H I R A E T H

the time has finally come, everyone. i refuse to get all dramatic and shit, but just know that i’m moving jongdangel to another, cleaner blog, and that you’ll be able to find me over there now. it’ll be a slow transition, but as of now, this blog is officially archived, and if you’d like to follow me over at my new blog, it’s the same url essentially.

i’m gonna keep this post circulating for a little while just so i can let people know who might not have had a chance to see it the first time around, but other than that, that’s about all i have to say. see you on the other side, should you choose to join me there! you’re also free to unfollow this blog if that’s what you’d like.

i think what’s going to happen now -- and honestly, it’s been a long time coming at this point -- i’m going to archive this blog and moved jongdangel to a new, fresh account! i’m actually kind of excited, though i’ll still keep this url since i’m attached to it. i just want a fresh start, and i’m probably never going to deleted this blog for personal reasons, but i really would like a clean slate because my tags have been irking me for months now.

with that being said, sometime over the next week or so, i’ll be archiving and moving myself onto a new blog, & i’ll make a post when that happens so you’ll be free to follow the new account!

Jinhwan/Yeol & Minnie [ @svnguinem ] Jin & Vin [ @fevein ] Hyeon & Lu Han Mei Fu [ @zenosyvn ] Kiyong & Seven [ @sensorv ] Bonnie & Nevimhael [ @honeyedbreath ] Ahreum & Ian [ @gumihc ] Minhwan & Seven ( 1, 2 ) [ @synrgetic ] Chanwoo & Seven [ @synrgetic ] Jeong & Ian [ @foursvmbols ] Hyeon & Seven [ @foursvmbols ] Sanggil & Ian [ @90yoda ] Samael & Inael [ deactivated ] Bee & Seven [ @desappaintment ] Taesong & Nevimhael [ @deceitblush ] Suriel & Lu Han Mei Fu [ deactivated ] Muyeol & Minhyun [ @deceitblush ] Sara & Kendall [ @exitiosius ]

he remembers when it had been frightening and he stumbled around like a newborn unsure of what was common here yet had no memories of his own home or it’s people. he just knew this was not it. that his blood was much different than the humans around him. it brings an odd sense of restlessness and homesickness to the alien. but he questions how can he miss a home he doesn’t remember? yet, the void in there right in his chest buried and barbed with aching.

he’s grateful in a lot of ways despite having hated the labs and white rooms. they taught him how to pretend to be human and how to survive. although, he always intended to escape hating the tests that could be quite painful at times – he valued the knowledge they gave him about human nature. humans were not inherently bad however, he learned that their morals were questionable and he could not trust them to keep his secrets. just as easily as they could smile at him they could hurt him. maybe it’s why he feels protective of yili, hoping he never encounters the bad side but only the good.

“where are you from, yili?” he asks, head tilting. “where is your home? is it very far from here? how did you— how did you even end up here?” he questions. would he understand? would he be able to respond? prudence is uncertain but tries nonetheless. maybe he knows where prudence’s home is.

there are times when yili doesn’t know if being here on this planet, in this galaxy is more of a nightmare or dream, or perhaps some strange combination of both that he’ll never understand. regardless, he’s never had to know the uses of a cellphone, what it meant to count money, or even how to properly anticipate and react to social cues and situations. there are some things he’s slowly learning, like how to tie his shoes, and how to read the alphabet, but there are others he just doesn’t understand, like how electricity works, or why people use strange contraptions called ‘cars.’ 

it’s all suffocating and he wants to go home so badly he feels like he can almost hear the stars in sierra vaine calling to him. but the pain’s a little easier to bear when you don’t feel as though you’re alone, and he’s found solace in knowing prudence and knowing that he isn’t the only one stuck in this foreign world among these foreign people. he’s even more excited when asked about his home, and that’s definitely a word he recognizes. 

Hwan is not the type to brag ( or is he? ) but he can notice it clearly on the other male’s facial expression and mannerism, he’s intrigued. And the musician feels pure joy and pride knowing that his music was capable of doing such a thing, it is something he has always loved about his talent: people would stop to watch him and listen to his music, to witness passion turn into some almost palpable whenever he had his fingertips pressed on and pulling the strings of the acoustic guitar. Sometimes he’d even dare to let them hear his voice, soft and deep when he sings his little verses of poetry. But he smiles at the stranger again when he finally takes a seat next to the musician, and Hwan can’t help but widen his smile after he listens to the question. “I surely can, what would you like to listen?”

Minhyun doesn't know much about specific tunes or anything he'd like to hear in general, but he knows that he likes the sounds of nature; he likes the sound of the wind dancing between the leaves, the birds flitting their way around one another, the sound of rainwater as it sluices its way through the damn forest ground. He likes the sounds of the grass beneath his feet, the chattering of the forest animals, the sounds of the cicadas ringing through the summer night air. But he doesn't know how to translate this into words that the other would be able to comprehend, nor does he know how it would play out over the strings of a singular instrument. He clears his throat and shifts his gaze to his hand in his lap, giving a half shrug with a single shoulder. "I don't know much music so...anything? As long as it's beautiful."

sungmin was impressed with people who were different. he knows he doesn’t look like but he was really different, he was from the sea after all. he had learned things and hell, the male was still learning a bit. he liked to meet people and see how different everyone was. it had always been so fascinating to the male. just like with bree, the male was already so fascinating. it wasn’t because the male was blind. he just likes how he had adapted to the world it was interesting to him. not that sungmin is going to voice that, he knows it’ll seem rude. it wasn’t that he was being rude it just intrigued him so much. maybe it was because he had his own way of adapting to this life. he had just been thrown into it without knowing anything and had managed well enough.

"awesome. it will be nice to get out of this rain and hope that is finally stops.” laughing softly, he shook his head some. he didn’t mind the weather but he didn’t want to get sick. being sick was the worst thing that could happen to him. letting out a small laugh the male was letting out a small hum. walking alongside the male and keeping close in case he needed some help. “that is awesome. i love all animals but i really love dogs.” sungmin was weak for dogs. “that is seriously the best name i have heard.” laughing sotly when the male spoke. listening to him explain about the dog he smiled. “sounds like you are very fond. but i’m sure it’s hard not to fall in love with animals.” he jokes, a laugh escaping him. “i would hope to meet him! he sounds like he is a great little dog. is he good at leading you around, keeping you safe?” it was a random question but he’s interested.

the day had turned out to be one bree could be pleasantly okay with, and for that, he was immensely grateful. sung had proven himself to be an amicable companion when bree had found himself at one of his lower moments, and he hoped to at least be able to repay the other's kindness with a bit off his own happiness. the other's arm was warm where bree's hand gripped it through the layers of clothing he undoubtedly had on to combat the winter chill, and he's pretty sure they're coming up close on the pojangmacha soon enough. He'd spent many afternoons and evenings here, listening to the office workers who's just gotten off come to complain about their jobs, the occasional young couple he could hear giggling in the background, and the one in a blue moon sad soul or two that would be wallowing in their sorrows and trying to drown them out inside one too many bottles of soju.

          BYEOL LICKED HER lips, her mind still elsewhere –– somewhere it had no place being. her neighbor’s snort brought her back, reminding her exactly why she had stomped over there in the first place. “ no, ” she began shortly, folding her arms over her chest and practically mirroring kendall without even noticing. “ but i do see exactly what is giving me a headache. ” the girl pointed at the speaker across the room, tilting her head and cocking a brow. “ i don’t know why you’re being such a dick about this. i can’t focus with your shit playing. how many times do i have to come over here for you to get it through your head ? ”

    FROWN  SETTLED  ON  HIS  face  ,  an  arm  cautiously  put  around  the  stranger’s  body  ,  if  only  to  keep  him  upright  ,  he  hadn’t  seemed  to  be  in  the  best  shape    &    he’d  be  damned  if  he  just  walked  away.    aaron  had  shook  his  head  ,  he knew  all  about  that  scenario.    ❛    apparently  it  really  bit  your  arse  ,  mate.    you  live  close  to  here  ,  ‘cause  if  it’s  fine  by  you  ,  i’d  like  to  tend  to  those  wounds    ?    they  look  nasty.    ❜

           for a while, zwie thought that he’d finally hit his limit with how badly he could fuck himself up on drugs. he was never seeking out joy with drugs. he had only ever been seeking out being somewhat close to “okay.” to be okay was one of the hardest things for him, but it was a baseline zwie desperately wanted to reach so he could fucking function on a day-to-day basis. who knew what cocktail mix of mental disorders he’s had going on in his mind. was it something to blame on mommy dearest, genetics, or something else all together? zwie wasn’t sure. there were some things in the world zwie wasn’t going to understand, so he’d just let them be. but something about seven and this confusing catastrophe they were caught in were things zwie couldn’t let go of. he needed to know the truth. but now, zwie was wondering if things would’ve been better off for both of them had the truth remained untouched and buried. 

          maybe this would’ve been easier if all zwie could’ve remembered about them were fights. but there was hardly any of that. he only saw back hugs in the kitchen, nuzzling into his partner’s neck, playfully biting at his shoulder. or holding him in his arms at night. or playing with his hair while curling up on the sofa, not paying any mind to what was on tv, because their focus was only ever on each other. they weren’t perfect. but they were good. and they were in love. so what happened?

          when modified memories started to unravel, well— good luck having a normal brain. you were fucked. zwie’s already noticed how his perception of time had changed. things weren’t always linear to him anymore. what were memories layered over his present. sometimes he was so lost in an inner film reel of the past that if someone spoke to him in the present, zwie was unresponsive. the young man was catatonic at times without even realizing it. but the few people zwie interacted with on a semi regular basis weren’t concerned. they just thought he was on a harder dose of this or that lately.

         “do what?” he asked through gritted teeth. “you couldn’t do what anymore?” remembering was still a work-in-progress for him. zwie didn’t know what the fuck seven was referring to. “did i fuck up or something? how badly did i fuck up that you had to fuck with your own head and erase me?” zwie slammed him against the wall again. “don’t go cryptic on me! give me the truth straight and clear, man!” when the other went on giving him ambiguous answers, zwie finally hit him across the face, then threw him onto the ground. in the past, zwie would’ve never laid a hand on seven like this. but before he knew it, his clenched fist had made impact with the other man’s face. 

         silence settled in the room. zwie stood hovering over seven, breathing heavily. until finally he sunk to the ground, sitting down. zwie turned his head as he quickly wiped the unshed tears with the back of his hand. he didn’t want to be seen with tears in his eyes. he’s already cried enough. anything from staring off into space, blank expression, empty eyes, tears falling in silence. all the way to the most intense sobbing that you end up choking until you’re dry heaving. “i’m sorry.” his voice had lost its rough edge. it was somber with defeat. “for hitting you. and for whatever else i did that pushed you to this decision.” he was only left blaming himself. zwie wasn’t surprised. he’s always known he was too fucked up to be loved.

sure, seven had reverted back into his old patterns of self-destruction and sleepless nights laced with bitterness, anger and hollow acceptance, and sure for a while everything had seemed normal enough, but standing here, now, in the midst of what felt like some sort of fucking sad scene out of a movie in hollywood, seven can only think was it worth it? was it worth this? the answer should be yes, shouldn’t it? so why was it that it wasn’t?

seven wasn’t designed for hollywood; he was imperfect, lost, fucked up in more ways than one, and the solitude he’d worked so hard to carefully mold and create had all been torn down when zwie had came in because it felt like death was easier whenever the other wasn’t around; it was like letting a man taste heaven, only to shove him back into hell, only this time, he made sure than he couldn’t remember what heaven had felt like. it was easier when you couldn’t remember what three a.m kisses on a balcony felt like, what a warm hand in the winter felt like pressed against your own, what it felt like to be able to wake up in the morning next to a face and think, ‘wow, i could live in this moment forever’.

his solitude had been easy, unquestioning. his dealers never asked why he’d suddenly started coming around again, and he never offered up an explanation. he went back underground and started up his business deals again, answering old messages asking where he’d been with a shrug and a high that felt more out of necessity than pleasure. he’d give anything to be high right now rather than deal with this.

he doesn’t answer the other’s questions, but luckily, he doesn’t have to. between one second and the next, seven is sent reeling, and pressure blossoms across his cheek, and he half expects pain along with it. ( it never comes. ) he tastes iron mixed with saliva, and he swipes his tongue across the length of his mouth, his tongue piercing dragging across his teeth painfully loud in what feels like a deafening silence ringing in his ears. he crumples in an unceremonious heap on the ground, and were he his true self, seven would have fought back tenfold, but this was zwie he was dealing with, and it seemed to be better to lie in the ground with his face against the cool tile rather than to stand back up and look the other in the eyes.

he swallows as he hears the apology on the tip of the other’s tongue, and he clenches his own teeth, sitting up after a moment with a ragged breath. he still refuses to look zwie in the eyes, choosing instead to focus on a stray scrap of metal that had cut a small, yet deep gash into the palm of his hand on his way down. ( it doesn’t hurt, but he wishes it did. maybe then, he’d find some feasible way of atoning for his sins. ) “it wasn’t your fault,” he says, voice surprisingly sharp. he’d always been passionate about zwie, and no amount of lost memories between them could change that, no matter how much seven could have tried.

“What makes you say that?” The angel tilts his head, a hand coming up to run through his hair thoughtfully. He’s pretty sure he’s well aware of the person speaking to him, even if the individual seems keen on hiding their identity. “There are no stars that shine brighter than you, my dear, for you are the brightest, and most beautiful of them all. Your smile puts the sun to shame, and all the stars in the galaxy are jealous of your beauty ten times over.”