some more humanoid helens :)
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@jon-is-blorbo
some more humanoid helens :)

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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alice dyer??? i hardly know her
is this anything
out of the many tragic parts of martin blackwood’s life, I cannot even imagine how gutted I would be to discover my controversially older crush was actually younger than me.
Reminder:
Today is not a holiday celebrating the American Presidency. Today we celebrate that Jurgen Leitner is fucking dead.
Elias Bouchard
Happy Brutal Pipe Murder day, to those who celebrate 💚👁

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I may not love HG due to the bad writing...the homophobic writing...the inability to take criticism...
HOWEVER, this is one of the most talented fandoms I've ever had the pleasure of being a part of.
I hope that even the people who were let down by the finale, or like, everything since midway through s5 stay, because you creative bastards are so fucking talented.
Love you all, with your AUs, your thousands of different Johns and Arthurs, your smutty brains, your fluffy brains, our collective obsession with hands. I may never relisten to Malevolent, but boy howdy i will never stop rereading your fics, staring at your art, and laughing at the glorious humor.
Regardless of what future canon brings, I can't wait to see what masterpieces you all create <3 <3 <3
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ranting
One aspect of the new “John is a big dumb baby who needs Author to be his daddy” shit is that… this is cosmic horror. John is an aspect of Hastur, the king in yellow. What are we even doing. I got into Malevolent for the body sharing horror of having an eldritch god corrupt the human detective (who was never a good guy, let’s be so fucking real) while investigating Call of Cthulhu ass cases.
Now… idk what is going on. The stakes have never been lower and now John has learned real human love because of a nurse who didn’t know he was there, a cow thing, and we are just supposed to continue down this path.
I’m all for characters growing and changing but none of this has felt authentic or rewarding, and I’m saying this as a former Patreon voter!!! Everyone is so quick to blame us when the choices are usually between two bowls of shit.
My god I am sick of the "HG has to write around the patrons choices!" excuse. The choices all come from him. If he doesn't want us to pick something, he shouldn't offer it as an option, full stop. Nothing stopped him from taking a short break between seasons to plan the contingencies for the choices he gave us.
But YES, yes, poor King in Yellow!! He's such an intriguing character in his original story and in the mythos at large, and everything about him has been smooshed and flattened. His signature is A PLAY, ART. He drives men to madness via the passion of their ambitions, their creativity, their pride. But the "complete" version we get has no real emotions of his own, no appreciation for pathos and spectacle. When he's angry, it's an anger that clearly stems from John's frustration. His doubts and his convictions are both pinned entirely on John's presence inside him. The little bit of Yellow we might see is when he insists to Arthur that he deserves to have a life of his own, in his own body, but even if that is Yellow peeking through, it's a Yellow as tainted by the time he spent trapped with Arthur. There is nothing of the actual King in Yellow on display here.
He could have been truly intriguing, especially (as many people have been saying for years) if the show had leaned on the fact that Arthur, too, is an artist! Poetry and music, in a man too self absorbed to fully care for the thing that matters most to him. There is so much to explore between these two characters, but instead we get... this. Bleh!
"themes most explored by narrative in Malevolent are hope and resilience" factoid actually just statistical error.
average malev character will die immediately and meaninglessly. Plot Armor Georg, who has survived 65 stabbing, 44 bludgeonings, 3+ months of starvation, and a mystery plague, is an outlier and should not have been counted
i'm actually gonna blow up like why isn't there podcast in this podcast. it's about bodysharing but the bodysharing stops mattering halfway through. john is the king in yellow but the author hasn't even tried to read the book. people keep saying it's the best kiy adaptation has anyone in the known universe actually read this book. all the women in arthur's life are dead so you should feel sad for him but actually we don't care about them. oscar's letter just isn't there. we're gonna do philosophy about humanity but the author obviously just thinks "human = good" and isn't interested in interrogating that. we don't even get a single bit of non-human qualia. john and yellow fuse completely off-screen in the same season that established POV switching and flashbacks as a thing the show can do. they unfuse in the same episode they fused in. did this podcast happen by accident like why are the plot points that the author chooses to write just not written. is this a scam or something. is this a podcast rugpull.
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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There's a Monster Under the Bed: Malevolent and the (In)Humanity of Children
Back in the first couple seasons, I used to be very invested in the way Malevolent handled the concepts of parenthood. But, as I think quite a few people have noticed too— the way the show presents parents and children has changed a LOT since then. Part 57 probably has the most obvious example of this in the whole show, so I feel compelled to talk about it a bit now.
Overall, Malevolent has decided that children are not people.
We can walk through every child or child-metaphor character in this show, and they all are treated as a bunch of different things: an object, a creature, a metaphor, a plot device— but never a person in their own right.
This fanfic shit is easy
lets All lock in starting Right Now
how i feel about locking in
how i feel about locking in
this looked cooler in my head
some guy i think is neat
redraw of this

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a very short, brief list of Jonk's ADHD symptoms that i've seen- as an AuDHD person and a psychology nerd
also because as i'm writing this i'm re-listening to the entire podcast
rarely uses or flaunts his knowledge as a Doctor, but, tends to ramble when asked about it
number 1 complainer
"hi, archie!! how was your walk? did John get distracted?" - Mariana (quoted from The Noble Bachelor, part one)
tends to over explain things, especially when he's nervous. most likely, from my experience, from not being easily understood
obsession with certain things being done correctly- recording, editing, etc.
likes to quote or recite information to the listeners (from wikipedia, but, still)
"you....fidget, mr Barton.....even your speech- 'erm um eh-'" - Baron Gruner (quoted from The Illustrious Client, part three)
talks to himself often
clear sensory issues, but dosent disclose them or recognize them as sensory issues
elaborating on the last one, he has a better understanding of Sherlock than most neurotypical people would have and have had of Sherlock- or any autistic person for that matter. mostly because he experiences some of these things himself- though on a much lower level.
gets wrapped up in information and misses things around him often
"Sherlock, talking to women who look like that requires a vast amount of social cues and-" -John (quoted from The Noble Bachelor, part one)
tries often to mimic behavior in social situations (i would put an example, but, it's nearly every episode)
so yeah
Jonk ADHD 🤝 Sherlock autism 🤝 Mariana OCD