Mr. Honey Apologist

riverdale be like here is lesbianism at its most insane her name is cheryl blossom. lesbian cheryl and bisexual toni are gay soulmates who have been reincarnated and fated to fall in love since the 1800s but also bisexual toni is currently raising an immortal gay son with bisexual fangs and gay kevin. betty and veronica were in gay love with each other the whole time. bettys fake half brother and real half brother got gay married after escaping prison. if you think jughead and archie were gay together kill yourself

people will be like wow what's riverdale about aliens? serial killer genes? rockets? angels? time travel? doplegangers? incest? multiverse paradoxes? that's so crazy wtf. well the craziest thing is. they agreed to meet up at pop's one year later. and only jughead showed up. and a kid in a letterman jacket walked in with a blonde girl. and ONLY jughead showed up. it was only jughead. all alone jughead. craziest time

I do not give a shit about one piece

julian blossom is like. i dont think hes GAY, like, GAY gay. but i DO think hes gay in that he HAS the blossom gay gene. he definitely got the genetic homosexuality passed on to him. and i do think the car accident and then getting to do musical theater shook those genes loose. i also think hes homophobic .and also an ally. and also homophobic. but in an ally way. i also think he probably Wants archie. and reggie too. his opinions on gay people are forever, well, going left, and also going right. i think hes just a mischievous boy at the end of the day. <3PAUSE im rewatching season 1 cause i havent watched it since 2017 why did gay kevin just call veronica his hag out loud i feel faint

Riverdale Heritage Post

60s70s jughead did not start a comics company that only hires twinks never get married even once and have those sideburns for people to say that gayhead isn't real. don't worry mr jones i saw your chanel boots

angel jughead didnt say this in order to protect the privacy of his alternate self but 60s70s jughead actually fucked anthony perkins and in doing so entered nyc artsy circles where he was widely hated for being rude and pretentious and making everything about his hometown (many stars of the period are quoted as saying where even is "riverdale" anyway). he eventually told stephen sondheim he "doesnt care for musical theatre" while drunk starting a years long beef that jughead was far more invested in than anyone else in which sondheim wrote a cut song from the mad show wait i just realised thats based on mad magazine which jugheads madhouse magazine is based on this has become so circular and interwoven im not sure i can continue.

so basically yes the name comes from archie's madhouse but considering its mission to "mock all the sacred cows" (god hes so insufferable) jugheads madhouse magazine seems more closely based on mad magazine especially since its editor in the 70s was al feldstein, the namesake of riverdale's al fieldstone (here's what this means for jewish jughead). though he does say that its mostly teens and kids who read it whilst calling it satire so seems to me like a mix of the two. riverdale is the richest intertext to ever air on television. but anyway sondheim wrote another song for the mad show that didnt end up being used introducing a narrator cartoonist character who wishes he was writing about the dark underbelly of small town americana and finds any opportunity to mention his high school polycule. its performed at a benefit and in response jughead starts a comic strip series about the cartoonish social failures of a witty-to-a-fault musical theatre lyricist and his mean gay friends (a perspective that i the poster do not endorse). during this time kevin is of course desperate for an introduction but they end up meeting under unrelated circumstances and thats another story

actually the madhouse magazine is not based on mad, thats an actual subgenre of archie comics. they were like quirky semi-horror tales! the fabric of the universe is unbroken

why were tom keller and uncle frank even at the dark room did cheryl invite bi archies homophobic uncle and gay kevins homophobic dad to her erotic teen art show at the gay poetry club

Riverdale Heritage Post

its literally so sad that so many people in this world dont understand that riverdale is the show of all time ever. because cheryl blossom is the Most character of all fucking time and everyone in the entire universe should know about her and cherish her. shes clinically insane. she experiences female hysteria like no other. she is the most seen ive ever felt by a lesbian in television because she is just off her fucking rocker at all times and thats the best representation i could ask for. she constantly talks like shes possessed by a victorian ghost. she once WAS possessed by a victorian ghost (her ancestor, also a lesbian, because lesbianism is genetic like being a serial killer is). she was also haunted by the ghost of a triplet she thought she absorbed but didnt actually absorb in the womb possessing a porcelain doll and then when they went to the 50s that porcelain doll became a real boy. her having lesbian sex saved the world. she faked stigmata for clout while canonizing herself as the first living saint in order to take over the musical theater cult her mother had started around her dead twin brother as a christ figure and maple syrup as the blood of christ, but cheryl succeeded in taking over the cult because she and gay kevin wanted to sing songs. she’s also committed to ruining gay kevin’s life just for funsies most of the time. she lives in a creepy gothic mansion and goes about wearing flowing dressing gowns and carrying candelabras despite fully living in the 2020s (except for right now bc everyone got zapped to the 1950s) because her life is a gothic horror. she kept the taxidermed corpse of her dead twin in the basement for a while just for funsies because she is balls to the walls insane. when her uncle found said corpse he attacked her and her girlfriend accidentally killed him so the two of them plus her creepy haunted grandma decided to gaslight the man’s wife and child into thinking they had cannibalized him over thanksgiving dinner (it was awesome). also shes really good with a bow and arrow for funsies. shes one of the few characters on tv that actually says “im a lesbian” out loud. she has magical witch powers and can blow people up with her mind, literally, actually. once she got so fucking mad at a the leader of a different cult she had gotten roped into because he said that she couldn’t run for prom queen that she managed to deprogram herself basically overnight. for a while she was building her own version of the winchester mystery house due to being plagued by hysteria. shes an incredibly skilled artist who did forgery for a while. she can control bees with her mind. She’s The Queen Of The Bees. she had a collection of small witch girls in the splinter universe rivervale that were all dressed like rei from evangelion for no clear reason and went about performing ritualistic sacrifices in the woods. she’ll say shit like “my dear antoinette thou hast beguiled me” and “im cuckoo bananas for you, obvi” and “do you think these loubotins are too flashy for kombucha brewing?” with the same level of utter conviction. she is so, so haunted. she has suffered more than jesus. she is a girlboss she is a lunatic she is a war criminal and she is never going to die.

Riverdale Heritage Post

i love when human characters fight in ways that are so so not human

big fan of characters bearing their teeth and digging their nails into things and biting and scratching and screaming. i think it's good for the ecosystem