i've got spirits in my head and they won't go

❝Earned them?❞ Emmeline took a look around, carefully eyeing nearby attendees. ❝I don’t see any blood, so I’m going to assume you’ve not hexed, jinxed, maimed, or otherwise injured anyone here.❞ With a smile taking shape, she reached across and grabbed a glass, staring the other down while she took a drink. ❝So tell me, why do you have so many drinks?❞

“Maybe I’m just excellent at cleaning up after myself,” Jess suggested, which was a bare-faced lie. She wasn’t necessarily terrible —- it was just that she’d never been especially proactive about responsibilities, and wasn’t likely to start now, when instead she could leave the blood of her enemies on display. With a fond roll of her eyes, Jess allowed Emmeline to grab a drink with no more than an exasperated-yet-affectionate huff. “It’s what I deserve,” Jess said, completely straight-faced. Straight-faced for the straightforward truth. “Also, coincidentally, the amount of drinks I need to drink before I’m allowed to start composing my list of howlers, or before I can stand to deal with any of the white purebloods.” Exhausting yoghurt-faced chicken-legged prancing peacocks that they were.

“Oh, really? I just assumed you were the help, mudblood.” Bellatrix sneered at Jessica. “I doubt you could handle one, let alone six.”

“I guess if I was used to house elves looking better than me, like you so obviously are,” Jess said disdainfully, looking Bellatrix up and down pointedly, “then I might mistake people prettier than me for the help too.” Jess arched an eyebrow at Bellatrix, lips twisting into affected surprise. “Wow, see, I knew your family’s primary talents mostly revolved around marrying each other or disowning each other, but I thought somewhere along the way they’d have taught you how to handle more than one single glass of wine. Guess that pureblood education was a bit... lacking, huh?”

Jasmine held her hand up in surrender, her usual smile plastered on her face. “I wasn’t going to say anything! Well, nothing negative at least. I’m pretty jealous, actually. I may try your way of having six drinks all at once.”

Jess grinned in return. “Well, that’s all right then,” she said, preening, before dropping the act —- though retaining the sense of self satisfaction it implied. “It’s a rec,” she said, nodding sagely. “I have full faith you can get up to six pretty quick —- just flash a quick smile at people, and, failing that, be faster than them and steal their drinks before they can object,” Jess advised. “Though I suppose I can let you have one of mine —- to start you off, and all.”

alecto eyed the platter of drinks, a flick of a glance before she returned her focus on jess. she didn’t bother to count them; the beauty of the party, she’d found, was that even if jess wasn’t willing to share the drinks, someone would give alecto their glass. when she made her argument, it was with more amusement than heat — “ so, are you saying I haven’t? “

jess did tend to like alecto’s arguments —- they were generally well-designed for her, as alecto had always had a great grasp on what was an effective temptation for jess ( doing things she liked doing, with the added benefit of applause ), and so even when they didn’t end up convincing her, they were always enjoyable. “depends,” jess said, raising an eyebrow at alecto, lips curving into a smirk — “made anyone blush or cry tonight? or bleed,” she tacked on. “bonus points if it was malfoy.”

“not so fast,” cyrus stopped the ravenclaw in her tracks, “i’ve noticed that these are the last of the drinks.” he pointedly gestured to the tray she was holding, “as someone who isn’t a slytherin, wouldn’t it be proper to… share?” cyrus helped himself to two, quickly downing the first one.

“Well, that sounds like a you problem,” she began to say, before he grabbed her drinks and suggested something absurd—-that just because she wasn’t a Slytherin, she should share, which, uh, no. Irritated by his presumption, she promptly stomped on his foot. “That’s about as proper of conduct as I can think of for you.”

“Uh, actually, no. They’re mine now.” Moody shot a smirk at Jess as he swiped the drinks that she managed to grab so far. “I didn’t know you’d be so kind and play bartender tonight, I would have came sooner.”

Jessica made a disgruntled face, but allowed it—-or at least, some of it. “You don’t need six,” she said indignantly, reclaiming about half of them, “but I suppose I can share three—-Merlin knows I’ll have an easier time getting more than you will.” Jess was, after all, willing to smile at people to get her way. It seemed a less likely sacrifice for Alastor to make. “I’m always kind,” she retorted, before amending, “well, to people who deserve it. Podboy’s off the list tonight.”

“I think you’ve mistaken me for someone who cares.” Antonin held up four glasses before he shrugged. “I earned these too.” This was the boy’s weak attempt at starting a conversation.

“That’s not a mistake I think anyone is likely to make,” Jess said brusquely, looking at him dismissively, though she did cock an eyebrow at his four glasses. It was nothing on her six, of course, but that was understandable—-she was certainly more charming and likeable than him, so of course she had more. “How?” she asked, looking at him innocently. “Steal them from a house elf?”

toni nodded, “and what exactly did you do to earn…” she quickly counted, “six drinks? surely one of them is for me.” one of the glasses was just calling for her, so toni snatched it up and winked. “sharing is caring, jess.” 

“Existed, obviously,” Jess said, rolling her eyes as if to say please, that should be obvious. Still, she flashed a fond smile, making it clear that she was—-if not joking, exactly, at least inviting Toni to be amused. With a dramatic sigh, she added, “oh, all right—but I’ll have you know, it’s only because you’re cute.” As if Jess would share with anyone she didn’t value.

Let’s play: KILL, BETRAY, HAVE ON YOUR ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE TEAM

Is the whole castle obsessed with Ted or are you all, like, Benjy?

Kill: Let me preface this with saying I love you all. Okay, that said, it’s definitely Sturgis. Sorry dude. Love you and your face, but making people blush isn’t going to save me from the zombies, and have you seen The Ghoul? White people are crazy! Also, Quidditch is dumb.Betray: Can’t I just kill Sturgis twice? Why does this one have two bad options and three good people!! Okay, I’m going to go with Dorcas here, mostly because while I think she’d be absolutely incredible in a Zombie Apocalypse Team—like she’d outperform me and Ted, absolutely, and we’re not terrible—she also probably has more friends than Ted and would be all right if she got betrayed. Like, if I could choose to never betray her, then obvs, but she can survive better on her own than either Ted or me and has more friends than he does, so.Zombie Apocalypse Team: Ted! Quidditch is fucking dumb, but we can use beaters’ bats to bludgeon those fuckers to death. Or re-death, I guess.

Let’s play: FUCK, MARRY, KILL

Wow, everyone’s obsessed with Ted. You’re all aware he’d probably, like, choose his leather jacket over you, yeah? Just ask Benjy.

Fuck: Syb’s an absolute babe, and I bet we’d be absolutely dynamite together. Also, she always lets me do fun hair and make up things with her, and we have rad dance parties. You know what they say, those who dance together, sleep together!Marry: I actually have zero intention of getting married, but like, imagine the power trio Toni, Ted and I would be. Ravenclaw muggleborns! Living our best lives! I’ll go with Toni here, both because I love her and also I feel like she’d jive with marriage better than Ted. Ted and I having to get married would just be a lot of us complaining about marriage and also Quidditch being dumb, and like, we can do that already, very easily, without having to sign something. Also, I could never get married without Benjy around, and I’m not sure Ted could.Kill: Ugh, again? This is bullshit. You’re all giving me Ted because you know I’m the only one who could take him out, right? This is some weird purist tactic ‘cause y’all know you’re all too weak ass to take out Tough Ted Tonks. I SEE YOU.

Let’s play: FUCK, MARRY, KILL

Ooh, points for taste.

Fuck: Listen, marrying both Emmeline and Dorcas would be absolute god tier, so this is a tough choice. How do I decide between both? Though, pretty sure marrying one of them comes pack and parcel with the other, so… let’s go with Emmeline here! Then maybe we can make Sturgis blush. Though, wonderful as Sturgis is, why she would want him after having me is the real mystery.Marry: Dorcas, obviously! One, who wouldn’t want to marry Dorcas, and two, she’s probably bringing along Emmeline, so, you know what? Even better!Kill: Ted, which is absolutely trag, but at least he wouldn’t have to hear disco music ever again. Or deal with pureblood wankers. Small mercies, you know?