlier in this post, Neteyam was "the perfect son", the golden boy; it's through Neteyam that we see just how short Lo'ak is falling (or at least, feels like he's falling) as "son of Toruk Makto". His role is not to be Lo'ak's scapegoat, but to embody the ideal that Lo'ak struggles to reach.
In conclusion I guess: you're right that no, Lo'ak is not the perfect little victim that the fandom tries to turn him into. He, like every other character in this franchise, does have flaws and does make mistakes, sometimes serious ones. BUT, he's not a bad person either, and his feelings and actions, while they can certainly be impulsive, are not irrational. He's trying, and, slowly but surely, he is learning and maturing. 🙂
