jordamn;

It’s already 10 days until Halloween and I can’t decide if I should go for Sexy, Scary, or Sexy Scary..

Definitely sexy.

Did you really need to do that?

Um, yeah. If you step on one you break your mother's back. I was just being careful.

Oh, God, no.  Give me my phone back.  Nothing on there could possibly be any of your business.

Oh, c'mon. What could possibly be on here? Nudes? Because that would be awesome if there were nudes.

I feel like if I ever got turned into an animal it’d probably be something like a porcupine or something.

I would definitely be one of those transparent fish.

Excuse you, but your place smells like shit, J.

Um, no. I think that's just you.

Admit it, you’ve thought of me when you were jerking off, haven’t you?

Oh, absolutely. All the time.. I mean, It's not like I've got a super hot boyfriend to jerk off over.

Some day, I’ll believe you but that day isn’t today. 

Alright. I'm not gonna argue.. but you'll do great and if you ever get overwhelmed I promise Nick will always be available to babysit.

How come you can believe that but I can’t?

Because you're you...? I dunno.. But you're going to do fine.

You keep me around for my devilish good looks, basically. 

Oh, right. You are great jerking off material.

It was you. Admit it. 

Alright, fine. It was me. I'm an awful person, I know.

I’m awesome, I know. 

This is one of those times where I have to think really hard about why we're friends exactly... And this is also a time where I can't think of one.

I just- Jordan, I’m… scared. I’m so, so, so scared. What if I screw this up?

You're not gonna screw it up. If anyone would make a great mom, it's you. I promise. You might not be perfect, but I think you're going to do great.. 

I didn’t fucking fart. My god.

Just checking, you nerd. It was probably me.

And food. Always food, but I’m not going to give you any. 

Um, rude. How dare you.

You could have a bowel problem. Get that checked out, man. 

So, just to be clear-- you didn't fart?

Stop calling my baby a little shit! He’s not a little shit but at this point, that’s actually the only name TJ and I can come up with and- Just… yeah, I-I guess?

Sorry. I'm just trying to help... And I'm going to start calling him the awful little turd making you snap at your favorite cousin in the whole wide world here in a second.