Uncertain

elle: well, sharing is caring as they always say. awwww, that's really cute. tanner? hmm, does he work at the hospital? I think i met him once or twice before. from what i remember, good kid. well, yes that makes sense. im glad he's gonna be there though. they'll be good parents.

“a little surprised,” beth supposed with a wave of her hand, playing sarcastic for the sake of selling the ploy. “next time, if you’re really going for the whole shock factor, try wearing a costume and balancing fifty books on your head. then you’ll get your camera-worthy reaction.” her eyes crinkled as she looked over at him, the hand around his arm squeezing. thanks. “a better question is, can you balance a stack of books on your head? or do you have any other sort of ‘party trick’ up your sleeve, i don’t know about?”

john let out a quiet laugh before nodding, “i’ll remember that for next time, really sell the whole surprise factor.” he said with a slight nod of his head before pursing his lips looking around slightly his smile staying on his lips for the sole purpose of this show they were putting on. he shook his head, “i don’t think i can but i’m sure i can learn and no i don’t think so i mean i can touch my tongue to my nose but that’s about it.”

“Just wondering if this bar was still open.” God helped him Nathaniel prayed all night for no one to recognise him. As a neurologist, he wouldn’t be helping his reputation if he was shitfaced even after his friends have left.

elle: three months, really? who's the dad--i guess, other than you?

elle: ok--i'll be there in a few, ok?

elle: ok, ok we dont have to think about it. we could--uh, talk about something else? alessandra's pregnant?

john: okay..

elle: well i don't want to crowd you...

elle: john. he loves you--do you even know what he was apologizing for?

john: its okay.. i'm sure if you come alessandra will leave bc she'll know someones here for me.. she doesn't want to leave me alone..

elle: can i come see you?

elle: ....he probably wants to hear yours too.

john: if you want to yeah..

elle: that i can agree on.

elle: no that helps. at least i know that much. i--is there anything i can do to help you?

john: no.. i dont think so .. i'm just really numb right now .. i don't think i've stopped crying since alessandra hugged me..

elle: its...easy is not the world i would use to describe this, john. we're texting--you can't tell what im doing right now. but it doesn't mean i dont love you.

elle: don't tell me what I should or shouldn't do! in the span of 24 hours my best friend just told me he's a hit man and my other best friend from childhood dropped off the face of the earth. i don't hate you, i don't hate anyone. i just--i'm confused, i'm freaked out and i don't know what to do. and i'm worried about you and him. a lot. more than anything else currently.

john: in no world is this easy..

elle: how would i act? the same way--why would i act any differently? do you think im saying these things out of pity?

elle: alexander john tudor, stop--stop for one goddamn minute. you are good. so good. ok, you went down a bad path. did bad things. but not for one moment am i going to ever think you were a bad person. yes those bad things were pretty bad, and sure--that means people might think you're a bad guy. you might think that. but i will never, not for one single second, think that. you are my best friend, my brother and I have your back in literally anything. even this. i don't understand--probably never understand. but that doesn't mean i do have your back. you're a good person. you want to know why i know you're a good person? because you regret that this was your life. that you changed. damn it john, you put up with me and my stupidity on a daily basis, you held me when i went through that awful breakup, you made sure i didn't die the night i took five tequila shots in a row. you are a good person. you'll always be a good person--to me at least. until the day i die.

john: no i don't think you are i just don't think it would be the same conversation.. like i dont think this would ever go over as easy ...

elle: i--i, i'm so sorry. i never meant to make it so you couldn't tell me things. that's the last thing i ever wanted to do, john.

elle: i am so sorry.

John: it’s not your fault ... you didn’t make me do this... if this was any other time and I told you what I actually did for work how would you act?

elle: well, i mean, i just didn't think you wanted too...sounds incredibly stupid now, but john--why didn't you tell me earlier? i could've, i don't know, helped you? something?

elle: ten...years?

elle: babe, why--there was no other way?

John: yeah... ten years I’m so sorry ...

elle: john.

elle: john, i...all this time?

elle: i think i'm going to be sick

elle: i--why?

John: elle.

John: well more so like the past ten years yeah... it’s why I moved here it was only supposed to be a few jobs and then done ... but I literally turned off my humanity

John: I’m sorry ...

elle: john, you're telling me you're a...hit man?

elle: like killing...hurting...what?

elle: i--what the actual fuck is going on right now?

elle: i don't believe you. this is some weird joke. weird, sick, twisted joke.

John: yes ..

John: both I’m not a good person I keep telling you I’m a terrible, sick, twisted man who made the worst choices in my life

elle: john what--

elle: what are you talking about? that's....you didn't...its not true?

John: I did... after my dad died I got mixed up with some pretty bad people. I shut my emotions off and just said fuck the world..

John: I’ve been trying to get out... since I met him I tried to get out.. i am out that’s why I’ve been working at the cafe for so long that’s why I go by John and not Alexander.