running often through my mind

Lacy, oh Lacy, skin like puff pastry

Aren’t you the sweetest thing on this side of hell?

Dinner time at Hayvenhurst was chaotic. Everytime. Besides the plethora of Jackson children, Katherine welcomed others frequently. Friends of the children. Significant others. The occasional business partner. It was the gathering spot for many. Always full of laughter and joy. And tonight, like many others, you sat around the large dining table basking in said joy. Right next to Janet, your longtime friend.

You were mid-conversation, bickering with Jackie about something and giggling, when— in walks Michael. You can’t help but straighten up a little. The crush (which you considered to be fairly miniscule, or atleast you told yourself that) you had on him was very obvious to others— everyone but him apparently. It had only grown over the years. Spending time with Janet had eventually turned into watching movies with Michael. Reading fan mail with Michael. Listening to records with Michael. Being in the studio with Michael. You got so comfortable with him, sometimes even sleeping curled up next to him in his room after staying up til’ ungodly hours of the night talking.

But then, something changed. Seemingly out of the blue.

In came Brooke. Literally and figuratively.

You gnawed at the inside of your cheek as you watched her follow Michael into the dining room. Recently, she’d become a staple in the Jackson household. The actress, who was a few years your junior, was breathtaking. Perfect teeth. Gorgeous smile. Long legs. Your eyes flickered down to your lap as you tried hard to calm the feeling growing deep in your gut. Pure, burning jealousy.

Within the last couple of months, Michael had spent less time with you and more time talking to Brooke on the phone. Prancing around red carpets with Brooke. Hanging out with Brooke. Talking about Brooke.

Brooke. Brooke. Brooke.

It was devastating.

Like perfume that you wear, I linger all the time

Watchin’, hidden in plain sight

“What are you thinkin’ about over there? You’re gonna burn a hole thru the ceiling.”

Michael’s voice pulled you from your trance. You were sprawled out on his bed on your back while he sat on the floor, flipping through a random magazine. The two of you had been listening to music, but you’d stopped humming along a while ago. He couldn’t help but notice.

You huffed, turning onto your stomach to face him, resting your chin on your hands, elbows digging into the plush mattress below you.

You shrug, eyeing him. Face emotionless.

Michael wasn’t stupid. He’d picked up on the way your friendship had started to wither. You seemed distant. Painfully so. But, he figured maybe it was because he was around less and less. Spending more time at the studio. Attending meetings. Planning a tour. Or maybe you had a secret boyfriend you weren’t telling him about. He had no clue.

So, he had been ecstatic that you’d agreed to hang out with him tonight. Tucked in the dim light of his bedroom. Enjoying each others company. Though, you seemed extra reserved tonight. Not your typical bubbly self. Taunting and teasing. Spitting jokes to him. Ranting about girl stuff. He knew you well enough to know something was wrong. But he just couldn’t put his finger on it.

Before you could even begin to think about answering his question, the phone rang.

Michael was quick to hop up, answering the phone in his typical sweet tone. He wrapped the cord around one of his fingers, fidgeting with it as an obvious smile spread across his face. It was clearly a woman’s voice on the other end. Brooke undoubtedly. And, he began chatting back. Basically forgetting your mere existence, leaving you laying on his bed aimlessly. Your face flushed, a sudden urge to cry beginning to claw at your insides. Clenching your jaw, you move fast. Wanting nothing more than to get out of his room. But he saw your movement as you trying to give him privacy. Nothing more.

Michael eyed you, watching you bend down to gather a few of your belongings before you made your escape to Janet’s room. He waved a hand at you, keeping the phone to his ear, mouthing a ‘no no no!’ but made no further attempt to stop you.

Your eyes burned as you stepped out of the room, leaning against the door as it shut. Chest heaving as you tried hard not to break down into a sob right then and there.

Smart, sexy Lacy, I’m losing it lately

I feel your compliments like bullets on skin

Dazzling starlet, Bardot reincarnate

Well aren’t you the greatest thing to ever exist?

It wasn’t your typical Saturday night. No, this was different. The sudden barrage of camera flashes and yelling. The red carpet beneath your feet. You were attending the Grammy’s and that alone had you reeling. Arm-in-arm with Janet, you navigated past reporters and celebrities. It was a no brainer for Janet to bring you along tonight. The two of you did everything together. Though, Janet was admittedly a little nervous.

She knew Michael was coming with Brooke. More importantly, she knew how much you’d been struggling with that whole situation lately. She was your bestfriend after all. The one you’d thought would’ve been horrified when you’d admitted your feelings for her brother. Instead, she was the one who held you when you cried a few times recently when it all got too much. Your overwhelming feelings pouring from you as you sobbed to her.

Janet kept you close, watching your eyes sparkle at your surroundings.

And then, she watched them fill with raw emotion when Michael began to walk over. Hand clasped tight in Brooke’s. You swallowed hard, putting on your best fake smile. Something you’d mastered recently. Michael offered you and Janet both a quick hug, then your eyes met Brooke’s.

“You look amazing!” She grinned, her words genuine, yet somewhat of a metaphorical punch to the gut. In her defense, she had no clue about your feelings for her date.

“Thank you.” You smiled a little. “So do you.” Your reply was also genuine. Despite the position you were in, you’d never pray on anyone’s downfall. Especially someone Michael clearly admired. It wouldn’t do you any good.

So, seconds later after Michael had mumbled a few things to Janet, him and his date sauntered off. Janet immediately touched your arm, offering you a look of pure sympathy.

“I’m sorry.” She sighed. “I wish things were different.”

Ooh, I care, I care, I care

Like ribbons in your hair

My stomach’s all in knots

You got the one thing that I want

This was hell. You were sure of it.

You sat silently, lounged on a chair near the pool at Hayvenhurst. Sun beaming down, music playing loud. The brothers all splashing around, talking loudly and tossing a ball at one another.

Then there was Michael and Brooke who were giggling like children, chasing each other around the shallow end. Michael’s arms wrapping around her waist when he caught up to her, lifting her playfully.

You averted your eyes, tilting your head up towards the sun. If you didn’t know any better you’d settle for staring at the bright orange fireball above you, permanently burning your retinas. That might be less painful than this.

Over the last couple of weeks, you’d picked up the pieces of your heart alone. Or tried to atleast. A clueless Michael too busy with an all too familar Brunette. Despite your pain, you refused to stay away from Janet. She had been your rock through all of this, and you couldn’t imagine not hanging out with her. Even if it meant seeing Michael daily. And apparently Brooke.

Even though you’d accepted the fact that you’d never be with him in the way you’d dreamed about, that surely didn’t mean it didn’t sting to hear him shamelessly flirt with her or laugh at her jokes. Her name alone would always be a knife to the heart.

You shuffled uncomfortably in the lounger, reaching for your drink. It was only then that you spotted Michael whisper something in Brooke’s ear before she placed a kiss to his cheek. You sucked in a breath, clumsily dropping the glass onto the concrete beneath you— the sound of it shattering making everyone freeze.

Fuck.

Wincing, you moved to start cleaning it up until Katherine quickly ducked in.

“S’ okay baby.” She said, her calming voice floating around you. “Just a glass. It happens.” She knew.

You nod, eyes welling with tears behind your sunglasses. Everyone returned to what they were doing, and you followed Katherine inside as she disposed of the broken glass.

Moving to wash the sticky liquid of your drink off your hands, you stared aimlessly out of the large kitchen window.

“He doesn’t know.” She said suddenly, standing behind you. You shut the water off, not sure if you’d understood her correctly.

“What?” You murmured, turning to her.

“Michael.” She smiled a little, expression sympathetic. “He doesn’t know how you feel.”

You blink, suddenly speechless as you exhale a long breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

“Janet told me.” She reiterated, reaching out to rub your arm comfortingly.

You drop your gaze to the floor because you don’t want to cry infront of her. And when you start to speak, your voice cracks. Katherine was quick to pull you in, sighing to herself when you began to sob into her chest. “I know, baby.” She soothed, rubbing your back with one hand and cradling your head with the other. “I know—It’s hard. Feelings are hard.”

She moved to grab your face, urging you to look at her. “You need to tell him. You shouldn’t hold things like this inside.”

“No.” You sniffle. “No— I can’t do that to him.”

“I don’t think things are as serious with Brooke as you think they are.” Katherine said, voice hushed.

“I think it’s just a special friendship. Nothing more.”

“I can’t handle rejection from him.” You whimper. “And it would ruin our friendship.”

“Sometimes we have to take chances, honey.” The woman’s motherly wisdom poured from her effortlessly. Somehow she always knew what to say and just how to say it. “We might fall time and time again. But you have to fall to walk. Take a chance. I think you might be surprised.”

I despise my jealous eyes

And how hard they fell for you

It was nearly two weeks later when you found yourself creeping quietly down a long familiar staircase, heading for the front door of Hayvenhurst. Overnight bag in hand. It was a little past six in the morning, the sun just barely up. The wood of the stairs creaking beneath your weight.

Janet was still fast asleep when you’d exited her room. You’d barely slept, mind overly busy per usual. Suddenly, you decided that you wanted the comfort of your own apartment. Your own bed.

But, when you reached for the doorknob, the door began to open without your touch. And then, there was Michael. Standing infront of you with tired eyes. You froze, a little startled.

“What are you doing up?” He smiled a little, face lighting up at your presence. “It’s early.”

“Going home.” You mumbled, attempting to move past him without looking him in the eyes.

That’s when he gently grabbed your wrist. “Hey.”

You huffed, forcing yourself to look at him. Annoyed. “What?”

“Can we please talk? Are you mad at me?” He asked simply, looking a little hurt. “You’ve barely spoken to me for weeks.”

“You’ve been busy, Michael.” You say pointedly. And it’s not false. He has been extremely busy this month.

“But I’ve been around.” He says, eyes searching your own. “And when I am, you avoid me at all costs.”

You sigh, defeated— The anger that had been bubbling in you dying down when you realize the disappointment and confusion written on his features. He looked tired. Worn down.

“Say something.” He speaks up again.

“I don’t know what to say, Michael.” You say, exasperated, stepping past him and starting to walk towards your car.

“I need you to tell me what I’m missing.” He walks behind you, clearly upset.

“Everything!” You turn to him, watching his face change when he notices your eyes are full of tears. “You’re missing everything Michael!”

His brows furrow as he steps closer. “I—”

“I’ve totally lost you.” You cry. “And for the sake of you and Brooke—”

“Wait, this is about Brooke?” He interrupts, and you almost laugh, hot tears streaming down your cheeks now.

“I’m in love with you, Michael!” You almost yell, chest heaving. “I’ve been in love with you. For a long time. And I can’t watch anymore. I can’t watch you and her any longer. I’m happy for you, really. She’s beautiful and kind. But I can’t—” As you continue to ramble, your voice cracks. Words failing. You reach to cover your mouth, choking on a sob.

His expression shifts to shock, mouth falling open as he tries to come up with something of substance to say in response to your admission.

“I’m sorry if this changes things between us— but we’ve already changed so much. I just.. I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Brooke and I aren’t together.” Michael speaks up, his voice soft. Cautious almost. “She’s just a really good friend. She’s one of the only people I trust. Besides you.”

“No, she absolutely likes you Michael. It’s so clear to everyone. It’s more than that. Everyone thinks you’re an item.” You start to turn away, reaching for the handle of your car door until Michael begins to grab at your arm to stop you. His touch soft but demanding.

“Listen to me.” He begs, face entirely too close to your own. “Please, baby.” There it was. That silly little pet name he’d let slip a few times before. One that always had you spiraling. You chewed at your lip anxiously.

“I don’t want Brooke.” He breathes. “I can’t picture myself with Brooke like that. Getting married. Having kids. I just don’t see it. We have a wonderful connection but I don’t love her. Not in that way.”

You sigh, sniffling. Not wanting to accept what he’s saying but forcing yourself to listen. You were far too stubborn for your own good.

“I’m sorry if it looked like something else. And I’m sorry I didn’t realize you felt this way earlier.” He says soothingly, eyes begging.

You shake your head, denial taking over.

“I don’t want her.” He breathes again. “I want you.”

“No you don’t.”

“Yes.” He corrects you quickly. “I do.”

“You don’t mean it.” You sniffle again, lashes wet. And God, you look so beautiful like this to him. It pains him to see you crying because of him, but seeing you this close. The softness of your features. The plushness of your lips. So, so pretty. It made warmth creep through his chest.

He’d admired you for years. Though, as Janet’s bestfriend, you were off limits. Atleast in his eyes. That didn’t mean he didn’t daydream about you though. Frequently. He loved having you around. In his room. On his bed. Thighs touching when you sat next to each other watching a movie with a huge bowl of popcorn on your laps. Fingers brushing when you passed him the remote. You were one of the only constants in his life. One of the only people he was comfortable around. Could fully trust. Really, truly loved. Deeply. Unconditionally. He just didn’t think it would evolve into anything more. That seemed too good to be true.

So, at your admission— he felt idiotic. Mentally cursing himself for not seeing it before. God, he’d wasted so much time.

He couldn’t possibly waste anymore.

And instead of words he knows you won’t listen to, he moves to slide his hands along your jaws, tugging you into him as he presses his lips to your own.

You freeze against him, wanting to fight it. Wanting to push him off and yell at him. But you can’t. After a moment, you kiss him back, melting into him as one last stray tear slides down your cheek and meets the warm plushness of his where your skin meets. When you both pull away, you exhale. Feeling far too many things at once.

“I do.” He says softly. “I do mean it. With everything in me.”