#𝚓𝚘𝚒𝚗𝚍𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚎𝚛

I never realized how well I know about cooking until today, teaching @chuckstaylors about cooking 101 and some recipes I put my own twist on that's easy.

You taught that guy how to cook? Was the lesson ‘how to microwave popcorn without burning it’?

I hate you. Go eat dicks.

Did you learn how to cook those too?

It is my completely unbiased journalistic opinion...that Nathan Frazier is cute.

I say… a solid like, 6/10.

I never realized how well I know about cooking until today, teaching @chuckstaylors about cooking 101 and some recipes I put my own twist on that's easy.

I don’t know why I’m being a jerk when cooking for me is like, ‘is it still bloody? No? Ok time to eat’. Works every time.

It is my completely unbiased journalistic opinion...that Nathan Frazier is cute.

I’m an expert on hunks. Let me look this guy up.

I never realized how well I know about cooking until today, teaching @chuckstaylors about cooking 101 and some recipes I put my own twist on that's easy.

You taught that guy how to cook? Was the lesson ‘how to microwave popcorn without burning it’?

People often say "nothing is impossible." Joke's on them because I do nothing every single day.

Dude, if I get down on my knee, I’m gonna be like two inches off the ground. You won’t even hear me down there, you fucking beanpole. Please come pet these goats.

People often say "nothing is impossible." Joke's on them because I do nothing every single day.

Wait, what wasn’t real about Red Robin? That’s as real as it gets, the fuck. You’re lucky I really need to feel the soft texture of a sheep right about now.

People often say "nothing is impossible." Joke's on them because I do nothing every single day.

My guy, we gotta get you outside. Have your holes closed yet so we can go play DDR? Or, consider this: a petting zoo.

Do I even need to say it?

i’m going to kiss your mom on the mouth.

It changes each week but I can tell you it’s NOT you.

i’m going to kiss your mom on the mouth.

You’ll never be my REAL dad.

EVERYONE QUIT THROWING TOMATOES AT ME.

Sorry I’m late but 🍅🍅🍅🥫🥫

@chuckstaylors -– I usually mouth kiss in exchange for food. That’s what’s been going on lately. Just so you know. A little heads up.

Wait, are you being for real right now or are you punking me Ashton Kutcher style?