@lorixbrooks

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@joel-brooks
@lorixbrooks

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âThere is my heart, and then there is you, and Iâm not sure there is a difference.â
â A.R.Asher (via leohearts)
@lorixbrooks
"Too many times but I can't help it, maybe I should call you Chef Brooks instead," they teased. The age gap between them wasn't entirely massive but for most of their life he had just seemed like such an established adult. But they supposed he had to be when it came to raising a kid and siblings so young. Kind of like her older sister, which was part of what made Ella endeared towards him. "You know, I wouldn't be surprised. I'm sure she has her sights set on food and drinks, company optional," she added with a laugh, her adoration for the woman clear in the way she spoke about her. "Oh thank you thank you, you know I have to look hot at here. May meet my future rich wife," they teased with a wink before hugging him back. "I'm sure you will, at least you know more people will be a fan of the grill by the end of this. I got here and also started eating so I'm good, real good," they confirmed with a nod as they looked around. "Think I'll get up to a little mischief but nothing too concerning."
"Anything but Mr or Sir, I'll even answer to dickhead if it's spoken with love." Chuckling, he can't imagine Ella would ever do that but he knew his sister would if the offer was extended. "Oh yeah, a lack of company has never stopped D from pouching her cheeks." Joel smiles fondly, having always admired Diana for her independence. "Oh, a future rich wife. Well, I think the upper class is lingering over by the mini golf and cocktail bar. I'm sure there's at least one sugar mamma over there who's looking for a little excitement." And if anyone would provide it, he knew Ella would. "Food first is always a good priority to have. That way if your mischief lands you in the back of a police van you've at least got a full stomach."
"Mr. Brooks, you and your crew have outdone yourselves. I've had like...four burgers, dude. I haven't had that much beef in ages." Ella pat their stomach, in a particularly chatty mood tonight, just generally glad to be having a good time. Nostalgia usually made Ella depressed as fuck but today, with the help of good food and some solid edibles, Ella was embracing all of it. And both of her sisters were in town so it was good vibes all around. "You seen your sister anywhere? I didn't come looking this good for her to not see me. You having fun?" @joel-brooks
"Ella," he raises an amused brow. "How many times have I told you, just call me Joel, Mr. Brooks makes me sound like a stiff." Laughing, he sets his apron aside and walks around, cup of beer in his grasp. "Thanks." Giving her a nod, he was never great at taking compliments, but he appreciated it nonetheless. "No, actually. I saw her from a distance earlier but she must have had her eye on something because she didn't even look over. Maybe she was betraying me in favor of the taco stall." Joel shrugs, looking Ella up and down. "Gorgeous as always," he says kindly, leaning in to give her a half hug. "Yeah, so far. Just hoping to get through today without a hitch. You?"
âGotta catch me first, old man,â Cole quipped back, though he was only teasing. There were only a select few people that Cole never wanted to tangle with and Joel had always been one. Finishing off his whiskey, he set the empty glass aside and nodded, knowing that Joel was right. Now that Cole had gotten a taste of an old ladyâs support, though heâd hardly argue that Cassie knew what the word supportive actually meant, he caught himself mulling over the idea of what that connection could feel like and inwardly longing for it. âNah, it ainât,â he agreed, shrugging a shoulder, âJust hope the next one cares about more than just herself.â It was harsh, he knew that, but if Joel wanted him to talk about it, why the fuck should he hold back the truth? Who was he hoping to spare? âI told her about Jeff, right?â He began, recalling how Joel hadnât been a fan of Cole going to his ex that nightâ and heâd been right. âJust left her place feelinâ even more twisted up,â which he figured Joel had likely picked up on later that night. Cole had only been looking for a shred of empathy from her, something to help lessen the weight of what he was carrying. But that hadnât come his way until a week later when heâd told Taliah and her response had made Cole feel like he could breathe for the first time since that night.
The more he reflected on his short lived relationship and how truly unfulfilling it had been, particularly when heâd needed her most, the more Cole felt his guilt begin to loosen its hold on him the slightest bit. No, he hadnât recognized that she was slipping, but at least heâd been there for the things he could see her battling with. He hadnât gotten that in return. Shaking his head, he pushed that thought aside before it could get the better of him, preferring to rest his attention on a bond that actually did make sense: Joel and Lori. âYeah, you,â he pressed again, a soft smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. At least one of them deserved to have something good come their way. âSounds like ya made it right though,â he offered, knowing that Joel wasnât about to let something sit and fester when there was a chance for him to course correct, âYa owned it.â Blowing out a blustery sigh as the other biker turned the very much unwanted spotlight back on him, Cole shook his head, âI dunno if Iâd call it deflectinâ when there ainât nothing to deflect fromâ not anymore. Itâs done, man. I want her to get the help she needs, but I wonât be there if and when she resurfaces.â As far as he was concerned, there was absolutely nothing left but a memory. Eyes narrowing as Joel smirked and winked at him, he couldnât help but wonder what exactly he was getting at, but whatever it was, it seemed the enforcer was planning to stay tight lipped about itâ for now anyway. âAlright, fortune teller,â Cole laughed at his when he was ready comment. How would either of them even know? âWell, if itâs coordinates to hidden bags of money, Iâd rather ya tell me now. Iâm tired of turninâ a wrench, wanna enjoy an early retirement.â A tease, of course, Cole loved mechanic work, but a bag of money couldnât hurt. Snorting a laugh, he nodded and flashed Joel a sly smile, completing the look by batting his eyelashes, âIâve got my Brooksybear too, donât want ya thinkinâ I take ya for granted.â
"And when I do, the first smack would be for that old man comment." Raising an amused brow, he settles into a soft chuckle. Joel called himself an old man more often than not these days. Having a nearly 22-year-old daughter sure knew how to make you feel your age, even if he didn't always act like it. "Strong statement..." To say that Cassie didn't care, making him tip his head up in a 'explain?' gesture. He knew better than to think Cole would ever just be talking shit, no matter how hurt he was. "Right," Nodding, he certainly remembered not thinking it was a good idea then, never mind now. Though, that was an opinion he couldn't press beyond the typical are you sure question. That night, Cole needed someone, he needed support, he needed an old lady. "I remember. You looked like chewed up shit when you came back." Brushing a hand over his face, he sighs. "I'm sorry, man. Look, I know it ain't the same, but you can talk to us." Us being him, Nate, the club. "Even give ya a hug and let you cop a feel if it helps." Joel smirks, injecting just a little humor into what was otherwise an emotionally devastating confession.
It didn't sit well to know that he had turned to someone in his hour of need and essentially, got rejected. Though he hoped that just by saying a few things out loud that he'd get more clarity on why it wasn't his fault it didn't work out. "Yeah, I think so. We talked for a while a couple weeks ago after Lily parent trapped us." Joel scoffed out a laugh. "After a while, it felt as easy to talk to her now as it did then, and that kinda put the shits up me, to be honest. Fuckin' time warp, y'know? When I'm near her, I can't remember what's keeping me from her, and when I'm not near her, that's exactly one of the reasons that is." Frowning, he supposed it sounded like a pathetic excuse, but it was true. He worried about getting into something that would either distract him, or break his focus away from more pressing issues. That, along with the obvious danger he would be putting Lori in when she didn't fully understand what it meant for her to be in his life now. "You wouldn't fuckin' retire even if you could." Chuckling, he can't help but shake his head and smile. "For a smart guy, you can be a real fuckin' idiot, you know that? You're like those people who walk into glass doors because they just don't see it." Joel couldn't hide the amusement, grin looking much like a Cheshire cat. "Well, it wouldn't hurt for you to buy me flowers once in a while to remind me, honey."

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Lori listened and watched with a slightly raised brow as Joel explained the tattoo, confusion settling onto her features for a moment as she wondered why Lily would want her to ask about it. Until âand youâ, causing her eyes to widen and a smile she couldnât fight back curved onto her lips. âMe? All of you have that tattoo with a little symbol that represents me?â She couldnât pinpoint exactly how she was feeling right now, but overwhelmed seemed like a good place to start. After everything she had done, the heartache she had caused, they still stuck themselves with a permanent reminder of her. If that wasnât the definition of family, nothing was. âI donât â I donât really know what to say to that. I mean other than now I feel left out because I donât have one.â she joked in an attempt to cover up the mixed emotions and tears that threatened to well up in her eyes. Lori laughed at his comment about the restaurant, shaking her head. âI mean, I do still make the most incredible nachos known to man, so maybe I could give it a shot. Iâm sure she wonât hold back on immediately telling me if Iâm awful.â That she didnât doubt for a second, and she definitely didnât want to ruin Ariaâs Mexican restaurant with her white ass. âNo hexes, I swear. Unless you piss me off.â
Lori nodded as Joel admitted to how he was feeling about the situation. âNo, me too. It is weird. And actually sitting here, in your house, drinking a beer and having a conversation with you and your â bird.â she paused, gesturing over to her new sworn enemy. âItâs not something I ever thought would happen. But it is happening. And I know itâs a lot, but I donât think thereâs really any kind of rule book or guide to follow here, ya know?â she shot him a small smile, just grateful to even be here in the first place. âBut this is nice. Just talking to you. That part feels normal. So I guess we just gotta do whatever feels right. Take it as it comes. Iâm not expecting anything. I hope you know that.â
"... Yeah. Well, it's- yeah." Pausing, he can't help the nervous rub at the back of his neck, nor the boyish smile. He felt a little embarrassed, but not in a bad way. He just hadn't expected his daughter to put him in a position where he had to admit he'd got a tattoo that counted Lori as a member of the family, seventeen years after she left. "We made something, you know? Wasn't just me you left an impression on." Joel nodded, smiling, though his eyes stayed down, focused on the label he was picking at. Him and Lori had made a family for themselves that extended to Adam and Diana, long before Lily was even conceived. Time wouldn't change that, and by the tattoos, it was obvious it hadn't. "You can get it if you want it." The tattoo, that was.
"Yeah I gotta agree with you on that, you did make killer nachos." He recalls. "Ziggy." Joel snorts in amusement at the way she said bird. Her fear of feathered creatures was as adorable now as it was back then. "No, be good if there was though. Maybe then we could sneak a few spoilers and know what's comin', huh?" Chuckling, he settled into a solemn state, nodding at her words. "I know. And listen," rolling his shoulders, he takes a moment to think about what he's trying to say. "I'm glad you're here, I don't want you to think I'm not. I'm not trying to play any games or keep you in a chokehold by not telling you what I'm thinking or feeling so... When I tell you that the only thing keeping me from falling at your feet is the fact it would be selfish of me, I fuckin' mean that with everything I have." Puffing out a breath, in this moment he couldn't even hide his own struggle that stemmed from not letting himself pull her close. "You deserve your fresh start, a chance get to know Lily, to be happy. That's the goal, right? And I want that for you. I forgive you, Lori. You have my love, my respect, and my support, but right now, that's all I can offer you." As if that wasn't enough, what he didn't even realize he was suggesting was that there was hope. A chance, a feeling like they were an area so grey, one splash of color could push him to act on what he thought was selfish.
"Seems like it, yeah, or at least the only one who's fully awake," he joked. But Will had wanted to get a head start at cleaning up the mess that was left for him so he could actually get settled into his new role. "But thanks, I'm starving. How was the grill?" Will stacked the books he had been looking at on top of each other along with the folders he had so they wouldn't get dirty. He had been at it so long he had forgotten to eat so it was clear in the way he started eating that he had indeed worked up an appetite. "You know, not too bad until I started looking through some files and couldn't read any handwriting," he joked but it was definitely taking some patience. "Yeah no shit, I think my asshole was tight the entire time we were in there," he admitted, not one to be overly confident in himself. "Thanks man, I appreciate it. I mean I appreciate how much faith everyone has in me. It feels good though, think I got some stuff that'll help us out too. Digital without really having to have people sniffing around our shit and not being stuck in the dark ages with all of..this shit," he commented and pointed at the receipts and notebooks he had been looking at. "Yeah either taking a nap somewhere or not here, pretty much. You know all of us are only getting older unfortunately," he joked but he wasn't too upset about it. "We could blast some music though, give 'em a stir just for fun."
"Oh?" Lifting a brow, Joel takes an active look around and spots at least three members still knocked out in various spots. "Oh." He says again, this time with a chuckle. "Yeah, same old. Had to slap my apprentice chef again for zoning out in a weed-fueled daydream when he was in the middle of cooking a steak. To be fuckin' honest, I'd be pissed about it if he wasn't such a clown. The guy cracks me up and believe it or not, does cook better when he's high." Joel smirks, giving a soft shake of his head. "Shit, that bad huh? Rather you than me." Pulling a mocking face, it was only because he had faith Will would figure it out, he wouldn't have been given the patch if he couldn't. "Whatever makes your job easier, if it works better another way just pitch the idea." He nods, sure that the club would back him completely if it made sense. "I got a daughter who's turning 22 soon, you ain't gotta talk to me about gettin older." Scoffing lightly, the mischief stirs in his features at the idea. "Let's eat first, then stick a speaker in their eardrums. You have checked they're all still breathin', right?"
"Yeah, like actual ghosts. Don't tell me you don't believe in them." Who was Theo to say the dead weren't around and watching them. It did make him wonder what kind of clothes they were wearing. Like, did they wear the clothes they died in? What if they died naked? He had a lot of questions about the afterlife, but he wasn't quite sure that Joel was the person to ask about. Maybe he'd save his questions for Riley. "I got a lot of questions about the dead. I think though, they're probably trying to think of ways to fuck with us. That's what i'd do if I were dead. You'd never be able to find your keys again." He was a prankster in life and he'd be one in death. Theo raised a brow at Joel's comment. "Law enforcement, what you mean like the cops? You think they're tryna send a message?" He wasn't quite sure what kind of message shooting one of their own would send, but he could see the possibility. "Tryna run us off?"
"I plan to be a really annoying dad. Text him daily Dad jokes." He was joking, sort of. He figured if he was going to be a dad - he should at least play the part. Theo had already started a list of jokes on his phone. He wanted to be prepared when the day would come when he could actually use one. He paused for a moment, before taking another sip of his beer."What's it like, you know - being a dad?" His own dad hadn't been the best example, and Theo wanted to do everything in his power to not turn out like him.
"Oh I do. I saw a ghost once when I was a kid. Big ass man in a black suit, briefcase and tophat. So I was about 13, yeah? He was in the hallway and I thought two things. One, it's a mass fuckin' murderer, or two, it's a social worker who let themselves in. Either way, I'm thinking I was so screwed. I said who the fuck are you, and when he turned around, he was like a fuckin' corpse, dude. No eyes, just black sockets, wrinkly skin, creepy ass smile. And then I woke up with Diana slapping me in the face. I was passed out on the floor. Don't know what happened but to this day, it gives me the heebie-jeebies." Shuddering at the memory, it certainly wasn't one he liked to dwell on. "Well, I ain't the one to ask about that, try the witch down the road." Joel chuckled, taking a few seconds to dig into his burger as he nods. "Cops, yeah, or maybe even higher. These attacks don't feel like the work of amateurs." It was just his opinion though. "We are the bad guys, right?" Smirking, he says it with a little amusement because it wasn't something he actually believed. Criminals, yes, but bad guys in general? No, absolutely not.
"So you're all in then? Good for you. I'll send you a solid list of dad jokes. I still send weekly ones to Lily." Joel chuckled. At Theo's question, he sucks in a light breath, smiling with a shake of his head. "It's fuckin' terrifying, honestly. That fear doesn't go away the older they get, at least not in my experience. My only saving grace is I don't have to worry about some dumb frat boy knockin' my daughter up. But... Yeah, it's the most rewarding title you'll ever have, bro. Watching your kid grow up into their own person, it's not something you want to miss. There ain't a rule book to be a parent, but my advice? Show up, love him, and always make sure he knows you've got his back. Even when he turns into a little pre-teen shit."
Diana nodded some as she took in Joel's dilemma. She could understand it, after all. Feelings didn't just disappear because someone hurt you, and if anything, it made it harder to accept that they did hurt you at all. It was how she'd ended up staying in a relationship she should have gotten out of much sooner. "I think the thing about forgiveness that a lot of people don't talk about is..." she began, weighing her words before finishing her thought, "you don't have to forget what happened to be able to forgive them for it. You know why she did what she did, but an explanation for the behavior doesn't always need to be seen as a reason to excuse it." She looked over at Joel and offered him a sympathetic smile. "I don't envy the position you're in at all. All I can really offer you is that... you won't know if that's the case until you try. You're going to have to open yourself up to the possibility of getting hurt again to make that happen, and nobody wants to do that, but if it could mean a chance at that happily ever after you were promised when you got married? I think it'd be worth it."
Resting his head back on the cushion, he turns to look at her as she speaks. A small, proud smile weaves its way onto his features and he even chuckles softly. "Sometimes I forget you can be wise and not just a wise ass." Teasing, he's quick to fall into a nod and add, "I hear what you're saying, 'Ana. You're right, I won't say you're not..." The idea of getting hurt, of being the one to hurt Lori, all of it, it was something that held him back. "See the thing is though, even if I said fuck it, put all those runaway doubts and worries aside... Say I do that, and it ends up going up in flames, what's that gonna do to Lil? I know she's an adult now but I just don't want my decisions to get in the way of her getting to know Lori... Because I want that for her. I want that for both of them." Shrugging a shoulder, he can't help the weight that feels like it's resting right on his shoulders. "I'm just trying not to be selfish. What I want might not be what's best for those around me." He was sure Diana would understand where he was coming from, even if when you chalked it all up it was just pointless excuses not to take a chance at happiness.
Pursing his lips, he shot Joel a flat look, not entirely in the mood for his logic right now, even if there was a fair bit of truth to it. Cole was looking for distractions at every twist and turn. It was what he did. Rather than get bogged down inside his own head and dwell on questions he knew heâd likely never get answers to, Cole liked to focus his energy elsewhere and hopefully find some way to turn whatever he was feeling into something he could use. He knew he didnât need to explain that to Joelâ the Enforcer was one of the few who could read him like an open book. Reaching for the gavel, he turned it over in his hands as Joel continued, his thumb idly tracing over the pockmarks left in the wood throughout the years. In hindsight, it was easy for him to see that heâd fallen for a vision in his head. Heâd held onto that teenage dream only for it to play out the exact opposite of what heâd hoped for. âGuess not,â he answered in regard to there being no real harm in hoping for a better outcome than the one heâd gotten, âWas pretty naive though.â He could admit that. Cassie had the reputation of running at the first sign of troubleâ had he really expected that to change? Huffing a soft chuckle, he tipped his head to the side and shrugged, âNah man, even Nate didnât think so.â Cole supposed it spoke volumes that Cassieâs own brother hadnât seen it lasting. âYa ainât wrong,â he muttered, head shaking, âIâm doinâ what I know to do to work through it, but I guess Iâm just havinâ a hard time shakinâ the guilt.â Guilt over what exactly? Cole had trouble putting it into words, but he couldnât help but feel as if heâd let Cassie down somehow or failed to recognize the signs that she was slipping. In the end, heâd have to come to terms with the fact that that wasnât on him, but he was having a hard time getting to that place. Sipping at his whiskey, he glanced at Joel, a soft smile forming at the corner of his mouth, âI dunno, you seem to be makinâ progress,â he pointed out in response to Joelâs canât live with them comment. He figured that if Lori was still in town, then they must have been sorting some things out. At least, Cole hoped that was the caseâ he wanted to see Joel happy and content, he deserved that. Lifting a brow, Cole snorted a laugh and waved off his talk about finding the one. He didnât really see that happening and he was fine with that, but there was something in Joelâs secretive little smirk that piqued his interest, âFeels like thereâs somethinâ ya ainât sayinâ,â he pressed, wondering if the other man would elaborate or leave it there. âOh yeah, I ainât worried about itâ Nateâs sweet ass is more than enough for me,â Cole joked, shaking his head as a warm grin stretched across his features.
"Don't shoot that glare at me, boy. My patch gives me the right to beat it into ya instead if I have to," Joel smirks, amusement washing over his features. At this point in their friendship, Joel was well-versed in every one of Cole's expressions and what he was silently saying. Years in a box cell with someone, you did tend to pick up on those little details. He didn't want to keep pushing, so the joke was essentially to break out of that dark cloud and return a little comfort to the room. Joel would push as much as he thought was respectful, and maybe his view of where that line was, was not the same as Cole's, but in the end, his intentions were only for the good. "Nah, you can label it however you wanna, Monroe, but you only have to remember that wanting a lady by your side ain't a crime." He shrugged, even sighed quietly. The type of life they lived, having the influence of a strong woman was helpful in so many ways. The old ladies knew how to give them perspective when they couldn't see beyond their own stubbornness. Joel wanted that influence for Cole on a personal level, he wanted to see him happy, with someone who deserved him.
"Mm, that's telling." He mutters. If Cassie's own brother said it, damn... Did it not only solidify that truth? "You don't have anything to feel guilty about, trust me. Where it isn't warranted, it won't last. Just keep your fists up and keep swingin'.' Because eventually, Joel hoped that Cole would get to a point where he'd see it for himself. "Me?" Raising his eyes along with a brow, it didn't take him long to follow it with a light roll when he understood what was being poked at. "Maybe. I guess... After yelling at her the way I did when she showed up, it left a bitter taste." He frowned, knowing he didn't need to explain that he was not a man who thought that speaking to any woman like that was acceptable. "Felt like I had to do a little damage control, that's not who I am, I didn't want it to be a lasting impression." He says, which he knew only showed that he still cared what Lori thought of him. "Let's not. This ain't about me, quit tryna deflect." Joel chuckles, picking up his drink to take a gulp. "There is," he confirmed, a smirk crawling onto his lips. "But I'll say it when you're ready to hear it, not a second sooner." Flashing a wink, he couldn't deny he was prepped and ready for that day, for sure. "Well then there ya go, where one Donovan fails, another never will."

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Jon Bernthal in Chicago on April 8, 2023
"That'd be some fuckin' shit." If the girl had been a criminal mastermind. Though, with the way most of the town had been taking her death - he didn't think that was possible. "Dude," Theo said, his eyes widening at the mention of ghosts. "You think they are... Ghosts? Like the haunting kind? Cause it's kind of fuckin' creepy to think the dead are just lurkin' around and watching us." He paused for a moment, before looking back at Joel. "It's weird, right?" He never had been a fan of ghosts. The thought of them gave him the heebie-jeebies.
"Nah. I mean she's still like got her reservations." About him coming around that was. He understood it. It was more so about Kian getting hurt than anything, which he didn't plan on doing intentionally. Honestly, Theo had just been happy for whatever time Alara let him around Kian. "Think it was the sheer shock of me havin' a kid. But, yeah. He'll be a dope ass uncle. Kids will love him. Lochlyn always wants to see pictures of him when I come over now."
"What, like actual ghosts?" Joel raised a brow. Would there ever be a time in which Theo said something that didn't surprise him? "I'd say no, the dead have better shit to do but in that same breath, some of them probably have a big axe to grind with us." He chuckled. "Maybe we should call in a priest, see if black smoke starts flying out the floorboards." Smirking, he soon gives a nod. "It's weird. But it's real, they - whoever they are - are as real as their actions. Public murder, bombs, whoever this is ain't scared. Not of us, the law... Fuck, maybe they are the law, I wouldn't even be surprised by that at this point." His tone takes a more miserable tone, he can only sigh out the angst building in his bones.
"Seems fair. But you can cancel them out by showing up when you say you will y'know?" He says, though he didn't doubt Theo would. Why try to commit if you were only going to back out, after all? "Yeah, probably just needs a minute to let it sink in. You gotta appreciate the fact you told him you have a three-year-old. It's not the same as saying a girl is pregnant with your kid, this is a whole kid who walks and talks. It'll come together though, don't worry. Just keep steppin' up. I can promise you, watching him grow up into his own person, you'd be a fuckin' idiot not to want to see that, trust me."
âWe could have been happy. I know that, and it is perhaps the hardest thing to know.â
â Ally Condie (via quotemadness)
@lorixbrooks

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âFair enough,â Cole murmured, glad that at least the potential buyers were careful enough to calculate risk before just blindly agreeingâ even if Cole thought the deal was the best theyâd get even if they searched every corner of the earth. Still, heâd give them space to run the scenario front to back, though he wouldnât deny that he was itching to put together a run that would get him out of Tonopah for a few days. He needed that, and he knew he wasnât the only one. The open road would help him unravel his thoughts one by one and begin to make sense of them, but as Joel drew attention to one of those messy webs now, he knew he couldnât wait until the run. âI dunno what ya want me to say here, man,â he replied, shrugging a shoulder. Cole knew he wasnât dealing with Cassieâs departure as well as he could have, but he was shoving it down partly in an effort not to draw attention to it and distract from what really mattered. He shook his head although logically, Cole had now come to realize that it wasnât his fault. But he still couldnât ignore the voice in the back of his mind that repeatedly pointed out the way Cassie had pushed blame onto him in her letter, and while that voice was a liar, it was still loud enough to instill doubts within the man. âYou can ask me whatever ya want,â he assured Joel, offering up a fleeting smile. His question didnât come as a surprise. It was one heâd already chewed over and tried to make peace with. âYeah, I know what youâre tryinâ to say. If Iâm beinâ honest, Iâve asked mâself that same question til it made me blue in the face,â he nodded, pausing only to sip at his whiskey. âThe idea, I think,â Cole answered with a shrug, âWhen she came back, it felt like we might finally get our shot, yâknow? And I chased after it so hard, I didnât stop long enough to recognize that she ainât the same girl that left twenty years ago, and I damn sure ainât the same guy.â And that was on him. He should have paused, really looked at the situation with a clear head, but he hadnât. Instead, heâd been selfish with it, and in the end, he figured heâd gotten what he deserved for it. âFunnyâ ya ainât the first person whoâs said that to me,â he mused aloud, lifting a brow at Joel. Even Nate, the womanâs own brother, had told him heâd never thought Cassie was the one for him. âShe wasnât the one twenty years ago either, man. Guess I just needed her to leave twice âfore I finally got that through my head.â
Raising a brow, Joel sighs inwardly and shrugs towards him. What did he want him to say, in all honesty? Words weren't going to fix anything and he could certainly appreciate Cole not wanting to talk. But that was exactly why, in Joel's opinion, he needed to. "You realize that by trying not to talk about it so you don't get distracted is kinda a distraction in itself, right?" Smirking softly, it was safe to say if Cole festered long enough to explode, someone was copping that rage full throttle and it wasn't going to be pretty. "And what did you decide?" Joel prompts, following it with a silent nod when Cole says it was probably the idea. To learn that he'd already put those questions to himself on his own spoke a lot of volumes. The doubt had to have been there rattling somewhere around his subconscious, coming to the surface now because it had nowhere else to hide.
"You wanted it to go the way you imagined it would have, no real harm in that." Was he going to fault Cole for chasing what was his teenage dream? Of course not, and if life was kinder, it would have worked out exactly how he'd hoped it would. "I'm not?" He looks up curiously, wondering who else had voiced such an honest opinion. "Guess it's gotta have some truth to it then, huh?" Chuckling briefly, he knocks back the rest of his drink. "... I guess so," he hums quietly, as pleased as he was sorrowful that Cole could see it now for what it was, or rather, what it wasn't. "Doesn't feel like it right now, I know, but I think knowing that will take the sting outta how it ended a lot quicker than if she was the one. Just work through how you feel about it, it's the only way to move forward." Glancing down, his eyes latch on to the wedding band that he wore on his right hand and he can't help but chuckle quietly to himself. He wondered if maybe he should be taking his own advice. "Women," he scoffs in amusement. "Can't live with them..." Shaking his head, he brushes a hand over his face, bringing it around to rest against the back of his neck. "You'll find her," he begins, gesturing a hand as if to showcase a magical reveal, and adds, "the one," Joel smirks like he had a secret, and maybe he did. Cole would find the one around the time he blinked and saw clearly, he thought to himself, knowing pretty much everyone in the club would share that opinion. "Until then, you got Nate, right? You'll always have Nate."
âShe did mention a tattoo before she left. Showed me hers and said I should ask you about it.â Lori raised an eyebrow at him curiously, intrigued to know what exactly it meant if Lily thought she should know about it. It was clear that Joel had increased his collection of them over the years, but her eye was automatically drawn to the one that matched hers. One that neither of them had decided to cover up. âNah, itâs fine. I expected a little interrogation from people when I decided to show my face. Youâve got a good thing going here, so itâs only right that they would want to make sure Iâm not here to cause some kind of trouble.â She almost couldnât help the quiet laugh that came with her words at the thought of her causing trouble. That was something that had been conditioned out of her a long time ago â her parents had made sure of that. âAnnoyingly I now know what all of them are for, and I hate that I know that.â She could vividly remember herself and Joel laughing and making fun of the way the table was set at a Carrington dinner party, mocking the crystal glasses and the tiny forks and the napkins folded into ridiculous shapes. âYeah, I guess so. My dad set me up with some funds, but it would be good to get back to what I know. Although working with Aria has been pretty cool, getting to learn more about crystals and shit. My dresser looks like Iâve robbed an entire window display at this point.â
Lori watched the subtle changes in Joelâs expression as he processed what she was telling him. âYeah, you could say that.â A real ride, that was. A ride on a rollercoaster that she didnât mean to get on and then didnât know how to get off until she found an emergency brake. All this time sheâd felt like she was living out someone elseâs life, and it wasnât until she found herself face to face with Joel that she knew that for certain. âSheâs a softie, really. Just way too wrapped up in social status to see beyond that crap. Iâm sure you could easily wear her down, though.â she chuckled, taking a gulp of her drink. It did seem that the older her mother got, the less of a shit she was seeming to give. âHonestly couldnât tell you what he does for work, I never listened. Just nodded and seemed interested at the right points in conversation. Apparently thatâs all it takes.â she shrugged, almost amused by how robotic that life was. âMost boring surname on the planet, though. Johnson.â she shook her head disapprovingly, taking another sip of her drink. How ridiculous that her life had gone from being an endless adventure of love and laughter with Joel, to being the quiet, polite mannered arm candy of a man named Daniel Johnson. She was embarrassed, if anything. âI didnât mean to make it weird or anything by telling you all of that. I just â well, I thought you should know. I didnât want to keep anything from you. Laying all my cards on the table, I guess.â She wanted to be honest with him. There was no point in keeping secrets or hiding anything from him when she really had nothing to lose.
"Oh?" Raising a brow, the realization hit with another "oh" when he understood which tattoo Lily had been talking about. "It's... Yeah, okay, um..." Joel stumbled a little over his words and he couldn't help but think it was the exact reason Lily had even mentioned it. Turning his arm, he shows Lori the small design. "It's to represent family, a symbol for each of us. Lily, 'Ana, Adam, me and, uh... you." Pointing to them as he spoke, he can't help that feeling like somehow it was a confession. After all, daughter or not why would he agree to the tattoo only a year ago if he had forgotten all about Lori? It made it clear he hadn't, none of them had. "We've all got one," a tattoo that was. Clearing his throat, he lifts his eyes up to look at her, curiosity taking over as he wondered what she thought about it, not that he dared ask. "Cause trouble, you? I'd never believe it." Joel smirked, eager to settle into literally any other conversation that wasn't so exposing. "Yeah that's fair. I think she's opening up a restaurant ain't she? If your white ass wants to take on a Mexican menu," he teased, taking a sip from his beer. "Alright, well if she starts tryna teach you how to cast a hex just warn me. I got enough to worry about without wondering if I'm gonna trip and lose an eyeball or whatever," he chuckles.
Humming to himself, he wasn't quite sure if that information had fully sunk in yet, it was strange to even try and picture her with a whole life he didn't know about. "I think the time for that has long gone, I don't need her approval, I never did." Joel smiles, tainted with just a little sadness. At that time, he only wanted approval for Lori's sake, it never sat quite right with him that her parents weren't supportive of her decisions. Their relationship was cut off and it really didn't feel necessary. In fact, it wasn't, he couldn't comprehend why they'd chosen status over her, over meeting their only grandchild. "Lori Johnson... Nah, I don't like it." Flashing her a lopsided grin, he brushes a hand over his face and sighs. "No it's not weird I'm... Actually, feels completely fuckin' weird, but..." Joel shrugged. "I appreciate you tellin' me, I think." Frowning, he can't help but chuckle, mostly because he really didn't know what else to say about it. "I guess it's just more a case of me thinking there would never be a situation in which we're here, having this conversation. Or any conversation. It's a lot to wrap my head around, you showing up has kinda got me a little spun out if I'm bein' honest. Not really sure where my head is."