lake effect kid

ok i absolutely need to know what accents u all have pls reblog and tell me or comment or whatever I must know

you cant even write porn to fund the local hardcore scene anymore

my dad had this bit growing up where whenever he was introduced to a little kid, he’d ask them how old they are and then be like “when I was your age, I was older” and he stole this from a standup routine on the radio but the gag works marvelously on children, you can see the gears in their little brains turning trying to understand the statement and formulate a response and then they giggle. 10/10 bit.

“people won’t be friends with you if you’re mean to them” is something you have GOT to learn in adulthood if you never learned it as a shut-in internet-socialized youth. you can’t just go up and say to ppl to shut the fuck up and kill themselves all the time and then expect people to genuinely care for you.

Bet it feels good as fuckkk to rest your hand on the pommel of your sword when the newcomer steps a little too close to your lord who you’ve sworn to protect with your life

they love me because I be saying shit like alas and perchance

last night I said 'how fortuitous' unironically

just found out I'm going to be reincarnated into a single sprig of grain. barley apparently. Not cool man. I didn't even know plants was an option on the table. this is bullshit

i think it's beautiful that cats eat you if you die in your apartment and nobody finds you for a while. i don't know why it's used as anti-kitty cat propaganda as if eating you means they don't love u. if i died and no one found me for a while i would want my kitty cat to eat me bc i love her so much and i don't want her to starve. it's not her fault i'm too dead to give her her fancy feasts. she's going thru something scary ok. i don't know a single cat owner who doesn't feel the same way

I know we’re all like lawless nonconformists but you really can’t be texting and driving. that’s one of the ones you’ve gotta listen to for real

Any character can be aromantic if you try hard enough. Be the change you want to see in the world.

'you can smoke whatever drugs you want idgaf' and 'apartment building etiquette is such that i should not be able to instantly smell your rank-ass weed stank through our shared wall' are two sentiments that can both be true

There's an above zero possibility that someone you know may one day casually say some shit like "I don't get why people like potatoes, I'd never eat them voluntarily, they just taste like vaguely bitter watery dirt and if you like the texture, you could literally just eat an apple instead" and that's how you find out that nobody in their family knows that you're supposed to cook them first.