Jolly Luce

villain going to the goon shelter to pick out a new henchman

this energetic and diabolical boy was rescued from a goon hoarding situation… he loves pulling levers, gloating, and turning cranks with great abandon. prefers to be the only goon. needs an active lair with plenty of enrichment.

now this fella comes with some baggage. his previous villain was going to have put down when he refused to perform unsedated human vivisection as a form of torture. one of our agents intercepted the execution and brought him to the goon shelter. would thrive in an environment of G or PG-rated villainry.

on the other hand, if you’re looking for something a little more… advanced… then this fine lady over here would make a great challenge for an experienced villain able to set firm boundaries. she will NOT be released to first-time villains; proof of prior henchpeople must be demonstrated before adoption approval. high prey drive. under no circumstances should she be left alone with children or small animals. must sign waiver releasing the goon shelter from responsibility if her behavior is deemed excessively depraved.

These two are pair-bonded and may only be adopted together. Up for anything, they are fiercely loyal to their employer provided their needs are met and they are permitted to hold hands. They look alarmingly similar to one another but it is undeterminable whether they are close blood relatives or lovers who choose to dress and style themselves in identical ways. Habit of finishing each other’s sentences with rhyming couplets; we have not attempted to train this out of them. Will answer to whatever names or titles you give them so long as they are complimentary and/or rhyme.

Will you help this goon find his forevil lair? He’s been returned to the goon shelter six times now but we refuse to give up on him. A vile little rat of a man, he’d be the perfect accomplice to someone willing to overlook his unfortunate heterosexuality. If gay-coding is not your style and you don’t expect it from a henchman, please consider giving this little guy a good home in your dastardly schemes.

This guy is not your typical goon. He was rescued from a high-kill shelter after being deemed unfit for henching. His deep baritone voice, his darkly handsome good looks, and his flair for the dramatic have made prospective employers pass over him time and time again, making him the longest resident of the goon shelter. But don’t judge a book by its cover—while his appearance and demeanor suggest “villain”, his real passion is taking orders and faithfully serving a master. If you’re secure in your villainry and not prone to jealousy, he may just be what it takes to turn your base into a lair.

I am so charmed by how tumblr-esque dorothy l sayers' way of expressing her fondness for her hero is. she truly was spinning that guy around in an anachronistic microwave and chewing on him and beating him with hammers and biting him biting him biting him and so on with the greatest affection imaginable fr fr. she may have been vastly more articulate and educated than I'll ever dream of being and I respect her writing skill immensely, but blorbo brain recognizes blorbo brain across the ages too. she literally starts out at 'he's like a little worm ❤️in a top hat :)' and only keeps going from there and it's glorious. tell me that descriptions like 'he looked, with his long, narrow face, like a melancholy adjutant stork', 'true, he is all nerves and nose --' and 'he was a colourless shrimp of a child' are not in the same literary tradition as, if removed in time from, the modern tumblr idiom for blorbo appreciation. you can't. I'm right about it. anyone can give their hero hard grey eyes and ptsd but it takes tumblrina instincts to also repeatedly liken him to a bewildered heron

I swear to god people are not reading emails in ways no one has not read emails ever before

God I fucking love being a monk at the Monastery of Lindisfarne on this fine morning of June 8th, 793. I love looking at all the gold and silver objects and alive monks that live here.

problematic sudoku solving skills gap

i don’t think there’s anything funnier than saying “god forbid women do anything” in response to women doing the most objectively horrifying actions possible.

fuck of desitel friday

GIVE IT UP FOR FIVE YEARS OF FUCK OF DESITEL FRIDAYS 🎉