LYRICIST

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Darkness always comforted me, it always made me feel protected. Darkness always fascinated me, me neither know what reason there is behind this sentiment.

Maybe there is something in me that draws me to it, without hope or choice.

I keep questioning what am I doing with my life, I keep losing contact with reality, with myself. Is there something there waiting for me? Is there a place where I belong? Days come and go, although ,I'm stuck in the same place doing always the same things. Unhappy

Empty

Slowing dying Some days i'm driven and I forget. But no matter how far you run ,reality chase you, until, she got you knelt down before her eyes, prying her to spare you, and she laugh at you, she laugh in such an atrocious way. Because while you thought you were free from her, enjoying a moment of distraction, a blissful ignorance, reality was looking from afar, knowing she could get you at any time she pleased making you miserable, making you go in a deeper pain, in a deeper sorrow. But at night, time seems to stop and reality seems to become something that doesn't exists. Maybe that's one of the reason I like darkness. Darkness makes reality vanish far away. I'm in my 20s, i'm not healthy, i'm not happy. I'm in my 20s and I can't recall most of my life. They say that is you had some traumas your brain scraps away your memory, that explains a lot.

I have got some of those, not counting tho, it's not  a competition. I'm in my 20s, sometimes I think I want to do thousand of things, sometimes I don't wanna get off of my bed. I had dreams, but I realized i'll probably will not able to make them come true. I tried  and tried and tried and got out of my comfort zone and I thought I could escape myself, I thought I could become more than I was supposed to be, but then reality came grabbed by the collar and put me back into my place. If reality was a person she would probably say to me: “You are quite funny! Don't you see yourself? Don't you know who you are? You are  done acting  up. Pathetic.”   People say you can change your reality. I tried and i'm tired of trying. I'm tired to hear inspirational words from people who hadn't to go through shit. Changing reality it's an extreme sport, you could become a legend but you could also die. It's amusing hear people talking about what you should do, about you should feel and how you should move into your life. It's amusing but people never know when to stop, they always cross the line, and start to feel a boiling rage, an anger coming from your guts. But you don't speak up, you smile and say “thank you” for the unwanted life advice regarding Your life.

You can't say anything, you force yourself to play along the counseling session you didn't sign up for.

The reasons why you can't speak up for yourself are multiple, you feel in the wrong, you are ashamed, you don't love yourself enough or you don't have the courage, or they won't understand anyway, so why waste precious oxygen.

I had a lot of dreams and passions but I was enough for any of them, so every time they drained me out and left me in pieces.

Am I a good for nothing? Am I a left over of a human? Why every time I can't get over the starting point?

Is it because of my health? Or is it because of how I look ? Or maybe I' m just not enough? Or maybe i'm just drawing excuses for my “loser situation”?

I'm in my 20s, I tried to become bigger than myself, I tried to become better, to improve.

I'm in my middle 20s, I feel worthless, I feel lost.