— we were golden

From the day Julia had to say goodbye to her mother forever, she found one thing that brought some sense of security and helped escape the harsh and cruel world she lived in - books. And the more books she collected, a dream formed to hold a book with her own name on the cover. To leave something in this world, to show her father she made it despite everything, and most importantly to make her mother proud.

Through the years she dabbled in creation of short stories, even drafts of books that have been deleted long ago, but it never felt like the right time. It never felt like her heart nor soul were in the words she wrote. She never felt good enough. Who was she after all? A girl from Boston with a dead mother, a drunk for a dad And to top it all with a failed marriage to her name. She only got to graduate high school in her mid twenties. If it wasn't for her then boyfriend now ex husband She wouldn't have done that either. What if she never met him? Would she ever gather the courage to leave her dad? To finish school? To open her arms to the world? Probably not.

"You're just a barista. Nobody will take you seriously as a writer," she mumbled to herself as she was cleaning up the daily dose, glancing at her phone every few seconds as she kept on mumbling harsh words to herself. That little device that held her dream. A book she completed merely a few days ago stood in her drafts, waiting to be sent out to numerous publishers. Surely one will take the bait. The crime genre is more popular than ever, right?

The book carried raw emotions. The first words she wrote in them were a few weeks after she lost Vivian. The only way she found to put what she felt in a healthy manner. Every word with sadness, happiness, fear and grief stemmed from those she felt herself. It became an extension of her.

She leaned against the counter in the back of the cafe, chewing on her nails while she stared at the email. Maybe she should call Derin, he promised he'd take the leaping step for her. "No," she slapped her tight, "I have to do this." She wanted to be the one who opens this new chapter in her life. She wanted to be strong and show others, well herself actually, that she was capable of taking the reigns of her own life. She drew a deep breath and with squinted eyes clicked send. Her hands were shaking and she felt like she'd collapse on the floor any second, but there was a sense of freedom, a sense of excitement and hope that even if life wasn't the best right now good things were on their way.

"Guess what?!? I actually sent the book!!!! I also sent you a copy of the email. We HAVE to go out tomorrow to celebrate even if nothing happens. I STILL DID IT!" she texted Derin after she was done closing up the daily dose. She couldn't wait til she gets home to tell Adee. She turned the keys and pulled on the door to make sure it was locked before tossing them inside her bag. Nearing her car she stopped to look through her purse to find her keys and when her fingers finally came in contact with the cold metal everything went black.

"Honey, wake up," she heard a voice, a sweet voice she hasn't heard since she was fourteen, a voice that drips like honey - her mother's voice. "Jules, baby you need to wake up."

Pain. Her head felt like it was on the verge of exploding. It was so intense it was making her sick and it blurred out her vision. She tried to look around and get a sense of her surroundings, but even the poorly dim light made her gag. She heard something and she tried to call out for help, even if her mind thought it was useless. She could hear someone's voice and she tried to look for them, the tone was familiar, but she couldn't think straight enough to put a name behind it. A figure came into view and a small sliver of hope came it might be someone who wants to help. But then her eyes traveled down and she could make out an object that caught the light and then she knew. They weren't here to help.

This was it, she thought, this is how the story ends.

Adee, the best friend she loved to pieces. Someone she'd do anything and everything for. God, they just lost Maya and now she was going to lose Julia too. This time she won't be there to hug her and wipe away both of their tears. She just hoped someone else will be there for her.

Arun, someone who was like a brother to her. Someone who always had a story to share, and Julia, someone who was always ready to listen. She really wished she could hear one of his stories right now.

Jesse, who she admired for his work and passion, and he was a pretty good cook too. She always loved watching him work, and hanging out with him and around the parlor to look at all the hard work he's done. She never got to see his art on her. Why did she always have to chicken out of everything?

Dominic, though they didn't have much in common she liked spending time with him. He was kind, even brought her books and he pushed her out of her comfort zone.

Fletcher, the person who showed her the way to Nightrest. Someone she'd always be grateful for finding. Everything might of led to her demise, but he opened the door to a life, despite all the bad, she loved, and now it was going to end. She hopes he won't waste too much time in thought about her.

All her book buddies and all the reactions and opinions she was excited to see and hear. Now she won't be there, she'll never know.

God even Kyle. She knew it was probably her own fault for wearing her heart on her sleeve and allowing herself to fall for someone who wasn't emotionally available the same way she was. But at least she tried to mend her broken heart and extend an arm with friendship.

She felt a sharp pain in her chest. Her head went down to the source of it and she saw the knife plunged where her heart is. She reached to grab onto them, but she got pushed back and there was no strength and will left inside and she never got back up. At least now she'd be able to see her mom, share all the things she's missed in her daughter's life. And Vivian and Maya, God she missed them so much.