Jules' SVU corner

I love Amanda's smile here as she sets the table, munching on some bell pepper and laughing at her husband's partner's antics. While wearing his shirt. But what I love even more is Carisi. He is a flurry of movements, trying to get dinner ready without burning anything, but as soon as Jesse walks up to him to tell him Billie has a question, he's like "screw the food, my daughter needs something."

Carisi is in dad mode all the time he's around Jesse and, apparently, Billie, too, and in this scene we see it's not a subconscious thing for him anymore. When he and Amanda hear Jesse ask on Billie's behalf if he's Billie's father, his response is to look at Amanda expectantly. In hindsight we know why, as Amanda is the one who kept their relationship a secret even from the girls. But it's also interesting to see that out of the two adults, Carisi is not surprised. He doesn't freeze, Amanda is the only one with the asdfghjkl reaction. That's because the man is smitten with the idea of being Billie's and Jesse's father.

Look at his huge grin. He loves it. Because he loves them. Peter Scanavino said that he plays Carisi with a backstory in mind where he is very close to Rollins' girls. And it shows, both in this scene, where he uses the same sweet voice Amanda uses when she talks to Jesse, and during their two fights later. He wants to be more to them than just Uncle Sonny.

Amanda doesn't want to change anything though. When Carisi tells her they'll need to talk to the kids about them sooner or later, since they've started asking questions now, Amanda just stares at him, then smiles, drops her gaze and turns away. With a barrage of censored bleeping noises in her head from the looks of it. She is not willing to go there.

And Carisi notices that, too. His smile drops when Amanda turns away without a word.

But it has been nine months and there is only so much patience a man can have. I get that Carisi is frustrated. Here he was, being kissed by the woman he has been in love with for years, and while he was more than willing to give her berth initially and take things slowly, they are nearing a year now and they are still not more than clandestine lovers.

So he's snippy in his next scenes. And Liv is the poor outsider who is caught in the middle of insensitive omelette metaphors and angry outbursts about change being unnecessary. Pretty sure she spends half the episode hoping her moody colleagues won't start shouting in the middle of the bullpen again.

But back to our troubled lovebirds, Amanda unknowingly adds insult to injury when she walks up to Carisi with a smile and announces far too relieved for his taste that Dr. Hanover said Billie might just be testing boundaries and that they decidedly don't need to bring it up ever again unless she does, so let's pretend this never happened, hon. And Carisi, being Carisi and able to sniff out her bs since early s17, calls her out, asking her if that's what Hanover said or if that's what she heard. Because he knows Amanda is dodging the issue. Liv walks in on them as Amanda realizes that Carisi is pissed because of her and catches on.

Not that it's hard, they're glaringly obvious, but anyway.

In their next scene, Carisi blows up. The man is on a mission to address the elephant in the room and it's glorious because there is a whole herd of them.

Kelli and Peter bring their A+ game to the scene, delivering acting worthy of every award you can throw at them. Amanda has been ducking the issue of their disclosure to pretty much anyone who isn't them for far too long and Carisi has had it. He lets her know he's frustrated and at his limit. Amanda is keeping them in trial mode, which he understands the reasons for, but because of that she has put him under massive pressure for months. And the guy is beginning to crumble under the burden. Not to mention the gallons of Pepto he has likely drunk.

"You won't tell the people we work with or your kids that we're involved. You haven't even told Billie who her father is."

Warren is this close to erasing Al from existence and I'm living for it. Go ahead, I hated the guy.

On a more serious note, Amanda, what up, girl? I get why you wouldn't want to speak the potato's name ever again, but the fact that you let your child believe it could be "Uncle Sonny" says a lot about who you wanted her father to be. Or Warren. Whatever. It's obvious we're moving towards a marriage between the two, so this point is interesting beyond belief and I'm curious to see where it'll go. Will Billie Boo be left in the belief she's Carisi's? Oh, the possibilities~

I also take that to mean that Jesse knows about Declan. Boo.

"Okay, easy! Easy!"

Carisi doesn't care, the gloves are off.

"I know, I get it. You grew up having to compartmentalize. It's a survival mechanism." "What are you, my shrink now?" "No, I'm not your shrink. I just..."

Obligatory mention of appreciation of Amanda's personal growth and the fact that she has a shrink. And that she talks about it openly to Carisi.

Also, thank you, Dr. Carisi.

"I don't want to be 'Uncle Sonny' forever."

That's a Freudian slip if I ever saw one. Of course I could be a reasonable human being and take that as him just being tired of still carrying his pre-relationship moniker. But where's the fun in that? There is way more serotonin to be had where we take that as a literal slip, indirectly admitting to Amanda that he wants to be seen as a father rather than an uncle. On second thought, it's even better when you don't see it as a slip, but Carisi full-on disclosing he wants to be their dad.

We had Carisi saying in the finale of season 22 that he wanted children and now he has the chance to be a dad to the two girls who love him as dearly as he loves them and who have only known him as a father figure all their lives. It's such a sweet thought that that which pushes Sonny to finally sit Amanda down and confront the issue is the children beginning to see more in him. His own feelings for them have grown, too. Again, broadly grinning, happy Italian in her kitchen. The man loves the idea of being their dad.

Since Warren loves being sneaky, I expect Jesse's picture in Carisi's office to be updated eventually, with an "I love you, Daddy" scrawled across it. Just watch, it's gonna happen.

"You're not gonna-"

I like that she tries to tell him he's wrong. This isn't an empty attempt to placate her boyfriend, these are her children we're talking about. Amanda is a lioness when it comes to them. So for her to try to tell him that he won't be "Uncle Sonny" forever really means she fosters the wish for him to be more. Blended family, folks.

"We're nine months in, Amanda. And your kids still don't know who I am to you?"

This must hurt so much for him. He's ready to love them as if they're his own, but Amanda's hesitance acts like a muzzle. They're her children, he can't take (or in this case, give) something he has no claim on.

"What? So which is it? Do you want me to disclose our relationship to NYPD or just to Jesse and Billie? My dad?"

I will take this as Jim nagging her to date Carisi on the regular, thank you.

"How about your parents? Why haven't I met them yet?"

Ayyy, Amanda wants to meet his parents? Girl really do be sending some mixed signals here. lol On one hand she doesn't want to make their relationship public because she doesn't want the pressure on her, but on the other hand she wants to meet her future in-laws because she's Southern and that's the proper thing to do when a relationship is serious. Even if you don't intend to tell the people about it, I guess.

Serious talk though, it's really because her heart is already married to Carisi. She doesn't allow the relationship to be fully realized, to give herself a safety net because the voices of a lifetime of bad experiences are hard to shut up, but nine months have left their mark on her, too. She walks around in his shirt, they all have dinner like a family and the fact that she didn't tell Jesse Carisi isn't Billie's father is such a glaring, blaring, fat hint as to how she envisions their relationship to develop that she might as well take the full page ad, no one's gonna bat an eye, hon.

Seriously, the fact that she keeps the door open on that last one kills me.

I love it. I love this dichotomy. Her mind warns her. He's been her best friend, they're lovers now, how many times can they change something about their relationship before it blows up? Because I'm sure deep down Amanda still thinks she doesn't deserve a good man, despite taking this plunge. Meanwhile her heart is doodling "Amanda Carisi" on every surface it can find in a 30 mile radius.

"Because you don't want my mom to know that you're my girlfriend! I'm gonna bring a "colleague" home to Sunday dinner? Do you know how strange that would look?"

I'm Italian, and from from Staten Island. We only introduce the woman we're gonna marry to our moms.

...Well, guess what. :D

"I don't want that pressure on us!" "On us or on you? I'm sorry. I just don't want to live like this anymore."

You can see Amanda's world tilt on its axis when Carisi says the last part. For a shocking few seconds she and we are led to believe that Carisi might want to break up with her, but then he clarifies.

"I feel like I have a live hand grenade in my pocket and if this comes up during a trial, that's gonna blow up in our faces."

He doesn't want to end things. He wants to change them. Right now he's carrying all the pressure. And he's been doing it for nine months. The guy is right in asking Amanda to give something in return now and share the burden.

That's likely also what Hanover told her later when she went to her, because Amanda left the park in broad daylight but it was dark when she reached Liv. It's so obvious they talked and Amanda heard things she didn't like again, being so crabby with Liv about not having to change something just because one can that Liv had to bite the bullet and address the evident drama. Luckily, she got saved by the bell in the form of Michelle remembering stuff.

"Okay, so what? You want me to take a full page ad? I don't want to leave SVU."

Amanda, honey, at this point you are SVU. They transfer you, they close the place.

Jokes aside, this is a valid point. If they were afraid one of them would have to quit their job, it's understandable they weren't too keen on disclosing. That doesn't excuse the kids not knowing though. Amanda, I see you.

"You don't have to. I floated this to HR -as a hypothetical. And it turns out that if we both disclose to our bosses, we're fine." "Do we have to do that now?" "Okay. When then? One year? Five? Look, Amanda. I don't want to push you someplace you don't want to go, but what are we doing here? Are we gonna try to make this work or not?"

He is right. She is sending a million mixed signals, refusing to make it official, but leaving her daughter in the belief Carisi could be her father and wanting to meet his parents, playing house with him every evening to the point Carisi has started calling her place home. At the end of it though, it's not really a relationship, despite the intimacy in some parts. As I said, though they are serious about each other and drop plenty of hints about how they envision their shared future -and even more interestingly, their visions align- they're still basically clandestine lovers. He wants to give the real deal a shot. But Amanda misunderstands him.

"Are you- are you seriously asking me that?"

Yes. Yes, he is! But not for the reason you think! You can see he's scared himself. His heart is on the line, too. He doesn't want things to end. But they have to change. It's high time. The people Amanda wanted to keep the relationship a secret from have already moved forward. Liv knows about them. Billie and Jesse are starting to view Carisi as their dad. Amanda needs to adjust now. If she wants this, she has to actually go for it.

And Carisi is worried here she might not. He was okay with her asking him for time. But her not wanting to change things scares him. And that's understandable because they love each other, and they both know it, so what's the holdup?

"'Cause I've never been this open or honest in a relationship."

It's so ironic that this is literally what he wants to do, too.

Carisi doesn't doubt her feelings. He knows that she has been baring her heart to him. And he knows that she loves him. She has told him, she just said so.

This whole fight, and their misunderstandings, stem from them approaching the same issue from opposite angles. And that issue is at its core love, as Julie said in a tweet. But not the lack of it. It's the opposite, they both love each other too much.

Carisi loves her too much to keep holding back, whereas Amanda loves him too much not to. He's afraid things won't change, whereas change is what scares her. We have this beautiful "two sides of the same coin" theme going on here, where we also see that at the heart of it, they're actually on the same page.

Given Amanda's past, her reasoning is understandable, but it's also hilarious because she has backed herself into a corner, wanting a relationship but not wanting a relationship. Carisi is in the process of becoming a huge part of her life and of her children's lives. Amanda doesn't oppose that. She wants it, rather obviously. But because she has been let down by every person who was ever expected to love her, from her entire family to every guy she was ever romantic with, a part of her is afraid the same is gonna happen here, too. Yet, Amanda wants her cake and she wants to eat it, too, so her brilliant solution to her dilemma is to simply not call it a relationship to anyone other than them. And we see how full of bull that is.

Carisi is right in calling her out on this ridiculous decision. It's not fair to any of them; not to him and not to the kids. He gave her nine months because he understood she needed time, but now she's settling for the training wheels and Carisi won't have a half-assed relationship.

They want a life together. They want a family together. And they have already taken plenty of steps to get there. There may have been a record scratch when Jesse dropped Billie's daddy bomb, but neither Sonny nor Amanda were bothered by the idea of her viewing him that way. The issue was addressing it. lol And in two weeks Amanda will be meeting Mama Carisi. So her wanting to meet his parents wasn't just a snippy remark. Carisi has her parents approval; she wants his parents', too. Because they have decided to stay together til death do them part.

He has to coax her out of her comfort zone because things are already in motion. Their feelings have changed, they're already closer. Amanda, honey, you can't stay in the past. Your safety net is suffocating him.

In the end, it proves not to be an issue anyway. For all the grief Amanda put Carisi through with not wanting to disclose because she didn't want the pressure of managing a public relationship, girl is SKIPPING to her man afterwards. She's more giddy than he is! Look at that happy grin! She's smiling just as broadly as Carisi did in the beginning when Billie more or less called him Daddy.

Because disclosing opened up new possibilities. She, too, can do now what Carisi has wanted the whole time. Indulge her feelings anytime, anyplace. And she finds she loves it.

I love how she complains all episode and then ends up happier about it than he is. lmao The rollivia moment is also such a sweet scene, though I wish they had milked that one more. Special mention to the music though; it changes from an ominous tune to a soft, uplifting one the second Liv tells her she's very happy for her. Nice job on that one.

Carisi for his part has one more thing weighing on his mind though and that's the girls. I love that his first priority after getting the obligatory stuff out of the way is tending to his relationship with his Amanda's kids.

Because he truly loves them. And if they love him, too, and want to love him as their dad -which Amanda is totally okay with, because Al who?- it's unfair to deprive them of that just because their mother insisted on standing with one leg at the altar while keeping her other in the past.

Amanda knows that, which is why she nods softly at his request. It's high time they come clean to the girls.

  A very good episode, stellar rollisi moments, and it explained so much. I thought we had hit the pause button with the long overdue disclosure, but them sneaky writers steadily progressed their relationship.

I also get now why it took so long. We all thought it was just about letting their bosses know they're dating so that there wouldn't be any issues. But no, it's a freaking milestone. Forget introducing Carisi as Amanda's boyfriend, they're introducing him to her daughters as a potential father. Which is like, whoa. And they will also be introducing each other to their parents, which, let's be real, you're doing when you're gunning for an eventual marriage. And we know she meets his mother in two weeks. Let me reiterate: whoa.

I maintain the question will be popped in this season's finale, because the last finale was the perfect setup for that had they been an item since the end of s21, the way it had been originally planned before the pandemic hit. We're certainly taking steady steps towards that goal, and I love every second of it!

Except that darn drought.

So what do we know? Rapist Anonymous gives us a plethora of moments, both subtle and obvious, that each reveal a lot.

In the first five minutes alone, we see Amanda blew off her friends and colleagues to go to an AA meeting with her sponsor Nate because he asked her as a favor.

We also see them glued together in his bar, openly indulging in PDA with the hand-holding.

After that, things get steamy between them, even though Amanda thought they had decided after last time that "this was a bad idea". When they are being interrupted by someone buzzing Amanda's door though, Amanda is the one who pauses things between them to see what's going on. Mainly because Nate is an asshat who only cares about himself.

This goes so far that when Amanda tells him she'll bring Lena, who just confessed to her that she was assaulted by a fellow AA member, to the ER, he asks her "what, right now?" Amanda gives him a disbelieving look and he quickly back-pedals, asking her if she wants him to come with. She tells him it's okay, to stay and sleep and that she'll bring him breakfast while kissing him sweetly. She then leaves.

What can we take from this so far?

Amanda will put her boyfriend first, even before her friends. And this relationship was relatively new if the "last time" comment is any hint, so that means Amanda gives it her all in a relationship very early on. (Given her value in loyalty and her father leaving her family, that makes sense.)

She likes physical contact, which we see in later scenes, too. and eight years later when she's outright sleeping on her partner, with whom she's in love

She isn't inclined to be sensible when it comes to intimacy, which is how she later ends up with two kids by "two different guys I slept with for no good reason".

But she is self-sacrificing. She will spend her night in an uncomfortable chair waiting in the ER and then drive Lena back home, but she will still go out of her way afterwards to get breakfast to make sure her boyfriend will be fed. Who, let's not forget, was at her home, sleeping.

And she's incredibly loving. At this point I should mention that the name Amanda means "deserving to be loved". For those who didn't know.

Next time we see her with Nate is after Lena's plea to arrest and charge Gene was rejected, due to being a weak case, and Amanda has to tell her in Nate's bar that Lena's only option is to keep away from him.

Amanda leaves Lena still visibly worried about her, but Nate tells her to "entrust her to a higher power" before suggesting they get out of there. Amanda, still worried, glances over to a distressed Lena and Nate asks her if she's ignoring him now. Amanda apologizes and when Nate asks "Your place?" she just smiles half-heartedly and nods. You can plainly see she isn't in the mood, but she still leaves.

Smash cut to them sleeping in bed with Amanda hugging him from behind, before her buzzing phone wakes them. Also notice all the small, loving touches from Amanda up to this point.

Amanda learns that Gene is dead and she goes to the crime scene, meeting Fin there. While talking to Lena, Lena reveals that Amanda was with Nate and Fin starts asking his partner who Nate is and why she has a male sponsor. Amanda becomes defensive, cutting him off with a "I'm a big girl, Fin."

Amanda is willing to overlook obvious flaws, such as her sponsor being a "double winner" by being in both AA and GA, and the fact that he is behaving against unspoken rules by sponsoring her and being intimate with her.

As the case unfolds and more facts become available, Amanda momentarily fears she may have been duped by Lena (Lena calling her her sister in the ER will sting doubly, considering the parallels to Kim). When she and Nate walk together, Amanda becomes increasingly suspicious and irritated, questioning Nate about Lena. Gene cheating on his fiancée is no concern to Nate, but an issue with Amanda, who has zero tolerance for infidelity, as seen throughout the entirety of the show. His relationship with Lena also comes into question, with Amanda sarcastically asking him if Nate sponsored Lena the same way he sponsors her. Nate lies through his teeth, telling her they are program friends and reveals things Lena has been through which were told to him in confidence. Amanda's anger momentarily subsides and she asks him if he's coming up. He declines, saying he's gotta talk to his sponsor and walks away.

Later on, evidence is found that Lena actually murdered Gene and Liv and Nick arrest her while Amanda was with her, talking to her "as a friend". The next scene finds Amanda in Barba's office and she's basically sitting on hot coals, being questioned by him about her and Lena's relationship to Nate and how Lena knew Amanda was a SVU detective. Amanda is visibly distressed by the prospect of testifying in open court in this case, not wanting Lena to go to jail, but Barba assures Amanda there's no way he'd call her.

Too bad Lena's lawyer didn't get that memo.

When Amanda tries to gain sympathy for Lena in the squad room, Liv tells her to look out for herself instead. Amanda nods less than thrilled and walks off.

The next scene is Nick infiltrating AA to check out Nate. After, it cuts to Amanda walking into her bedroom where Nate is laying in her bed, apologizing for not making it to his meeting tonight, she went to GA instead. So Amanda actually listened to Liv and did something for herself for a change. Nate tells her to forget it. Amanda then asks him if he knows how it came up with Lena that she works at SVU and he tells her he doesn't know. He asks her if she will testify and Amanda says the defense will call her tomorrow and admits that she's anxious about it.

This is significant because Amanda usually doesn't reveal any vulnerabilities. But since Nate is her sponsor and she has presumably told him all sorts of personal things, so much so that this trust has turned into a relationship on her end, she opens herself to him again in this instance.

Nate then tells her that the thing to remember is to detach with love and to not let Lena drag her down. He kisses her shoulder then, but Amanda completely ignores it, lost in thought about tomorrow.

After the short court scene things become loud. Amanda has found out Nick went to an AA meeting behind her back and starts yelling at him. Nick tries to defend himself, warning her that Nate is a 13-stepper and Amanda cuts him off, telling him he is wrong. Nick gets annoyed and asks her if it's one of the other 12 steps to sleep with his sponsee. Amanda readjusts, telling him his problem is that he can't stand to see anyone else happy since Maria left him and makes to leave the room. Before she can though, Nick tells her that she doesn't seem happy to him. Amanda, wholly annoyed, turns and tells him that he's just jealous of everyone and that she'd recommend help, but there isn't a 12-step program for self-pity. Fin comes in, telling them to stop because the whole squad room can hear them, but Amanda shouts at Nick that he isn't her father and neither is Fin.

Amanda being defensive about her life choices is something everyone can relate to. But it's her bringing  her father into it that's interesting. Amanda doesn't like being infantilized, least of all by men. Sure, Nate never did that, but Nick later does try to control her actions, which she always reacts violently to. I'm speaking about their bar fight, where he tries to get her to stop drinking, or with Holden where she shoves his hands off her when he tries to guide her out after Holden was shot.

Amanda is in a relationship with Nick later, but one thing she won't forgive is seen as less capable by him. Of course this stems from her terrible time at APD where she had to prove her worth constantly, yet never getting past being the pretty blonde her former captain and chief lusted after. Cragen was a saint by comparison.

But as far as a relationship goes, Amanda needs someone who believes in her and who trusts her to handle herself, even in a tight situation. She doesn't want someone who will criticize her choices, but someone who will be supportive. And in a weak moment, she needs someone who will be there for her.

That is what Nate doesn't do in the next scene. Amanda testifies, having Barba questioning her about the events of the case, and while Barba noticeably holds back, he's still Barba and Amanda would rather be anywhere but there. When the scene then cuts to Nate's closed bar, Nate serves her coffee and tells her she seems shaky, does she need a meeting? Amanda, annoyed, tells him no, she doesn't need a meeting. She had kinda hoped he'd be there today when she testified and Nate tells her him, too, but he couldn't because he would also be testifying. Amanda is surprised at that and Nate innocently remarks "didn't I tell you that?" Amanda says no, disappointed, and Nate simply says he thought he did. Amanda repeats he didn't and Nate says it's no big deal, completely ignoring Amanda's feelings on the matter. "Just, let go and let God." Amanda is visibly annoyed by his answer and the scene fades to black.

We next see her pulling a double that night to be able to be there when Nate testifies. Nick tells her she doesn't want to do that, which has her tell him off and when Liv tries to give her some advice of her own, asking her if she's talked about her past to someone, Amanda tells her yes, in meetings. When Liv mentions a therapist, Amanda utters that terrible line to Liv about not needing to pay someone to listen to her problems. She walks off, having made herself the least favorite person in the precinct, leaving Liv in shock.

We see again how willing Amanda is to sacrifice her own rest and well-being to be there for her lover. It's even more significant now, seeing how she had been let down by Nate just the day before, yet still forgiving him.

It all goes downhill from here.

Amanda is in court, listening to Nate's testimony and then it's Barba's turn to question him. Barba doesn't hold back, cutting right to the chase and asking Nate if he has ever been sexually involved with Lena. Amanda perks up of course, wondering where Barba is going with this and when Nate admits that, yes, he has been involved with Lena, we see Amanda's mouth has slightly dropped and her eyes shifting to Lena, who looks back at her apologetically. When Barba asks how recently and Nate says a week, Amanda visibly flinches. Barba then continues asking if Nate is currently sponsoring Amanda and whether he's sexually involved with her, too, which he says he is. Barba asks him if Amanda was aware, which he says no, listen, he isn't proud of his behavior, but Barba cuts him off, asking him if Lena was aware of him and Amanda. He says she was and also admits he may have shared that Amanda is a SVU detective.

Barba continues and we learn that Nate also told Lena about Kim and everything else Amanda shared with him (without her consent, of course) and that it was Lena later who asked him to invite Amanda to their AA meeting, setting the whole thing with her and Gene up.

Amanda is on the verge of tears when Barba theorizes that Nate was conspiring with Lena to set up a pattern of abuse that would justify Gene's murder, probably having Kim flashbacks at this point, but when Nate objects, saying he wasn't conspiring, Barba states he was being played then. And that Lena used him to play Amanda.

At this point, Amanda leaves the gallery in tears. Nate notices and goes to her to talk. We see Amanda still shaken, but when Nate steps next to her, she composes herself, not letting him see her in a vulnerable state. He tells her he knows she's upset and Amanda snidely remarks that yeah, he was always a smart guy. Amanda is done with him, which she lets him know, and gives him an incredulous look when he tells her he believed in them. Nate adds that he still believes in her and tries to excuse himself by saying that it's progress, not perfection. Amanda looks like she wants to rip his head off when he then asks her not to give up on the program and he gets the message and leaves.

Barba steps up to her next and apologizes, but he had to do it. With him, she's more open, softly saying she's not angry at him with a cracking voice. Barba nods awkwardly, rubs his neck and shuffles back into the courtroom while Amanda pushes the button for the elevator again.

It's plain as day how invested Amanda was in this relationship. Nate was a narcissistic idiot, which she ignored, defending him and by extension herself when people called their relationship into question. She was okay with Nate being a bum and a bozo and leaving a distressed Lena by herself to sleep with her, and forgave him for not being there when she testified. But cheating on her and lying through his teeth? No, sir, she's done with you. You broke her heart.

He betrayed her trust and if there's one thing Amanda values above all else, it's loyalty.

Back at the precinct, we see her in Cragen's office, saying that she thought she'd feel better once Lena was convicted. Fin defends her to herself, telling her she had a blind spot, like they all do. Cragen then gives her some advice and tells her she's not the only one there who has made a mistake. When Amanda then asks him if he's still happy he brought her up from Atlanta, her kind captain introduces her to his girlfriend as "one of his best". He then leaves her and Fin in his office, and Fin asks Amanda how she's doing and if she wants him to knock Nate's little hat off his head, to which she laughs and says yes. But when he offers her to go for a beer, Amanda declines, telling him she needs a meeting.

The ending scene is Amanda not at a meeting, but drinking, smoking and gambling.

Thanks, Nate.

The interesting part here is Cragen and Fin trying to cheer her up, but Amanda not being swayed by their kind words. She has messed up yet again (and even more is to come) and the hit she took by Nate's complete betrayal pushes her off the edge, despite her friends' efforts to help her.

This doesn't happen again after she has Jesse. From the moment she becomes a mother, Amanda takes great care to stay on the straight and narrow, all for her daughters' sake. Amanda is a strong person, but she needs someone to be strong for, otherwise she falls back to bad habits because of low self-esteem and thinking she isn't worth it.

Now, let's recap everything to form an idea about what Amanda brings into a relationship and what she herself expects from it. And what her ideal partner would be like:

She puts her lover first, being willing to do favors, let them rest while she works and go out of her way to get them breakfast after a long night. This altruism doesn't need to be returned, but I'm sure it would be nice if it did.

She is loyal to a fault and will go so far as to threaten people to protect the ones she loves. Infidelity is a definite no-go. As is lying to her, betraying her trust or spying on her life. Well, those all sound pretty reasonable.

She is very affectionate, enjoying closeness and tender touches. She is also apparently a sucker for grander romantic gestures if her tearing up at Heart's Desire or accepting Al's flowers is any hint. A gentleman who would treat her like a "Disney princess" would apparently be right up her alley.

Trust is very important to her, even if she has difficulties trusting someone, so she needs someone she can trust wholly. She wants someone who will have her back (like in Holden's Manifesto, when she asks Nick why she didn't stop the others from shooting Holden, she had him) but also believe in her abilities as a cop.

She doesn't want someone who will criticize her choices, but someone who will be supportive. And in her weaker and more insecure moments, she wants someone she can lean on and who will be there for her.

As a mother, him being good with her kids is also very important. That means he also needs to be loving and patient. And of course kind.

And since Amanda values family greatly, even if hers is nothing to write home about, her partner should probably also be a family man.

The classic stuff like looks, intelligence, accomplishments or making her laugh are all bonus points, but wholly optional to her. As is getting along with her parents and sister, I'm sure. Not because they're not important to Amanda, despite everything they've done, but because she gets why someone wouldn't like them (primary examples being Fin and Liv).

Now let's see how much of this applies to Carisi.

All of it? Yep, all of it.

Carisi is the single most considerate person in her life, looking out for her constantly, down to making sure she sleeps and eats enough and doesn't get indigestion from a steak. He is made of 100% dad material, is a huge family person with utmost respect and admiration for women and has charmed every Rollins he has ever met, from her parents to her sister to her daughters to Amanda herself.

He is loving and gentle and values his friendship with Amanda more than a chance to bed her and is a gentleman who will indulge in ridiculous closeness with her, without ever letting his hands or mind stray though.

He even blows off his girlfriend and Liv in a hostage situation to spend an entire day sitting in a hospital with her because he puts Amanda first and wants to be there for her, "for as long as she needs [him]".

Most importantly, Carisi is the only person who has ever told her she can handle anything life throws at her, even after seeing her at her weakest, and the only person in whose arms Amanda falls apart, because she trusts him and knows he'll hold the pieces of her together. He's the one everyone assumes Amanda talks to, and when he broaches a subject Amanda isn't ready to discuss (like therapy), he doesn't pry but waits until Amanda is ready.

And he is the only person who has ever moved her to tears not because of pain, but because of love.

One thing Amanda wants but previously didn't think she deserved is a partner who will love her. Carisi is the one person who truly sees Amanda, with all her strengths and weaknesses, and admires and loves her for it. His constant attention to her has given him a very clear image of who Amanda is, which is why he can immediately guess what she is thinking or spot her pregnancy when Amanda herself needed a serial killer to sniff it out for her. Even Amanda herself acknowledges that he knows her extremely well.

This is something that Amanda isn't usually fond of because she believes herself to be mostly a failure. As a cop, as an adult and what she fears most, as a mother. But Carisi has never given Amanda the feeling of being less when she has a weak or vulnerable moment, despite his own protectiveness of her, and this admiration of her makes all the difference in their relationship.

What sealed the deal for Amanda though was Carisi promising her that the bond they had forged through their partnership would never go away, when he reads her his wedding vows speech. The biggest fight she had with him was when she felt he had abandoned her. Their solution was to grow closer in private, but during his speech Carisi goes an extra mile and basically tells her that no matter where they find themselves in the future, he would always be her partner on some level and there was no changing that.

Amanda starts crying at this promise of unyielding loyalty, because she feels the same way towards him but didn't expect to actually find a man who would reciprocate those feelings, and after 84 long years Amanda finally, finally! allows herself to pursue happiness with a truly good man and friend and kisses him.

Will I be keeping an eye out for every little detail in season 23 to compare? Definitely.

Do I think Amanda and Carisi will be happy together? Heck yes.

But Amanda still has a lot of room to grow, both as a person and as a partner, what with her still being unwilling to open herself even to the man she loves most and having low self-esteem.

Loving Carisi will finally reflect her strengths back at her, as Carisi has that much clearer and honest image of her. Even if Amanda doesn't trust and value herself, she trusts and values Carisi, whose own trust in her will confront her with her strengths. If he tells her she can do something she will have to believe him, because she believes him.

It's going to be very interesting to see how their relationship and they themselves develop now. But whatever it is, after that speech and kiss, I trust the current team to do a great job.