Jules

Those first two are from the same WIP that originally was an idea I had for a Duskwood-fanfic (and initially inspired by songs - many of my ideas are 🤭), but I was thinking about turning it into something original...maybe...in 500 years...

Sister Sun Brother Moon / You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister - Part 1

She is the sun, the center of our little solar system. Everything revolves around her, everyone here builds their lives around her. Like planets, dwarf planets, asteroids, meteoroids, comets, dust clouds...they all orbit the sun. But when she's there, nothing else can be seen anymore: everyone looks at her and she leaves them blind for other things. People hurt themselves for the sun, to be able to get a ray of her all-encompassing light and to feel a little warmth. But it’s a hazardous, harsh warmth - and her blinding and glaring light, it outshines everything else.

They're not able to grasp that though - we humans really are a dumb race. Like Icarus, they burn their wings while trying to get close to her. They feel drawn to her like a moth to the light and once they reach their goal, they realize that it isn’t as great as suspected. But it’s too late then.

She outshines everything and everyone, leaving no room for anyone else's light, and burning them alive. When the sun comes up, the planets and stars fade away and she's the only visible thing...

She has to go.

I don’t want to be a distant star anymore.

Sister Sun Brother Moon / You Only Want Me 'Cause You Want My Sister - Part 2

However, I was never one of them. I was an outsider, an outcast, someone who watched but never took part. Lilly the observer, the cute little wallflower, hiding in the shadows of others. Oh, if only they knew what worlds exist in my mind! It’s time for me to finally get involved, it's time for some chaos. I don’t want to be invisible anymore - I want to be seen. Noticed. Acknowledged. Accepted and valued even, if I'm lucky. But being seen and respected would be enough, even if it means that I have to throw their worlds into chaos.

Whether they like it or not - they will notice me. I'll make sure they do.

This one is a Duskwood-fanfic, and it’s...angsty and depressing 🙈 it’s a looong scene, so let's count it as two, alright? or maybe as a one-shot that never got finished?

Imposter

The moon painted beautiful shadows on the wall as I watched you silently sleeping on my bed. My tears started falling, and my heart was breaking. Again. This is not how I imagined love. This is not what I imagined for me and the man that I have deeply fallen in love with. I know that you feel the same, but I don't have the courage to talk with you about it. How can I ever tell you how much it hurts without collapsing right in front of you? Without dragging you down with me? Every day, I pretend that everything is alright. That I am alright. That you are alright. That we are alright, goddammit! That everything is going to be fine in the end. But it's killing me every time I see you, especially when you say how much you love me and that you would do anything for me. It shatters me into pieces every single damn time you touch me. I don't know how long I can bear this anymore, but I wish you knew how much I'm willing to go with you. To just be with you. And how much it hurts me that I'm not able to do so.

I try to suck you in, to burn your picture into my soul, in a desperate attempt to not forget what we shared. What we felt. What we admitted to each other, in silent whispers and giggles. The love that we gave to each other.

So I'm sitting here in the middle of the night, not able to sleep, fearing the first light of the sun...because you'll be gone in the morning. You're always gone in the morning. And I'll still be here, alone and isolated, mourning the loss of your presence once again. Again...again and again. When will we see each other again? Will you be back tomorrow? Next week? Next month?

...never?

Will we see each other again? I'm tired of the constant grief, but it is how it is. If that’s the price I have to pay to be with you, I'll gladly go broke.

I know you feel the same, I saw it in your eyes every time we had to say goodbye. I know, that’s why you prefer to leave while I'm still asleep now. It breaks your heart just as much as it breaks mine. Will it ever end? How long will we manage to go on like this before our hearts finally break for the last time? How much will be left of us then? Will you ever be free, truly free? Free from me? Or is this our life now:

You on the run - I'm not able to run. Because my body is broken and I'm a burden for everyone to be around. Why do you love me? Why are you still here with me, why are you doing this to yourself? You could do so much better without me...I wish you would just leave me and try to find happiness somewhere else, far away from my burdening love and your twisted sense of duty that’s holding you captive. Because I'm not enough, that’s for certain.

But I don’t want you to go. If I could, I would keep you for the rest of my life in this little room. It's not a long life anyway, so maybe, just a few years from now, you'll be free. Free from me. Free from that nuisance, from my miserable existence. I feel guilty that you love me. I don’t deserve it. I can’t stop thinking that I somehow manipulated you into this whole thing, that you love a picture of me I created for the outside, for the world to see. But deep inside, I'm miserable and empty and barely holding on. My ugly and broken shards are all over the place and here, in my little room, I can’t hide them. I'm deathly afraid that you'll one day wake up and finally see the truth, the ugly and monstruous reality of my pointless life, and then you'll run - finally run away from me - I'm sure of that.

And I dread that day just as much as I want it to finally come.

Alright, let's end with something lighter...this is the beginning of a possible short story that demanded to be put into words, and started as random rambling in my most favorite discord-server 🤭💙

Spunky

It was late at night when I heard a distant 'meow'. Weird, considering that I live in a building where no pets are allowed...but yet here I was, listening to these feline sounds. Where did it come from, and most importantly - how? How was that possible? I live on the fifth floor and a cat in the hallway would've been noticed by my neighbors. Especially Mr. Wilkinson, who was always on the lookout for possible rule breakers to report them to the landlord.

I groaned and decided that I wouldn't be able to fall asleep now anyway, so I got up and searched for the source of these unusual sounds in my apartment.

But when I entered the kitchen, something changed: it was quiet - absolutely quiet. I wasn’t able to hear anything, not even my own movements, and that was quite an unpleasant feeling. I'm not a person that's easy to impress, or scare, but this situation made me feel a bit…uncomfortable. The wind at my windows, the noise of the city, the creaking old walls of this house, the snores of the kind lady next door, my other neighbor's TV, the buzzing of my fridge, my breath, my heartbeat, any sign of the world - gone. As if everything stopped existing altogether. As if I was living in a thick, deafening vacuum with no way out. Ironically, I was holding my breath while I tried to find out which otherworldly thing caused this unsettling situation, when suddenly…‘meow’.

I jumped higher than humanly possible, frightened and with a high-pitched shriek. What the fuck was happening here? What did I walk into? I should have listened to my mother when she told me not to live alone…or at least not in this apartment, where the previous tenant passed away and wasn’t found for almost two weeks. Mr. Wilkinson, that nosy neighbor with no sense of privacy, felt the need to tell me everything about my predecessor on my first day in my new home, and that she definitely had a pet, against every rule, but always denied it. Well, a pet was never found, the suspected pet owner on the other hand…what a warm welcome.

‘Meooooow…’ Again! Where did that come from? I turned around, trying to locate the direction of those laments, but it was quiet again.

That's it for now 🤭 I hope you liked some of them...